Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 674

Hurricane88 · #**10096** 10-04-2019, 04:33 AM

Morning laughter...

godwit · #**10097** 10-04-2019, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Morning laughter...

Alcoholics always give excuses.

robusta · #**10098** 10-04-2019, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?" Mike replies "Wait a minute, I'm going for a p."

The teacher says : "That would be very rude and improper on your part." Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Billy says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "

The teacher passed out..

Thanks bro for nice joke.
More pls.

avocet · #**10099** 10-04-2019, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

LMAO. Thanks bro bigbigbird for so many nice jokes.

Hurricane88 · #**10100** 10-04-2019, 02:43 PM

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said Rs.50/-

"Why so cheap?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "That's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said,"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Subramaniam came home from work.

The Bird Looked at Him & said, "New House, New Madam, New girls...but same old customer...Hi Subramaniam"

... AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED !!
😂😂😂😂

✋👮‍♂ Joke Of The Day..🕺🕺🕺

Hurricane88 · #**10101** 10-04-2019, 02:50 PM

X-ray joke...

WeberBrowse · #**10102** 10-04-2019, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Morning laughter...

ROFL thanks bro Hurricane88 for so many funny jokes.

SingJoongki · #**10103** 10-04-2019, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said Rs.50/-

"Why so cheap?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "That's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said,"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Subramaniam came home from work.

The Bird Looked at Him & said, "New House, New Madam, New girls...but same old customer...Hi Subramaniam"

... AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED !!
😂😂😂😂

✋👮‍♂ Joke Of The Day..🕺🕺🕺

Thanks bro for best joke.
Please share more.

CharcoalMiner · #**10104** 10-04-2019, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

X-ray joke...

Hahahaa this is so funny, thanks bro!

dyelook · #**10105** 10-04-2019, 11:42 PM

laughter bumps...

Hurricane88 · #**10106** 11-04-2019, 05:30 AM

😂😂

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was very upset.

_"You are a disrespectful pig!"_ she cried. _"How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce, NOW!"_

The husband calmly replied, _"Hang on just a minute love. At least let me tell you what happened."_

_"Fine, go ahead",_ the wife sobbed, _"but they will be the last words you say to me!"_

The husband began:

_"Well, as I was getting into the car at work to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so distressed, helpless and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car."_

_"She was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty and told me that she hadn't eaten for three days."_

_"Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the pizza I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing ate it, ravenously."_

_"She was dirty. I suggested she have a shower. While showering, I noticed her clothes were filthy and threadbare. I threw them away."_

_"I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight."_

_"I gave her underwear, your anniversary present from me, which you don’t wear because you said I don't have good taste."_

_"I gave her the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t wear just to annoy her. I also donated those boots you bought at an expensive boutique but don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair."_

The husband paused, took a quick breath and continued:

_"She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, *“Please sir... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”*_...

😩😩😩😩😩
😂😂😂😂😂

Hurricane88 · #**10107** 11-04-2019, 07:14 AM

2 pictorial jokes.

Topshag33 · #**10108** 11-04-2019, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the temperature of the water. It's 32 degrees Celsius".

The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees Celsius".

At last the Nigerian man said, "Let me have a try". So he took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.

Hahaaaa BBC. This is funny