Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 672

Flyingcane · #**10066** 05-04-2019, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

John hoisted his beer mug and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She asked "what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies at the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Yes he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come...!!"

Hahaha this is hilarious!

diputs1269 · #**10067** 06-04-2019, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*Political Sex...😜*

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is
contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything but the elections -- so much so that they communicate about everything in 'political language'.

One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says,
_*"I would like to put my candidate in your constituency."*_

The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, _*"Our party is not going to accept this."*_

The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.

After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, *"Darling, now you can put your candidate in my constituency."*

The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that any more.
*"My candidate stood* *independently and lost his deposit!! "*😛

😇😂😇😂😇😂

Hahaha thanks for this nice joke.

Hurricane88 · #**10068** 06-04-2019, 01:45 PM

I hear today is adults day ,

HAPPY ADULTS DAY 🙏
@
When I Was a KID ~

PUSSY meant CAT

SEX meant GENDER

BITCH was a FEMALE DOG

DICK was a Cartoon Character

BANG was a SOUND

NUTS were Fruits

RUBBER was nothing but an ERASER

ASS was an ANIMAL

COCK was a Male Bird

SCREW was just a TOOL

HEAD meant a part of the BODY

BALLS meant a round TOY

LUBRICANT was Oil

ORAL meant Poetry Recitation

MISSIONARY meant a man of God

69 was the number after 68

AND THEN .........

I met all you "good people"
... and my education got messed up!!!
If I miss Heaven ,I will hold you people responsible.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😀😆
HAPPY ADULT'S DAY.

SBMEDSUP · #**10069** 06-04-2019, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I hear today is adults day ,

HAPPY ADULTS DAY 🙏
@
When I Was a KID ~

PUSSY meant CAT

SEX meant GENDER

BITCH was a FEMALE DOG

DICK was a Cartoon Character

BANG was a SOUND

NUTS were Fruits

RUBBER was nothing but an ERASER

ASS was an ANIMAL

COCK was a Male Bird

SCREW was just a TOOL

HEAD meant a part of the BODY

BALLS meant a round TOY

LUBRICANT was Oil

ORAL meant Poetry Recitation

MISSIONARY meant a man of God

69 was the number after 68

AND THEN .........

I met all you "good people"
... and my education got messed up!!!
If I miss Heaven ,I will hold you people responsible.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😀😆
HAPPY ADULT'S DAY.

Really nice pic jokes.

Happy weekend.

wakanui · #**10070** 06-04-2019, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I hear today is adults day ,

HAPPY ADULTS DAY 🙏
@
When I Was a KID ~

PUSSY meant CAT

SEX meant GENDER

BITCH was a FEMALE DOG

DICK was a Cartoon Character

BANG was a SOUND

NUTS were Fruits

RUBBER was nothing but an ERASER

ASS was an ANIMAL

COCK was a Male Bird

SCREW was just a TOOL

HEAD meant a part of the BODY

BALLS meant a round TOY

LUBRICANT was Oil

ORAL meant Poetry Recitation

MISSIONARY meant a man of God

69 was the number after 68

AND THEN .........

I met all you "good people"
... and my education got messed up!!!
If I miss Heaven ,I will hold you people responsible.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😀😆
HAPPY ADULT'S DAY.

Very nice share hehe

Hurricane88 · #**10071** 07-04-2019, 10:49 AM

Ching Ming day.....

Yesterday I went to burn joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors.

The towkay asked me if I want to buy paper iphone to burn for my ancestors.

I said they know how to use or not? He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use. I said ok loh. He asked want to buy casing?
I also said ok. Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth? I said might as well loh.

What about charger? I said need charger meh? He said of course lah, after battery no power how?

So I bought the charger also. Then I asked for his name card. He said why you need my name card?

I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they contact you direct!!

bigbirdbird · #**10072** 07-04-2019, 11:26 AM

TKee · #**10073** 07-04-2019, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Ching Ming day.....

Yesterday I went to burn joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors.

The towkay asked me if I want to buy paper iphone to burn for my ancestors.

I said they know how to use or not? He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use. I said ok loh. He asked want to buy casing?
I also said ok. Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth? I said might as well loh.

What about charger? I said need charger meh? He said of course lah, after battery no power how?

So I bought the charger also. Then I asked for his name card. He said why you need my name card?

I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they contact you direct!!

This is a good one especially during this period.

potatocernmit · #**10074** 07-04-2019, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Ching Ming day.....

Yesterday I went to burn joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors.

The towkay asked me if I want to buy paper iphone to burn for my ancestors.

I said they know how to use or not? He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use. I said ok loh. He asked want to buy casing?
I also said ok. Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth? I said might as well loh.

What about charger? I said need charger meh? He said of course lah, after battery no power how?

So I bought the charger also. Then I asked for his name card. He said why you need my name card?

I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they contact you direct!!

Hahaha good one

ajv88 · #**10075** 07-04-2019, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

John hoisted his beer mug and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She asked "what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies at the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Yes he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come...!!"

Damn funny this one hehe

Thanks bro