Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[bonoedge]

Hey bro Kangtuo,

Thanks for your kind words. I truely appreciate what you are telling me. It never felt good to know that she has to go out with customers at night. Never felt good. Everytime the other guy called, i have to keep quiet. But then, she always put him on speaker and makes me listen to what the guy has to say and it's really boring. Everytime the guy sms her, she makes me help her to reply. This is indeed very weird.

That is why I have decided to talk to her about it. To marry her is easy, but then, to support her is not going to be that easy. I have since taken up giving tuition to ramp up my earnings. Hopefully I can earn 1K more per month from now.

I tried to finish the relationship with her once but she cried so much that my heart went soft again. I've not given her alot of money (around $3000), and she had seen my parents already. We always spend the night at my place now, cutting down on the expensive overnight hotel trips. Hopefully she can take what I'm going to tell her, cause the last time we had a conversation like that, it caused her alot of stress. So much that she grinds her teeth at night when she sleeps.

I can forget her past and her present job disturbs me. Been causing me alot of stress too. She's not perfect, but she is indeed good to me. Thanks for reading![/QUOTE]

Bro,

kudos to you for ur determination in making this relationship work out. But when it comes to marrying, its will become a different ball game.

I was with a Viet girl for 4yrs(on & off) . Almost in the stage of considering marriage when i found out she has been contacting former customers/bf...obviously for $$$. That when i realised the absolute fact if u r u not able to give her the $$ she wants, she will continue to find ways to get $$.

Now my ex is married to a singaporean. However, she is now currently back to working scene as she claim husband cant give what she want. Nowadays she would cont to call me out for supper after her work which end up in love making session. I know this might be wrong on my part but cant control...

sharing my personal experience... there's no hurry to commit to anything bro...hope u r able to have a clearer view...

[DaveChan888]

Hey bro Kangtuo,

Thanks for your kind words. I truely appreciate what you are telling me. It never felt good to know that she has to go out with customers at night. Never felt good. Everytime the other guy called, i have to keep quiet. But then, she always put him on speaker and makes me listen to what the guy has to say and it's really boring. Everytime the guy sms her, she makes me help her to reply. This is indeed very weird.

That is why I have decided to talk to her about it. To marry her is easy, but then, to support her is not going to be that easy. I have since taken up giving tuition to ramp up my earnings. Hopefully I can earn 1K more per month from now.

I tried to finish the relationship with her once but she cried so much that my heart went soft again. I've not given her alot of money (around $3000), and she had seen my parents already. We always spend the night at my place now, cutting down on the expensive overnight hotel trips. Hopefully she can take what I'm going to tell her, cause the last time we had a conversation like that, it caused her alot of stress. So much that she grinds her teeth at night when she sleeps.

I can forget her past and her present job disturbs me. Been causing me alot of stress too. She's not perfect, but she is indeed good to me. Thanks for reading!

Hey bro Joob!

Your post has captured my attention simply because I've found myself in a pretty much exact situation as yours.

Basically, I've been seeing this pretty mid-20 Vietnamese working girl for a few good months. She works at the Brix bar at the Hyatt hotel. Just as with your girl, mine also declares her unconditional "love" for me. She would talk about future marriage, family, children, and she would show her anger, jealousy to prove her love to me. When she's with me, she would also put her client's calls on loud speaker and allows me to listen to their conversations. I'm suspicious this is just a method to build false trust. And, last but not least, she would also always ask for money from me after each love session.

I'm not sure if this is their trick to fool us "customers" to remain faithful to them. What I fear most is this is the way the want to win over our heart and mind, in order to, swindle bigger sums of money as we become more and more indulged in our lustful activity with them and more committed to a future with them.

I'm very confused. I very much hope that by having a dialogue with you I can clear up this huge dilemma I'm struggling with.

Do reply when you have time!

Take care bro!
Dave

[SingViet]

If you want to get married, make sure you can support yr family. If you think that if you earn less, better that you marry a vietnamese, then you are very wrong. Vietnamese spouse have to support their family back in vietnam most of the time. This can come up to a few hundred dollars each month. If you are not able to support your vietnamese wife, you may find her going back to her old trade. This is the reason why sometimes we get to read about vietnamese lady with Singapore PR kanna caught in the vice trade in Singapore. Come to think about it, they can earn a few K a month, most of the time much higher than what the singaporean husband can earn.

So please consider considerfully, if you cannot support, then forget it.

[SingViet]

Police shoot dead five armed robbersBy Bernama

2009/03/07

Five armed men, believed to be Vietnamese who had staged a robbery, were killed in a shootout with police at Km15.7 of the Butterworth-Kulim Expressway (BKE) here early today. State police chief Datuk Wira Ayub Yaakob said they were among eight men suspected to have robbed 11 Vietnamese at a hostel in Taman Perak, Kulim, in Kedah and were making their getaway to Seberang Jaya in two cars.

The five, in a silver Perodua Kenari, were stopped by a police team along the BKE at 3.10am but they starting firing at the police, their shots hitting the rear windscreen of the police patrol car, he said.

"The policemen, in defence, fired several shots at the car and killed the five men in it," he told reporters after flagging off a community and Rakan Cop treasure hunt at the Penang police headquarters, here.

Ayub said a team of five policemen on duty, acting on a tip-off from their counterparts in Kulim, came across the robbers at the Penanti rest and recreation area but the latter sped off on seeing the police.

However, he said, another police team managed to stop the car at Km15.7 of the BKE.

"A pistol, a live bullet, two ski masks, 11 machetes, a metal cutter and a crowbar were found in the car which had false registration plates," he said.

Preliminary investigation showed that the car was reported missing on Oct 20 last year, he added.

Ayub said the bodies of the five men were sent to the Seberang Jaya Hospital.

He also said that Penang police would help their counterparts in Kulim to track down the three other men who had escaped in another car.

Ayub said the state police had launched a special operation code-named "Ops Rantau" to monitor criminal cases involving foreigners, especially Vietnamese, who might have lost their jobs due to cost-cutting by factories due to the economic downturn.

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by SingViet

If you want to get married, make sure you can support yr family. If you think that if you earn less, better that you marry a vietnamese, then you are very wrong. Vietnamese spouse have to support their family back in vietnam most of the time. This can come up to a few hundred dollars each month. .

You are right bro. Let these words be understood clearly by bros who are planning to get married with a ex working viet gal.
Because of their limited education, their choice for high income jobs are almost zero. At most they can get is retail assitant like those at This Fashion, or production worker. But that is if she is versed with spoken Mandarin and some English in the first place.
In the past when they work in the night trade they can get at least 1.5 to 2K provided they must go hotel with customers. With that amount they can portion a good part of the $ to provide comfortably for their family. So after quitting and marrying SG men, that amount most likely stays the same. Like what bro singviet mentioned, it can come up to a few hundred.
Moreover, the mother-in-law and the rest WILL ALWAYS think that their SG son-in-law is rich, regardless if they are nice or bad people. So in short, we the husband cannot run away from this duty.

When we want to marry a ex working gal, a viet gal. Dun just think about the "love", the sex, the companionship. But think about her virtue, your financial capability; THINK REALITY.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Police shoot dead five armed robbersBy Bernama

2009/03/07

Five armed men, believed to be Vietnamese who had staged a robbery, were killed in a shootout with police at Km15.7 of the Butterworth-Kulim Expressway (BKE) here early today. State police chief Datuk Wira Ayub Yaakob said they were among eight men suspected to have robbed 11 Vietnamese at a hostel in Taman Perak, Kulim, in Kedah and were making their getaway to Seberang Jaya in two cars.

This definitely put Vnese in bad press...dun augurs well here...no wonder look down by others...

[joob]

Originally Posted by ekemono

You are right bro. Let these words be understood clearly by bros who are planning to get married with a ex working viet gal.
Because of their limited education, their choice for high income jobs are almost zero. At most they can get is retail assitant like those at This Fashion, or production worker. But that is if she is versed with spoken Mandarin and some English in the first place.
In the past when they work in the night trade they can get at least 1.5 to 2K provided they must go hotel with customers. With that amount they can portion a good part of the $ to provide comfortably for their family. So after quitting and marrying SG men, that amount most likely stays the same. Like what bro singviet mentioned, it can come up to a few hundred.
Moreover, the mother-in-law and the rest WILL ALWAYS think that their SG son-in-law is rich, regardless if they are nice or bad people. So in short, we the husband cannot run away from this duty.

When we want to marry a ex working gal, a viet gal. Dun just think about the "love", the sex, the companionship. But think about her virtue, your financial capability; THINK REALITY.

Thanks to all the bro! These are really good advises. I am able to provide for her family for a few hundred each month. But If she needs more than a thousand each month, then it is really bye bye. Not going to get myself troubled with money all my life. We have talked about it, she knows.

As for contacting clients again after marriage, well, I've thought of that too. It's all about trust, but of course, not blind trust. I am thinking of bringing her overseas with me which my work allows. That will definitely stop her from contacting them. I have spoken to her too, she has decided not to go out with customer from now on also. The thing is, whenever she goes out with customer now, she will call me to tell me so that i know. This is to let me know she is safe and what she is doing. It never felt good. So, if I ever know if she goes out again, then it's bye bye again. My friend told me, better to let a knife pierce through your heart once, then let it poke you a thousand times.

My girl never ask me for money after our love making session. It's just like when a girlfriend sleeps over at your place. Only when she has really no money even to buy the basic stuffs will she ask me for $100 when we meet. I still can manage with it. I just need to control my own finances which I am very poor in. To me, if my gal continue to ask me for money after every love making session, I will suspect it something else other than love. Try not giving her money, see if she kicks up a big fuss, or refuse to pick up your calls again.

[Torres_Mok]

Originally Posted by joob

Thanks to all the bro! These are really good advises. I am able to provide for her family for a few hundred each month. But If she needs more than a thousand each month, then it is really bye bye.

One thing u also need to take note, whether ur gf parents r gamblers? majority of the viets r heavy gamblers, and always rely on the daughters to pay off their debts. a few hundred given by u per month is not enough to pay off the debts.

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by SingViet

This is the reason why sometimes we get to read about vietnamese lady with Singapore PR kanna caught in the vice trade in Singapore. Come to think about it, they can earn a few K a month, most of the time much higher than what the singaporean husband can earn.

So please consider considerfully, if you cannot support, then forget it.

Originally Posted by ekemono

You are right bro. Let these words be understood clearly by bros who are planning to get married with a ex working viet gal.
Because of their limited education, their choice for high income jobs are almost zero.

When we want to marry a ex working gal, a viet gal. Dun just think about the "love", the sex, the companionship. But think about her virtue, your financial capability; THINK REALITY.

Although I do meet some vn gals with Sillypore fiancee / husband at pub, I would still say that not all ex WL will go back to the vice trade after marry. I come to know 3 cases:

1) the ex-WL is only meeting up vn friends in pub and not working. Report home early.

2) the husband is low educated truck driver. Dun earn much to support his ex WL wife. This ex WL do not go back to vice tade but earn from the gals in this vice trade in order to supprt her family back in vn. (room rental, money lending and remittence)

3)the husband is only and avrage salary worker. Open small store in Sillypore to let his ex WL run the biz which still manageable and generate income to support her family back in vn.

All this 3 ex WL have great virtue and knows how to think.

The few I met in pubs are usually having gambling problem, drug problem, big big financial problem in vn all due to spending habit. I wonder why still some sillypore guys can want these gals a fiancee and wife.

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by DaveChan888

Basically, I've been seeing this pretty mid-20 Vietnamese working girl for a few good months.

I'm very confused. I very much hope that by having a dialogue with you I can clear up this huge dilemma I'm struggling with.

Originally Posted by joob

I have spoken to her too, she has decided not to go out with customer from now on also. The thing is, whenever she goes out with customer now, she will call me to tell me so that i know. This is to let me know she is safe and what she is doing. It never felt good. So, if I ever know if she goes out again, then it's bye bye again. My friend told me, better to let a knife pierce through your heart once, then let it poke you a thousand times.

If you only know the gals only a few months do not commit too much. You should stand back and observe.

I kana the some old tricks by many WL also, saying they love me, get really jealous when i hug or talk to other gals, show me every sms of customer in their handphone, let me listen to their conversation etc. All these gals whent o bed with me and never ask for $ as in cold hard cash. But after few session and especially about time to go back VN, they will start to ask for airticket, gift for family in vn, paying rent and etc. They always claim that they are different from other gals who ask for $.

Good luck DaveChan888 and joob. I have been in the cheonging scene for sometimes liao and know the tricks up in their sleeve.

Just being curious...
have you guys been to vietnam and see you gal family and living condition?
if yes, how many times? you got to know that the viet are good in putting up 'show' to foreign guest...

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

Heard that this coming Valentine, this guy will visit her again and bringing $5000 for her family.

I think this guy is either blinded by this gal or kana Kong Tao liao. This gal is not pretty at all, she is round short and fat, but she always visit the witch in vn to ask for favour.

How can this young educated sillypore guy not probe into the truth, or find out more about her family before stepping in a relation and provide so much money to this gal.

Originally Posted by KangTuo

If you only know the gals only a few months do not commit too much. You should stand back and observe.

Good luck DaveChan888 and joob. I have been in the cheonging scene for sometimes liao and know the tricks up in their sleeve.

you got to know that the viet are good in putting up 'show' to foreign guest...

DaveChan888 and joob, I am just quoting 1 example of a good show and tricks put up by the viet to foreign guest.

On valentine day, this sillypore guy really go to vietnam to visit his gal. This gal tricked him that she is pregnant and also her 'younger sister' birthday.

14/2 he went straight to mekong from airport. That night celebrate birthday for the 'younger sister'

16/2 came to HCM and visit my galfriend house. The whole family really put up good show and i am also part of it.

talking to him only awhile,I find out that he still a green horn in the vn scene... just go to JC last than 5 times and hook up this gal. this valentine day trip to vn is only his 2nd.

[bonoedge]

Originally Posted by DaveChan888

...I'm very confused. I very much hope that by having a dialogue with you I can clear up this huge dilemma I'm struggling with.

Do reply when you have time!

Take care bro!
Dave

Bro, just ask urself: Do you really love this girl? If yes, y should u be confused?

See? you r already having doubt in this relationship. .

juz trying to say: follow wat ur heart tells u...

[jackbl]

Will u felt guilty by playing a part in this show? Will u win the best male supporting actor award?

Originally Posted by KangTuo

14/2 he went straight to mekong from airport. That night celebrate birthday for the 'younger sister'

16/2 came to HCM and visit my galfriend house. The whole family really put up good show and i am also part of it.

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by joob

Thanks to all the bro! These are really good advises. I am able to provide for her family for a few hundred each month. .

bro, few hundred a month..., as long as any person got 2 hands 2 legs to work a job also can pay out. What about the expenses in SG until she gets a PR and hopefully can find a job. What about monthly saving? and how much? What about the many many funny request from Vietnam side? Turn all down? all the time? What about the last min urgent needs to go back settle things? those emergency money??

You have read many bros with Viet wife/long term gf telling the demand for money is many many, always always, not just the $300-$500 fixed every month.

I dun want to be a wet blanket or offensive here, but if any bros wrongly get the idea a few hundred monthly is all one needs to have your own private bonk, raw sex everynight, flawless fair skin, mesmerizing scent at the neckline, home cook brand dishes, then this dream wont last long.

BTW, most viet gals are tigress at home hor

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by ekemono

bro, few hundred a month..., as long as any person got 2 hands 2 legs to work a job also can pay out. What about the expenses in SG until she gets a PR and hopefully can find a job. What about monthly saving? and how much? What about the many many funny request from Vietnam side? Turn all down? all the time? What about the last min urgent needs to go back settle things? those emergency money??

You have read many bros with Viet wife/long term gf telling the demand for money is many many, always always, not just the $300-$500 fixed every month.

I dun want to be a wet blanket or offensive here, but if any bros wrongly get the idea a few hundred monthly is all one needs to have your own private bonk, raw sex everynight, flawless fair skin, mesmerizing scent at the neckline, home cook brand dishes, then this dream wont last long.

BTW, most viet gals are tigress at home hor

I agree with you totally. When you have a family, it means financial burden starting. From feeding yr wife to possible future children, its all money. Most of the time, you will realise that its quite difficult for your wife and mother to stay under the same roof. Very soon, you will need your own place. The mortgages, utility bills, telephone bills... not easy hor. Staying with parents and letting them feed you and your wife is a no pride option. Even if you stay with your parents, u got to make sure you pay your part of the bill. I remember when i first came back to singapore, i stayed with my parents for 2 months and its seriously not easy. Lots of nagging and lots of unhappiness. Then i bought my own place near my parents. Now, a few years later, my mum got to know my wife better, and we all moved into a landed. But of course, now i have to pay for everything as my parents are retired.

This is made worse by the inability of your vietnamese spouse to bring in income. So think, consider and plan carefully. The reason why so many marriages break down nowadays is inproper planning, too little endurance and inability to take responsbility. So spend some time to think.