Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged.

The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!"

Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment.

For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.

Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall.

Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.

So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

[bigbirdbird]

1) Expensive Pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive
Pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses,
spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them.
98% of good pussy falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great. Disadvantages: Many,
mostly in the form of checking account depletion.

Often not worth it.

2) Cheap Pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of
yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be
recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands
when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt,
but shakes it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and
sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can
keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to
get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it.

Often not worth it.

3) Hired Pussy: Found in the Hollywood area of Southern Cal and in every
other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and
come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The
difference between Hired Pussy and Expensive Pussy is that the money is
up-front.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend,
doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced,
usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap Pussy in the long run, risk of
disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is
high.

Often not worth it.

4) Virgin Pussy: This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by
conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty
jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but
will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high
as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit"
if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer
"other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause
discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth
control which can cause "accidents", can only be used once.

Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5) Nympho Pussy: Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by
your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very
experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies
depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can
be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not
give a steady relationship.

Often not worth it.

6) Frigid Pussy: Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that
this Pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply
wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized.

Never worth it.

7) Innocent Nympho Pussy: Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet,
innocent package which you would never in a million years think would
give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often
mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper
category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you
can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may
result. May or may not be faithful.

8) Party Pussy: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of
wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while
completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not
ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say
the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful,
the Support System may tend to puke all over you.

Often not worth it.

9) Nutsy Pussy: Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by
the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you.
May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason..
Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.

Disadvantages: Never really worth it

[bigbirdbird]

Two doctors were jogging down a wood path, each arguing as to who was the better doctor. The 1st claimed he was better, then the 2nd. This went on for 30 minutes or so!

Finally the 1st doctor said to the 2nd, "If your so good - then prove it". The 2nd doctor said "ok I will". The 2nd doctor looked around, up and down and saw an owl sitting up in an old oak tree. He said "see that owl", the 1st replied "yes", "I'll give that owl a tonsillectomy in 10 minutes" said the 2nd doctor. The 1st doctor encouraged him to try.

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the owl. With a "clip", "snip", and "clip" - the 2nd doctor was done. He proceeded to say, "9 minutes and 15 seconds later, I'm through - beat that!".

The 1st doctor then stated that he could beat the 2nd doctor by performing a vasectomy in 5 minutes. He asked the 2nd if he successfully completed the vasectomy in 5 minutes would he be the better of the two doctors. To thatthe doctored replied "yes".

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the same owl. With a "clip", "snip", "cut", "bang", "stitch", and "clip" - the 1st doctor was done. He completed his operation in a record 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Both doctors went on jogging down the path happy and content as to whom was the better of the two doctors.

The next day the Mr. Owl and Mrs. Owl were flying along when Mrs. Owl stated "I'm tired, lets land and rest a while!". Mr. Owl said "ok!"

Mrs. Owl looked around and saw (with here keen vision) a wonderful old oaktree to perch on, see stated, "lets land over there on the old oak tree".

Mr. Owl looked around and saw the oak tree, only to proclaim, "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". Mrs. owl said "why not", Mr. Owl again proclaimed "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". This went on for some time!

Mrs. Owl said, "tell me why you don't want to land there or we're going to!".

Mr. Owl said; "Well, ever since I landed in that old oak tree yesterday, I can't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot.

[MPLover]

really nice jokes! keep on sharing.

[Qihai]

Excellent jokes shared, big thanks!!

[shandong]

Very funny doc joke. Cheers to bro bigbigbird.

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two doctors were jogging down a wood path, each arguing as to who was the better doctor. The 1st claimed he was better, then the 2nd. This went on for 30 minutes or so!

Finally the 1st doctor said to the 2nd, "If your so good - then prove it". The 2nd doctor said "ok I will". The 2nd doctor looked around, up and down and saw an owl sitting up in an old oak tree. He said "see that owl", the 1st replied "yes", "I'll give that owl a tonsillectomy in 10 minutes" said the 2nd doctor. The 1st doctor encouraged him to try.

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the owl. With a "clip", "snip", and "clip" - the 2nd doctor was done. He proceeded to say, "9 minutes and 15 seconds later, I'm through - beat that!".

The 1st doctor then stated that he could beat the 2nd doctor by performing a vasectomy in 5 minutes. He asked the 2nd if he successfully completed the vasectomy in 5 minutes would he be the better of the two doctors. To thatthe doctored replied "yes".

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the same owl. With a "clip", "snip", "cut", "bang", "stitch", and "clip" - the 1st doctor was done. He completed his operation in a record 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Both doctors went on jogging down the path happy and content as to whom was the better of the two doctors.

The next day the Mr. Owl and Mrs. Owl were flying along when Mrs. Owl stated "I'm tired, lets land and rest a while!". Mr. Owl said "ok!"

Mrs. Owl looked around and saw (with here keen vision) a wonderful old oaktree to perch on, see stated, "lets land over there on the old oak tree".

Mr. Owl looked around and saw the oak tree, only to proclaim, "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". Mrs. owl said "why not", Mr. Owl again proclaimed "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". This went on for some time!

Mrs. Owl said, "tell me why you don't want to land there or we're going to!".

Mr. Owl said; "Well, ever since I landed in that old oak tree yesterday, I can't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot.

[nosaka]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged.

The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!"

Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment.

For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.

Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall.

Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.

So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

Haha, very nice jokes. Tks bro.

[splitha1r]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged.

The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!"

Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment.

For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play.

Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall.

Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time.

So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parentheses?"

Very good joke. Applause for bro bigbirdbird.

[TheHalfOpen]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two doctors were jogging down a wood path, each arguing as to who was the better doctor. The 1st claimed he was better, then the 2nd. This went on for 30 minutes or so!

Finally the 1st doctor said to the 2nd, "If your so good - then prove it". The 2nd doctor said "ok I will". The 2nd doctor looked around, up and down and saw an owl sitting up in an old oak tree. He said "see that owl", the 1st replied "yes", "I'll give that owl a tonsillectomy in 10 minutes" said the 2nd doctor. The 1st doctor encouraged him to try.

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the owl. With a "clip", "snip", and "clip" - the 2nd doctor was done. He proceeded to say, "9 minutes and 15 seconds later, I'm through - beat that!".

The 1st doctor then stated that he could beat the 2nd doctor by performing a vasectomy in 5 minutes. He asked the 2nd if he successfully completed the vasectomy in 5 minutes would he be the better of the two doctors. To thatthe doctored replied "yes".

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the same owl. With a "clip", "snip", "cut", "bang", "stitch", and "clip" - the 1st doctor was done. He completed his operation in a record 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Both doctors went on jogging down the path happy and content as to whom was the better of the two doctors.

The next day the Mr. Owl and Mrs. Owl were flying along when Mrs. Owl stated "I'm tired, lets land and rest a while!". Mr. Owl said "ok!"

Mrs. Owl looked around and saw (with here keen vision) a wonderful old oaktree to perch on, see stated, "lets land over there on the old oak tree".

Mr. Owl looked around and saw the oak tree, only to proclaim, "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". Mrs. owl said "why not", Mr. Owl again proclaimed "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". This went on for some time!

Mrs. Owl said, "tell me why you don't want to land there or we're going to!".

Mr. Owl said; "Well, ever since I landed in that old oak tree yesterday, I can't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot.

Very good joke hehe. Thx bro.

[S.B.Y.1]

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

[

LoL Nice One Pak

[otamay]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Pak bagus.

[SkyLeopard]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Very funny bro!!
Thanks

[musong]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two doctors were jogging down a wood path, each arguing as to who was the better doctor. The 1st claimed he was better, then the 2nd. This went on for 30 minutes or so!

Finally the 1st doctor said to the 2nd, "If your so good - then prove it". The 2nd doctor said "ok I will". The 2nd doctor looked around, up and down and saw an owl sitting up in an old oak tree. He said "see that owl", the 1st replied "yes", "I'll give that owl a tonsillectomy in 10 minutes" said the 2nd doctor. The 1st doctor encouraged him to try.

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the owl. With a "clip", "snip", and "clip" - the 2nd doctor was done. He proceeded to say, "9 minutes and 15 seconds later, I'm through - beat that!".

The 1st doctor then stated that he could beat the 2nd doctor by performing a vasectomy in 5 minutes. He asked the 2nd if he successfully completed the vasectomy in 5 minutes would he be the better of the two doctors. To thatthe doctored replied "yes".

The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed the same owl. With a "clip", "snip", "cut", "bang", "stitch", and "clip" - the 1st doctor was done. He completed his operation in a record 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Both doctors went on jogging down the path happy and content as to whom was the better of the two doctors.

The next day the Mr. Owl and Mrs. Owl were flying along when Mrs. Owl stated "I'm tired, lets land and rest a while!". Mr. Owl said "ok!"

Mrs. Owl looked around and saw (with here keen vision) a wonderful old oaktree to perch on, see stated, "lets land over there on the old oak tree".

Mr. Owl looked around and saw the oak tree, only to proclaim, "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". Mrs. owl said "why not", Mr. Owl again proclaimed "I'M NOTLANDING THERE". This went on for some time!

Mrs. Owl said, "tell me why you don't want to land there or we're going to!".

Mr. Owl said; "Well, ever since I landed in that old oak tree yesterday, I can't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot.

Hahahahaa nice one

[Dimitrov]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Little Johnny jokes, best!!