Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[GanjaMatic]

Very hilarious joke.

Thanks bro bigbirdbird!

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

What Kind of Girl?



The attractive young Sarah was about to go to bed with her new boyfriend, Joe, when she burst into tears.

"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"

"I believe you," Joe said, as he tried to comfort her.

"You're the first one," Sarah replied.

"The first one to make love to you?" Joe asked.

"No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!"

[maresh]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The Ladies of the Night



A group of very attractive young female city employees discovered they could nicely supplement their income by moonlighting as prostitutes.

After having her hair bleached, one of the girls discovered she was more successful as a blonde. She convinced the others that the old saying, "Blondes have more fun," is true.

The ladies became so popular that they were able to charge exorbitant rates for their services. They even charged their taxi fares to the gentlemen they served. When hard times hit and the market got soft (so to speak), they needed a bigger come-on.

Some of them, understanding the law of supply and demand, decided to lower their rates. In addition, they no longer included taxi fare in their fees.

They have since become known as: "The taxi-free municipal blondes."

This is good, hehe

[feenicks]

Excellent jokes here, thanks bigbirdbird

[GoodBless]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff...Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)---an invitation for you all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

"Now what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff ... A Prostitute Dad, ... sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! - You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant!!! Come here and give your old man a hug."

hahahaa nice joke, please share more

[35cents]

hilarious this......!

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

What Kind of Girl?



The attractive young Sarah was about to go to bed with her new boyfriend, Joe, when she burst into tears.

"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"

"I believe you," Joe said, as he tried to comfort her.

"You're the first one," Sarah replied.

"The first one to make love to you?" Joe asked.

"No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!"

[Nutripe]

Originally Posted by warbird

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old Aboriginal. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was “TIMBUKTU”.

First to recite his poem was the university graduate…He stepped up to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand,

Trekked a lonely caravan,

Men on camels two by two…..

Destination – TIMBUKTU.


The audience went crazy! No way could the old abo top that, they thought.

The old Aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited his poem:

Me and Tim a huntin”went,

Met three whores in a pop up tent,

They was three and we were two,

I bucked one, and TIMBUKTU.

Nice one, great share bro

[cordycep]

Originally Posted by 66cccc66

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

Really funny joke.
Start to read from beginning will laugh alot.

[bigbirdbird]

Adult Theme Jokes 😊👍🏻😊

(1) To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's hell of a job threading a needle!!! 😂

(2) 4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard. 😂

(3) What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is 'Vagina Inn'
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside. 😂

(4) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat! 😂

(5) A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breast and frame it..'
The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.' 😂

(6) What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs?
Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time.
Not 1 inch 7 times.' 😂

(7) The vagina is the world's best rehabilatation/correction center.
Even the most violent and aggresive penis comes out humbled, head bowed and reduced in size. 😂

(8) A loving husband had 'I Love You' tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.' 😂

(9) Lady was trying on a dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.' 😂

Laughing is good for your health ... Have a great day ... 👍🏻😂👍🏻

[nouveauriche]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Adult Theme Jokes 😊👍🏻😊

(1) To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's hell of a job threading a needle!!! 😂


Laughing is good for your health ... Have a great day ... 👍🏻😂👍🏻

Bro bird, hv a great day too. Share more jokes with us.

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Adult Theme Jokes 😊👍🏻😊

(6) What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs?
Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time.
Not 1 inch 7 times.' 😂

Laughing is good for your health ... Have a great day ... 👍🏻😂👍🏻

Thanks for the enlightening jokes here.

[runningman]

Originally Posted by 35cents

hilarious this......!

Haha first one to believe.

Hi bro just upped you back too cheers

[nasduck]

Originally Posted by 66cccc66

Just a Prototype

A woman died and was sent to heaven.

One day while she was walking around on the clouds of heaven she saw God. She walked towards him and she stopped to talk to him.

She only wanted to ask one question of him.

So she asked, "Why did you create man before women?"

God looked down on her, placed his hand on her head and explained, "Every good design needs a rough draft!"

Really nice joke, ROFL

[Brassil]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The blonde came running downstairs, crying.

Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.

Her mother (another blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees.

The blonde said: "No Ma. I can screw and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."

I like this one

[chialatstory]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

(4) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat! 😂

Laughing is good for your health ... Have a great day ... 👍🏻😂👍🏻

Nice share bro bigbirdbird!

[bigbirdbird]

A CONFUSED SOCIETY

新加坡华人的身份在外国人的眼中是四不像
不信？看看一位新加坡华人和一位外国人的对话

F: You look Chinese
S: I am a Singaporean

F: But you look Chinese...
S: I am a Chinese Singaporean / I am a Singaporean Chinese.

F: So do you speak Chinese?
S: Yes, but not fluent.

F: But you are a Chinese.
S: I am a Singaporean Chinese, not Chinese from China.

F: So you are not a Chinese?
S: I am not Chinese from China.

F: But your great grand father is from China?
S: Yes, but I was born in Singapore, so I am a Singaporean Chinese.

F: So your great grand father speaks Chinese?
S: He speaks dialect.

F: Do you speak dialect?
S: No, I don't.

F: Why not?
S: Because our country has a Speak Mandarin campaign that is so successful that the new generation practically do not speak dialect anymore.

F: So you should speak very fluent Mandarin since it's so successful?
S: No. That campaign was effective before, but not anymore.

F: Why?
S: Because most people speak English nowadays. We have a Speak Good English campaign.

F: So English is your National Language?
S: No!

F: So what is the National Language of Singapore?
S: Malay.

F: What?
S: Yes, Malay!

F: Do you speak Malay?
S: No.

F: Why not?
S: Because I am not Malay.

F: Then why is your National Language Malay?
S: That's another long history lesson.

F: So your National Language is Malay & nobody speak it?
S: The Malays speak Malay. That's their mother tongue. We have 4 races: Chinese, Malay, Indian & Eurasian. Each speaks their own mother tongue.

F: So your mother tongue is Chinese?
S: Yes.

F: But you can't speak it fluently?
S: Yes.

F: Does the Malay or Indian speak fluent mother tongue?
S: More fluent than the Chinese speaking Chinese I supposed.

F: Why?
S: Because that's their mother tongue.

F: Then why can't the Chinese?
S: Because we speak English mainly in school.

F: I last heard that Singapore has a bilingual policy.
S: Yes, we have, we do learn mother tongue in school.

F: But you cannot speak Chinese fluently.
S: Yes.

F: Why?
S: Because our country's working language is mainly English, there is not much places to use the language, perhaps only with our grandparents & when we buy things in the market.

F: Then how is that bilingual?
S: I don't know.

F: So you are a Singaporean Chinese who can't speak your National Language, & cannot speak your mother tongue fluently & can only communicate in English with a strange accent.
S: What's wrong with my accent?

F: I don't know, it is just weird.
Soes it sound British or American?

F: Neither, I thought you should sound British since you have been colonized before?
S: No, that was long long time ago, dude.

F: How come you try to sound American?
S: Because I watch alot of Hollywood movies.

F: Your English still sounds weird.
S: Oh, we call it Singlish.

F: So what are you really?
S: I am a Singaporean!
😌😌😌
Si Beh Luan ah! [死伯乱]