Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[forbe]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should Brexit take place? The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that May’s proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists though it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.

Very funny joke indeed!!
Hope to read more great jokes and post more.

[Mickeyhitaryan]

So funny and ROFL.

Support

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The towns people appreciated his work and presented him different gifts.

In one house a young lady took him to her bedroom gave him good sex, a good lunch and $5.

The Postman was very happy and asked "But why the $5"?
Lady: "Actually yesterday I asked my husband what to present you"? He said "Fuck him, just give him $5"
"But the lunch was my idea."
😳😳😳🤔🤔🤔

MANAGEMENT LESSON:
*Always give clear instructions*

[FeelJones]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

After Lunch with Dad

The young boy arrived home after having lunch at his father's office.

He ran into the kitchen and said, "Hey, Mom, guess what? We're getting a kitty cat."

The puzzled woman said, "Where did you hear that?"

"From Dad."

"Your father hates animals. I can't believe he'd buy you one."

The boy shrugged. "I heard him plain as day. He told another guy in the office that as soon as I left, he was going out to get a little pussy."

Very good joke this one!!
Please share more and wish to read more wonderful jokes.

[Montehro]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

MBBS Professor:
The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.

A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"

Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops. 😳😮😮😮

Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your Throat

😂😂😂😂😂
Killer ...

Wahahahaa very good one, thanks bro

[bornear]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over.

Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to kill someone."

"I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis.

All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

Nice interesting joke. Wish to read more.

[pinkzar]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The towns people appreciated his work and presented him different gifts.

In one house a young lady took him to her bedroom gave him good sex, a good lunch and $5.

The Postman was very happy and asked "But why the $5"?
Lady: "Actually yesterday I asked my husband what to present you"? He said "Fuck him, just give him $5"
"But the lunch was my idea."
😳😳😳🤔🤔🤔

MANAGEMENT LESSON:
*Always give clear instructions*

Hahhahaa this is funny!!
Thanks bro

[superior]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over.

Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to kill someone."

"I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis.

All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

Thanks to Bro bigbigbird,


Always sharing very nice joke.
Always so hard working and great effort sharing nice jokes.

Keep it up !!

[dreamgal]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class.

She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

The teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the baby-sitters teeth."

Nice jokes here.
Thanks and hope can read more.

[PuXeu]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Another laughter joke...

Thanks bro Hurricane88 for sharing so many nice jokes, appreciate your good effort and thanks again!

[Moreno18]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The towns people appreciated his work and presented him different gifts.

In one house a young lady took him to her bedroom gave him good sex, a good lunch and $5.

The Postman was very happy and asked "But why the $5"?
Lady: "Actually yesterday I asked my husband what to present you"? He said "Fuck him, just give him $5"
"But the lunch was my idea."
😳😳😳🤔🤔🤔

MANAGEMENT LESSON:
*Always give clear instructions*

Good joke this one.
Hope you can share more bro, thanks.

[stanins]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Laughter best medicine...

Hahaha this is good!

[bigbirdbird]

Speech Impediment



Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, would you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?," inquired the first fellow. "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say, 'NO'!"

[bigbirdbird]

My Invention Is Better Than Yours


The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention too:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft, and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in some keywords and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

[bigbirdbird]

Sunday School Class


Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?"

When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour."

But Janice didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time

Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!" ...


The teacher fainted!

[Hurricane88]

*This is where big data technology is taking us:*

*Me:* Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

*Autobot:* No sir, it's Google's Pizza.

*Me:* Did I dial the wrong number?

*Autobot:* No sir, Google bought the pizza store.

*Me:* Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

*Autobot:* Okay sir, do you want the usual?

*Me:* The usual? You know what my usual is?

*Autobot:* According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

*Me:* Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

*Autobot:* May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

*Me:* No, I hate vegetables.

*Autobot:* But your cholesterol is not good
.
*Me:* How do you know?

*Autobot:* Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

*Me:* Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

*Autobot:* But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets.

*Me:* I bought more from another drugstore.

*Autobot:* It's not showing on your credit card sir.

*Me:* I paid in cash.

*Autobot:* But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

*Me:* I have another source of cash.

*Autobot:* This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

*Me:* WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me ...

*Autobot:* I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport ... it expired 5 weeks ago.
😂😂😂😂😂