Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[saltwet]

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

[BJstreet]

Good morning

[saltwet]

一个学者想研究初夜女生们的反应。于是他和三个女生商量好，在她们的洞房之夜躲在她们的窗外偷 听。

第一个，他听到那个女生痛苦的叫声。

第二个，他听到一阵大笑声。

第三个，他完全没听到任何声音。

第二天，学者问她们为什么会会有不同的反应。

第一个说，那是我的第一次，我疼呀！所以大叫了。

第二个说，我从来没看过那么小的东西，所以忍不住笑了。

最后学者问第三个为什么没有声音。

那女生很气愤的说：“你被那么一大条东西塞在嘴里，看你能不能发出声音！！”


😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

一排妓女在街边等客，一位八旬老妇见到了,好奇的问：你们在等什么？妓女没好气的说：等棒棒糖！老妇也就排 队加入队伍等糖，结果被警察抓，警察问老妇：你牙都没了也能干？老妇笑着曰：我可以舔的！！！

l😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

有一个寡妇守寡已久，难耐寂寞，因此她决定结婚，于是她提出结婚条件：

1.不可以打她

2.不可离开她

3. 要很会干那档事

隔日有个没手没脚的男人来找她，寡妇问他符合什么条件?
他说:“你看，我没手不能打你；我没脚不能离开你；至于那档事吗……你想想我刚刚是用什么敲门 的？”

[Alloring]

Originally Posted by saltwet

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

Haha nice share bro. Sometimes it is better to keep quiet.

[saltwet]

昨晚， 我的心情不好。 我特别的难过，跑到酒吧里一个人喝闷酒。这时，有个美女过来对我说：“帅哥，请我喝酒吧？我能答应你一个过 分的要求。”
我打量了她一下，发现她的身材特别好。我立马就激动了，点了很多的好酒，好吃好喝的。
酒过三巡，她终于妩媚对我一笑说：“帅哥，你提要求吧。”
我阴险一笑：“去把账给我结了……”

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

现在的小姑娘都这么主动吗？动不动就要见未来婆婆。
我：最近聊了一个小姑娘，发展挺快的，马上要见家长了。
朋友：才认识几天呀，这小姑娘倒挺主动的，那是好事呀，那你干嘛闷闷不乐的。
我：不知为什么，我高兴不起来呢。
朋友：怎么了？
我：昨天晚上我约她要不要出来看电影，她说看你妈。

[saltwet]

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran
into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

"Babe is it in?"
"Yea."
"Does it hurt?"
"Uh huh."
"Let me put it in slowly."
"It still hurts."
"Okay, let's try another shoe size."
(May I what my brothers are thinking?)

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?"
The mom said, "We were baking a cake."
A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake?"
She said yes, and asked him how he knew.
He answered, "Because I licked the whip cream off the sofa."

[BJstreet]

Happy Sunday

[Buibuicat]

Thanxs @saltwet for the jokes .... keep them cumming in .... really perks me up laughing out n making my day better

[saltwet]

问： 你知道哪只动物每周都来高潮吗？
答： 美洲狮 （每周湿）

[Chicklets]

Originally Posted by saltwet

"Babe is it in?"
"Yea."
"Does it hurt?"
"Uh huh."
"Let me put it in slowly."
"It still hurts."
"Okay, let's try another shoe size."
(May I what my brothers are thinking?)

I thought he was trying to put a ring on her finger

[BJstreet]

Good afternoon

[etsys]

To keep it going....

[Chicklets]

Originally Posted by etsys

This is worse then falling sick

[Hurricane88]

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So, he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from North to South.

On his first day, he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read.
'$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied.
"That is a direct line to Heaven and for $10,000 you can talk to God".

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta.
There, in a very large cathedral, he saw another golden telephone, with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him.
"That is a direct line to Heaven and for $10,000 you can talk to God".

"OK, thank you,"
said the American.

He then travelled all across America, then onto Europe, England, Japan, and New Zealand.

In every church he saw an identical golden telephone with the same.
'$10,000 per call'
sign under it.

The American decided to travel to China, to see if China had the same phone.

After he landed in China, he went into the first church he found.
There was the golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read.
'40 Cents per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

"Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches.
I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them the price was $10,000 per call".

"Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered.
"You're in China now son......."

"THIS IS HEAVEN,"

"so it's a local call’.

😃

[SBMEDSUP]

Haha nice jokes.