Cheating Spouse - To forgive or not?

[dion8et]

Thank you for the wise words. Now I guess we are back to probation period where he is trying to be back earlier, help out more when at home, and having more patience in the day to day (prev he snaps rather easily at me). It may be rather fast but I do feel some level of 安慰 when I see acts like these (maybe heart too soft idk) and I too feel fearful at times if these behavior are out of guilt and if it will ever wear out over time.

Recently, he’s been asking me if I wanted a luxury watch/bag and even prompt me several times to go checkout retail if any model I fancy. It throws me off a little because I dk if this is out to get over the guilt or if he genuinely feels like indulging. He’s definitely not like that prev, not with such enthusiastism level. If you in such shoes, will u accept?

[HeartThrow]

Will not accept. It is just a way to placate and make up for things.Not sure if it is proper usage but buying bags is 破财挡灾. Bags are not that important anyway as it is just an "item", his "acts of service" goes a long way. It is a test of his patience, character, attitude etc.

Accept it only if totally gave up, becomes vengeful and decide to milk him for all it is worth?

[MuffDiver69]

Originally Posted by dion8et

Thank you for the wise words. Now I guess we are back to probation period where he is trying to be back earlier, help out more when at home, and having more patience in the day to day (prev he snaps rather easily at me). It may be rather fast but I do feel some level of 安慰 when I see acts like these (maybe heart too soft idk) and I too feel fearful at times if these behavior are out of guilt and if it will ever wear out over time.

Recently, he’s been asking me if I wanted a luxury watch/bag and even prompt me several times to go checkout retail if any model I fancy. It throws me off a little because I dk if this is out to get over the guilt or if he genuinely feels like indulging. He’s definitely not like that prev, not with such enthusiastism level. If you in such shoes, will u accept?

if he is the only one trying, it won't last long. you have to put in some effort to keep him too. just because it was his fault to stray, it was partly your fault that led him to stray too. if you had kept him interested, feel appreciated and physically drained, do you think he will have time or energy to cheat?

so get your arse in gear, cook him a steak dinner, serve it to him in some kinky french maid costume and give him a blowjob while he is eating the steak.

[Jay Chou]

Originally Posted by MuffDiver69

if he is the only one trying, it won't last long. you have to put in some effort to keep him too. just because it was his fault to stray, it was partly your fault that led him to stray too. if you had kept him interested, feel appreciated and physically drained, do you think he will have time or energy to cheat?

so get your arse in gear, cook him a steak dinner, serve it to him in some kinky french maid costume and give him a blowjob while he is eating the steak.

Up u bro. 😊

[MoeLanYong]

I will accept the bag if I were you. And show him I appreciate his gesture. Smile, thank him, be sweet to him, be happy with him, have sex with him (if you can). This is a pull. But don't forget to "push" him away 2 week later with your "fears and insecurities". A branded bag as a one-time peace offering is too cheap, imho. Make him work hard to earn your love and trust. He gets it too easy, his new behaviour will 'wear out over time'.

[tiggerx188]

Stop the blaming .

Hope this video can help.😊

[Lucifypunk]

I think it’s best you both talk and mention what exactly do you expect from each other in terms of making the relationship comfortable.
That is, if you decide to forgive and continue on.
I personally had been cheated on, many times in fact. I’m extremely emotional and sensitive, so I forgave many times. Until one incident, where I completely lost myself and just literally turned grey. I gave up at one point and continued being with him even though we both knew he was still persuing another lady. It drained out my soul and I was dragging myself through the day hoping I’d get hit by a bus. He saw me dying on the inside and heard me cry at night. And eventually decided to change for good. It has been almost a year since he decided to come back for good and he has made a tremendous effort to keep me by his side. I think he could tell I wasn’t gonna buy anymore bullshit and already have tolerated enough. I guess u can say that all the hurt I felt, made me even stronger.

I took a risk. But it turned out for the better. It doesn’t guarantee that he won’t go back to his old ways, it is a risk everyday. But I love my man. And eventually we talked about what our boundaries were(partly cuz we were in a slightly open relationship).

Almost every man I know, plays outside when they’re married. Maybe 90% of the men I know. It has become a norm for me. But there’s a limit, and I think your husband crossed that line, because it has become more of a serious relationship rather than just a “fuck and go”. I personally would mention openly to him that that’s unacceptable.

I hope you’ll get through this take care of your heart.

[dion8et]

Tks bro and sis! I’m actually over with the blaming because what has happened had happened, and it’s really doesn’t serve any purpose doing the finger pointing anymore now. Now it’s just more of the fear and trust issue that if he will fall into temptation and do it again when the dust has settled over time.

I truly agree in making both hands clap and I am not sitting back waiting for him to do everything in order to decide if I shall be convinced or not, I know partly I contributed to this because maybe I didn’t manage my priorities and time management well after my kid arrived. The only thing I’m trying to figure out is how do I play my part yet not let him take for granted that I’m needy of him to the extend he can abuse my (bigger) love for him as foolishness. I guess this is smth we cannot help it since we can only control ourself but not others right?

[dion8et]

Originally Posted by Lucifypunk

I think it’s best you both talk and mention what exactly do you expect from each other in terms of making the relationship comfortable.
That is, if you decide to forgive and continue on.
I personally had been cheated on, many times in fact. I’m extremely emotional and sensitive, so I forgave many times. Until one incident, where I completely lost myself and just literally turned grey. I gave up at one point and continued being with him even though we both knew he was still persuing another lady. It drained out my soul and I was dragging myself through the day hoping I’d get hit by a bus. He saw me dying on the inside and heard me cry at night. And eventually decided to change for good. It has been almost a year since he decided to come back for good and he has made a tremendous effort to keep me by his side. I think he could tell I wasn’t gonna buy anymore bullshit and already have tolerated enough. I guess u can say that all the hurt I felt, made me even stronger.

I took a risk. But it turned out for the better. It doesn’t guarantee that he won’t go back to his old ways, it is a risk everyday. But I love my man. And eventually we talked about what our boundaries were(partly cuz we were in a slightly open relationship).

Almost every man I know, plays outside when they’re married. Maybe 90% of the men I know. It has become a norm for me. But there’s a limit, and I think your husband crossed that line, because it has become more of a serious relationship rather than just a “fuck and go”. I personally would mention openly to him that that’s unacceptable.

I hope you’ll get through this take care of your heart.

Tks a lot sis for sharing yours may I know during the time when he made you died on the inside, how did you get through your life with him day to day? But im really happy for you that he figured out his thinking

Like the other bro who shared another thread about his wife and his gf, sometimes we can only do so much but it only happens when it takes for the third party to do smth or behave otherwise that will make the man wake up the idea.

[Lucifypunk]

Mine was a little.. weird
Cuz we stayed together throughout the incident.
I think I didn’t do much to cope with it. Just basically dragged myself
And I constantly tried to “chase him out” of my house. But not aggressively. He insisted on staying with me still but i was still hurting everyday. After giving up on the third party(cuz she got attached but still led him on) he continued to stay with me and asked me to give him some time. I gave him about 3 months before I packed his things and decided it was enough. He decided to start over and make a change.

It is true that sometimes it takes the third party to do something. I was in contact with the third party, and she maintained that she was not interested(that was a lie). It made no sense for me to talk to her cuz she kept lying about her intentions to me anyway. So I guess it depends.

If you think he’s not gonna change, then don’t bother going back to him. I personally think there’s nothing wrong with raising a child as a single mother, but you gotta make sure in the future when your child is old enough to understand that u explain to them and make sure things don’t get ugly infront of your children. I honestly think if you’re strong enough to get through life without depending on someone else, your child should be proud of you and take that as an inspiration in the future. On the down side, he/she may feel they lack a father figure in their life.

If you’re giving him one more chance then be firm about it. It is natural for anyone, man or woman, to take their chances again if they know they got away with it, unless they know the consequences. Typically couples who get back together after a major incident, get even closer than before and everything will be much more cherished. Though this entirely is subjective since eveyone is different.

No matter what, just take care of yourself. If possible have a calm and nice talk with him and make everything clear. good luck!

[Lucifypunk]

Anyway if u wanna talk to someone. WeChat: icexoxo

[YELLOW]

Keepbhis tummy full and balls empty

Originally Posted by dion8et

if I catch him one more time, out he goes and my wings shall soar LOL.

[wolfgang127]

Do you have a better choice for immediate replacement?

[dion8et]

this really sucks. just when i thought it was getting better, my friend spotted him at a mall with a group of colleagues and she was in the group too (4 guys, 2 ladies). apparently one of the guy in the group was claimed by my husband to be sick hence he has to stand in for him today. (its supposed to be my husband off day today)

i texted him on whereabout and called thereafter; he said he was at work meeting and no pickup on my calls. several mins passed and tries to return my call with a video call (which obviously i think he is already back in office by then) but i did not pick up. i sent him a disappointed msg that i "saw" him with the group and the girl that he claims he had a clean break with and he lied to me on his whereabout and what nots.

he claims innocence that it was really not what i think; his mc-ed colleague decided to return during the noon; they invited him out for group lunch and he has no idea she was joining until they were abt to go out; she appears to still be happily chatting nonchalantly because they are with the group and obviously did not want to behave like smth ever happened and he claims that she has got over it (it happened like 5weeks ago??) and hence just back to her casual self.

my friend although did not noticed any obvious affectionate behaviours, she saw that this girl stood beside him in the waiting group after buying her stuffs. and he tap on her arm to signal her seemingly to ask her to move when the group is going off. i am really getting all triggered and sensitive over these. he keeps repeatedly texting me tt it is not what i think but, where on earth such much coincidence happens or that he is so darn unlucky that just this once-ever (he claims) incident happens to be spotted by my friend?

before i make this very rash decision to take things into my own hand to text this girl on what he promises on his clean cut with her and keep her stances, pls advise me if would be a bad move? i cant be continuing listening to him and not knowing if i am keep being cheated upon or if he is telling me things that is not happening?

[grouchycabi]

Originally Posted by dion8et

before i make this very rash decision to take things into my own hand to text this girl on what he promises on his clean cut with her and keep her stances, pls advise me if would be a bad move? i cant be continuing listening to him and not knowing if i am keep being cheated upon or if he is telling me things that is not happening?

I would think don’t do anything rash first. He was with a group. Coincidence does occur. But if he was spotted with her ALONE, then I would say he’s back to his old ways.

Don’t jump to conclusion too easily. But do be alert.