How do you manage finacial issues with wife or girlfriend

[Vanda]

When getting to date women and talk to wife about money management. I realised there is a lot of dispute and disagreements. Usually your female love partners would demand 100% of your salary, especially China ladies, which are totally unrealistic, be prepared that girls with such mentality overspending. It is unrealistic to let them safekeep your salary 100% and not allowed to set aside for lunch, spending on customers, set aside for utilities and parents etc.
Or they want a huge chunk of money out of your pocket and that you are not allowed to question their spending which are not transparent. I would like to know you guys that how you manage your finacial resources to keep them happy. To many ladies they demanded no money no honey policy.
In my opinion, both should work to contribute for the family and put savings together in joint account, spending should be transparent for both. What is the percentage of saving from salary?

How do you think? How do you manage? Please contribute to advise

[ibanezjem555]

This is the usual big problem.

In early years, we split expenses etc.. many quarrels as she will escort me to ATM to transfer money for joint account..

Then, kids came along and maid, boh pian I pasang my money to her and she manage, even paid for car and my taxes etc.. with my income n her income.. showed her my bank account barely enough for my lunch.. anyway, those were really hand-to-mouth days..

Kids education took a huge chunk.. preschool and tuition.. loon lor...

Finally kids finish go to army, sold car use mrt, more money now.. also never show my payslip anymore bcos she earns more than me. Since she has discretionary expenditure, how about me I asked her a few years ago.. I took some of my savings money and went holiday with one of my son to HCM which made her happy.. last time no money how to go ? Also no money for lunch (aiya..old already fat must slim down.. skip lunch n pretend to work.. boss happy too ) but buy her flowers n chocolates for her and her sisters..She felt guilty..

Now, I squirrel money away. Go holiday, she spend, I no spend (anyway nothing to buy, how many shirts, pants, sunglasses and bags do I really need ? But woman really spend..Plus if she ask you dress or sunglasses nice, say to her please buy you seldom spend on yourself.. she happy and realises you bought nothing.. then she ask you if you want to buy some branded wallet, say no need.. she triple guilty and let you keep your money and pay raises...).. just drink beer and whack BBQ food overseas..

Basically, women don't want men to enjoy themselves unless with their own relatives.. like go to metal concert cannot but with her brother is OK..

Men learn to keep quiet about expenditure and pretend we have dull life and no good time..Only good time with wife or her relatives.. then wife happy.. keep your happy life secret..

Another way is to pretend you have a hobby which she hates like cycling or aeroplane modelling, then pretend you spend a lot of money on it n throw the equipment everywhere as evidence but you keep n save excess money for your so-called interest and hobby but use it for your other pleasures..

When wife audit your timing or money, say you passed by an airplane modelling shop etc..

[Vanda]

Originally Posted by ibanezjem555

This is the usual big problem.

In early years, we split expenses etc.. many quarrels as she will escort me to ATM to transfer money for joint account..

Then, kids came along and maid, boh pian I pasang my money to her and she manage, even paid for car and my taxes etc.. with my income n her income.. showed her my bank account barely enough for my lunch.. anyway, those were really hand-to-mouth days..

Kids education took a huge chunk.. preschool and tuition.. loon lor...

Finally kids finish go to army, sold car use mrt, more money now.. also never show my payslip anymore bcos she earns more than me. Since she has discretionary expenditure, how about me I asked her a few years ago.. I took some of my savings money and went holiday with one of my son to HCM which made her happy.. last time no money how to go ? Also no money for lunch (aiya..old already fat must slim down.. skip lunch n pretend to work.. boss happy too ) but buy her flowers n chocolates for her and her sisters..She felt guilty..

Now, I squirrel money away. Go holiday, she spend, I no spend (anyway nothing to buy, how many shirts, pants, sunglasses and bags do I really need ? But woman really spend..Plus if she ask you dress or sunglasses nice, say to her please buy you seldom spend on yourself.. she happy and realises you bought nothing.. then she ask you if you want to buy some branded wallet, say no need.. she triple guilty and let you keep your money and pay raises...).. just drink beer and whack BBQ food overseas..

Basically, women don't want men to enjoy themselves unless with their own relatives.. like go to metal concert cannot but with her brother is OK..

Men learn to keep quiet about expenditure and pretend we have dull life and no good time..Only good time with wife or her relatives.. then wife happy.. keep your happy life secret..

Another way is to pretend you have a hobby which she hates like cycling or aeroplane modelling, then pretend you spend a lot of money on it n throw the equipment everywhere as evidence but you keep n save excess money for your so-called interest and hobby but use it for your other pleasures..

When wife audit your timing or money, say you passed by an airplane modelling shop etc..

Hi bro, I feel sad for you. Most of the time with women is about money and getting the right women to live with you life is important. It is either educating them what is the right attitude to management of money or you go look for another better one. Either you choose a very sexy one but you live your life in hell the rest of your life having them hawking over your money. Thanks for your sharing.
On second thoughts your wife must be a beautiful one

[Irrumare]

To bro ibanez, I think maybe over the years, you've made her accustomed to you giving in to her so might be a bit too much.
Maybe communication was not so prevalent in your younger days and thus she over-stepped her boundaries, becoming more and more overbearing.
To me, I think husband and wife should be on the same level, with mutual trust given and proper communication.
To be having that kind of mindset where going to a concert cannot but with her brother can, that is a mindset that can be changed and cultivated.
But then again, one man's poison might be another man's meat, so I hope you're at least enjoying life!

[Vanda]

Brudder hatemehate, I agreed with you that earlier bonding, boundaries should not be over stepped and become a so called pernament contract with wifey

[Archonzon]

Originally Posted by hatemehate

To bro ibanez, I think maybe over the years, you've made her accustomed to you giving in to her so might be a bit too much.
Maybe communication was not so prevalent in your younger days and thus she over-stepped her boundaries, becoming more and more overbearing.
To me, I think husband and wife should be on the same level, with mutual trust given and proper communication.
To be having that kind of mindset where going to a concert cannot but with her brother can, that is a mindset that can be changed and cultivated.
But then again, one man's poison might be another man's meat, so I hope you're at least enjoying life!

I think this is exactly right. Manage her well.
I never show her my payslips or my income tax anymore.

Wife and I used to split expenses as she earned more during early days. When i start earning more, i started to give her monthly allowance. in return, she dont question where i spent.

She only knows i earn much more than her, i pay for the allowances and kids stuff.

[Vanda]

I want to bring out this issue because this is very serious and it matters the maintenance of a relationship.

[ibanezjem555]

Tks Bros. That's my life.. sometimes think back also maybe better like that or I would have squandered every cent away. At times, I say wasted why like that ?.. Case of where love and hate collide... Ha ha...

[Vanda]

I see not many response or many bro are shy to contribute, let me share my further experience.
For my ex-wife, I used to give her 1k per month for her allowance and she left for oversea home stay for a couple of years due to elder sick issues until we recently had severe disputes and decided divorce. This has continued 4 years and she is not doing anything to contribute to this relationship and sit at home like a tai tai. Only when I got bonuses, strike 4d, or Chinese new year she demand a larger chunk of money. Being loving to her, I give in. Now i am restarting my life again, hopefully not meeting another time bomb which will lead to another relationship failure.

After meeting some dates, I realised that many pretty ones out there are very very demanding on your finacial ability to give them, they do not think they need to contribute as couples. Many have difficult attitude problems that they deserve all the rights to squeeze your pockets dry.
Women should look you for who you are in your character instead of how deep is your pockets. We men choosed their looks, like women look at our finacial abilities at first look but I still feel both should help to contribute to building a family unit, it is unfair to solely dependent on men while the women do nothing but to squander men wealth and may leave for other men if they are out of resources.

[cavemanng]

I think a lot depends on ur wife. Most don't really care as long as u come home and spend time with family

[Vanda]

Originally Posted by cavemanng

I think a lot depends on ur wife. Most don't really care as long as u come home and spend time with family

You are right that depend on wife, which is why I need to know what is the current trend of monetary attitude from local or foreign wives mentality? Hence I am data collecting to see what are brudders experiences here before finalizing conclusions of the overall mentality of wifey

[Irrumare]

Originally Posted by Archonzon

I think this is exactly right. Manage her well.
I never show her my payslips or my income tax anymore.

Wife and I used to split expenses as she earned more during early days. When i start earning more, i started to give her monthly allowance. in return, she dont question where i spent.

She only knows i earn much more than her, i pay for the allowances and kids stuff.

For me, I think showing payslips or income tax shows trust.
Trust begets trust, and if she knows that you won't stray, she won't even want to see your stuff even if you beg her to.
Boundaries that are made early on in the r/s and whether or not communication is being done sets the tone and that brings me to the next point.

I think most women are not very demanding, it just depends on how you treat them.
Honestly, if you can support the family, I don't think she will pry that much.
Everyone wants to ensure their own survival for the long run and if you are able to do that, problem solved.

[dex88]

seems this is life of a married man

[Vanda]

Originally Posted by hatemehate

For me, I think showing payslips or income tax shows trust.
Trust begets trust, and if she knows that you won't stray, she won't even want to see your stuff even if you beg her to.
Boundaries that are made early on in the r/s and whether or not communication is being done sets the tone and that brings me to the next point.

I think most women are not very demanding, it just depends on how you treat them.
Honestly, if you can support the family, I don't think she will pry that much.
Everyone wants to ensure their own survival for the long run and if you are able to do that, problem solved.

But somehow I seems to be down on luck on meeting such people in life. Honestly prc are one of the worst demanding women when comes to money. No money no honey.

[terryhehe]

Marry a rich girl no such problem.