Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Thailord]

Taxi fare
Naked girl board taxi. Driver stared. Girl scold, never see a naked girl ah ? Driver reply: see before but wondering where u keep yr money to pay taxi fare?.

[Thailord]

The sperm
The sperm wanted to be human very anxiously. One day an opportunity arrive so they rush out very quickly. Suddenly the leader shouted: STOP! My God we are finished. The boss is only masturbating

[Thailord]

Golf Course
Do you know the most difficult Golf course in the world?
Answer: Women's hole. No matter how many strokes and what style you play, your balls will never go in!

[Thailord]

Masturbating!
Girl in cinema turns sideway and whisper to her boyfriend man next to me is masturbating! ".BF:" Ignore him." .GF:"I can't. BF:"Why not?" GF:" He's using my HAND!"

[Thailord]

Oral Exam
Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not? Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"

[walle]

u must be on fucking ang moh gao rite?

[Roman city]

"Santa's Dilemma" A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."


The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."


Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."


The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."


Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know."


She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."


Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!"

[Roman city]

The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath to pose as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"


He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"


The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

[bakylotus]

A FRENCHMAN AND AN ENGLISHMAN


An Englishman was having breakfast in Paris, (coffee,
croissants, bread, butter, jam and tea) when a Frenchman,
chewing bubblegum, sat down next to him. The Englishman
ignores the French guy who, nevertheless, starts a
conversation.

'You English folk eat the whole bread?'

'Of course', the Englishman replied.

The Frenchman, after blowing a big bubble said, 'We don't, in
France we only eat what's inside. The crusts, we collect in
a container, recycle them into croissants and sell them to
England', with a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listened in silence.

The Frenchman persists, 'Do you eat jam with the bread?'

'Of course', the Englishman replied.

The Frenchman, cracking his bubblegum between his teeth
and chuckling, said, 'We don't, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast,
then we put all the peels, seeds, leftovers in containers,
re-cycled and transformed in jams and sell them to England'.

After a moment of silence, the Englishman then asked, 'Do you
have sex in France?'

The Frenchman with an even bigger smirk said, 'Of course we do!'.

The Englishman then asked, 'What do you do with the condoms
once you used them?'

'We throw them away of course', the Frenchman replied.

The Englishman, with a devilish smile, replied, 'We don't, in
England, we put them in a container, recycle them by melting
them down into bubblegum and sell them in France!'.

[Thailord]

Pussy cat
Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today?
John is crying and say, I heard the postman tell mum. When the kid goes to school I'm gonna eat your pussy

[Thailord]

Condom vs kotek
Condom vs kotek, condom says 2 kotek when u work, my business is in loss for 7 days. Kotex replies- if u fail 2 work once, my business stops for 9 months.

[Thailord]

Kinky sex
Man says to wife" I fancy kinky sex ,how about I cum in your ear!
Wife says: No, I might go deaf!
Man Says: Bullshit! I've been cumming in your mouth for 20 yrs & you are still talking!.

[Thailord]

Retirement Sex!!!!
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'

[bakylotus]

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in
a bar. 'Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?'
he asked.

'I don't know' replied the beautiful young woman.
'Depends on how personal the question is'.

'Ok', the guy said. 'How many men have you slept
with?'

'I'm not going to tell you that', she replied. 'That's my
business'.

'Sorry', the guy said, 'I'didn't realised you make a
business out of it'.

[Caisheng]

nice joke here