Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

THIS IS A FUNNY STORY 😂😂

Every year mutu entered the indian state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing rita's vadei stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

The winning number was 707.




Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life

[garion]

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

[garion]

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

[35cents]

nice one bro....

Originally Posted by garion

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

Bus tour.

 

It was a bus tour for senior citizens.


When they arrived at the 3 Sisters, in the Blue Mountains, the driver parked the bus and the passengers made their doddering, unsteady descent to the footpath.

As they filed past, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear. "I've been sexually harassed."

A few seconds later, another old dear stopped and whispered in his ear. "Driver, I've been sexually harassed."

This kept happening. Soon 7 pensioner ladies had complained - they pointed to an old bloke who was crawling around the floor of the bus, looking beneath the seats.

The driver approached him, tapped him  on his back and said, "Excuse me sir, I'd like to have a word with you."

The old bloke looked up and said, "Of course you can, but not right now. You see, I've lost my toupee and am trying to find it. I thought I'd found it seven times - but they were parted in the middle and mine's parted on the right."

[Hurricane88]

ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ ɪs ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ *ʙʀᴀ* ᴅᴀʏ!👙

ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴇsᴛɪᴍᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴏғ
ᴛʜᴇ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: sᴛʀɪᴘᴇᴅ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ᴢᴇ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: ᴘᴏɪsᴏɴᴏᴜs ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ᴄᴏ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: ᴍᴀᴛʜᴇᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ᴀʟɢᴇ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: sᴜɴsɪɢɴ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ʟɪ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: ᴍᴀɢɪᴄᴀʟ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ᴀᴀ *ʙʀᴀ* ᴋᴀ ᴅᴀ *ʙʀᴀ*

ǫ: ʀᴇʟɪɢɪᴏᴜs ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ʜᴍɪɴ!

ǫ: ᴍᴇᴛᴀʟʟɪᴄ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ss

ǫ: ᴀɴᴊᴇʟɪɴᴀ ᴊᴏʟɪᴇ's ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ᴅ ᴘɪᴛᴛ

ǫ: ʙᴏᴛᴀɴʏ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ɴᴄʜ

ǫ: ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛɪɴɢ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ɴᴅ!

ǫ: ᴘᴜɴᴄᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ᴄᴋᴇᴛ.

ǫ: PANIC ʙʀᴀ?
👙 ɢʜᴀ *ʙʀᴀ* .

ǫ: ʀᴏᴏᴍ ғᴜʟʟ ᴏғ ʙʀᴀ's?
👙 ʟɪ *ʙʀᴀ* ʀʏ.

ǫ: ᴀʟᴄʜᴏʜʟɪᴄ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ɴᴅʏ.

ǫ: ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ ʙʀᴀ?
👙 *ʙʀᴀ* ᴢɪʟ

ǫ: ʙʀᴀ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀɴ ᴘʀᴇsɪᴅᴇɴᴛ
ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ?
ᴀ *ʙʀᴀ* ʜᴀᴍ ʟɪɴᴄᴏʟɴ!

ᴀɴᴅ ᴜ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴏᴍᴇɴ ᴜsᴇ ᴀ ʙʀᴀ !!!
ʜᴏᴡ
*ʙʀᴀ* ɪɴʟᴇss".

👙 ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ʙʀᴀ ᴅᴀʏ🌹

*ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟᴀᴜɢʜ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ sʜᴀʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs, ʙʀᴀʟᴇss, ᴏʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙʀᴀ*. 😆😆😆😆

[malaysiapig]

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Air, sea and land travel, cheers!

[ttt123]

nice shares bros, keep it going

[Mrcool0101]

Nice solid la bro haha

[SBMEDSUP]

Pls share more jokes.

[garion]

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

[garion]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

[garion]

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."