Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 533

danny888 · #**7981** 25-09-2017, 08:25 AM

Thanks bro(s) for your contributions.
Nice jokes.

JJMagic · #**7982** 25-09-2017, 08:27 AM

Enjoyed the jokes, certainly brighten up my monday morning.

TangManny · #**7983** 25-09-2017, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chamberlian21

Thanks for the wonderful jokes . I really chuckle at some of the jokes.

I chuckle at some of the jokes too.

bigbirdbird · #**7984** 27-09-2017, 08:58 PM

John & Marsha were having marital difficulties, neither being able to satisfy the other sexually.

One day Marsha visited her friend Dorothy, who was quite a woman of the world, and casually mentioned the problem.

"It's not the first time I've heard of it," said Dorothy. "You can go to all the doctors in the world and they can't help you. But there is a remedy."

For God's sake, Dorothy, tell me what it is!" exclaimed Marsha.

She said, "Well, since you insist, and against my better judgment, I will tell you. The only remedy is for John to eat it."

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Marsha, "He would never do that!"

Dorothy shrugged. "There you have it -- take it or leave it. You asked and I told you."

Driving home, Marsha t prepared an unusually fine supper for John that night. When he returned from work he enjoyed it mightily, but wondered a bit about the reason for it.

"That was a great meal," he said. "Anything unusual happen today? Enjoy your visit with Dorothy?"

Marsha told John of Dorothy's suggestion.

"Absolutely not!" he exploded.

"I won't engage in such disgusting practices."

But Marsha urged and begged until finally John gave in.

"OK," he said. "I guess it won't hurt to try it once."

Marsha went up and got into bed, pulling the covers up to her neck.

When John arrived he surveyed the scene and tried to decide how to proceed. Finally he raised the covers at the foot of the bed and crawled under them. Groping around until he located his target, with much hesitation, he undertook his task.

No sooner than he started, Marsha broke wind explosively.

Under the covers, a muffled voice was heard to say....
"Thank God for that breath of fresh air."

bigbirdbird · #**7985** 27-09-2017, 08:59 PM

Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there was a leak in the plumbing.

He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed.

When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the plumber come yet?"

She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing hard."

bigbirdbird · #**7986** 27-09-2017, 08:59 PM

John grew up on a remote dairy farm in Minnesota, and finally decided it was time to get some experience with women.

So he drove the pick-up into the nearest city and managed to find a prostitute who was more than willing to initiate him into the mysteries of sex.

Undressing, the hooker lay down and proceeded to instruct him carefully.

"Stick it in, honey...all the way...now pull it out... okay, back in, slowly......more, oooh, more....Now back again---"

"For Christ's sake," interrupted the sweating farm boy, "could you make up your mind??"

bigbirdbird · #**7987** 27-09-2017, 09:04 PM

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date.

The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?"

He said, "Why, yes I am!"

So they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

Lanky · #**7988** 27-09-2017, 09:05 PM

Very relaxing thread, thanks TS for taking the time to update it

Sompsan · #**7989** 27-09-2017, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date.

The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh! You're a lawyer?"

He said, "Why, yes I am!"

So they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, the guy started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

Very good one bro! Thanks

moontory · #**7990** 28-09-2017, 11:18 AM

Very good jokes, thanks!

Laysfan · #**7991** 28-09-2017, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lanky

Very relaxing thread, thanks TS for taking the time to update it

Agree with you on this

Nexwork · #**7992** 28-09-2017, 11:28 AM

Great jokes, thanks!

water_boi · #**7993** 29-09-2017, 11:45 AM

Why do meteorological stations around the world always named hurricane or typhoon after a WOMAN???

Because all hell will break loose and destruction everywhere if you are in their ways/paths when they are in FURY mood.......................

wantonbeetaimak · #**7994** 29-09-2017, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by water_boi

Why do meteorological stations around the world always named hurricane or typhoon after a WOMAN???

Because all hell will break loose and destruction everywhere if you are in their ways/paths when they are in FURY mood.......................

Good one bro!

JustANewbie · #**7995** 30-09-2017, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there was a leak in the plumbing.

He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed.

When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the plumber come yet?"

She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing hard."

Hshaha.. very nice joke.