Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

There was a schoolteacher in the little old school which was teaching sex ed.

The class was comprised of only 8 students, due to the size of the school.

One of the little girls there asked, "According to the Bible, it says that Adam came first, then Eve.

The teacher replied, "Yes, dear, that is true, according to the Word Of God."

The girl responded, "Daddy always told me it is Ladies before Gentlemen.

Didn't that rule apply during the Creation time?"

Our teacher gets a smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first -- trust me! And every man since him came first, too!"

[zodiackiller]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There was a schoolteacher in the little old school which was teaching sex ed.

The class was comprised of only 8 students, due to the size of the school.

One of the little girls there asked, "According to the Bible, it says that Adam came first, then Eve.

The teacher replied, "Yes, dear, that is true, according to the Word Of God."

The girl responded, "Daddy always told me it is Ladies before Gentlemen.

Didn't that rule apply during the Creation time?"

Our teacher gets a smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first -- trust me! And every man since him came first, too!"

This is so true

[madpig88]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Our teacher gets a smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first -- trust me! And every man since him came first, too!"

very nice joke bro, great share and keep on sharing.

[ProjectO]

Very good thread, support and camping for more

[Castilla]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

🐴🏊🐴🏊🐴🏊🐴

Mathematician: How to write 4 in between a 5?

India: Is this a Joke?

Japan: Impossible!

America: The question's wrong!!

UK: Rubbish !!

China: F(IV)E

This is the reason you find Chinese everywhere in the world in finance, business, medicine, engineering & arts...
anything to do with optimising your brain!!

British: Can you swim?
Chinese: No
British: Then a dog is better than you because it swims.
Chinese: Can you swim?
British: Yes!
Chinese: Then what's the difference between you and the dog…
British was Shocked!!
Chinese Rocks! 👍 😜

European : Why do you Chinese come in all colors; look at us, we are all white..?
Wong Fei Hoong: Horses too come in different colors but donkeys are all the same..!!!
😏😏☺😄😄

Send to all Chinese all over the globe!

Hahaha nice one, thanks!

[Truthful]

keep on sharing the nice jokes bros! Happy CNY!

[ongahnoi]

Originally Posted by Truthful

keep on sharing the nice jokes bros! Happy CNY!

Agreed, very good jokes from bro bigbirdbird

[ClassicAhSoh]

Great jokes thread, thanks all for sharing!

[bigbirdbird]

Three girls worked in an office with the same female boss and each day they noticed that the boss left work early. One day the three decided that when their boss left, they would leave shortly after her. After all, she never came back to work so she would never know that they went home early too.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent time playing with her son and enjoyed her evening.

The redhead was pleased to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprised her husband but when she got to her bedroom she heard noises coming from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her boss lady riding her husbands dick. Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to do likewise.

"No way", the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!!"

[bigbirdbird]

Three guys were sitting at the bar.

The first guy said, "You know, I'm really lucky. When my wife makes love, she's like an acrobat. She can get into the most incredible positions."

The second guy said, "I'm lucky, too. My wife is like a world-class pianist when we have sex. She's got the most talented hands you can imagine."

No one spoke for a moment. Then the first guy said to the third guy, "George how's you wife in bed?"

George took a sip of his beer, then replied, "I guess you could say that my wife makes love like a chess player."

"A chess player?"

"Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves."

[bigbirdbird]

Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the badest of the three.

The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid "Hey, barmaid. Bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here".

When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers.

She was startled.

The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, "Hey, bitch bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it".

Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers.

The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan.

The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid "Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry".

Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.

The barmaid screamed "You aren't going to shoot that off are you?"

"Hell no, I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself".

[bigbirdbird]

This guy was a real moron.

He had gone out to a bar one night, and was getting friendly with a very pretty woman at the bar.

They danced for a while.

She rubbed up against him and, to her surprise, she felt something thick and rock hard.

She invited him back to her place and took him into the bedroom.

But when he pulled off his pants, she was shocked to see a foot long length of steel pipe between his legs.

"How did you get that?" she demanded.

The moron said, "A couple of months ago I noticed my prick was dripping."

She asked, "So you went to a doctor?"

He replied, "No. The doctor was much too expensive. So I called a plumber."

[bigbirdbird]

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.

All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.

Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.

"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"

"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."

[bigbirdbird]

A Shortage of Condoms in New Zeeland

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!"

Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad... Brutain?..."

PM: "No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

Hilth Munister: "What about Australia?"

PM: "Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck."

Hilth Munister: "You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need.

Three days later a plane arrives in Auckland - full of boxes.

A delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. She then notices in small writing on each and ivery one: MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM.

[bigbirdbird]

Missing Bride

A couple had just got married, and when the husband went back to his house after work, he found that his bride had disappeared.

He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.

Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen.

He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn’t been home for so long. She replied: "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."

The husband answered: "But it's only been two days. What do you mean ‘a week’?"

"I am only here to get something to eat."