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#106
20-09-2006, 02:55 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Haiz..
This thread is very depressing indeed. Learnt from some of my customers that the reason they look for FLs is cos their wifes/ gfs do not like sex, low sex drive, no sex after kids, etc, etc, etc. Didn't noe that the problem is so common and so serious (10 years????  )I remember the time when I was still attached. I used to have sex with my ex at every opportunity, in the car, staircases, public toilets, etc, etc, etc. Looking back, I dun think I can never stand not having sex with my other half. Sex is complimentary to the r/s and at times, it can bring the 2 closer. I do not noe what are the factors stopping the wives and gfs from having sex with their husbands and bfs. But what I do noe is that since a relationship is between 2 consenting adults, you should have a talk with your partner and try to establish the root cause/ concern for the disinterest in sex. As it is, communication is often the key to any form of relationship. Try to bring your COs for a holiday, a rendezvous to somewhere, just the 2 of you, or even just a drive to somewhere, a slow walk, just the 2 of you, walking hand in hand. It doesn't take alot to create the rite mood. A different setting/ atmosphere might help. No kids around, no work to worry about, basically just the 2 of you, in an idyllic setting. That might just do the trick. And as for the bro who's going to get married to his gf although he has caught her cheating on him before; are you marrying for love, or is it merely cause you have been together for so long and you have gotten so used to her existence? No matter what the reason is, I think that this is like a hopeless case. A r/s needs to be sustained by both parties and if you are always giving and she doesn't even appreciate you or your efforts, one day, you'll have nothing more to give. (And I dun just mean the material sense, but also the emotions and everything else...) Or even worse, she finds somebody who can provide her with more and you'll be left with nothing but alot of hurt. Do think it over and reconsider your intentions before it's too late. 
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#108
20-09-2006, 03:20 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
That's the rationale behind my comment that sex for this bro may be even lesser if they have a baby. Bro Klzombie, can you describe your height and weight? Do you make yourself attractive to your gf or not? Dress sense, body, grooming etc.
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#109
20-09-2006, 03:35 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
wow fellow brothers .... and sister! hehe... I didnt expect such overwhelming responces!! Thought I'll just air my grouch which I kept inside for like ages liao... fyi, I am a working guy who also have alot of things to take of in the office. I used to be even more busier by doing side businesses and going to functions and dinner to meet more people and even joining MCA (I was helping out in the last election)!! but had a very bad experience as that was the time my gf was seduced by her fucking colleague who preyed on her as I wasnt around much to accompany her... anyway I have already accepted her apology and moved on. I haven't been that outgoing since... and spent more time with my gf...
First off, I don't think she is having sex with another guy right now as I know most of the time where she is. Although often guys will approach her in the gym or office when I am not around her, she's rather pretty... but I still believe she isn't the kind who stray like that especially with the things I have done for her. BUT, I know for sure she is not satisfied with what she is already getting. I am actually already making preparations for the wedding, dinner, custom made clothes, dowry, everything almost ready... yet she wanted more... At times, after I talked to her, she seemed satisfied but then she will again goes back to the same mood of dissatisfaction again soon... sigh... and I think it is bcoz of that she is just not happy and won't do with me... I wish she would understand that I am giving almost all I have to her to make things work and yet... It was due to all the above that even I myself after a while am now becoming less sensitive and sometimes owuld avoid her if I could. I haven't consider calling the wedding off coz I believe she do loves me but her attitude which is already affecting my own attitude is keeping us apart and it will be some time before we can mend back again... frankly I may follow one of the bro's advice of talking to a marriage councillor instead of a psychologist... Anyway I would like to thank all of you again for the support and advices given!  I know going to FL is also cheating on my gf but after like more than a year of dead fish I seriously can't take it anymore!! I will still try to work this out... I know I should put myself in front but I feel obligated and that after so many years of courtship and so many things that we have went through, I really do not want to let it go to waste... I know some of you bros are right, better one swift kick then slow death later. Still, I have this small belief that it might still work and its a matter of time for me to get a more comfortable living, better pay in order for us to live better and things will improve... I can only hope hehehe.... Wish me luck, bros... 
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#110
20-09-2006, 03:39 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Bro klzombie..
things dont sound too good me.. u sure u wanna marry her? u think about it carefully? good luck to u anyway...
__________________
I Am Number Four!!
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#111
20-09-2006, 03:39 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
But I must admit I sometimes don't dress up well when I am not at work. I like to be casual and flop around in slippers ;p I am now trying to improve all that too... Yeah I scared next time if got kids (she said she doesnt like kids  but I really do!) she will bar all sex  oh my God..
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#112
20-09-2006, 04:14 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
Most courting couple resort to sex before marriage is to try out the BED-compatibility before they start to regret after marriage. In your case, it had sort of proven that sex will be a issue and yet you are still in a state of self-denial. I think you should have a good chat with her instead of trusting that you can overcome it. Frank communication is better. Forget about beauty as this will fade after childbirth. My friend, good luck to you if you still want to push on...
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#113
20-09-2006, 04:47 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Man... this thread brings up so many mixed feelings.
I think after my son was born 4+ years ago I can count on my hands the number of times I had sex with CO. And each time was not satisfying for me. For her, she told me she was satisfied and I can tell she was because she would intitiate sex sometimes (before he was born). I, personally, was never satisfied with our sex. But when I decide to marry her, I told myself we can improve it over the years. Back then I also didn't think that sex was that important to a relationship. I was happy with most of the other aspects of our relationship. Anyway, after we got married, we got our own place, no kids, no maid, got more chance to make love. I tried to make things in sex more interesting, but her reaction were always discouraging. And they weren't even very kinky things. Basically, she only know the 2 basic variations of missionary... man on top, woman on top. I tired to introduce doggy... she say painful. There was something else I suggested and she said: "Eeee...". I pass her sex articles from women's magazines in an attempt to get her to learn some new stuff, she read and then ignore. So sian liao lor. Soon after, she got pregnant, so no sex for first trimester. Read that women are more horny in second trimester, so I was looking forward to that... but she got some sinus problem from the pregnancy and cannot sleep at night, so she became too tired and no mood. So, no choice lor, start to go GL, look for FL or ONS when vit M permits. After my son was born, like most women, she got no mood, always too tired. (Later during our marriage counselling she said she cannot reconcile being a mother and being sexy.) Our son has some kind of sinus problem, so most nights he gets stuffy nose and keep waking up at night, so one of us has to sleep with him. We took turns on alternate nights, but very hard to recover from lack of sleep, so I suggested we adopt a 4-nights/3-nights shift. I took the 4 night shift to give her more time to rest and recover. And her 3 night shift is Thursday, Friday and Saturday so she can rest thru the weekend (Saturday and Sunday morning can sleep in). Wah piang, damn long story already. To cut it short, I tried to make it easier for her. Waited and waited for her to get back in the mood, but after 4 years I cannot tahan liao. Not just for making love, but to pay attention to me too. But she always focus on son, career, self-improvement and money. In the end I got involved with one of the FLs. That year was very confusing for me... trying to choose between wife and son, and lover. As a last ditch attempt to salvage my marriage, for the first time in my life I splurge on a v-day. Book room at a new boutique hotel, spend on v-day dinner, plus flowers. Normally, I don't believe in splurging on v-day because I ask why should I express my love on the most expensive day of the year. I told her the plans and even hinted her to bring something special for the stay. Shortly before that, we walked past a lingerie shop. I told point blank, why not go find something nice for our v-day plans. Did she? Nope, totally no effort there. The stay was totally un-romantic, made love once, watched DVD, sleep. The affair with the FL lasted a year before I separated from my wife. Wife then divorced me for unreasonable behaviour. Actually, we're in the midst of the legal proceedings. The terms all settled liao, and already got the temporary divorce order. Just waiting out the 3 month period before the permanent order. I think a lot of bro and sis read this will say I left her because of lack of sex, but there's more I never say. Too long to mention everything. But basically, I was neglected not only physically, but also emotionally. I see a lot of bros here cheong GL, FL and ONS, but end of the day most still have love for their wives and gfs and still go home to them. No sex, nvm, can buy. But the emotional love, cannot. Somehow I cannot find the emotional love to stay with my wife.
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#114
20-09-2006, 04:49 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
I don't usually give advice online cos I think to each his own...but in this case, I must cos I hate to see another broken marriage... Unlike men who are more physical and can treat sex and love seperately, women are emotional creatures and her cold/lukewarm response to u is a clear indication of her emotional state...better delay the wedding and go see a marriage counsellor with her...if things doesn't work out, call it off then. it's easier to do it now than to deal with the pain and mess after u marry her!
__________________
The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness
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#115
20-09-2006, 05:07 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Good to have hope and faith but sorry to say certain things don't change especially character.
Suggest a real cooling down period and see how things turn out. I wish u all the best. Cheers
__________________
Everything in life is in Contexure. When there is a problem, there will always be a solution. So why let the problem bother you ...
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#116
20-09-2006, 05:09 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
The FL I got involve with was actually from one of the worst OKT in SBF. That time he still not so notorious in SBF yet. He operated mainly outside SBF. I think I found him on Yahoo! Class Ads. I don't want to say more, because I only suspect it's him and I don't want him and the bros here to figure out who the FL is.
Mainly, because I don't want trouble from him, and because she is still with me. Of course she quit FL liao. The first time I engage her, we just somehow hit it off and made love like real lovers. And the sex was simply amazing. The next day she SMS me that she dreamt of me. At first I thought she was playing games with me, to hook me as a regular customer, and I decided to play along since I quite like the sexual compatibility we had. From then on we started to messaging each other and then started dating. Eventually, I fell for her and started a full blown affair. Anyway, keeping to the topic of the thread, with her it's unusual if we don't have sex at least 3 times a week. Sometimes, 2 or more sessions a day.
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#117
20-09-2006, 05:16 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
__________________
RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON. THE PULL OF THE DARKNESS IS TOO STRONG FOR THE MONSTER TO RESIST. FROM DARKNESS I CAME TO DARKNESS I HAVE FINALLY RETURNED. THE ASS IS THE BEST, IF YOU TRIED THE ASS YOU WON'T WANT TO TRY THE REST.... IN THE NAME OF THE MOUTH, PUSSY AND HOLEY ASS". THE HOLEY TRINITY.
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#118
20-09-2006, 05:19 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
I think you may have problems communicating love to your gf. I suggest you read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. It may not solve everything, but I believe it sheds light on a very important aspect of love. It is an easy read and it really, really, really makes sense. You should read it with your gf, if possible. It's a light read and not very expensive, but says a lot. Kino, Popular and Borders have it. The other major book stores should too.
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#119
20-09-2006, 05:26 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
Wow... Can fully understand your point of view... The Chinese saying..... Ice tight 3 inch is not because of one day freeze..... Take care ya... Wonder who will start the ball rolling for our very own SB support group??
__________________
Everything in life is in Contexure. When there is a problem, there will always be a solution. So why let the problem bother you ...
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#120
20-09-2006, 05:31 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
Not to mention if u have kids eventually and then living apart. The one that suffer most would be the innocent. Sigh
__________________
Everything in life is in Contexure. When there is a problem, there will always be a solution. So why let the problem bother you ...
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