Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[TowkayBlackman]

Good morning everybody

[Hurricane88]

✅
Sit for 10 mins with an alcoholic - u will feel life is very stress free.

Sit for 10 mins with sadhus & sanyasis - u will feel like gifting away everything to charity.

Sit for 10 mins with a politician - u will feel all ur studies are useless.

Sit for 10 mins with an insurance agent - u will feel that it is better to die.

Sit for 10 mins with traders - u will feel ur earnings are too meagre.

Sit for 10 mins with scientists - u will feel the enormity of ur ignorance.

Sit for 10 mins with good teachers - u will feel like wanting to become a student again.

Sit for 10 mins with a farmer or a worker - u will feel u are not working hard enough.

Sit for 10 mins with a soldier - u will feel ur services & sacrifices are insignificant.

& …This one

Sit for 10 mins with ur wife - u will feel u are the most useless person on earth.

Company Matters...!!
🤠

[Tengkor]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Good job and proud of you....
Just wonder how many goal he have shoot

LOl at this picture

[ah rat]

@dyelook

laughter bumps.

[Hurricane88]

[BlindHorseJones]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice one bro!

[ah rat]

_____________

[Hurricane88]

*RETIRED HUSBAND* 😐

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Pick & Pay.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Pick & Pay.

Dear Mrs. Morland:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Morland, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.

5. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

7. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME ! PICK ME” !

8. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room ?

And last, but not least:

9. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There's no toilet paper in here”.
One of the clerks passed out.

_If you don't send this to your dearest friends, you will be depriving them of some good humor_.

Enjoy Life - It has an expiry date...
😇😂

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

Next day, the kids came back & one by one & began to tell their stories.

There were all regular type of stuff. But then the teacher realized that only David was left.

'David , do you have a story to share?', asks the teacher

'Yes madam', He replied, 'My daddy told me a story about my Mom'

"Okay, let us hear", said the teacher

"My mom was a Marine Pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq & her plane got hit"

"She had to bail out over enemy territory & all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol & a survival knife"

"She drank the whiskey on the way down, so the bottle would not break & then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops"

"She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke & then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands"

*Pin drop silence in the class !! 🤐🤫*

''Good Heavens", said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

David said, "Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk !!!"

Cheers 🥂🍸🍷🍾🥃🤣🤣🤣

[warbird]

No more a Virgin

The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate….

After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell you people.”

Silence around the table.

“I’m no longer a virgin”, and she begins to cry.

Long silence again.

And then…

The father screams at his wife, “It’s your fault! Always dressed and made up like a whore! Do you think you are setting a good example for your daughter? Wallowing the whole day on the sofa, exposing your boobs… it’s disgusting! That’s how problems arrive.”

The wife, in turn, yells at her husband, “What about you? Are YOU setting a good example? Wasting your salary on sluts who sometimes even accompany you to your doorstep! Are YOU setting a good example for your 10-year-old daughter?”

The father continues, “And her elder sister, this good-for-nothing, with her hairy junkie of a boyfriend, who is always groping her in all the corners of the house. Do you believe she is setting a good example for her younger sister?”

And the recriminations go on, and on, and on….

The grandmother touches the shoulder of the little granddaughter to console her, and asks her, “Well, my little girl, how did it happen?”

And the little girl replies while stifling her sobs, “It’s the priest.”

The grandmother asks, "What do you mean, the priest ?”

“The priest has chosen another girl to be Virgin Mary in the Christmas play.
I’m no longer playing the role of Virgin Mary.”

Merry Christmas in advance... 🤶 🎄 🎅

[greenspider]

Originally Posted by warbird

“The priest has chosen another girl to be Virgin Mary in the Christmas play.
I’m no longer playing the role of Virgin Mary.”

Very good one bro. Merry Xmas to you too!

[Hurricane88]

At the regular Sunday morning service, Reverend Roberto announces that he is planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Colin, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and proclaims,
"If Reverend Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year, and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says,
"If Rev Roberto will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee free university education for his children!"

More sighs and louder applause ...

Mary, age 68, stands and announces with a smile, "If Reverend Roberto stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total and stunned silence.

Reverend Roberto, blushing, asks her:
"Mary, you're a wonderful and god fearing lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Mary's 70-year old husband, Mike, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: 'Fuck him!'"

Moral of the story:
Women sometimes do not understand men talk!!! 😳😱😰😂