[Discussion] Taking it one at a time

[ekemono]

The topic is : To walk out of a relationship before going into another

This discussion obviously does not apply to ONS, flings, and eat out, but it is about managing relationships in our life with a spouse or a lover. I have read and heard folks that got involved with someone new deeply before they walk away from the current one. I for one, do not approve of it.

Since in such scenario, it is likely that the current relationship has collapsed and may not be able to salvage, then my point of view is that to end it and relieve oneself of the bagage and burden. It would be a lot healthier for future relationship as it will be unlikely that the new chosen partner will end up a replacement or "clutch". I believe nobody likes to be treated that way.

Moreover, in a situation where there are a reluctant to give up the current relationship out of some form of love that still exist, while enjoying a new relationship, my dictionary would only spelled out the words "two-timing".
I cannot comprehend how a person is able to manage and achieve positive results in a "two-timing" environment, unless the new relationship was driven and substain by lust. But then again, lust is always short-lived.

Hence, i posted this topic of discussion. This topic does not serve as a challenge to anyone or an insultation to someone who took this route, but it was always on my mind unanswered. So, I wish to be enlightened.

I hope my limited descriptions were useful for your discussion.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

It's called a difficulty to adapt to change.
One tries to fill a void ASAP and does not understand the essence of the real issue.
This is like what i always call 逃避
Also bcos it's easier to start a new one than fix an onld one.

[pewpew]

Maybe for the old relationship, its call responsibility.
For the new relationship, its call refreshment.

[jasdude]

human nature ! for example if your wife is fat , the fl you will favour is those slim types . When a relationship is souring or lacking in something , people then tend to err in the sense of finding comfort with someone that has qualities that the current partner is lacking before they decide to end the other relationship. No body is perfect . love isn't too .

[ekemono]

thanks all bros for your inputs.
Other bros do pen out your point of view if you can. No wrong or right.
cheers

[aakumu]

Hi bro,
Love and care cannot be replace, but lust can be replace at a tip of a hat.
As long as we do not get it missed up, we will be fine.

My humble two cents.

[Sleepyguy]

Hi bro,

Maybe the current relationship do not promised a fruitful future, and the new relationship is offerring a brighter future, but the new relationship have to Q and wait till the current ones end. Hence the two-timings ???
So its the indecisiveness of the person involving both the relationships that is the main cause.

Just my humble opinion.....

[wodemama]

Originally Posted by jasdude

human nature ! for example if your wife is fat , the fl you will favour is those slim types . When a relationship is souring or lacking in something , people then tend to err in the sense of finding comfort with someone that has qualities that the current partner is lacking before they decide to end the other relationship. No body is perfect . love isn't too .

bro, you've just said the most important thing.

Seeking alternatives because one lacks the necessary "attributes" to contain the person interest.

[colins]

There are many reasons as to why relationship ends. The worst is to transfer the old existing issues onto the new one. That's one of the most common cases happening.

Once a person reached the end of the line, his options are always very limited. It is like when you have a lot of unfinished tasks, you tend to tell yourself, hey I better move on to a new job. Last time, my opinion on marriage is always related to the expended chewing gum theory, when there is no more sweetness, your choice is either to chuck it or swallow it. Only these 2 choices. Problem is, if you continue to treat your marriage like a chewing gum, you are always sucking up one after another. Later on, I felt that this theory has a flaw. It doesn't explain the picture perfectly. It doesn't explain why other men stay with their own partner, seemingly happily for life.

Then the focus went on to why men need wives, esp when there are so many desirable girls out there. If men need wives, dun they need to fulfil their lust as well? But if this is true, wouldn't every man be fucking around, and I really mean 100% of all males. Not true also. So what is wrong with men who fuck around and men who doesn't?

The answer came pretty shortly afterward. It is in the ways we manage our relationships with our spouses and girlfriends particularly in 2 very important elements in ourselves, 1. Desires, 2. Submission.

Every men has desires, whether its lust, ego/pride or culinary appetide. Basically if you go thru the 7 sins you'll know what I'm talking about. Which of these desires hold the centre stage in your life, only you will know, and each of us varies its importance accordingly to our experience and intellect. Now the root of the issue here is, to what degree have you submitted your most important desires to your spouse/gf determines how much tension you will have in the relationship. Such tension will cause you to escape the issue and seek to nullify (not fulfil) your void caused by this desire that you did not get from your spouse/gf.

Before I lost my line of thought, I'll try give an example first. A man marries a lady in his early 20s. His life experiences has taught him that he need a lot of sex (of cos, still young mah) therefore he brand Lust as top priority. He knows she is the one who will satisfy this desire and therefore submit to her. So basically she can have anything she wants if she is good in bed. Other desires that he may have, like ego, can be satisfied to a certain degree but he knows its not priority. Whether she can cook or not, well, to hell with it.

As he grows old, he starts to internalise more experience and changes. This is the killer part. For example, a not-so-successful person will want his pride fulfilled at home. If his woman can give him all the ego he wants, he will never think of going elsewhere to get it. He will submit to this woman if his desires are fulfilled by her. Again, only priority desire counts. The other desires will only create tension in the relationship, but never a major concern. Those tensions created by non-priority desire will only be quoted during the breaking up, but I digress.

If his priority remains at lust, the woman will be taking a uphill climb on this challenge cos she HAS TO grow old. When she does, he will no longer submit to her and gain independence from the previous submission. When the priority desire is no longer satisfied in his turf, he has 2 choices. Beat ALL the desires down and become a dead man walking, means henpeck all the way till he dies, or maintain the desire to be human, and seek to satisfy it outside immediately when he realise this. If he chooses either choice, the relationship maintains in equilibrium. If he chooses to stay halfway between the choices, the relationship will now suffer from increased tension, like an unbearable hundred-fold compared to previous non-priority unsatisfied desires.

The relationship reaches a stage where both parties are just relieving tension, thats all, becos no one submits to the other. One day this will create a breakup, cos when both parties escape (the real issue of submission of the priority desire) till there is no point in continuing the show, the show will be over. You can easily see that the man starts making lots of excuses for the breakup, quoting the number of desires he cannot get fulfilment from his wife/gf, etc. All these tensions (or reasons) never seemed to bother him but they are sure bothering him now. It is important then to seek this priority desire to solve this problem.

Most men tends to seek places to submit himself to. From this perspective, it is actually true when woman say we are cheapo. But that's becos we have desires and when we cannot control them, we need to be constantly satis-ed.

In bro eke's question, we can easily explain it from the above. When a man cannot submit to his wife on his priority desire, he will submit his desire to someone else. This is not 2-timing, becos marriage and bi/monogamy are civilised concepts. When bro eke says lust is short lived, thats becos that man's desire is NOT in lust. If a woman can satisfy her man's lust and make him submit to her, she can guarantee her position beside him forever. His desire might be pride, greed or envy, again depends on individual.

So to conclude this, sorry bros I know it is messy, desires create the need to submit, to rely. If a man knows how to control it, the people around him gets a lot of joy and a good life. If he doesn't, his woman better satisfy his priority desire and make him submit to her. All these are vice versa, man also need to satisfied his woman the same way.

Thanks for reading.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Wah Obiwan, 你长大了！！！

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by colins

sorry bros I know it is messy,

no it is not messy. A good contribution. Thanks

[xyz1001]

Originally Posted by colins

desires create the need to submit, to rely. If a man knows how to control it, the people around him gets a lot of joy and a good life. If he doesn't, his woman better satisfy his priority desire and make him submit to her. All these are vice versa, man also need to satisfied his woman the same way.

Wow bro colins, power sia!!

[BUOYANTLESS]

escapism is nvr healthy,at end of e day the person involved wld jst be left wit nothing.as human beings we all hv needs but veri often we loose focus on wats realli important.

[colins]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Wah Obiwan, 你长大了！！！

Yeah, I no longer the SYT hahahaha...and dun start anything about aunties and MILF... 我是被你打到大的！！！

Originally Posted by xyz1001

Wow bro colins, power sia!!

Refer to above, my worship.

[colins]

Originally Posted by ekemono

no it is not messy. A good contribution. Thanks

Welcome bro, one good thread will always bring many good contributions.