The most rejected person around

[SadLoser]

I know this is not the most appropriate place to seek advice for my problem, but I’m really going crazy frustrating over this issue with my life, so dear bros please allow me to unload my burden here…
Ok, for some unknown reasons, I’ve strangely become this grossly unpopular person whom everyone in my life (women in particular) has come to instinctively dislike – they either treat me like trash or seemed to keep a conscious distance from me.
Now, if there is an obvious reason for that, say if I keep getting comments from people around me like “hey john, you should stop doing that as it really puts people off” or if I’m really physically repulsive in some ways, then at least I know what is wrong.
But no, my closer friends are always telling me that there’s nothing wrong with me --- I’m good looking, have a decent job, kind and easy-going person etc. In fact, most friends tend to assume that someone like me should be quite popular in general and have a good social life. They are always surprised when I first shared with them my problem and frustrations.
I would also like to convince myself that there’s really nothing wrong and get on positively with life. But each interaction with people – my colleagues, ex-classmates etc – just leaves me more disappointed and bitter. I will cite a few examples to better illustrate my problem, but basically I realized people do not ever talk to me unless they need something from me.

And my story is a little unusual in the sense it’s not a typical scenario about a guy who’s feeling like a loser because he can’t find a girlfriend or get a date. I have had several proper relationships before. So I have no problems maintaining a stable relationship. But other than the rare occurrence of a girl who is emotionally attracted to me and we eventually go into a relationship, I seemed to have zero friendship or any basic connection with anyone else around me
It’s like everyone in my life, from colleagues to friends to mere acquaintances, everyone seemed to be closed off from me.

[LCL7788]

Get this straight.
You could be in a room full of people who are supposedly close to you laughing chatting with them and still feel lonely.
Or you can be stuck on a deserted island with nothing but the wind, waves, storms etc as your companions and yet not feel a tinge of loneliness.

Nobody owes you a living.
Nobody owes you a happy carefree satisfied fulfilling and loneliness-free life.

People only talk to you when they need something from you?
Gee that is life at its most simple.
We play a part in life and in other people's lives because we are useful.
Not just monetary or material or obligatory favors you know.
Useful can also means because we give others joy and completeness and companionship.
So why dont you try being more useful instead of blaming others and the world?

Nobody is you and you know yourself best so you are the only one who can love and help yourself.
Why post your frustrations on a forum like this?
Are you hoping someone will suggest some cheonging kangtow or approve of your intention to seek out a whore to solve your prob?
As if bonking whores wuz ever a cure for existential angst.

Maybe you really need to talk to someone else. Someone who is not already a friend since you feel abandoned by all of them.
Maybe you can pick up a hobby or a range of hobbies.
Try to diversify your social life at work and elsewhere.
Or maybe try speaking to your parents or a religious figure.
Even if we sympathize with you, we don't know you and your problems in depth so there's no point trying to offer advice.
Only you will know what you want, what the issues are and where is the problem.

Just based on what you mentioned it could well be a psychological or temperamental issue.
Not familiar with such stuff but it could be some kind of personality disorder on top of anxiety and depression.
Perhaps you just feel or think too much. Or are just too dependent on other people more than you think.
Talk to a shrink or counsellor. They might know better.

Whatever it is, you will not be able to get better until you resolve to start helping yourself.
Your happiness depends on yourself not others.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by SadLoser

I realized people do not ever talk to me unless they need something from me.

There's nothing unusual about that. It's normal human behaviour. Don't worry about it.

[indexes401]

Bro Sad

Would it be that you are not portraying yourself right to the people around you?
For example in front of colleagues and friends, you might say something or done some physical action that has put them off? From what you have written, i suppose you do not know what you have done to warrant such response from these people.

Most importantly for now, engage in more social activities, go out with more new friends(guys and gals), stay healthy by eating well, keeping your body fit, Discipline yourself mentally by maintaining a schedule for yourself.
Slowly your mind will become more positive and clear headed.
You will be able to handle negativity and anger in a much better way. This will also indirectly help to build up your confidence.
I know it is difficult, you got to slowly do it one step at a time.


Once you find that you are mentally and emotionally ready, you should approach those people ( ex classmates, colleagues, gals,etc) to find out what you have done to put them off.
Please do not let anger or emotions get the better of you when you are obtaining feedback from them because they might feel even more reluctant to tell you the truth and might even stay even further away from you. Most importantly be sincere to them and let them know that you would like to change if you have done anything to put them off and their feedback will really help you.

Remember that you can only help yourself. People like LCL7788 and myself can only provide written forms of assistance to you in the forum. We do not know the exact nitty gritty details of your life to really pinpoint what is going on. What we can do is to provide a more generic view for you and the rest is up to you to decide whether if our approach can help you in anyway.

My two cents worth, hope it helps you

Take care!

[HCKing]

TS unless u have real close friends if not 9 out of 10 of them will say there's nothing wrong with u whenever u ask. some things u say, or some behaviours of yours might have pissed ppl off so better to be mindful with yr actions and words whenever u r associating with others.

[Big Sexy]

mate..
you are not alone...
Everyone gets lesser friends as we age..
Sad Fact..
that is why we need a family..

Originally Posted by SadLoser

The most rejected person around

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Big Sexy

mate..
you are not alone...
Everyone gets lesser friends as we age..
Sad Fact..
that is why we need a family..

He should follow my philosophy of trying to be as obnoxious and as nasty as possible.

Works great in this forum. Just look at my points after 9 years.

[wukong68]

Hi Bro Sad,

Hope you are doing good

What to do? you may ask being most rejected..

The way out is to focus on being authentic. There is a wonderful person inside each of us.

However, this wonderful person might well not be brilliant, talented, good-looking, suave, humorous, funny, and creative.

On the other hand, this wonderful person can be a good friend, a good worker, a dutiful son or daughter, a conscientious parent, and a person with interests of his or her own.

If you are looked down on by racists and snobs, you are not therefore shameful or guilty. If you are taunted for anything personal - your looks, your hair, your stature, your clothing, or anything else about you - you are not therefore an outcast.

For this reason, shame and guiltiness are unreliable as guides to behavior. You might feel ashamed and guilty, but this is no reason to convict yourself. You can and should see any shaming, belittling, or ostracizing as the ignoble behavior of racists and snobs, and you should see your consequent feelings as unwelcome but manageable.


Useful sayings:

* I choose life, not the having lived.
* The more significant one's present is, the less significant one's past becomes.
* Who am I? I am a living organism, a self, functioning in the present. I see, I hear, I smell, I taste, I feel. At the same time, I am continuously self-directing.
* I do what is called for by circumstances. I let my mind provide insights. I am alive.
* I don't know what to do next, but my body knows. My body is a genius.
* All I can take is what I get. I do the best with what I've got. What have I got? Only what is, here, now.
* I am totally created by Nature/life. I want my egotism (self-importance/experiencing myself subjectively) to collapse. I want to experience myself objectively.
* My mind is absolutely private. No one is looking in on me. I am my own judge. Supernatural interconnectedness is an illusion.
* I float in the current of the present.
* Self-love. self-kindness. self-compassion. self-forgiveness. self-mercy.
* No two people are the same. You are not like that (other person whom you envy). You can only be the person you got.
* You are as you are, not as you wish you were.
* Begin again, with compassion.

Think positive that is..my humble words...Its the law if attraction.
Good thoughts = Good happenings

[Big Sexy]

boss... i tried to 'up' your points and it says..
'You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to sammyboyfor again'
must wait don;t know how long then can add again...

hey.. and since we are are the topic..
many thanks for the forum and the nice work these years..
appreciated it..

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

He should follow my philosophy of trying to be as obnoxious and as nasty as possible.

Works great in this forum. Just look at my points after 9 years.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Big Sexy

boss... i tried to 'up' your points and it says..
'You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to sammyboyfor again'

Those who up my points will get zapped in return.

[Big Sexy]

now now..
no wonder nobody dare to 'up' you la
will kenna negged...

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Those who up my points will get zapped in return.

[dominic7]

#1 quit whining.

whiners are never popular.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Big Sexy

now now..
no wonder nobody dare to 'up' you la
will kenna negged...

I told you I was a real nasty character.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

I believe there are common basic human goods, even the most nasty, difficult or seemingly egocentric individual may have one or two good qualities.

Thread starter, your problem and solution on what to change are in your post.

[Liquid@cid]

Bro Sad, i dun noe why you are feeling sad anyway, if you are feeling lousy just becos you are not having enough attention from the ppl ard you, den you are not as easy-going as your friends mention, IMO your easy-going maybe just your pretendious side, as you are very concern about what ppl ard you tot about you as a person....

Just to let you noe that even with good looks, decent job and easy-going attitude doesn't automatically gonna make you a popular person, charisma is something that can't be define with words, it's a kind of feeling and it's the character that make up the charismatic person, not his job or looks, if you are not that popular among your friends, it is shows that you are not that charismatic, period.

no point bugging over this topic, to me, it's bo-liao, cos you can't make every human-beings in this world loves you, so why harp over the lack of attention that your friends ard fails to give??? at least you get to laid a few girls with your good -looks and decent job plus your "easy-going" personalities, there are many bros out there who never able to get a taste of relationship with a girl except paid-sex, if you are frustrated with your current situation, den what they suppose to feel den????

与其去在意你没有的，倒不如看看你拥有的。
比上不足，比下有余
知足常乐，才是人生。

learn your life bro, if not,
read my siggy......