Women share blame for cheating men

[sammyboyfor]

Dr. Laura: Women share blame for cheating men - TODAY: People - MSNBC.com

By Mike Celizic
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 11:37 a.m. ET March 11, 2008

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has never been one to shrink from controversy, and she leaped headlong into one on Monday when she said that if a husband cheats, his wife may share some of the blame.

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” the popular psychologist and radio personality said.

More commonly known as just “Dr. Laura,” Schlessinger made the remarks while participating in one of several panel discussions on TODAY dealing with the breaking news that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer had been connected to a high-priced prostitution ring.
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The comment touched off a storm of protest, both from other members of the panels and from viewers, who flooded the show’s online mailboxes with mostly conflicting views.

Schlessinger later emphasized that she was not excusing Spitzer’s behavior. Nor, she said, was she saying that his wife, Silda Spitzer, was in some way to blame for his indiscretion.

“I do not know anything about their personal lives,” she said.

But, she persisted, frequently when there is infidelity in marriage, both spouses share the blame.

“You’re saying the women should feel guilty that they somehow drove the man to cheat?” asked TODAY co-host Meredith Vieira.

“The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving,” Schlessinger replied. “But, yes, I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

Others who participated in the panels disagreed strongly.

“I refuse to believe that this adultery is the wife’s fault,” said anthropologist Helen Fisher, who had discussed the evolutionary reasons for infidelity.

Dina Matos, who had stood by the side of her former husband, then-New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey, when he announced in 2004 that he had conducted a homosexual affair with one of his advisers, also took strong exception.

“This is absurd,” she said. “It’s just like blaming a rape victim. And we see this all too often. It’s just insanity.”

Another relationship expert, psychologist Jeff Gardere, said that trying to decide who’s at fault is beside the point. “It’s not about the blame game,” he said. “It’s about looking at what’s going on in this marriage that may have been ripe for this to happen. But the person who cheats is doing it for a very selfish reason. It’s a very selfish act.”

In a final appearance with TODAY’s Ann Curry and Hoda Kotb, Schlessinger stuck to her guns.

“The point is, what he’s done is wrong. The point is, what she’s done is wrong,” she said. “I have kept marriages together after affairs because I have reminded women that you have the power to turn this around. He had his children with you. He has his future life plans with you, his dreams, his whole mind, body and soul was wrapped up in the promise of you. If you now turn that back on, all that stuff you turned off because ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’m irritated’ or ‘I’m annoyed’ or ‘I’m self-centered’ — if you turn that around, you have that man back.”

She said that there are reasons why men look outside the marriage for sex and companionship.

“I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she’s being,” she said. “Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he’s her man? If she’s not doing that, then she’s contributing to his wrong choice.”

Viewers react
The comments sent viewers to their computers in droves, flooding the TODAY Show with e-mail within minutes.

“How dare you sit there and smugly say women are responsible for their spouse's cheating? If a husband is not getting what he needs at home, he has a responsibility to discuss and communicate this with his wife. If that doesn't work, seek counseling. Not getting your way is not an excuse to break a wedding vow. I am APPALLED!” wrote one New Jersey woman.

“I take offense to Dr. Laura’s response about women being the reason men cheat on their wives, as I am trying to help my sister get through a very difficult time with her own husband right now,” wrote a viewer in Philadelphia. “I can tell you for a fact that she has done everything a wife could possibly do to make her husband feel as though he is the only man walking this earth, but instead of him reacting to this in a positive way he goes out and cheats on her … I guess this is her fault for not bowing down and kissing his feet when they BOTH get home from work!”

Although they were in the minority, a few viewers supported Schlessinger’s position.

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* Should women share blame for husbands who cheat?

“Dr. Laura is correct. Men cheat and women cheat. I wish everyone would stop acting like Dr. Laura has done something wrong when all she has done is point out the obvious,” wrote a viewer calling herself Heater. “It is human nature to seek out comfort when they are not receiving what they need at home.”

Schlessinger said later in the show that there are some instances in which it doesn’t matter what the wife does.

“If he’s sociopathic or narcissistic, all bets are off,” she said. “The woman can be the best person in the world, and he’s going to be a jerk.”

But most men aren’t like that, she said, adding, “The average husband longs for one thing, and that’s to be special to his woman.”

Kotb asked her if she would stand by her husband as Silda Spitzer and Matos did by theirs in a similar situation.

“If I had been a truly loving, caretaking, supportive wife, and my husband did such an egregious thing, his butt would be standing there by itself,” Schlessinger replied.

[18level]

So Boss what is your take on this

IMHO, i dont think is totally wrong or right ... bot parties must share the blame.

But there is one thing I think also contribute ... with the advent of internet, people have access to certain things they dont, one gd example SBF. I know of people who have never had anything outside of marriage, but got introduce to sbf and then it was so easy getting WLs ... and most times they think it is secretive so should be safe ....

[gilagila100]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Dr. Laura: Women share blame for cheating men - TODAY: People - MSNBC.com

“If I had been a truly loving, caretaking, supportive wife, and my husband did such an egregious thing, his butt would be standing there by itself,” Schlessinger replied.

This last line seems self-contradictory ...
If she is what she claims she is, it is very unlikely that his husband would stray because according to her most men are not chauvinist pigs.
So it means she was "blind" when choosing her husband which is also her fault.

Rather stupid right ?

Anyway, the biggest problem that I observed so far are men tends to be boys at heart. Vulnerable to temptations.
Unfortunately, women are never forgiving. Once "convicted" (unlike legal courts, they dun need actual evidence as proof), you are never forgiven and the "act" is never forgotten.
Most married men realized this far too late.

[starless]

Haha, donno whether she will argue that the reverse is true. ie if a woman strays, blame the man ....

[I<3Ivy]

But whatever the case, in Singapore... if you have a pussy you win.

[Hellfire79]

Originally Posted by I<3Ivy

But whatever the case, in Singapore... if you have a pussy you win.

Totally agree with the above statement.....there is "woman chapter" in place....but never a "man chapter" to protect the man...

So no matter what, once things turn ugly...guys will have to really "pay" for everything...sigh

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Hellfire79

Totally agree with the above statement.....there is "woman chapter" in place....but never a "man chapter" to protect the man...
(

What on earth is a"woman chapter"??????

[uiop]

Originally Posted by I<3Ivy

But whatever the case, in Singapore... if you have a pussy you win.

How much is a pussy worth Really can't live w.o one

[Hellfire79]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

What on earth is a"woman chapter"??????

Sorry boss....wrong spelling...should be woman charter...hehehe

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Hellfire79

Sorry boss....wrons pelling...should be woman charter...hehehe

if there is a woman chapter, I want to be in it!

[Hellfire79]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

if there is a woman chapter, I want to be in it!

Hahaha...guess if there is one...all sbf bro will volunteer for it liao......

[I<3Ivy]

Originally Posted by uiop

How much is a pussy worth Really can't live w.o one

If it was only about purely the 'value' of a pussy, it would not be so bad.

In Malaysia, the indigenous Malays are given preferential status and rest get normal treatment. That's quite ok.

In Singapore, Women automatically given benefits and protection while the men bend over and take it... well.. take it like a man. That's sexual discrimination.

Once over drinks, my gal pal introduced me to this girl. Nice looking, tall, fair and well dressed, branded stuff all over. At one point, she was bragging to me how the night before (friday night), she didn't have enough cash to pay for the taxi home that she told the cab driver she'll scream rape if he demand her to pay. I was aghast. But she was so engrossed in telling her story, she probably didn't realize how shocked i was at her behavior. Poor cab driver.



Women's Charter is an archaic legislature for today's environment.

Also not being racist or anything (I'm Chinese) but I find local sg chinese girls to be the biggest bitches. In so far as I've known, Malay girls and Eurasian girls (perhaps due to upbringing, religion, etc etc etc) are less materialistic and demanding. I'm speaking of the majority ratio within each category; there will always be deviations to the sampled norm.

Speaking of which, that's why i married an Eurasian. I just couldn't stand the attitude of the chinese bitches i met, which might be unlucky for me. Not all are like that.

Apologies if this angers anyone, just speaking my mind.

[dirtyhairy]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

if there is a woman chapter, I want to be in it!

Yo BOSS Mr Ah SAMMY,
Alamak...now you make me worry
saying you r a "woman chapter" wannabe
so you into the feminine thingy
never know you harbour such a sexual tendency
now it explains your disdain for pussies esp type PRCs
bcos a woman chapter(a branch) or charter(a given right) serves only pussies

[Duded]

Originally Posted by I<3Ivy

Also not being racist or anything (I'm Chinese) but I find local sg chinese girls to be the biggest bitches. In so far as I've known, Malay girls and Eurasian girls (perhaps due to upbringing, religion, etc etc etc) are less materialistic and demanding. I'm speaking of the majority ratio within each category; there will always be deviations to the sampled norm.
.

I guess thats how most of the highly educated chinese girls are nowadays,not to mention that 'materialistic value' are highly embeded in our chinese root too.

[pussyvibrato]

Originally Posted by dirtyhairy

Yo BOSS Mr Ah SAMMY,
Alamak...now you make me worry
saying you r a "woman chapter" wannabe
so you into the feminine thingy
never know you harbour such a sexual tendency
now it explains your disdain for pussies esp type PRCs
bcos a woman chapter(a branch) or charter(a given right) serves only pussies

LOL what kind of judgement is this sial hahahaha...