R21 jokes to share.

[21MARTELL]

a classic joke

BEFORE MARRIAGE.....

HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

SHE: Do you want me to leave?

HE: No! Don't even think about it!

SHE: Do you love me?

HE: Of course! Over and over.

SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?

HE: No! Why are you even asking?

SHE: Will you kiss me?

HE:Every chance I get.

SHE: Will you hit me?

HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.

SHE: Can I trust you?

HE: Yes

SHE: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE....
SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP

[21MARTELL]

A man goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare – the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn’t eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. “Good God, Dear,” he proclaims, “I’ve just had the worst day of my entire life!”
She responds, “You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.”

Laugh if you get it! i

[21MARTELL]

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks…….

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ……. twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

[nekasrof]

Originally Posted by 21MARTELL

A man goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare – the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn’t eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. “Good God, Dear,” he proclaims, “I’ve just had the worst day of my entire life!”
She responds, “You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.”

Laugh if you get it! i

ahahahahaha.... the son is not his!!!

[21MARTELL]

A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
'Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...

[21MARTELL]

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn’t afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said, “We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married.”
So they got married and all three daughters then said, “I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it.” The parents couldn’t afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink.

On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she just ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided to ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter, “Why were you screaming?” And the daughter replied, “Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt.”
Then the mother said to the second daughter, “Why were you laughing last night?” And the daughter replied, “Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled.”
Then the mother said to the last daughter, “Why didn’t I hear anything coming from your room last night?” And the daughter replied, “Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

[21MARTELL]

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!"

[21MARTELL]

Peter ended up with an older woman at a club last night, she looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact she wasn't too bad at all, and peter found himself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. He drank a bit (well more than a bit), He had a snuggle, and she asked him if he ever had a "sportsman double?" "Whats that?" peter asked. "It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said. "Oh," peter said as his mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't." And he wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. They drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'his lucky night.' He went back to her place and walked in hoping for the best night of my life. She puts on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom, you still awake?"

[21MARTELL]

Three boys are enjoying a quiet night in a pub, when a man stumbles in and orders a beer.

Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the boys and shouts: ‘I’ve fucked your mom!’

The lads ignored him and returned to their beer.

He shouts again: ‘Up the ass!’

Although irritated, they ignore him again. The drunk stands up again points at the boy and yells: ‘Your mom’s sucked my cock!’

The boy looks up wearily. ‘You’re drunk, Dad. Go home.’

[21MARTELL]

Josh lusted after Linda.
When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, "I want you right here, right now. Do it... or you can walk home!" Without saying a word, Linda got out of the car and walked home.
A month later, after much apologizing, Linda agreed to go out with Josh again. This time he drove ten miles out in the country, parked, and begged, "Please. I must make love to you right now. Do it... or walk home!" Again, Linda walked home.
Two months later, after even more apologizing and gifts of flowers and jeweler, she accepted another invitation. This time, just to make sure, Josh drove fifty miles out of town and gave her the same ultimatum. Without a word, Linda undressed and gave him the greatest sex of his young life. As they were driving home, Josh asked, "Why did you walk home the first two dates, when you so obviously enjoy sex?" Linda answered, "Well, it's like this: I'll walk five miles or even ten miles to save a friend from AIDS, but fifty..."

[21MARTELL]

A Kid Saw His Mother Messing With Make Up On Her Face And She Said: “Shit”

And Kid Asked To His Mother What Is “Shit?”

Then His Mother Answered: “It Is Second Word For Makeup.”

Then He Saw His Sister Talking On Phone About Condoms.

When Kid Asked Her: “What Is A Condom?”

Then Sister Replied: “It Is Second Word For Clothes”

After Few Minutes, Kid Saw His Father Was Cutting A Chicken.

When He Cuts His Finger & Said Fuck, Kid Asked: “What Is Fuck?”

Father Said To His Son: “It Is Second Word For Cutting”

Suddenly Door Bell Rang Kid Opened The Door And His Grandmother Came In & Asked Grandson: “Where Is Everyone?”

Then Kid Said Happily: “Mom Is Upstairs Putting Shit On Her Face, Sister Is Putting Condoms On & Daddy Is Fucking The Chicken“

[21MARTELL]

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of
lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

[21MARTELL]

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say, "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say 'lettuce' and if you want to go faster say 'tomatos.'"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming, "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos."

Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said,"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me!"

[21MARTELL]

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.

Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was OK and the babies were fine as well.

16 years later

16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said, "Mom mom guess what?"

"What?"

I pissed out a bullet.

So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said, "Mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet."

So the mom told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said. "Mom, mom guess what?"

The mom said, "Let me guess you pissed out a bullet."

"No, I was jacking off and i shot the dog!"

[RandomSpartan]

Great jokes! Thanks for sharing