Lest I be misunderstood, what I said about non-monogamy applies equally to women as well as to men. In other words, if a female decides to take on a lover, her husband shouldn't kick up a big fuss. And the latest science research is supportive of this finding, so it's not just my belief, but belief backed by the best evidence -- humans, both males and females, have a natural tendency to seek sexual variety.
Marriage as a notion for raising families needs updating especially when today, having sex does not mean that children will follow. Concepts such as open marriages are worthy of greater exploration but can only be accepted if all parties involved are sexually enlightened. Unfortunately, even from the postings in this and other threads, as well as from my personal experience, most people are still highly myopic when it comes to sexual matters.
i've got a radical idea.
In the future, humans can rely on a central sperm bank, mandatory sperm donation by males, as a source for reproduction.
women before 30 who want to give birth can just go to the bank for sperms. they can be presented with a catalog so that they can choose what kind of baby to give birth to. women upon reaching 30 is a must to get pregnant will be told to get sperms from the bank or have sex with any male they so choose to.
the government will be the one taking care of the pregnant women after they have reached 2months of pregnancy or to the stage they are needed to be taken care of, which ever comes first, until they give birth.
after they give birth, they can choose to keep the baby or let it stay in the hospital to wait for adoption.
babies, after 1 year of birth, who are still in the hospital because no one adopts them, will be sent to the orphanage where they will continue to be developed as useful citizens
most importantly, make abortion illegal.
the above method can stop people from aborting as all living expenses of the pregnant women will be taken care of during their pregnancy and that abortion is illegal.
under the above system, there will not be such a thing called marriage. without marriage there can never be such things called divorce or cheating.
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since there is no free lunch in this world, i prefer to pay for each lunch after eating straightaway..life is made up of transactions. never pay in instalments.
With the increasingly high cost of living in Singapore, will you still consider marrying? Or will you just ons / pcc / fl all the way till you are old?
I think every bro knows the pros of getting married and staying single so I shall just state the cons..
cons of getting married:
1) hdb loan - risk of getting heavily in debt and if you are out of job, there's almost no chance you can clear the debts
2) child expenses - if you calculate the total cost up till you send your child to college, the expenses are enormous. we will not know how much will that be in future but it will definitely be higher than the current cost because of inflation.
If you add the above two together, just having a normal day job will sink you into the depths of debt once you get married and have kids.
cons of staying single:
1) no kids to look after you - if you look at statistics, apparently many grown up kids are sending their parents to nursing homes (especially after the encouragement from the government...) so I wonder if that con still stand.
2) no permanent sex partner - though some bros are married, most are complaining not having enough and want variety. since getting married risk us becoming nuns and monks, why bother taking such a risk?
as long as we take the necessary precautions, hiring FLs may not be as bad as it seems...agree?
I think just hiring FL and be sentimental on bed (with lovey dovey words like "i love you") for that one session and after that, forget about everything and carry on with life..isnt it more low costing??
bros, enlighten me with your opinions..
Braddah, your post fails to value to love and be loved which are priceless. Also, Braddah, you fail to price in extending the family legacy which is also priceless. Braddah, if pay to play is the way to go for you then that's great for you. Braddah, I just say its not normal and and you will be unhappy if you thinks its the right thing to do. SG society maybe er thinks you are a fool?
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Ask not what SG society can do for you but what you can do for SG society.
Braddah, your post fails to value to love and be loved which are priceless. Also, Braddah, you fail to price in extending the family legacy which is also priceless. Braddah, if pay to play is the way to go for you then that's great for you. Braddah, I just say its not normal and and you will be unhappy if you thinks its the right thing to do. SG society maybe er thinks you are a fool?
Science has the evidence to show that monogamy is not normal. Those who are monogamous either have low libidos or suffer in stealth using outlets such as porn. There is also lots of tension and marital discord because of attempts to remain "faithful". Humans have lived with monogamy for ten thousand years (or so) with very mixed results. But through cultural indoctrination from childhood, most people still assume that one man-one woman is the only way to go. It clearly isn't, and the sooner one wakes up to this, the greater the chances of becoming a happier person.
Braddah, your post fails to value to love and be loved which are priceless. Also, Braddah, you fail to price in extending the family legacy which is also priceless. Braddah, if pay to play is the way to go for you then that's great for you. Braddah, I just say its not normal and and you will be unhappy if you thinks its the right thing to do. SG society maybe er thinks you are a fool?
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Originally Posted by sgjoey
Science has the evidence to show that monogamy is not normal. Those who are monogamous either have low libidos or suffer in stealth using outlets such as porn. There is also lots of tension and marital discord because of attempts to remain "faithful". Humans have lived with monogamy for ten thousand years (or so) with very mixed results. But through cultural indoctrination from childhood, most people still assume that one man-one woman is the only way to go. It clearly isn't, and the sooner one wakes up to this, the greater the chances of becoming a happier person.
I agree in what sgjoey bro says about what science has proven. people getting together in the name of love is actually nothing more than just a chemical reaction in our bodies which lasts for 18 months or so. after the chemistry is gone, we are pretty much left on our own. love between couples is temporary. it is not difficult to realize that those who strayed are the males ones who are willing to spend money on mistresses and the more physically well maintained female ones. the ones who remain "faithful" are more likely the less good looking ones and stingy ones. lol. cos if you boil everything down to simple animal logic, people go for pretty things and power, in this case, money attracts more opposite genders. fortunately or unfortunately, people are alot more sophisticated so as to come out with the marriage concept.
however people in society cannot accept non-monogamy, especially the government and the female. government cannot afford to lose marriage as the effective system to raise up the next generation of worker bees to fuel the country's economy. female age faster and if they were to accept non-monogamy, some of their value is gonna drop to rock bottom as without marriage, the males are not obliged to take care of them anymore. and of course I'm just generalizing here. some males are weaker than females and some females will love the idea of non-monogamy. the problem is that the current number is not enough to tilt the table.
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since there is no free lunch in this world, i prefer to pay for each lunch after eating straightaway..life is made up of transactions. never pay in instalments.
You can play, flirt, f around for all you want, WHEN you are single, but once you meet the right one, time to stop all your nonsense. Being a victim of two-timed, not once, but twice.. all i can say is, it totally sucks, and it hurts really badly.
Just imagine that you are working hard to bring money home to your wife, and home.. but behind your back shes screwing someone else..and at the end when you divorce.. you still have to pay her?! wth... my friend's ex wife, was fooling around behind his back, and despite all the evidence against her? he was ordered to give her half of his assets... millions of dollars worth of properties etc.. for what?
the law is outdated. the lawmakers will not see that as an issue until some thing big happens. look at the fertility rate and number of people getting married to locals? the effect is starting to become more obvious..
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since there is no free lunch in this world, i prefer to pay for each lunch after eating straightaway..life is made up of transactions. never pay in instalments.
Braddah, your post fails to value to love and be loved which are priceless. Also, Braddah, you fail to price in extending the family legacy which is also priceless. Braddah, if pay to play is the way to go for you then that's great for you. Braddah, I just say its not normal and and you will be unhappy if you thinks its the right thing to do. SG society maybe er thinks you are a fool?
Braddah, to some people, love is something imagined and elusive. It shouldn't be said that it isn't normal nor the right thing to do as for many people, it just doesn't happen. Its like seeing the paranormal, do you believe in it? I have experienced it a couple of times but for those who haven't, they will tell you it isn't for real.
We can't foretell what happens in the future. Sexual compatibility is important no doubt, but to base your union solely on that may be rather risky. In the best case scenario: over the next 10+++yrs your sex-kitten-gf blooms into a sex-tigress, and she maintains her knockout body & boobs; as well as her nirvana-inducing sexual skills. BUT kids, work, bills will come in... How? If she's unable to maintain her USPs (unique selling points) & there was no emotional/mental connection in the first place, love & affection straight out of the window?
This is a good point and the point I am driving at. Whether she will be bloomed into a sex-tigress remains to be seen. There is a discussion intiated by muscleboi which argues that the sex and emotion should be separated. Fundamentally, I agree with that. But the structure of society also means that it is practically unachievable in most circumstances lest cheating. As a practitioner of that theory via cheating, I realised that it is inherently stressful. There are some people who derived thrills from being smart and juggling well. For me, I considered myself juggling pretty well. But it is still stressful and I do not really enjoy it though I was easily succumb to temptations.
I don't agree that men need varieties. At least for my case, if there is a girl that can satisfy my sexual needs super well, I will be contented. Which happens to my current girl.
So for my current girl, I can foresee that she can maintain her USP for the next 10 years, which means that I will remain 'faithful' for that period of time. As for my ex, there is no guarantee that I can even remain 'faithful' for that period of time though I am emotionally happier with her. Which is worse?
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Aside from considering whether your sex-kitten-gf vs emo-connect-exgf would be a better marriage partner, have you thought carefully if YOU yourself are suited for marriage ?
You've yet to be married & already thinking of possibly seeking flings. Then why bother committing yourself -- better to be single right?
You are probably right and its something that I have thought about.
While I have seen people who are happily married, there are also people (and my perception is the latter is more than the former) who actually cheated after marriage. So how many people are actually suited to get married? Why do we want to get married? One of the reasons is probably the companionship thoughout the lifetime.
I am in pretty good shape now and I have the liberty to choose a lifetime partner. Do I want to wait till I am a dirty old man and die alone in the street?
This is a good point and the point I am driving at. Whether she will be bloomed into a sex-tigress remains to be seen. There is a discussion intiated by muscleboi which argues that the sex and emotion should be separated. Fundamentally, I agree with that. But the structure of society also means that it is practically unachievable in most circumstances lest cheating. As a practitioner of that theory via cheating, I realised that it is inherently stressful. There are some people who derived thrills from being smart and juggling well. For me, I considered myself juggling pretty well. But it is still stressful and I do not really enjoy it though I was easily succumb to temptations.
I don't agree that men need varieties. At least for my case, if there is a girl that can satisfy my sexual needs super well, I will be contented. Which happens to my current girl.
So for my current girl, I can foresee that she can maintain her USP for the next 10 years, which means that I will remain 'faithful' for that period of time. As for my ex, there is no guarantee that I can even remain 'faithful' for that period of time though I am emotionally happier with her. Which is worse?
While I have seen people who are happily married, there are also people (and my perception is the latter is more than the former) who actually cheated after marriage. So how many people are actually suited to get married? Why do we want to get married? One of the reasons is probably the companionship thoughout the lifetime.
I am in pretty good shape now and I have the liberty to choose a lifetime partner. Do I want to wait till I am a dirty old man and die alone in the street?
Pretty valid points & I applaud you for being honest about no guarantees on remaining faithful.
We are constantly evolving & our priorities & values do change at every phase of our lives. I know that myself & some of my friends (both males & females) have come to wish for different things compared to a decade ago. Some of us married someone who complemented us intellectually & emotionally because at that time we seriously did not "crave" sex ; presently there's often that wistful wish for more physical excitement.
Those who sought to have sex-kittens/gorgeous vases as spouses, have come to bemoan the lack of mental connection & emotional intimacy.
There are plenty of threads abound in sbf which mirror what I witness in my own circle of friends... sobering I must say...
In spite of actually seeing & experiencing wreckage & having close shaves myself, I still believe in matrimony. Not just to have someone to keep me company; but someone whom I want to support, take care of & toil with, and with whom I want to raise children with. Perhaps I'm a masochist & perhaps it's all just bodily chemicals going haywire... hahaha..
Cheers... interesting discussion
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"Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." ~ John Lennon
Overdoing this, like any other thing, is bad. if you need your bf/husband to prove that they love you by giving in when you disagree having sex every single day, we see proving that we love you is nothing more than a tool. so the key is moderate.
yes, key is moderation plus good communication & respect. take for example, wifey work everyday, reach home still have to cook, clean the house and take care of the kids. you can't expect her to have the mood to have sex with you right?
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Originally Posted by muscleboi
that's why LSD girl should find LSD guy as their marriage partner so likewise for HSD people. the world will be much better.
can i disagree with you on this? no doubt sex is important but should never be one of the factors to consider when comes to marriage. besides, i believe the law or attraction of likes attracting likes.
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Originally Posted by muscleboi
i find women love to use security and stability to camouflage the direct requirement they find in a man, wealth. if a guy is rich, stability is almost guaranteed (unless he's into illegal business). if a guy is rich, even if he cheats on his wife, his wife can still find security in the money he has..
and of course I seriously don't blame modern women having that mindset. money is simply the single most important thing in this world that we need to be secured with food and shelter. women seek money(security and stability) so that their offsprings can be well taken care of. in the caveman age, physical strength is the security and stability women seek from men. in this time and age, money is the single biggest equivalent for security and stability.
the reason why they say they seek security and stability without mentioning about money is so that people don't see them as looking for cashcows. please enlighten me if you find the above not agreeable and I will love to know why.
sweetie, i think you have mistaken my taking on this.
when i say stability and security, what i meant was;
stability: to be able to have a stable job, stable income to be able to pay the bills, housing, kids, parents and savings for emergency together as a married couple.
security: someone with good character and personality who understand his partner, showing care and concern to his partner and someone who have mutual trust and respect for each other and no bad habits like gambling.
again, the above is just my own opinion as a female and doesn't relfects on the female as whole.
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Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat.
In case you need to know, I am a female raver in my Mid 30s.
yes, key is moderation plus good communication & respect. take for example, wifey work everyday, reach home still have to cook, clean the house and take care of the kids. you can't expect her to have the mood to have sex with you right?
I will help if it's me. of course talk is cheap. anyone can say but not everyone can do. sweaty sex after house cleaning can be sexy. provided it's not too smelly..my nose is sensitive.
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Originally Posted by EatPrayLove
can i disagree with you on this? no doubt sex is important but should never be one of the factors to consider when comes to marriage. besides, i believe the law or attraction of likes attracting likes.
unless both parties can't physically do the act, I think sex should be a consideration looking at so many married bros here posting their dissatisfaction with their wives and forced(indirectly) to cheat. yes, I believe in the law of attraction too.
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Originally Posted by EatPrayLove
sweetie, i think you have mistaken my taking on this.
when i say stability and security, what i meant was;
stability: to be able to have a stable job, stable income to be able to pay the bills, housing, kids, parents and savings for emergency together as a married couple.
security: someone with good character and personality who understand his partner, showing care and concern to his partner and someone who have mutual trust and respect for each other and no bad habits like gambling.
again, the above is just my own opinion as a female and doesn't relfects on the female as whole.
ahh, then you got a point there. in a way, wealth can solve the above issues but also create new problems (guys who have extra Moolah are said to be more prone to cheating) so you are looking for a just-right-amount-of-wealth guy, not too little not too much.
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since there is no free lunch in this world, i prefer to pay for each lunch after eating straightaway..life is made up of transactions. never pay in instalments.
I will help if it's me. of course talk is cheap. anyone can say but not everyone can do.
but darling, how many men in SG are willing to do so?
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Originally Posted by muscleboi
ahh, then you got a point there. in a way, wealth can solve the above issues but also create new problems (guys who have extra Moolah are said to be more prone to cheating) so you are looking for a just-right-amount-of-wealth guy, not too little not too much.
there's this chinese phrase: 门当户对. it's kinda traditional, but i still believe in it. i believe in finding a partner with similarity rather than differences. meaning, everything must be equal or according to ratio.
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Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat.
In case you need to know, I am a female raver in my Mid 30s.
from a female POV, if there is a choice, i would choose to be single rather than getting into marriage. simply because cost of living is really high and the fear of being cheated by husband is too much for me to bear.
but then again, all female craved for that sense of belong and fulfilment to have a complete family which they can call their own. not too sure if men felt the same?
I think I can answer you.
I too, feel the sense of belonging to have a complete familly. Just that I cant seem to settle down with the right one.
I admit, I play around. but that is because I have lost the faith in marriage and most girls. It seems like the good ones are alreadybtaken and I was too slow in getting them since I took on a very different career path than the normal Sporean guy. And by the time I am ready to have a family, I can't find.
Sometimes, I think I work hard for my nieces ad nephews future rather than my own kids, if I ever have one.
In my most ideal world, I think if you are be able to find a woman who have the following qualities
1) who don't mind the fact that you do not want to be married/tied down.
2) who loves sex as much as you do
3) who is willing to bear you children without you being committed to marriage.
Of course you must be responsible for her, and the children lives. You must have the financial capabilities to support her(ie pay for the house, household, car, etc). In this situation you can still have a family and have sex all the time, without being married.
If things turn sour, you don't have split your assets with her, and won't turn too messy. Afterall you have been single all these while.
Very true.
Actually there are 2 girls who knows each other in my life who are like that. Just that I feel great disservice doing that to them because they are so understandingand so nice. That is y I have an open policyto them an want them to seek for their furture partners out there before committing such ridiculous terms with me.
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since there is no free lunch in this world, i prefer to pay for each lunch after eating straightaway..life is made up of transactions. never pay in instalments.
20-02-2012, 12:12 AM
; presently there's often that wistful wish for more physical excitement.
Perhaps I'm a masochist & perhaps it's all just bodily chemicals going haywire... hahaha.. 
