A lonely guy's loveless marriage woes

[lightning]

Cheer up man Whatever difficulties come, do face it with a positive, graceful and brave attitude. Do not let emotional feelings blind your judgment in performing the correct necessary actions. Just do your utmost to win the rights for your kids. Maybe you miss those moments, but hopefully you will gain another better companion than before and who will love your kids as much. Now concentrate full focus to prioritize matters
Cheers and JIA YOU!

[sidewinder2007]

Originally Posted by Softcore

Having seen my parents divorce, I can tell you from first hand experience that staying together for the sake of your kids will serve as a more traumatic experience. It is very unhealthy for your kids if they see you ignoring, quarrelling, bickering, scolding or laying blame on your wife everyday.

Do your kids a favour and have a quick divorce, then explain to them why you and your wife had to divorce.

Thanks bro. I totally agree thats why i only found the courage to initiate divorce 2 years ago. Its not normal for parents to treat each other as strangers in the same household. sigh. As much as i want a quick divorce, i am worried about the kids if i do lose access to them.

[tomvoyeur]

Lay down the past, do the best you can and move on forward.

[sidewinder2007]

Just watched a music video from Bon Jovi on MTV and the lyric goes "What do you got if you ain't got love.....". Makes me think.......


Thanks again to all bros who posted their advices and encouragement. Cheers.

[cereal-killer]

Hi sidewinder,

Sometimes it's hard to give up your children over a divorce. I was in your shoes a long time ago, I gave in after my lawyers said I had a slim chance of winning. End of the day when the kids are grown up, they will understand. Just don't forget them when they're older. Keep in touch with them.

She may want the divorce, but end of the day when the flubs and wrinkles sets in, as she gets older and older, she WILL regret it. Maybe then you'll be able to get back together? Who knows.

Today, I am still seeing my children, go out with them together with my new wife. We get along very well... I am a much much happier man then when I was with my party-going ex-wife who comes home 6am eveyr weekend (sometimes dint even come home and end up in hotel) terok woman... Plus she's not even good looking which ever way you look at her. 10 years after, she,s still single, party with men but no one takes her seriously, and now regretting.

Move on brother.

[sidewinder2007]

Its been almost 5 years since I started this thread. In a way its like self therapy and a way to allow me to vent my frustration. In case you are all wondering whats the outcome since. I finally had my divorce finalised early 2011 (legally I am single now). However, all is not done as the ancilliary matters have yet to be resolved till today. Every time, when we had an agreement in front of her lawyers or the mediator, she would back tracked and change her mind. It left me no choice but to eventually pulled out of further negotiation when her demands became unreasonable and fight her in court. I am now in the midst of filing my second affidavit and its frustrating when she blatantly lies in her first affidavit. I am no sitting duck and have also secretly prepared my own arsenal to defend my case. As much as I had hoped to be amicable for the sake of the children, this is now no longer possible. I only hope I can receive a fair judgement eventually and hope for the best for the children. Its gonna be another long road ahead and i foresee no closure to this for at least another 6-12 months to finalise the anciliary matters. Hope to have a happier 2013.

[crashburnt]

Bro TS,

It's rather saddening reading your plight and makes me more appreciative of the harmonious marriage I am in now...

I pity your kids and I feel you should go all out to secure full custody. They are not going to be brought up well with that kind of mother. If you are not attached now and do not see yourself going into another courtship, perhaps you can look for an arranged marriage with a suitable partner. Having a complete family will strengthen your case. This is especially so if you do not have family support to look after your kids after divorce.

Keep the updates coming...


CrashBurnt

[sugardad]

I would like to share my own experience with you and sorry if I am long winded but will keep it to the point.

I had 1 affair and a couple of ons, FL here and there but my ex-wife had affairs.

I divorce her abt 6 years ago and our marriage lasted for 14 years. My daughter is now 19 and we just spoke on the phone last night.

I had my 1 and only affair than ( didn't really bother to hide it ) because I was deprive of sex (once a month) by her . She beg me to stay and give her another chance which I did even when she found out abt my affair than...I later knew why ( she was having an affair than and thought that I found out and was taking revenge ). I was such a dumb ass.

Later I was being treated worse when she realised that I did not know anything and it was back to her old days and worse. 7 years ago, she asked for a divorce , ask for half my income, my house, my KL condo..... I told her go fly kite.

My mom intervene and ask me to give in and my ex-wife too, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!! ( Later explain that part.)

We tried for another 6 months and it was going no where, she ask for divorce again, I gave in, including the custody of my 2 kids but no monthly payment, Just gave her my FD of XXX K.

End of story ?? No, she went on to proceed with the filing, ya at her own cost, and all I have to do is to sign the paper. I smell something fishy as I was preparing to move out, rented a small condo, 2 bed room and start a new life on my own. I explained to my kids that it was not their problem or mistake or fault, just that dad and mum is fighting too much and we have to go our separate ways but I am forever your dad.

So when I sign the papers,(after I moved out for a week) I purposely miss a page. But I called her to tell her all was done infront of the lawyer with the legal assistance telling her that I had done so. Guess what happen that night ?? She bought her BF back home without even hiding from our son and daughter.

After my son and daughter told me that , I realise I 've been conned..... I spoke to my mum, she said that I should have tried to keep the marriage as the way she did for us and put up shit from my dad for 30 years....Now she can have her own life and it doesn't concern me.......my mum said that to me ?????? Whos mum are you ????? and the relationship between my mum had never recovered from that point.

I called my wife, told her that we are not divorce yet cos I have not signed all the paper and now you are caught having an affairs with a muslim married man........She threaten to get people to beat me up, etc, etc, etc......and I said, the telephone conversation is recorded under advisement of my lawyer and I got you now. ( of course it wasn't recorded ) . Lets deal.....

I did not take anything back but instead transfered everything to my kids name, told her nicely to FUCK outside the house instead of inside the house with our kids present. We made other verbal deal with her BF present.

Now, I am happier, I can see my kids as and when I want, she cannot object. My kids are happier with me than before cos I am not angry anymore, I can be the dad I want to be without worrying abt anything and till today, I HAD NEVER bad mouth anything abt my ex-wife.

As to my mum, we had a fight over her putting up with my dad for 30 yrs and I should had done the same.....

I said' " Mum, I did that for a few years and I was fuck over many times by your daughter in-law. Kids are happier with me now and not like I can be happy with you with your constant anger you took out on me during my childhood. I was lucky to realise that I had made such a stupid mistake. " .........we had never spoken since.
Maybe not now, maybe you will realise that you had taken out on your kid and dont know it.

Morale of the story.
1. End it when its not working anymore.
2. YOur kids know what's right or wrong. ( No need to bad mouth ex and they are a very clever bunch.)
3. Catch her fault later. Not in the mids of it. ( Hire PI to prove your case but use it when its necessary and use 1 case at a time. Also to satisfy your own needs to know you have not done anything wrong. )
4. Do what is right for you first and than do what is right for your kid.
5. NOBODY CAN AND WILL HELP YOU. You can only depend on yourself.

As to the best friend part, there is a woman best friend that did meddle with our marriage.

Live your life better and that is the best revenge you can give her.

[sidewinder2007]

Thanks bro sugar dad
I agree with your advices and I am already doing it.

[kockadood]

Read most of your stories and I have to say it's plenty food for thought. As I do want to eventually settle down..

Needless to say that I must ensure the challenges for before and after of marriage is well met.


So bros who have a good start and matchup, unlike bro sidewinder and sugar dad, are there other possible pitfalls anyone has encountered?

[Lucius_Verus]

After reading the tread.. Must pay tribute..& salute all the loving daddy which always put our children at first priority.. Let's bless everyone have a blissfull & happy live with our lovely children..

[sidewinder2007]

Bro Kockadood, honestly, there is no magic formula. people change after some time. Today's modern women have high expectations and are no longer similar to the older generations. sigh! Good luck though.

[ELTaz]

Originally Posted by kockadood

Read most of your stories and I have to say it's plenty food for thought. As I do want to eventually settle down..

Needless to say that I must ensure the challenges for before and after of marriage is well met.


So bros who have a good start and matchup, unlike bro sidewinder and sugar dad, are there other possible pitfalls anyone has encountered?

I believe every couple has their fair share of ups and downs, some serious and some are not, but in the heat of the argument, all the negativity is amplified.

These days, there are more cases of depression, and unbeknownst to me, my wife suffered from not long before our marriage. My pitfalls are the problems in dealing with my wife's depression, the lack of support and understanding from her parents regarding her condition, and of course, our character differences.

The thought of divorce came to my mind more than once as someone with depression is really hard to live with. This also affects our sex lives. I know I am not alone as I had come across similar stories littered all over the Internet.

Today, my wife's condition is definitely a lot better compared to when we didn't seek medical help. There is something worrying though. My wife noticed that our toddler son exhibits frustration like how my wife does when she's suffering from panic attacks. I know how sensitive my son is and he doesn't cry when he's scolded, and we know he's bottling up his emotions.

Nevertheless, life is a long journey and there are things we have to live with and overcome. Don't be put off by obstacles.

[kockadood]

Originally Posted by sidewinder2007

Bro Kockadood, honestly, there is no magic formula. people change after some time. Today's modern women have high expectations and are no longer similar to the older generations. sigh! Good luck though.

appreciate it Bro sidewinder, just that line shows that being adaptable is still one of the best traits one can have. (if the brith signs are anything, it means that im very good at being adaptable and 'two-faced')

from my many encounters, not alot actually, i only meet either the ones with high expectations, or the ones that are utterly naive, which will eventually meet a bad guy and turn to the former.

i still do know good girls from time to time, most of the time by just being frank and direct and telling them that i dont like wasting time. so either you are with me in being sincere or you arent. though these good girls or naive girls get so caught up in the game of trust that they cant trust a decent fella and tell apart from a holehunter, which ironically ends up with them getting hunted.

yet to meet a very strong woman that can handle herself pretty damn well in most aspects. but i believe its a minority over the majority.. which means the rarer and more treasured it should be. so giving up on trash is always a good thing. better late than never

i will need all the luck i can get...

Originally Posted by ELTaz

I believe every couple has their fair share of ups and downs, some serious and some are not, but in the heat of the argument, all the negativity is amplified.

These days, there are more cases of depression, and unbeknownst to me, my wife suffered from not long before our marriage. My pitfalls are the problems in dealing with my wife's depression, the lack of support and understanding from her parents regarding her condition, and of course, our character differences.

The thought of divorce came to my mind more than once as someone with depression is really hard to live with. This also affects our sex lives. I know I am not alone as I had come across similar stories littered all over the Internet.

Today, my wife's condition is definitely a lot better compared to when we didn't seek medical help. There is something worrying though. My wife noticed that our toddler son exhibits frustration like how my wife does when she's suffering from panic attacks. I know how sensitive my son is and he doesn't cry when he's scolded, and we know he's bottling up his emotions.

Nevertheless, life is a long journey and there are things we have to live with and overcome. Don't be put off by obstacles.

never was put off by obstacles. life dealt me a seriously bad hand of cards, but i do always believe in trying to make the most out of it. (all the bros who gamble here etc will believe in this to a certain extent) now i just let anything good or bad empower me instead of bringing me down.

its still good to know that there are plenty of genuine people out there and still plenty of good souls willing to try their best. that itself already redeems a little on the rotten society and twisted world that i gave up in a long time ago.

as they say, only the insane are sane in a world of insanity.

i do appreciate your sharing of experiences and advice. thanks bro

[wsa98]

Please keep enough $$ to weather through the thick & thin in life. You are alone now and we are here to provide morale support to all in need !

Take Good Care