husband leaving me, please advise

[lglg666]

Sorry to hear your troubles with your hubby! Yes....it is always a sad thing when this thing happened whether with kid or no kid involved.

The only advice I can think of now....is to give each other "space" to think carefully what should be the next step in view of your son's interest. While you are at it....maybe you want to do a make-over for yourself or to pamper yourself for a change!

My 2 cents worth! Btw it's not the end of the world for you...I hope and pray for you that there will be better tomorrows
in front of you! Just be strong for your son's and your own sake!

[bloopz]

hello adviseme,

i didnt read through all the advice of samsters here but thought you might wish to consider the following while trying to understand guys point of view.

1) he had been cheating behind your back for 1 year so it is not a 1 night stand or impulsive cheating.. it is a fact that he has strayed thoroughly be it mind or body. he has a certain bond with his "gf" and the ties will not end just like that. it will take time.

2) if both of you had came to conclusion that you wish to divorce, the first person to be affected will be your kid. and also take into consideration, how would you tell both your families? who else in the family knows about the situation? do make sure you consider that as the ending of the marriage affects both families, just like the start of the marriage.

3) if you are to take him back, you need to have the mental preparation that
- you might be able to forgive but cannot forget, which means eg: everytime his phone has sms, you might have the tendency to doubt his words
- trust has to be earned not given. your hubby had betrayed ur trust and he is now taking the easy way out to run away by looking for units. if you really love him and want to continue the relationship and vice cersa, i would highly recommend that he should not move out and both of you should go to a professional counsellor immediately.

god bless and hope everything will turn out fine for you.

[petrolheadsg]

Originally Posted by bloopz

hello adviseme,

i didnt read through all the advice of samsters here but thought you might wish to consider the following while trying to understand guys point of view.

1) he had been cheating behind your back for 1 year so it is not a 1 night stand or impulsive cheating.. it is a fact that he has strayed thoroughly be it mind or body. he has a certain bond with his "gf" and the ties will not end just like that. it will take time.

2) if both of you had came to conclusion that you wish to divorce, the first person to be affected will be your kid. and also take into consideration, how would you tell both your families? who else in the family knows about the situation? do make sure you consider that as the ending of the marriage affects both families, just like the start of the marriage.

3) if you are to take him back, you need to have the mental preparation that
- you might be able to forgive but cannot forget, which means eg: everytime his phone has sms, you might have the tendency to doubt his words
- trust has to be earned not given. your hubby had betrayed ur trust and he is now taking the easy way out to run away by looking for units. if you really love him and want to continue the relationship and vice cersa, i would highly recommend that he should not move out and both of you should go to a professional counsellor immediately.

god bless and hope everything will turn out fine for you.

Your intentions may be good but I dont think you can provide a man's perspective to this. Words like "cheating" to describe the situation dont help things. It inflames hurtful emotions.

[aczeta76]

Originally Posted by petrolheadsg

Your intentions may be good but I dont think you can provide a man's perspective to this. Words like "cheating" to describe the situation dont help things. It inflames hurtful emotions.

true enough bro... it is the time for healing...

[lglg666]

Originally Posted by aczeta76

true enough bro... it is the time for healing...

yes....true! not the time to make things worst!

[adviseme]

Hi Kingeros

your "Hey, wait a minute, you never had your husband to start with ... so what did you really lose?" actually gave me strength.

thanks

[vin69m]

Tks Bro Cyberod wif ur compliment. I hav 2 say all bro n sis in tis tread do hav their pros n cons. The important factor in a relationship is trust n 4 give, but U must always remember its easy 2 forgive bcause ur love is greater. I hav seen many ppl 4 give thier spouse b not bcause e spouse is remorse but bcause of circumatsnces. B wise n dont let ur emotions rule over U, in tis kind of cases repeat offenders r 99 to 1 b it man or woman. Unless u r sure tis person is remoseful, my advice is live ur life n b happy rather U encounter e same problem wif tat person.

[adviseme]

hi corny123

i am beyond suicidal. i doubt it would change anything if i kill myself. honestly i suspect i am bottling up all my emotions still cos i have not hurl abuse at my husband, plan revenge on him or her or even threaten him. from the time he confessed until now, i managed to control my emotions and talk to my husband calmly, (of course with tears rolling). i just dont want our relationship to sour because of this. he has been my soulmate for almost a decade and has always been gentle and kind to me. i hope this will not snowball to a huge outburst later. that is why i am seeking counselling first.

can you believe this... i have posted my problem on this world wide forum but have only told my younger sister about it. maybe i am just too ashamed of this personal failure.

i am not making myself out to be the victim. i must have contributed in some parts to case my marriage to end up like this. i have been complacent and overly confident of me and us. at least i will carry some learning points away from this episode.

wish me well as i find my footing.
and cherish your gf. not many girls approve sbf. i can imagine the number of woman scorning at me for asking a bunch of chee kor peks (no offence) for help.

[adviseme]

Hi oralcraz

I am trying very hard to shield my son from what we are going through. I cant control the tears very well and I am ashamed of the extent of the damage.

even when son ask "why is daddy always not home" - i would tell him "daddy works hard so that we can buy such and such etc".

so i really dont know how to enlist my son in my fight.

[adviseme]

hi medusa

i wish i could kopi with you. need that support group.

but i work half day, pick son up and becomes a parent for the other half of the day. (we dont have a maid)

but please keep your invitation open. i want to la kopi with you

[mistahlolo]

Sis,

You got to stay focus at times of trouble.
When all the talking and discussions you have with him didn't move his mind, I believe its time for a change in all your routines. Time to change for a better.

1.Make your change visible to your husband.
2.Make him feel as though you are trying you best to get over it, even when you weren't ready to.
3.Stay pretty or even prettier.
4.Stay confident. ETC.
Just remember, this changes are not for him. **Its for your own good.** NOT FOR HIM!!!


I am not here to discourage you from fighting for what you should have. I am just giving you another alternative way that you can get back your happy family. Try Reverse Psychology when things don't work the norm. Believe in what you wanna protect (Your kid, your Beautiful family).

The most beautiful diamond you received may not be the flawless one; its the story behind the diamond itself. Feelings inflates the value.

Have faith, it will prevails.

All the best.

[bloopz]

Originally Posted by petrolheadsg

Your intentions may be good but I dont think you can provide a man's perspective to this. Words like "cheating" to describe the situation dont help things. It inflames hurtful emotions.

noted. sorry if it doesnt help.
i just hope all the best for TS.

[Erasure]

Originally Posted by adviseme

.....
and cherish your gf. not many girls approve sbf. i can imagine the number of woman scorning at me for asking a bunch of chee kor peks (no offence) for help.

We are no ordinary bunch of Chee Kor peks...we are SBF Chee Kor Peks...we service with a smile and provide good advice....

We are from all walks of life here...some are doctors, professor, counsellor...ah beng, ah seng etc....that's what makes SBF so popular and power cux we don't just entertain any pussies who ask us questions...

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by adviseme

hi medusa

i wish i could kopi with you. need that support group.

but i work half day, pick son up and becomes a parent for the other half of the day. (we dont have a maid)

but please keep your invitation open. i want to la kopi with you

sure sure...we always welcome you...prolly you can see whether your mum is free for 1 night to look after your boy...lets relax together since its 中秋節。。。就讓我們陪你人月團圓

[HotSpot881]

Originally Posted by adviseme

hi corny123

....

wish me well as i find my footing.
and cherish your gf. not many girls approve sbf. i can imagine the number of woman scorning at me for asking a bunch of chee kor peks (no offence) for help.

If u as a lady can seek advise here, what made u think he is not one of the bro here too...also seeking advise

Did u ever wonder if one of the respondance here is your husband ?

I had such problem as well..not bcos i did something wrong..