A lonely guy's loveless marriage woes

sidewinder2007 · #1 23-12-2007, 12:41 AM

I have been lurking in this forum for years and is just amazed at how some bros here are so lucky and carefree (or seem to be). In any case, i ask myself why am i also surfing in this forum. I suppose in some instances i am envious of bros here after reading thru the many posting.
I am stuck in a loveless marriage and have not touched my wife for more than a year or 2. honestly, if not for my kids, I would have asked for a divorce long time ago. I yearn for the day i am free to seek someone who loves me and cares for me. Yes, I am lonely. very very lonely.

I live day by day for the sake of my kids as i am a devoted dad. Though my wife and I no longer talk eventhough we still stay in the same house, my kids happiness takes precendence over anything else including my own happiness. they are still young at this time and may not notice much but i worry when the day comes when my kids ask why their mum and I dont talk much. sigh!

If bros here are wondering what i have done to deserve this, i can tell u that i am asking the same question myself. I have a nice sizable and stable monthly income and have no money problem. I come home early from work and rarely stay out late. I dislike going to clubs (once in a while is ok

), i dont smoke or gamble and neither do i have any mistress on the side (though i wish i do, hahaha). However, on the other side, my wife stays out late (almost every week day), loves to go clubbing and despite my many instances in the past asking her to stop staying out late, all have fallen on deaf ears. i finally gave up 1 year ago and have stopped talking to her or minimise our conversations as we always end up fighting.
I suppose its only a matter of time before we go our own ways.until that time, i will need to focus on my job and my kids. I hope to hear from other bros here who may be having similar problems. Hope to hear your thoughts and the ways which u cope in such situation (besides cheonging

). At times, i think i am going insane from the loneliness.
Sorry. I know this is not a sex related topic and may not be very appropriate for this forum.

JediSkull · #2 23-12-2007, 08:44 AM

hmmmmmm......... come out n network wif the bros here! perhaps got lobangs can exchange?

I'm a mature student cum businessman. So my network of frens are very diverse.

I'm near thrity but I mix wif ppl of all ages! a few days back I juz played DOTA(a game popular wif teenagers) wif my clan members. Our opposition was damn xialan but when the opposition lost, my teammates had to rub salt into their wounds by saying the opposition sucks coz they lost to an old guy like me?!?!

dunno should I be laffing or angry!?!?!

anyway after reading ur story, I suspect u'r bound for a divorce sooner or later. does ur wife smoke? how did u guys even get married in the 1st place?! seems tat u guys have different interests to start wif?!

Fat Fatt · #3 23-12-2007, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sidewinder2007

I am stuck in a loveless marriage and have not touched my wife for more than a year or 2. honestly, if not for my kids, I would have asked for a divorce long time ago. I yearn for the day i am free to seek someone who loves me and cares for me. Yes, I am lonely. very very lonely.

I live day by day for the sake of my kids as i am a devoted dad. Though my wife and I no longer talk eventhough we still stay in the same house, my kids happiness takes precendence over anything else including my own happiness. they are still young at this time and may not notice much but i worry when the day comes when my kids ask why their mum and I dont talk much. sigh!

However, on the other side, my wife stays out late (almost every week day), loves to go clubbing and despite my many instances in the past asking her to stop staying out late, all have fallen on deaf ears. i finally gave up 1 year ago and have stopped talking to her or minimise our conversations as we always end up fighting.

I suppose its only a matter of time before we go our own ways.until that time, i will need to focus on my job and my kids. I hope to hear from other bros here who may be having similar problems. Hope to hear your thoughts and the ways which u cope in such situation (besides cheonging

). At times, i think i am going insane from the loneliness.
Sorry. I know this is not a sex related topic and may not be very appropriate for this forum.

Hi bro, if i am not wrong if you go on separate ways, womens charter will always protect the woman on divorce and award her kids and alimony. then you will be broken pocket and broken heart because no money no kids.

So its time to repair your marriage. stop arguing because winning an argument does not mean you win.

do start conversations with her. may start from the kids, then to the family and then to how you treasure her and the marriage and say "I love U". saying it is always free. but if marriage breaks down, it cost money and emotions. so in the first phase, try saying it even though you have cool down in the love for her. think of the downside... then slowly it might rekindle.

also she clubs alot, maybe she might be looking for other companionship which you as a husband has not been giving to her. It is better you try to woo her back again, and make peace with this marriage, before she commits adultery on you. after all, females who are active like her requires SEX too. (Note even if she is the one committing adultery, a divorce will still award her kids and your money to maintain her and the kids. yes, its so unfair)

you can accompany her to clubs, but slowly you can upgrade to wine bars and other not so noisy estabs where you can romance a bit. Involve close frens of yours and hers that are serious kind in these kind of outings, i.e. married and stable, and do not involve those that parties like crazy kind.

try to pay for a cruise with the kids, and bring along a nanny to take care of them in the night where you can renew your honeymoon romance...or go for tour you and her alone. But make sure you discuss it with her, involve her in the planning and dont fight over nitty gritty. Say you want to spend some good time with her. (treat her since you say you have money from stable job)

Then learn some tricks from the bros in this forum. Make sure you learn how to perform cunnlingtus (dont know spelling) but it means give oral sex to your wife, ensure long foreplay with hands and fingers and she must achieve orgasms (multiple before you do) and she will enjoy her sex with you. when you regain the chemistry then you can ask for what you want to pleasure yourself, like catbaths, BBBJ etc from her.

There must be a good reason for you to marry and try to remind yourself that. if you did not have, then kick yourself for getting into such commitment and a mess.

blue_swatch · #4 23-12-2007, 10:05 AM

Im sure there are other people like u in the forum. Perhaps when u r free, some of us can meet up for a chat/coffee?

It is no good to stay at home everyday based on your situation. Someday u will just go crazy

Drop me a line if u need someone to talk and no im not gay

hotsoup16 · #5 23-12-2007, 10:05 AM

Bro,
i share yr sentiments cos yr story is somehow similiar to what I'm going thru, to savage a marriage becos of our kids.

Thing abt it in the long run, who's the ones suffering? Life is short so maximum it. Dun wait til the day when u're old and regret this or that. Decision is yours and u're the best person to decide what's the best for yr life

cheers

tepes · #6 23-12-2007, 10:14 AM

HI Bro,

You are definitely not alone here... Though not exactly similar, my situation is not that different and 6 mths back finally had enough and decided to go commercial...

Cheers and hope that you will feel better.

hotsoup16 · #7 23-12-2007, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tepes

HI Bro,

You are definitely not alone here... Though not exactly similar, my situation is not that different and 6 mths back finally had enough and decided to go commercial...

Cheers and hope that you will feel better.

quoted from Jack Neo, the commedian: "The reason why man fool around outside becos they are trying to maintain their marriages"

I seconded him for this statement

MiniHawk · #8 23-12-2007, 12:07 PM

Try sharing the same interests she have as even you may not like clubbing, juz do it once a while. If really cannot work, go for a marriage consultant. Talk to your buddies on your problem, no need to be shy on that as everyone have their up and down.

STK01 · #9 23-12-2007, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotsoup16

quoted from Jack Neo, the commedian: "The reason why man fool around outside becos they are trying to maintain their marriages"

I seconded him for this statement

Bro, this statement is true only to a certain extent. Provided the man knows his limits and only fools outside to fuck, and forget.

Reading about TS's situation, well, perhaps a marriage counsellor can help. Imagine now your kids still young, married not for long already facing these problems, how long can you hang on there? Better seek help and advise earlier before your marriage ends up in a divorce bro.

KingEros · #10 23-12-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sidewinder2007

I am stuck in a loveless marriage and have not touched my wife for more than a year or 2. honestly, if not for my kids, I would have asked for a divorce long time ago. I yearn for the day i am free to seek someone who loves me and cares for me. Yes, I am lonely ... very very lonely.

Ever wonder if your wife is actually lonelier than you ... my read is that you have not fulfilled her needs. Start with paying more attention to her ... but then again, 2 years of a crack may be way too late to patch up - if she's already found the attention she was seeking out there, in the very first place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sidewinder2007

I have a nice sizable and stable monthly income and have no money problem. I come home early from work and rarely stay out late. I dislike going to clubs (once in a while is ok

), i dont smoke or gamble and neither do i have any mistress on the side (though i wish i do, hahaha).

So ... big fuck!! You chose to marry a wife who happens to like doing everything else which you dun do.
Try peddling frangrant rice in potato-eating Ireland ... no matter how you do it, you'd not earn your first million there. Think about it.

IMHO, if you really love your children ... you should be doing everything you can to make things work, well before they realise there's a big crack between daddy & mummy. By doing everything you can, I refer to giving your wife what she really wants ... instead of stopping her from cheonging, try understanding why she still cheong like there's no night & day. If she doesn't oppose, offer to cheong with her too ... & when you are doing that, dun end up showing her a black face - you really should not have a black face, since cheonging with her means you wun be lonely, so lonely ever again. Right??

SDMM · #11 23-12-2007, 02:35 PM

Brother

Sorry to tell you the hard truth. Your wife loves to club and stays out late at night. With you ignoring her, she is probably already having many affairs outside. Question is do you want to close a blind eye and pretend nothing has happened?

All guys go clubbing with a single intention. Get ONS. If you wife is a hot babe. Your marriage is as good as gone.

Advise to all brothers out there. Hot babes that love clubbing are for lovers. Want a good wife, pick one that stays at home and see you as the center of her universe

glgshiok · #12 23-12-2007, 02:40 PM

Maybe Bros here would like to indicate their age band i.e 40~45 or 30~35 when they pour out their woes here. I think a sexless marriage for 30+ male and that for a 40+ male may be quite different.

yang punk · #13 23-12-2007, 02:43 PM

Since you are not fucking your wife ... bet she is already being fucked by others. Go consult a divorce lawyer...you may not have to lose your kids to her (she may not even be interested to keep them as it would cramp her life-style). If PI can dig up evidence of her loose lifestyle...the judge may not think her as a suitable parent compared to you.

You are young enough to be lucky the second time round...only this time choose your partner more carefully!

You have only one life...a loveless marriage is a waste of your life...trust me I know...I have been in it long enough.

solidwoody · #14 23-12-2007, 02:48 PM

Brfore you do anyting stupid, my advice is for you to really take a good look at yourself before putting your unhappiness solely on the shoulders of your wife. It always take 2 hands to clap.
As for SDMM please do not be so fast to make a judgement that women who cheong or party are just out for flings like men. Have you ever thot why the wife of the threadstarter is partying so much? None of us here know the true answer so I think we should reserve judgement and give advice to him on how to save his marriage. I dun think most people here want to see our threadstarter children here end up in a broken home.

otamay · #15 23-12-2007, 05:12 PM

After reading your story, I empathize with you and the predicament you are in.
If you are still want to salvage your marriage, maybe you should see a marriage counseller. Lack of proper communication for a period of time will make both parties drift further apart. Looks like both of you have different interests and also different outlook in life. In short, sorry to say....not compatiable. Frankly speaking,
if no immediate damage control is taken, the outcome will be heading towards a big rock. So if you still value this relationship, work something out. Be more proactive or else prepare for the worst. Hope you can work out something quick.Pardon me, I am no expert just my approach in your case.