Love found at the wrong time with the wrong person - Page 5

kenstud27 · #61 12-05-2014, 01:44 PM

I let her go and she stepped into the lift, it was painful seeing the door closes. I waved goodbye to her and the lift started moving. I stood there at the lobby and make sure the lift reaches its destination. Then my phone beeped with her message: 老公，我永远爱你.

The weekend was finally over and i can finally see M again. During that time, weekend was the most unbearable bcoz apart from not being able to see her, the thought of them together and his hands over her really got me upset. But then, he is afterall her husband so he has all the rights to touch her. And as usual, i bought breakfast and drinks for her. I took out the CNY posters that we bought during our weekend getaway but i wanted to wait for her to put it up together. Right on the dot, i could hear her walking in from the entrance and she greeted me with her usual smile. After eating her breakfast, she started to do her work. Normally after weekend she would have a lot of things to clear, and knowing the kind of deadline she would be in, i normally don't disturb her at all. But that day, just before she goes on to the production floor, she dropped me a message:

M: 宝贝，到时我回去，你就看如果还有机票的话，你就看可以不可以在二十三号后过来吧。然后酒店方面我会帮你安排，我家那里很多所以不用担心。（baby, when i go back, you can check if there is still airplane ticket available, you see if you can come over around after the 23rd. I will help you with the hotel reservation, my hometown has a lot of hotels so don't worry.)

I was surprised and thrilled at the same time, i honestly wasn't expecting this at all so of course i agreed immediately. I wasted no time and went online to check on ticket available, as it was still during CNY period so the price was still high but i didn't mind. I checked with M on which airline should i buy, so once all was set, i made my purchase. I was so happy that i kept smiling to myself, kept thinking about the possible things we could do over there. I wanted to take photos with her to remember the trip. I even said that we might make this a yearly thing, told her that in one of our photos, we could select a place where she would recognize and every year we are there, we will take photo at the same place but at a different distance. Would make it like a progressive thing so that we can look back at it many years later. As you can tell, i was really excited and happy. So much so that i failed to recognize something, how was this affecting her. She no doubt love me, but yet she had this very strong moral obligation towards her husband. Her husband is a Mr Nice Guy, apart from the occasional drinking and playing mahjong, he really don't have much activities. He would even paid for all her expenses such as meals and mobile bills. So by cheating on him, it caused so much stress on her. In my own happiness, i failed to see that she was actually suffering from her own dilemma.

CNY came and went very fast. I didn't take any extra days off bcoz i knew M didn't too so i want to come back and keep her company. By then, she was already busy preparing on the things she wanna bring home to her relatives and such. Our time together became lesser as she needed her husband to drove her around to get some of the items. Our messages also got lesser as she was either busy with work, busy buying things or busy group chatting with all the relatives from home. I understood all that and tried my best not to engage her so as to not add pressure on her. Of course it felt nice when i got the her raw messages telling me that she miss me or asking what i am doing. And i would just ask how are her things getting along. When she could, i would meet her at her place to see her for awhile, i don't need long hours, just to make sure she was ok and if she needed anything. But these meet ups are really short but i didn't mind. On one of the meet up, she told me that she has confirmed on when she would move out of her rented place, just the day before she flies off. Make sense, since she won't be around for a month so no point paying another months rental but that would also mean we won't be able to meet like this any more after that. Sad but another sad truth in our life. I was upset but quickly got over it, i kept the thought of seeing her at her hometown and our possible annual meet up there to cheer myself up.

Days passed very fast, it was the day she was supposed to move house. She took leave that day, she updated her WeChat with various photos on her luggages and boxes she had packed. She will be moving it to her husband current house first as their new house was still under renovation. So apart from the morning messages, we didn't had the chance to talk anymore. The following day was a Saturday and her flight was scheduled at night. But as she now stays with her husband, i couldn't see her anymore and it was hard for her to message me. I was quite emo for the entire day actually, kept waiting for her message and constantly checking for photos but there was none. It was the ROM episode all over again. But by 8pm that night, i finally got her first message. She had just entered through the custom checkpoint, she would be flying home alone first while her husband while join her in a week's time. But her messages wasn't as much as usual but i guessed she must be busy messaging her relatives as what she had been doing these past weeks. Never mind i told myself, i will see her soon i said, just to make it feel a bit better. She did sent me a few pictures of her at the airport and she looked yummy, kinda miss having sex with her.

I wanted so much to go to the airport to see her off but i knew it would be impossible as her husband would be there with her so i didn't. I told my wife i need to bring the dog down for her business but actually i wanted to talk to M before she flies off. I called her on the phone and upon hearing her voice, it was soothing that it made the whole day of anxiety and sadness just disappeared.

M：Hello! 宝贝！（Hello! Baby!)
Me: 终于听到你的声音了, 我好想念你啊！（Finally can hear your voice, i missed you so much!)
Ｍ：对不起，真的没时间和你联络。好累哦，飞机好像延误，没想到晚班还那么多人。（sorry , really had no time to contact you. I'm so tired, plane seems to be delayed, didn't expect still so much people during night flight)
Me：不要紧，反正飞晚上，等下就可以在飞机上睡了。（Never mind, anyway it's a night flight, later can sleep on plane)
M:希望吧。你要好好的照顾自己知道吗？我会很想你的。（I hope so. You must take care of yourself ok? i will miss you a lot)
Ｍｅ：嗯，我知道了。你也是。到了那里记得一有机会就短信我抱平安ok？（Yup, i know. You too. Remember to message me once you are there to let me know you are safe ok?)
M: 我会的，好了不聊了，应经很晚了，你去休息吧。（i will, ok its quite late, you should go and rest)

I didn't wanna to and kept telling it's ok, i can bear the tiredness so we continued to chat until her flight called. We continued to chat via WeChat. I wanted to tell her how much i missed her and really want to be with her right there but i didn't wanna her to leave feeling guilty. I wanted to be with her as long as i could, even though my eyes was closing as we spoke. I forced myself awake, but soon, her flight was calling and she told me she had to board the plane already. I messaged her to take care and that i love and miss her very much but i think she must have switched off her phone already as there was no reply after that. My heart kinda sunk, for some reason, something was out of place but i couldn't put my finger on it. Something was different, something was missing. I really couldn't explain it but it almost felt like the woman i love was leaving for good......

*To be continued........

kenstud27 · #62 12-05-2014, 02:09 PM

*To all the TS that have upped my points, really thank you very much for your support and encouragement. It is really heart-warming to see so many people coming forward with their advice and sharing their experiences. I wanna apologizes to those whom my story struck a chord and perhaps brought back unhappiness thus making you sad and perhaps cried. The reason why it took so long for me to complete the story was also while writing it down, it really brought back memories, memories so sweet and enduring. It when i remembered them, i can't help but cry too. But for me, either i am at work penning it down, at home or writing it on my mobile, its not so easy for me to write everything down in one go. So i ask for all your patience.

I hope that with the next chapter i would be able to finish my story so thank you all once again for your care and concerns!

PeteTsang69 · #63 12-05-2014, 03:07 PM

bro TS ...

can explain u married, yet can booked weekend alone and now travel overseas alone ...

not asking for tips how you did it

...just wanting to know more details thats all...cheers jia you!

kenstud27 · #64 12-05-2014, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeteTsang69

bro TS ...

can explain u married, yet can booked weekend alone and now travel overseas alone ...

not asking for tips how you did it

...just wanting to know more details thats all...cheers jia you!

Lies, a lot of lies. My advice, if you never start, don't. Its a hole so deep you either die of your own guilt or you become a total bastard. I became both a bastard and died of my own guilt

bigbrudder · #65 12-05-2014, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kenstud27

Lies, a lot of lies. My advice, if you never start, don't. Its a hole so deep you either die of your own guilt or you become a total bastard. I became both a bastard and died of my own guilt

Hi Bro, you must have perfected the art. Not easy to continually coming up with stories to cover up for ECA. You do love her a lot ... this is not affair, but a love story. Only thing is, we dunno what it will be in 10 years time.

Hopefully a happy one like Charles and Camillia.

kenstud27 · #66 13-05-2014, 05:33 PM

Something was different, something was missing. I really couldn't explain it but it almost felt like the woman i love was leaving for good.

It has been 2 days since she left, takes about 4 hours to Beijing than another 2 hours to transit back to her home town. Should have messaged me by now but there was none. She did told me before she left that her local SIM card could not be use there and the card she was using before can't be use anymore bcoz her family had forgotten to renew the contract thus it had expired. I know there could be a lot of other reasons that she couldn't send me a message but the ones that kept lingering in my head was all the negative ones. Did she lost her phone? Did something happened to her? Her message used to be so prompted and i knew how much she depended on her phone, all the chats and other stuffs, she would have got a replacement SIM if i knew her. Soon, my mood started to spiral downwards and i was feeling damn emo and moody again. Feels like i was going into depression, the uncontrollable mood swing. I had no mood for anything, not food or even mood for work. My eyes was fixed on my phone, waiting for the familiar beep and that green light to come on. I knew it was pointless to call since she had turned off the phone on the local SIM. The 2 days of communication silence felt like a decade, what was going on?

It was Tuesday morning, i had no mood to go to work but still i have my responsibility to fulfill thus i got up from bed reluctantly. First thing i did when i opened my eyes was to check my phone, still no message. I was getting a little upset rather than emo now. What the hell could be holding her that she can't even send me a freaking message?? Got out of the house with vengeance in mind, almost like i wanted to kill anyone that rub me wrongly that day. I wanted to hit someone, i wanted to destroy something. The journey to work was even horrible, everyone that boarded the train, there was always something that i found fault with: stupid dressing....ugly face.....PRC.....damn the PRC...I HATE PRC!! Just as i was about to hit the climax of my anger, it finally happened....the BEEP!! I moved at lightning speed to unlocked my phone and i gave a sigh of relief, it was from her. And instead of a normal message, she left a voice message:

M: 宝贝！非常对不起！到现在才短信你。一直没机会去买充值卡然后家人都搞得我晕头转向。(bab y! i'm so sorry! only now i had the chance to message you. Didn't had the chance to go back the value card and my family been pestering till i'm dizzy now)

The tone of her voice, it was like a magic pill that took all the negativity away in a instance. I wasn't angry anymore, in fact, i wanted to cry. She knew i must be crazy with anticipation by now so she sent me a voice message instead. I replied back to her via message bcoz i'm not used to leaving voice messages. We continued messaging each other throughout my entire journey to work, it felt like we hadn't met each other for 10 years. Or at least it felt like that to me. She uploaded photos of her home at her home town, her family and the food they ate. How i wished i was there with her.

1 week had passed quickly and it would be another one and a half week of communication blackout, bcoz her husband will be flying up to meet up with her. I told her if she can't message me, then just upload photos to let me know she was ok. Sigh, sometime i don't know whether i am a sadist or what. The photos she uploaded were all with her husband and her family together. She used to tell me that with her husband, there was no love, she only married him bcoz before she met me, he was there for her and she just wanted someone to take care of her as she was tired of being alone. But when i saw the photos they took together, that smile, the way they hugged each other when taking photos, that looked like someone in love. I knew the pain that i would experienced when i saw those pictures but i can't control myself. I would automatically go to my phone to see if she had uploaded any new photos. Then apparently this trip back, they had planned to have a wedding banquet to invite all the folks at home for their wedding. I was burning with jealousy when i saw all those photos. How beautiful she looked, how happy she looked. Then 2 days after the wedding, they had planned for a studio family shot as well. Gosh! I wanted to slam my phone against the wall! I wanted to kill him!!! But i took a deep breath and let rational took over. How could she not post them? Her husband doesn't know about us so if she didn't post then it will attract questions. Even if she wasn't, she had to pretend she was happy and excited and all. Was she pretending or she was really happy? Sigh. All the pain i put myself through. But i told myself, her happiness was all that matters, as long as she is happy, does it really matter? Even though i was able to convinced myself to believing that, deep inside there was still unsettled feelings. I began losing my sleep, each night i slept barely for 2 hours. I didn't had mood for food, i kept making mistakes at work. I couldn't concentrate, all i cared about was that the date for my flight would come soon so that i could fly over to see her.

It was a grueling 3 weeks but i finally made it through, i am finally on my way to the airport. Told my wife that i will be going to my oversea plant to do audit, i packed like i was going for work and just some winter wear as M's home town was still cold at that time, -20 degrees. My wife drove me to the airport and i kissed her goodbye and we hugged before i got into custom, i felt bad for all the lies but i couldn't care less. All i wanted was to zoom myself to see M. I was early at the airport so i walked around the duty free shops. I passed by Swarovski at Terminal 2 so i decided to go in to take a look. We didn't celebrate Valentine Day together so i wanted to get her a present, and i bought this necklace for her. I knew she won't be able to wear anything too obvious as her husband might get suspicious so i specifically chosen something she could get for herself and thought to myself: I think she will like this. Another hour before boarding, timing seems good with no new of delay so that was good. I walked to Starbucks and got myself a latte. Uploaded a photo of my latte on WeChat while checking in my location. I couldn't message her as her husband was still around, the funny thing was, the flight that i was taking? He would take the same flight back to SG. But as her family would be sending him off from the airport so she couldn't pick me up. However, she had left me directions and i was no stranger to travelling alone plus it was in China so i had no problem with communication. Made my way to the boarding gate and there it was quite pack, just like how it was for M when she flew. Saw a few pretty and cute SYT but i wasn't too concerned about them like i usually would, before i met M, i would used this opportunity to get to know these SYT and hope that i would get lucky, after all i wasn't hideous. Pretty presentable and i knew both chinese and english so i know PRC dig that. But i didn't do any of those and i realized how much M had changed me, more than i could have ever imagined. Power of love? Haha. So i decided to keep to myself, playing on my own phone and just waited. Flight attendants started to come out and got ready for passengers boarding. As they started to call for boarding, i joined the queue slowly but not before i left a posting on WeChat to say that "Goodbye SG", of course that was M to see. Spotted a few cute stewardesses but i choose to ignore them. Plane started moving very soon as the boarding procedures went on smoothly, soon, we were on the air. I was excited, can't wait to see M, so much things i wanted to tell her and share with her while her absence. I wanted her to know how much i missed her, how much her presence here meant to me. These thoughts accompanied me throughout the flight until i finally dozed off.

Bling....bling....the lights in the cabin came on, we have finally arrived in Beijing. Got off the plane and it was freezing in Beijing, - 12 degrees i remembered. And as the news had reported, the haze situation was really bad there too, compared to the ones we have in SG, SG was like Genting Highland (minus the cold). The transit time was only an hour and i knew how crowded the custom was at Beijing so i quickly made my way there, didn't want to miss the transit flight. And i was right, it was crowded but at least it was moving so that's good, almost felt like crossing the JB causeway. I was cleared within 10 mins and just in time as the boarding gate just opened so i didn't had to wait too long. Finally, 2 more hours and i can see my princess. Sometime, you really had to lose something to really understand their importance. Even though i didn't lose her, but the separation almost drove me mad. The plane started moving and i was in the air again, filled with eagerness like a kid waiting to open his present on X'mas morning. I didn't sleep this time as i had enough of sleep from the last flight and i was just too excited to really shut my eyes. But i had to get my mind off so that i won't get a headache as i knew i would if i kept thinking about something constantly so i watched the in-flight entertainment just to burn time.

*To be continued.............

kenstud27 · #67 13-05-2014, 06:23 PM

Time was good to me as before i knew it, i had reached my destination. Crossed the custom and after collected my luggage, i went to the taxi stand. Good weather at about - 10 degrees with not much wind. I boarded a taxi and gave the driver the address that M had passed me, took a few photos on my way there of the surrounding. Her home town is what is known as industrial zone so there was a lot of factories, in fact, Volkswagen China assembly plant is there as well. About 15 mins away from the airport, i reached the address that M had given me. A neighbourhood next to a giant field. I didn't had the chance to get a SIM card so i used my phone to message M that i have arrived, never mind the oversea charges as nothing was more important than her. She replied saying that she was on her way back from the airport and was surprised i was even faster than her. So she told me to wait and if i was feeling cold, i could just go into the bank behind me which had heater inside. I was so eager to see her that i wasn't feeling cold at all, ok ok, maybe just a little but i came prepared with my hootie and gloves. 10 mins later, i saw a familiar figure and then she was. After not seeing her for almost a month, she looked so beautiful with her black coat cover from neck to knee and with her little fashion boot. She greeted me with no hug, which was kinda disappointing but later then i found out that this place that i was waiting at is her home. Her family lived in a apartment upstairs but of course i never got to see it. She led me to the back of the street and we started to look for a hotel. She was hoping to get a decent hotel near her home so that it would be easy for her to run back and forth which also indicated that she won't be staying with me throughout as she mentioned it would be difficult for her to do so bcoz of her family, they are all in a group chat which her husband was also inside so if anyone mentioned that she was not around then she would be in trouble. I understand her predicament so i didn't make a issue out of it, after all, all i wanted was to spend time with her. After walking around for about 2 streets away, we came across a hotel which she didn't recognize and it looked pretty decent from the outside so we decided to check it out, it was one of the Ibis group hotel. Rooms from the brochure looks ok and the price was pretty decent so we decided to take the room, of course she insisted to pay for me:

M: 这里是我的地盘，你来玩当然是我出钱。把钱收回去不然我生气了.(This is my place, you come to enjoy of course i will pay. Keep your money back or else i will be upset)

I didn't wanna argue with her so i obliged. We collected the keys and went up to our room. The moment we were in, i expected her to suddenly turn around and give me a kiss or something but none of it happen. She examined the room and commented that it is actually very decent looking and just collapsed on the sofa. Perhaps she was tired or something so i went to unpacked my stuffs. But i must say i felt disappointed that she wasn't as warm as i expected her to be, given the fact that we hadn't seen each other for almost a month. Something was amiss here, something just didn't feel right. She was still busy playing with her phone, messaging mostly. Then she said:

M: 对不起，今晚我不能留下来陪你因为有朋友要过来我家找我但是我没办法推掉。明天晚上我一定可以（Sorry , i can't stay over with you tonight as my friends are coming to my place to look for me. Tomorrow night i will ok, promise)
Me：没事，你去忙你的吧。(Its ok, you go do your stuff)

Of course i wasn't ok with it, i was very upset but i didn't wanna kick up a big fuss on my first day there and spoil the rest of the trip. She went with me for a quick bite before she left and kept apologizing. Then the first day was over. I went and got the Wifi password from the hotel receptionist and just stayed in the room the rest of the night. Occasional messages from her but suddenly i had this very distance feeling from her. I went to bed that night feeling miserable.

The next day came and she messaged me early too. Told me her aunt came to look for her to go hair saloon so she would only come over when she's done which will probably be about noon time. I just replied ok and just stayed in the room. The rest of the morning i just stayed in the room and watched tv, luckily they had cable so could watched some US movies. I was getting a little irritated and started to regret coming for the trip. It was almost 230pm when she finally messaged that she was on her way over. The door bell rang and i ran over to opened the door. Once again, all the emo feel just faded away the moment i saw her but until now still no hug. She again collapsed on the sofa and i told her to shut her eyes:

M: 为甚么？（why?)
Me：你把眼睛闭上，有个惊喜（just close your eyes, have a surprise for you)

She closed her eyes as she was told and went to got the Swarovski necklace i bought for her. Put it on her neck and i asked her to open her eyes:

M: 谢谢你！怎么突然买礼物给我？（Thank you! Why suddenly buy present for me?)
Me: 情人节快乐！（Happy Valentine day!)
M: 唉呀，都已经过了而且我都没买礼物给你呗！（aiya, its already over and i also didn't got you anything)
Me:没关系啦，你喜欢就好。（its ok, as long as you like it)

Can tell from her expression that she likes it but it wasn't something that got her really excited which was again not what i expected. She started to strip and got out of her clothes as she likes to go naked when alone, and of course we ended up having sex. But even the sex felt funny, it wasn't as passionate as usual. It was like doing it for the sake of doing it, it was great, but just a funny feeling to it i cannot explain. Something seems to be in her mind and it was really blocking her from connecting with me. She stayed over that night and we didn't talk much as she was constantly either on her phone or watching the tv. The mood in me was really getting pretty bad and i have no idea if she felt it but even if she did, she wasn't doing anything about it. The sky turned dark earlier there and it was already pitch dark by 7pm. She brought me to a nearby message place where we would get our massage both in the same room. The massage was good but i didn't enjoyed it, i couldn't help thinking about what was wrong here. The massage finished and we went for dinner after that before heading back to the hotel. I really really started to regret coming for the trip. It totally wasn't what i envisioned it to be. I felt that M was so distance from me, when i talked to her, her replies was like one sentence responses; when we laid on the bed, she was on her side of the bed while i was on mine when in the past she would cuddle up next to me or at least laid on my shoulder. Was i thinking too much here? Or is she just tired? Nothing made sense and i really wanted some answer.

The next day we went for breakfast and she had to go home as she said she didn't wanna her family to worry although they are used to her going out to friends house to stay a night or two. She said she would come over
after dinner so i waited. Then when evening came, i received a message from her saying that her mum seems to be not feeling well so she might come a bit later, just to make sure her mum was okay. I got really fed up when i saw the message and i replied saying that she should just stayed home to look after her mum. Her reply was: "好吧，那今晚我就不过来了因为我真的不放心她。（ok, then i won't come over tonight as i really am concern over her)

Upon seeing her reply, i almost wanted to cry. I really wanted to. The next day i would going home already and i really wanted to spend more time with her but that was so abrupt and it almost felt like she didn't want to spend time with me at all!! She messaged that tomorrow morning she would come over and go with me to the airport, her cousin would send us there as she mentioned to him that her colleague came over to work and visited her. If her cousin was going to be there, then what difference would it made if i go alone. So i told her its ok, don't bother since we can't be alone and don't want her to go back and forth. She did made a few insists of coming and kept apologizing that she didn't had much time to spend with me. But i was really upset by now. I insisted that no need and when i checked out the next day, i would like the deposit with the counter so asked her to come and collect it when she can. She said ok and reminded me to take care and messaged her when i reached the airport. The words exchanged was so cold, i think i replied to my boss more with more feelings than we were doing now. I couldn't sleep that night again, i began to suspect i am starting to get insomnia. At about 2am that night, i was still wide awake and my mind just couldn't get over the fact that how bad this trip went. I then decided to got up, went to the writing desk and took out a few pieces of paper and started writing:

"Baby, by the time you get this letter, i would have flown back to SG. I love you very much and i really was looking forward to this trip. But when i came and saw you on the first day, i felt like something was wrong but i didn't wanna think too much about it. Then the next few days, i felt like you were so distance from me. Did something happen? What's going on here with us? Do you still even love me??

Back in SG, just before you flew, i could already felt something was wrong. We barely had time to meet, after you moved in with him, your messages became lesser and i understood why. But even in office, you were constantly messaging your family and him but not to me. If you are tired of me or want to break up, please tell me. I understand the situation we are in right now and i don't expect anything more from you. I just wanted to see you and hear your voice, even if it is just for a minute. I never wanted you to do anything that will cause you discomfort or made you feel guilty.

So if there is anything i ever ask from you, please be honest with me ok? I love you baby, now and forever"

*To be continued........

ben.now · #68 13-05-2014, 06:38 PM

Omg... u must be feeling like shit after such cold treatment from her.. I feel u bro. Its probably the worst feeling. I cant help thinking abt my past after reading your story.

the pain is still with me untill now... 很痛很痛。

This is the moment when I feel that my sacrifice for her is not worth it.. of cos I didnt blame her. She had her reasons for doing these. I

babyckh · #69 13-05-2014, 08:29 PM

I understand your feeling bro as i had once gone thru' something as similiar as urs. It can be eztremely painful to hope for something that will never happen.

But end of the day when we get old, the only person who can be by our side to take care of us is our wives. Noone else. Tat's life. Tat's the only reason we have to let go to be fair to our spouses.