Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[jacketfish]

Thank you guys for sharing nice jokes.

[tannl]

Originally Posted by lipe

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a French farmer, seeking to find out the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

Nice one bro

[keaikeai]

Keep all the nice jokes coming. Thanks.

[SandyTheSandMan]

Please continue sharing funny jokes, tks.

[BlackCrowd]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A 5-year old boy

Thanks for sharing nice joke bro!

[Hurricane88]

New jokes....

[bigbirdbird]

The Nun and the Hippie


A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her and asks her: "Can we have sex?"

"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."

She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippie.

Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie on the bus!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!

[bigbirdbird]

In Thailand, when a male reaches the age of 18 they are invited to participate in a ceremony of passage to adulthood, which is celebrated in the center of the village, surrounding the central fire and attended by the all the natives in residence, and accompanied by considerable consumption of food an drink amid singing, dancing and all manner of joyous festivities.

At the appointed time the native boys that are reaching maturity are formed into a large circle around the fire and stand there motionless and stark naked facing inward towards the fire.

Then, accompanied by a haunting musical rendition of native music, the most beautiful girl in the village is honored to perform a sexy dance, naked, around the inner center circle.

Behind each boy is a naked native girl that he cannot see.. As soon as all the males are excited and have erections, the girls behind them reach between their legs, and pull their erect unit downward and back through and then on a signal all release them.

Their units spring back up and go loudly "WHAP" against their bellies. This is considered measurement of their strength and of youthful masculinity.

And that's why the capital of Thailand is called Bangkok.

[bigbirdbird]

Phrases Men Wish Their Women Would Say

"Awesome fart! Can you rip some more?"

"I have decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."

"Hey! Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"

"I'm bored...let' s shave my pussy."

"Say, let's go down to the mall so we can check out women's asses!"

"Are you sure you've had enough to drink?"

"I would rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."

"Let's subscribe to Hustler."

"Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"

"Of course I'll swallow!"

[dailymirror]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

New jokes....

]

This is really funny. Dig pisai can measure PSI. Thank you for sharing.

[keaikeai]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

And that's why the capital of Thailand is called Bangkok.

Thank you for nice joke.

[EagleF15]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Wahahaa LMAO so funny

[SandyTheSandMan]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

"Of course I'll swallow!"

Thanks for sharing nice joke bro.

[lipe]

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.

This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, “Why do you keep looking in your pocket?”

The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I’ll go home.”

[lipe]

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky, “Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question...”

“Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please...”

“Well, all right, three times...”

“Three, hmmm. When were they?”

“Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start that business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, one day the bank manager himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked...”

“Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So when was number two?”

“Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you needed that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. Morris came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again...”

“I can’t believe it, Becky, that you would do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife... All right then, when was the third time?”

“Well, Sam, remember a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club and you were 97 votes short...”