Marriage problems need advice

[kesyong79]

Hi all,

I have been a lurker in the forums all this while, been enjoying reading the interesting threads.
Currently my marriage is on the rocks because my wife found out some intimate whatsapp mesages with a girl that i met online.

Let me introduce myself first.
Im a 34 years old guy, working in the finance sector in an MNC
Ive been married for 1 year 3 months and have a 6 months old baby girl.

My wife is my first girlfriend and also my first girl when i met her at 29 years old.
I have never been to nightclubs or visit pros ever before, not even now.
I dont drink, smoke or ever been abusive at all.

All the while our relationship have been very good, i feel its only this year that we started having issues, after our daughter is born.

I have been taking the night shift of feeding my daughtet since the 2nd month till date.
Every day after work i will go back hm to take care of our daughter and even during weekends i dun meet my frens anymore. All my time now is spent taking care of her.

I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism last year have been on medication since, although o have not taken my pills since jan this year.

The problem started in feb when i had difficulty keeping awake during office hours, so i tried surfing the net to look for interesting stuffs to read and stumble upon this forum.

I was especially attracted to the threads on meeting ladies/ friends online, and so decided to create an account on Skout with false profile etc single, no gf. Not long after i began chatting with a lady online and what is initially a normal chat slowly turned into something more intimate.

So eventually in this month, just last week i met this lady over lunch, only a normal meetup with no hidden agenda. But after that i still continute intimate message with her.
Eventually my wife found out 2 days ago when she looked at my phone which i didnt even bother to deltete away the whatsapp chat cuz i feel its just online 'role playing'.

She didnt took it that way and accuses me of having an affair and cheating on her.
Now she wants a divorce, but agree to go counselling first.
Im so lost now, i didnt expected things to turn out this way.

Thanks everyone listening to me, cuz i dun really have much frens and tend to keep all things to myself.

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Hi all,

I have been a lurker in the forums all this while, been enjoying reading the interesting threads.
Currently my marriage is on the rocks because my wife found out some intimate whatsapp mesages with a girl that i met online.

Let me introduce myself first.
Im a 34 years old guy, working in the finance sector in an MNC
Ive been married for 1 year 3 months and have a 6 months old baby girl.

My wife is my first girlfriend and also my first girl when i met her at 29 years old.
I have never been to nightclubs or visit pros ever before, not even now.
I dont drink, smoke or ever been abusive at all.

All the while our relationship have been very good, i feel its only this year that we started having issues, after our daughter is born.

I have been taking the night shift of feeding my daughtet since the 2nd month till date.
Every day after work i will go back hm to take care of our daughter and even during weekends i dun meet my frens anymore. All my time now is spent taking care of her.

I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism last year have been on medication since, although o have not taken my pills since jan this year.

The problem started in feb when i had difficulty keeping awake during office hours, so i tried surfing the net to look for interesting stuffs to read and stumble upon this forum.

I was especially attracted to the threads on meeting ladies/ friends online, and so decided to create an account on Skout with false profile etc single, no gf. Not long after i began chatting with a lady online and what is initially a normal chat slowly turned into something more intimate.

So eventually in this month, just last week i met this lady over lunch, only a normal meetup with no hidden agenda. But after that i still continute intimate message with her.
Eventually my wife found out 2 days ago when she looked at my phone which i didnt even bother to deltete away the whatsapp chat cuz i feel its just online 'role playing'.

She didnt took it that way and accuses me of having an affair and cheating on her.
Now she wants a divorce, but agree to go counselling first.
Im so lost now, i didnt expected things to turn out this way.

Thanks everyone listening to me, cuz i dun really have much frens and tend to keep all things to myself.

Bro, I dun have much frens too and i am 35 years old. Your are married but I am always single (never married). In your case I think you are being caught red-handed by your wife suspecting you of cheating beside her.

It's like a virgin boy making a girl pregnant during his very first sex. It did happened. Got someone I knew confessing to me and later he need to abort the baby.

Well, to tell you truth if I am you I will also do that as 'if you eat chicken rice all the time will be very boring.' No social life. Everything involving your daughter and family only beside work.

I assume both of you don't play Facebook too? Looks like your wife is doing the role of queen control here. To me personally I don't like my privacy and space to be invaded by my wife after I got married.

Married men will get itchy once in a while. IMHO, that's normal as long as they don't go overboard like starting an affair. And from your story looks like it depends on your wife whether she wants to forgive you or not.

[kesyong79]

Thanks bro for reading and replying.
Ive always thought having affair or adultery means physical intimacy, which never happened here.
In fact i was going to end this chat soon as i feel im getting too overboard.
Guess whatever i say now doesnt matter cuz wife dun beleieve me at all anymore.

I have always been a good husband and father, somehow maybe the stress is geting to me and after our daughtet is born i dun communicate much with her now.

Anyway im visiting a psychiatrist later cuz i may have depression that i do not realised.

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Thanks bro for reading and replying.
Ive always thought having affair or adultery means physical intimacy, which never happened here.
In fact i was going to end this chat soon as i feel im getting too overboard.
Guess whatever i say now doesnt matter cuz wife dun beleieve me at all anymore.

I have always been a good husband and father, somehow maybe the stress is geting to me and after our daughtet is born i dun communicate much with her now.

Anyway im visiting a psychiatrist later cuz i may have depression that i do not realised.

The stress that you most likely having is lack of social contact with friends around you. It affects everybody I guess, including myself. Whenever I feel depressed I go for a walk at park, dining outside, travelling, cooking, do house chores, watching movies, etc, all by myself.

When you occupy the time such as being alone at home most of the times and not going out depression going to hit you hard. Do you know why Leslie Cheung (HK singer) committed suicide in April 2003? Is because of depression. This year is his 10th death year anniversary (coming in few days).

If your wife insists on getting a divorce my advice is getting divorce is not always a bad thing. Whatever happened just let it go no matter how painful or stupid you had been. No one is perfect, we all made mistake at certain stages of our life.

[sane]

What's the contents of your chat?

Write to her, tell her the truth n seek for her forgiveness sincerely.

Show her the proof that u have cut off the contact with the lady. For the sake of your family, she will high likely give u a chance but whether there's still sparks in your marriage will depend on communication. Don't take each other for granted.

[kesyong79]

Hi Jnudes,

I feel sad that my hard work all these years have gone down the drain juz becuz of this one silly mistake, and there wasnt even anything physically sexual involved.

Hi Sane,
Contents are like miss her, hugs and kisses, wanna spend time with her, but never once did i mention abt having sex or stuffs like that. I just treat this like a role playing game..
The mistake here i believe is that i went out with the girl once for lunch and nothing else, but wife dun believe that either.


I have already deleted all my contacts with this girl, deactivared my profile in Skout and deleted my fake facebook account.
There is no way i can contact this girl now anyway.

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Hi Jnudes,

I feel sad that my hard work all these years have gone down the drain juz becuz of this one silly mistake, and there wasnt even anything physically sexual involved.

Hi Sane,
Contents are like miss her, hugs and kisses, wanna spend time with her, but never once did i mention abt having sex or stuffs like that. I just treat this like a role playing game..
The mistake here i believe is that i went out with the girl once for lunch and nothing else, but wife dun believe that either.


I have already deleted all my contacts with this girl, deactivared my profile in Skout and deleted my fake facebook account.
There is no way i can contact this girl now anyway.

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

bro, I can only conclude that your wife is that kind of very fast to get jealous type. I got one uncle whose wife is a queen control.Will not let him view other pretty girl or model even at tv for few seconds. Want to online check everything, check hp, check what time he goes out work and return home, if see husband talk with other woman also cannot, if we as relatives want to meet him also hard, she will decide who to meet and who not to meet, yes even relatives she also wan control one. If I as husband also beh tahan better divorce lah if like that. But my uncle very patient type as he really loyal and scared of his wife.

[F35JSF]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Hi Jnudes,

I feel sad that my hard work all these years have gone down the drain juz becuz of this one silly mistake, and there wasnt even anything physically sexual involved.

Hi Sane,
Contents are like miss her, hugs and kisses, wanna spend time with her, but never once did i mention abt having sex or stuffs like that. I just treat this like a role playing game..
The mistake here i believe is that i went out with the girl once for lunch and nothing else, but wife dun believe that either.


I have already deleted all my contacts with this girl, deactivared my profile in Skout and deleted my fake facebook account.
There is no way i can contact this girl now anyway.

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

Betrayal comes in all form. It does not have to be physical. In your case the hurt felt by your wife was emotional betrayal. Unfortunately it is easier to deal with physical betrayal than emotional betrayal. The recommended course of action is to let time do the healing. Go for counselling in the meantime and communicate, communicate and communicate with each other.

[neyney]

Power Uncle!!! Salute him!!! So patient

[Psalm]

I can see your wife got angry. Whatever husband says, it will not go into her ears.

You need somebody to talk to her.

[stillgottheblue]

Let your wife gets angry for all she wants. You have to use this opportunity to gain back control of the household. And don't repeat your mistake again.

[Ladyrain]

I guess its a kind of emotional betrayal. You will be surprised that to some women, emotionak betrayal is worst than physical betrayal. You need to give her some time to come to terms with it. Its still a kind of betrayal and you certainly dont expect her to forgive you so quickly especially if she loves and Trust you alot to begin with.
Now its your duty to gain her trust back by doing whatever you can and do not expect it to beeasy. It will take her alot of time to believe you again bbecause we are talking about emotional betrayal.

[Need4speed]

bro, ask yourself do u want to divorce her also or not? cos not divorcing means going back to taking care of baby and no social life. and bringing back all the stress and pressure.

Maybe u can try other activities like sports etc to divert yr attention from the ladies n social networking stuff. and find a balance at home with yr activities.

I will be a father soon also and already beginning to feel the pressure. But there's no other choice. Just have to deal with it. Good luck to you bro and I hope things turn out alright.

[Schenker]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Hi Jnudes,

I feel sad that my hard work all these years have gone down the drain juz becuz of this one silly mistake, and there wasnt even anything physically sexual involved.

Hi Sane,
Contents are like miss her, hugs and kisses, wanna spend time with her, but never once did i mention abt having sex or stuffs like that. I just treat this like a role playing game..
The mistake here i believe is that i went out with the girl once for lunch and nothing else, but wife dun believe that either.


I have already deleted all my contacts with this girl, deactivared my profile in Skout and deleted my fake facebook account.
There is no way i can contact this girl now anyway.

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

To your wife, "精神上的出轨" is much serious than catching you in bed. Cos she feels insecure, unwanted, unlove... So u really need to put in more effort to repair the damage.

Maybe a short getaway may help.

[rawpenis]

You are diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism. please take your medication.Hyperthyroidism cause nervousness, irritability, increased perspiration, heart racing, hand tremors, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, .
why are you not taking your medication? I'm also on medication bro.