Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 811

35cents · #**12151** 11-09-2020, 09:41 PM

oh so it is a science.....no wonder

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps....

absoluticeberg · #**12152** 13-09-2020, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps....

Very true bro! This is classic!

Hurricane88 · #**12153** 14-09-2020, 05:44 AM

This lock-down is getting old and frankly I've had enough.

I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.

Same with the fridge. He only gives cold comfort.
I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation.

The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up.
The threshold was no better, it suggested I get over it.

The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug.

But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.

The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn’t offer an opinion.

The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.

The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.

The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.... you guessed it right - pull myself together.

Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn't have a leg to stand on.

When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking.

However, in the end, the iron straightened things out.

She said everything will be fine.

No situation is too pressing for long anyways!!!
😀😀😀

Hurricane88 · #**12154** 14-09-2020, 05:45 AM

The Pakistan Army recently found it had too many Generals, and offered them an early retirement with bonus in USD.

They said any General who retired now, his payment $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of his body.
The Generals can select any of his body points.

The first man, an Air marshal, asked to measure from his head to the tip of his toes.
Six feet. *
😌He walked out with a cheque of $720,000!*

The second man, an Naval admiral, asked to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
Eight feet. *
😁He walked out with a cheque for $960,000!!*

When the third general, a grizzled old Ranger, was asked where to measure.
He said "From the tip of my penis to my testicles."*

The pension man suggested, that the grizzle Ranger should reconsider. As, the previous two Generals, who came before him had received, good money, because of their distance in body parts.

The grizzle Ranger still insisted.
So, the pension man got a medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer asked the Ranger to drop his pants.
The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the Ranger's penis and began to measure.

"My God!" The medical officer said. "Where are your testicles?"

The Ranger replied,
*"In Kargil."*
😳
And thats how, Pakistan became Bankrupt.🤪

Hurricane88 · #**12155** 14-09-2020, 05:46 AM

HOW DID I LIVE ALL THESE YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING THIS?

THE KINGDOM OF THAILAND

I'll bet you never knew this!!!

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18 they had to participate in the following community ceremony:-

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each the men.

She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects.

(This keeps them off his face during the ceremony)

A specially chosen nubile and very beautiful naked girl then does a sexy and sensuous dance in the center of the circle.

As soon as all the men become fully aroused and develop erections, the kneeling girls then reach over the knees, pull the fully erected penises downwards as much as they can and then on a given signal from the centre dancer release them.

The men's penises would then spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their belly buttons.

This exercise was a measurement of the strength of their masculinity . . .the man who killed the most flies was elected to the court of the King.

And that, folks, is why the current capital of Thailand came to be named BANGKOK........!