Guilty Conscience Gf

[lightning]

Originally Posted by tigerprawn

Dear Angel,

I guess maybe it is girl's nature to want to twist and turn the truth for blaming the guy for making you have affairs.... so dont be too hard on yourself. Though seriously deep inside you know what the truth of the matter is. As per what i said in earlier message, my gf also did the same twisted everything round against me become my fault and she becomes the victim instead. At least for you, you have the courage to admit and realise that you were twisting the truth and feel sorry. So there is still hope for you if you really treasure and want to try at making your relationship with your bf work.

Let me explain something to you so you may understand things better from a guy's prospective. Having been in the same shoes as your bf, I know perfectly his pains and hurts. It is one thing that you cheated on him. But what hurts even more and truly angers him and makes him snap is your twisting of the truth against him after you cheated on him. That is worse. 10 times worse. If you cheated and you feel remorseful and sorry, if he really loves you he will forgive you eventually although there will be pain but there wont be so much anger if he really loves you. However, your twisting of the truth against him is what really hurts him more cos that kind of action totally displays an absolute disrespect and unrepentence for what you had done wrong. It is like you drive a car hit down an old lady then you blame the old lady somemore that she use her body to dent your car and dirty your car with her blood so therefore she should compensate you cos you are the victim. This kind of twisted logic is a kind of mental violence which can drive people mad.

So, I would suggest, if you are still really serious about wanting to try to make it work with your bf, then have a good heart to heart talk with him. First of all, make peace on everything. Apologise not just for the cheatings BUT also on your twisting of truths against him, tell him it is because you were so afraid and scared at that moment that you did not know what to do and did so only out of sheer fear and you are truly remorseful and regret what you did. That you know your actions had hurt him deeply and you are sincerely sorry. That is a starting point. Then you talk about whether both parties still want to try and if so, what efforts both parties will make together TOGETHER to try to improve and make the relationship work. You said that he works too hard and may neglect you, is that true? if so, bring it up to him too and I am sure he will be willing to adjust accordingly....
Wishing both of you happiness eventually.

Bravo and this is 1st time i ever aplaudded to anyone in here, this is a good one and will up ur points 4 this wonderful answer

[colins]

Originally Posted by Angel_Sg

Although he said that he forgave me, I know he will not forget. Can guys really forget?

Forgive and forget is entirely different. Forgiving, to me, is for that moment when everything has been consolidate and weighed. If I still like the girl I have no choice but to forgive. And I will tell the girl that I forgave her, like I did, for my first gf, I even married her later.

Until now, however, I can still vividly remember her confessions. I still remembers, during that moment of confession, how everything suddenly made sense, her absence, her manners, her behaviour when she was stealing.

The question should be, whether guys can forget or not, will they still live with it without considering whether you will steal again.

After a person choose to fall for other, there is only so much choice left. If he enjoys it, it is a happy world with many wonderful possibilities. If he feels tied up, the opposite becomes true. Many people do not know that this is a conscious choice, people who know this are able to choose to enjoy it. For people who doesn't, he will constantly plague himself with bonds, these bonds can then be anything from your flings, your behaviour or the relationship in general.

Your bf knows how to choose, and hopefully he continues to choose to enjoy it.

[tigerprawn]

Originally Posted by lightning

Bravo and this is 1st time i ever aplaudded to anyone in here, this is a good one and will up ur points 4 this wonderful answer

Thank you Bro. I am honoured.

[pippo]

Nolah ts u cheated on ur bf and admitted. That is weapon for his arsenal in the future. If you feel that guilty, then you should shoulder your guilt yourself. Do not make his life difficult. It is painful for him wen you told him, but trust me he will be thinking of you banging someone else whenever he feels insecure, because...you have shown you are capable of doing it.

I'm no sexist, same if you are a guy. Some more you gf/bf, breakup and start anew. Both of you would be better off.

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by combatus

well....if u still find that u r not the sort that can remain faithful & cant b a 1 man woman, then maybe u r mean to b a hotwife....& if yr bf cant accept that, it may be better u find someone else......

....im juz being frank here......no offense...

Originally Posted by Gerald Tan

Hi Angel,
I guess you have done the 'side affairs' becoz u have high sex drive or like sex very much...

Originally Posted by jng1103

aiya... a slut is always a slut... just like a womaniser, always flirting around. take it easy lor...

Just chanced upon this thread, usually lurking in the forum

Can't help but to be bias towards the above quotes, coz a similar "guilt" thingy has brought me here where I am today.... feeling at home in this forum... ya, lurking in the FL section... haha

Suffice to say that I once was a "good-good-mister" and had a wonderful GF, until I've had a taste of the darkside.... everything else is history.

Oh, my GF was SUPER DUPER forgiving too... but maybe because of that, and maybe becoz I can't forgive myself (just maybe hor)... that's why I decided to leave her (sounds like a "great" thing, but more likely is my big FAT lame excuse) and pursue my "alternate" lifestyle. I'm not the sort that can remain faithful, I've tried but failed and was forgiven time and again... I discovered another me

Not suggesting you do likewise, but I do empathize with you on the STRONG guilt conscience... which is the subject. Do some soul searching, a retreat or something. Get to know more goody people and seek their advice... but lurking around this forum looking for answers tell me something about what you MAY be thinking oredi. I hope I'm wrong, but it's just so familiar...

Sorrie if this is another nail!
Perhaps you're not looking for dear agony advice, but is trying to figure out what you want.

~ The answers to your question may not be the solution to your problem ~

[pussyman72]

well ur bf said that he forgive u and will never bring up the incident again but u can never be able to make him think diff about u after that incident.

are u able to accept when u go out late/ go out with ur male friends and ur bf start to asking alot of questions?

are u able to take it? ask urself this question. once u break the cup no matter how u glue it there will always be a crack. so what will u do if he keep asking n checking. there wont be much trust anymore that is for sure.

it could take very long time for this to heal. we are not talking about months, it maybe yrs and even yrs he may sometime recall back what u have done to him and proberly yell at u for no reason.

u already have taken away his love and throw it into a drain. no matter what u do u can never make up to him. why cos u abuse his trust on u.

are u willing to stop all ur activities like cheong disco, pubs n be good a girl friend finish work go back home and dont go out late???

well i only can said to u. be good maybe times will tell whether he will really forget it. no need to said make up to him. even u give him the best bj n fj u still wont be able to make him forget what u have did in the past.

he proberly screwing u n think about what other man did to u when u have sex with others. did u notice any change in having sex with him is it the same as b4??

so good luck to u. if u cannot do it what i just said then it better off u leave him. be alone n do ur ons again maybe it will be good for both.

no point forcing urself just to be with him when u cannot stop doing those crap to ur bf. even u are touch by him for forgiving u after u did unfaithful things to him.

[pussyman72]

[QUOTE=colins;2705966]Forgive and forget is entirely different. Forgiving, to me, is for that moment when everything has been consolidate and weighed. If I still like the girl I have no choice but to forgive.

The question should be, whether guys can forget or not, will they still live with it without considering whether you will steal again.
QUOTE]

well agree with what u said. forgive a person is easy but to forget it going to be hard especially unfaithfulness.

even yrs guys can just sit there doing nothing n when think what the gf have did to them long ago they get piss off and their mood start to swing. why it hard not to think that the one they love most was being own by somebody else when they are still together.

it cannot be avoided. we love is very powerful but when the faith are being abuse to build back the faith is no longer as easy as before. even when talking to the gf and hear a guy in the background will triggle the incident again.

we are all human lor so cannot said forget means forget. is like working lor
we can do 99% good work but we screw up badly in one task. boss will remember the bad things n not the 99% good work u dont for him. so same logic

[chick]

Well said...

I have been in the same shoes too.....

It was an eight years nightmare. After 4 affairs, I broke off with my ex but 2 years down the road, we got together again as she seems really set to settle down and commit, but guess what... the same history repeating itself again, and this time round, I broke off after 1 affair she had and I never ever want to see nor speak to her again.

After another 3 years of hating girls, shanking away from all girls, I finally recovered from the nightmare and found a girl who's really nice to me, who helped me get out of it and make peace within my heart.

But I can never ever forget, just have to learn from the experience and move on with my life...

Originally Posted by tigerprawn

Dear Angel,

I guess maybe it is girl's nature to want to twist and turn the truth for blaming the guy for making you have affairs.... so dont be too hard on yourself. Though seriously deep inside you know what the truth of the matter is. As per what i said in earlier message, my gf also did the same twisted everything round against me become my fault and she becomes the victim instead. At least for you, you have the courage to admit and realise that you were twisting the truth and feel sorry. So there is still hope for you if you really treasure and want to try at making your relationship with your bf work.

Let me explain something to you so you may understand things better from a guy's prospective. Having been in the same shoes as your bf, I know perfectly his pains and hurts. It is one thing that you cheated on him. But what hurts even more and truly angers him and makes him snap is your twisting of the truth against him after you cheated on him. That is worse. 10 times worse. If you cheated and you feel remorseful and sorry, if he really loves you he will forgive you eventually although there will be pain but there wont be so much anger if he really loves you. However, your twisting of the truth against him is what really hurts him more cos that kind of action totally displays an absolute disrespect and unrepentence for what you had done wrong. It is like you drive a car hit down an old lady then you blame the old lady somemore that she use her body to dent your car and dirty your car with her blood so therefore she should compensate you cos you are the victim. This kind of twisted logic is a kind of mental violence which can drive people mad.

So, I would suggest, if you are still really serious about wanting to try to make it work with your bf, then have a good heart to heart talk with him. First of all, make peace on everything. Apologise not just for the cheatings BUT also on your twisting of truths against him, tell him it is because you were so afraid and scared at that moment that you did not know what to do and did so only out of sheer fear and you are truly remorseful and regret what you did. That you know your actions had hurt him deeply and you are sincerely sorry. That is a starting point. Then you talk about whether both parties still want to try and if so, what efforts both parties will make together TOGETHER to try to improve and make the relationship work. You said that he works too hard and may neglect you, is that true? if so, bring it up to him too and I am sure he will be willing to adjust accordingly.

Last but not least, you asked if a guy can forget even if he forgives? I think this applies to everyone the same not just guys. What are you asking about forgetting? That he totally wipe and erase it from his memory as if the incidents never happened? That is unrealistic and asking too much. We all must take responsibilities for our faults and actions. The best he can do already is to forgive. You cant wipe away what that has already happened and pretend that it never occured. That would be pretending and not real. On the other hand, if he can face the hurting truths and still forgive you, he truly loves you. It doesnt matter whether he remembers or not. What is past is past - wiping it out is not the solution. It is about letting go. If he can let go of the past in full knowledge of the past, then he has truly moved on and forgiven you. That should be the forgiving you be seeking, NOT pretending things never happened.

Good luck and all the best to the both of you. I wrote especially long for this thread cos I can personally relate and feel your bf's pain having gone through this myself. Believe me, you may think you know how painful he feels but you have absolutely no idea the level and depth of hurt and pain he has gone through for you to forgive you and continue to love you. Many guys would have slapped you and left. Some even slit your throat. So, this may be something worthwhile of your cherish and treasure.

Wishing both of you happiness eventually.

So, Angel. What you really need to do, is to fully understand what you want... Else, you will just be hurting both yourself and ur bf. There will always be moments in life when that 'nightmare' flashes across your and his mind..... it can never be erased but it is important to know how to deal with it and move on.

[Angel_Sg]

I really did all the advice that you guys given. Surprising him is one of them. Giving him the best bj and fj is the only thing to make him happy. Initially, I do find so much different when we are having sex. I know he must be thinking of my flings but I just do not dare to ask him. Now, he our sex is more loving. I really can feel it. Although he really never mention about my flings, but the fact is I did.......

[Hugo168]

Originally Posted by Angel_Sg

I really did all the advice that you guys given. Surprising him is one of them. Giving him the best bj and fj is the only thing to make him happy. Initially, I do find so much different when we are having sex. I know he must be thinking of my flings but I just do not dare to ask him. Now, he our sex is more loving. I really can feel it. Although he really never mention about my flings, but the fact is I did.......

Look forward not backwards the past is history, What is more important is how the future is planned, love was never about hating or remembering what is in the past but loving and look forward towards the future

[Hugo168]

Originally Posted by tigerprawn

Dear Angel,
I guess maybe it is girl's nature to want to twist and turn the truth for blaming the guy for making you have affairs.... so dont be too hard on yourself.

to twist and turn is human nature for avoiding confrontation it can happen to anyone not just girls, we always blame others for our own problems, typical human behaviour.

[wukong68]

Originally Posted by Angel_Sg

I really did all the advice that you guys given. Surprising him is one of them. Giving him the best bj and fj is the only thing to make him happy. Initially, I do find so much different when we are having sex. I know he must be thinking of my flings but I just do not dare to ask him. Now, he our sex is more loving. I really can feel it. Although he really never mention about my flings, but the fact is I did.......

Hi Angel_Sg,

What's done cannot be undone.
Giving him the best BJ or FJ to him is the best you can do for now.
Things will improve. Time heals all wounds. Afterall, good thing is both of u still enjoys sex with each other! thats a consolation and good thing.

Wrap up the past and move on Angel

[cuntology]

Depends on what you wanna do. If all you are thinking of for the future is just good sex ... then I think, let it be and carry

[lightning]

Originally Posted by Angel_Sg

I really did all the advice that you guys given. Surprising him is one of them. Giving him the best bj and fj is the only thing to make him happy. Initially, I do find so much different when we are having sex. I know he must be thinking of my flings but I just do not dare to ask him. Now, he our sex is more loving. I really can feel it. Although he really never mention about my flings, but the fact is I did.......

If u really feel for him n luv him then just move on with him. put the past behind and embrace new life. who never err in the past? most impt is that one is willing to turn back from mistakes. learn to accept the painful past and let time heal both ur wounds. he never mention abt ur past cos he fear causing u pain, u bring up the issues cos u felt gulity. just learn and move on...

[(o)(o) Tuner]

Truth has written in your bf's brain and I believe there is no way he can forget, unless he becomes a vegetable.

He may have forgiven you now, wat about the near future? If he brings out your pasts again after a heated arguement, are you prepare for him leave you?