Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[charlienicholas]

Keep the nice jokes coming.

[Emirates2015]

Nice share bro StrongBrew, hope to read more

[lipe]

An old man was on the beach and he walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini.
“I want to feel your breasts,” he said.

“Get away from me, you dirty old man,” she replied.

“I want to feel your breasts. I will give you $5,” he said.

“$5!! Get away from me!”

“I want to feel your breasts. I will give you $10,” he said.

“NO! Get away from me!”

“$50,” he said.

She paused to think about it, but then came to her senses and said, “I said NO!”

“$100 if you let me feel your breasts,” he said.

She thought, well he is old and $100 would be very handy. “Well, OK, but only for a minute,” she said.

She loosened her bikini top and while they’re both standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel...and then he started saying, “OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD,” while he was caressing them.

So, out of curiosity, she asked him, “Why do you keep saying ‘Oh my god?’”

While continuing to fondle her tits he answered, “OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... Where am I ever going to get $100?”


A w

[cupid xpress]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

"Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Quite bo liao this joke.... Sianz

[cupid xpress]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Definitely joke of the day 😂😂😂.

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"🤪🤪😂😂😂

Nice joke... Thanks for sharing.... Hehe

[FollowAss]

Great share bro lipe. Thanks!

[Vermogend2]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

continue

Why does he wear this to school?

[Hurricane88]

Laughter 😂😂 😂

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannasamy and I asked: "How did you ever get a name like that, being a Chinese man?"

"Many, many years ago when came to this country, was standing in line at IC dept.

Man in front was an indian man.

Lady at counter look at him and ask, "What is your name", he says, "Kannasamy".

Then she looks at me and asks, "What your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".
😆😂😅

another joke...

[lipe]

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick.

The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick with a picture of a banknote?”

The man replied, “There are three reasons.

One, I love to play with my money.

Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”

[lipe]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, “What is the difference between potentially and realistically?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course I would! I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity like that.”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, “Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!”

The boy pondered for a while, then went back to his dad who asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?”

The boy replied, “No, sir,” and tells his father the replies he’d been given.

“Well, son,” the father replied. “Surely it’s obvious: Potentially, we’re sitting on two million dollars but, realistically, we’re living with two sluts.”

[lipe]

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath when one of them noticed that there was a response on the monitor whenever her crotch was touched.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “Crazy as this sounds, but maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.”

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him they’d close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.

After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flatlined. No pulse, no heart rate, nothing. The nurses ran into the room.

The husband, who was standing beside his wife’s bed pulling up his pants, said, “Erm... I think she choked.”

[lipe]

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a French farmer, seeking to find out the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

The Lady: “Good evening, sir, we are here to collect information about the causes of Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?”

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: “Do you know that the bull fucks the cow once a year?”

The Lady (getting embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information, but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

The Farmer: “Well, Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day?”

The Lady: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”

The Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits four times a day and fucking you once a year, wouldn’t YOU get mad?”

[charlienicholas]

Originally Posted by lipe

The husband, who was standing beside his wife’s bed pulling up his pants, said, “Erm... I think she choked.”

Really funny. Thanks bro.

[Emirates2015]

Originally Posted by lipe

A female TV reporter

ROFL thanks for sharing bro

[sexdonut]

Originally Posted by lipe

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”

Very good joke, thanks a lot!