Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

more more jokes...

[klooger]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice Coka Cola joke!

[bigbirdbird]

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

***********

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

[bigbirdbird]

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.

After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.

Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

[bigbirdbird]

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.

That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went.

The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

[fartonyrface]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.

After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.

Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

No gimmicks money scamming weight loss program!

[Kid A]

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog which has been barking non-stop.

The blonde jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. After some time, the blonde finally comes back to bed.

Her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde replies, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

[datord]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.

That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went.

The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

Nice share bro, thanks!

[Hurricane88]

Why Malaysia needs to seriously return to English as an alternative medium of instruction in schools.

We are an ex British colony... and we speak worse English than the Koreans, Japanese or Even the Thais.

*This morning I went to Popular Book Shop to look for .. "Robert Kuok biography" and guess what the sales girl told me.*

*”Sorry pak cik, we no sell buku RUBBER COCK”.* !😜

[Hurricane88]

more more laughters...

[grimsby]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

more more laughters...

Nice joke bro. Thanks for sharing.

[tornado69]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.

After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.

Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

Really laughing nice jokes.
Hope to read more.

[gamewinner]

Originally Posted by Kid A

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog which has been barking non-stop.

The blonde jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. After some time, the blonde finally comes back to bed.

Her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde replies, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

Thanks for nice jokes.

[Oxide8]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

more more laughters...

Very good share, thanks bro Hurricane88!

[queeheng]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Why Malaysia needs to seriously return to English as an alternative medium of instruction in schools.

We are an ex British colony... and we speak worse English than the Koreans, Japanese or Even the Thais.

*This morning I went to Popular Book Shop to look for .. "Robert Kuok biography" and guess what the sales girl told me.*

*”Sorry pak cik, we no sell buku RUBBER COCK”.* !😜

Wahahaha Malaysia Boleh