Double Standards

[Darina]

Originally Posted by els13

Interesting topic, For me its very simple. If I dun do it I will expect my partner not to do it. But if Im doing it well at least repect her by doing it the smartest way possible and not letting her know about it.Same goes for her, when I hv a partner I am very open with them I also make it clear that if she does hv funny business outside make sure its stays outside which is pure fun n also repect me by doing a good job, hide it well.
Im no saint cant resist temptation forever, once in a while I might lose it and I believe its the same for girls as well. If you want to have fun outside and yet you cant cover your own tracks, well then I suggest you dun do it. Because you are just dumb and dun have the standard to do so.

LOL I like how you think bro

Originally Posted by Apocalypse

lol

Its all a matter of power.

Who is dependent on who? If the wife is of equal power in the relationship, she can always find a guy of her own in the r/s. Traditionally the man brings the bread home, so you don't mess around with the guy that brings the bread home.

Man can compartmentalizie better and are able to resist KC better over time. The next qns to TS is, how do woman develop anti KC tactics if they want to play the field?

LOL true and a lot of relationships these days the woman has the same earning power as the guy or better. It's really on equal footing. Most couples also spend their own $$ these days and split the bill so yeah if it's equal footing the guy hv 'less power'.

A lot of women these days can resist KC too. I guess having things to lose like current lifestyle etc is a powerful KC resistant tool, plus the other guy might be ideal in bed but not ideal in other aspects.

I think most SG women are more realistic than romantic these days so KC is not really an issue and from what I know they cut their losses before anything further develops.

[Darina]

Originally Posted by peanut123

Then she's deflowered, not a flower :-)

Yes, society has double standards for men and women. The woman sleeping around may think that she's getting her revenge, but in reality society will frown on her and despise her more, while sympathizing with her husband. Even her own family members will probably look down upon her for being a slut. Far from getting her revenge, I think she'll be getting herself into trouble.

Strangely, and unfairly, no one looks at the straying man in the same light.

I really think it depends on which school of thought. These days I feel it's pretty divided.

Originally Posted by overair

i could not speak for other bro, but i may well be in a very small minority here. i would be rejoiced if my wife is playing ... best i would love her to share with me and allow me to make her playing easier and more delightful for her. i would find her deliciously sexy if she does! that's what i would do. clearly, as said my view and feeling belongs to a very small minority, and, of course, because of my lovely wife.

Yes bro you belong to a very small minority here.
But maybe because you also view yr wife as an individual and not a possession that you feel this way.

Originally Posted by kenneth21

well, not a matter of double standards. it ultimately depends on each individual's character and how much is the love for him / her.

i generally think that no matter which way, guy caught girl fooling around or girl caught guy fooling around, its hard to swallow up.

True. It is difficult either way.

Originally Posted by Frederick

Let her know that I know and give her a chance.

Very nice and big hearted of you bro

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

IMHO, it's not Double Standards, Can or Cannot Accept - It all depends on who getting caught 1st, with or without solid proof and who perfected the art of cheating Normally women are better than men in covering their tracks cos we, men are often quite careless

Originally Posted by Darina

......what would you do if you found out your gf/wife is playing the field?

Nothing much to do cos I will never know based on my post above but I know I will break my bank if caught

[Apocalypse]

Originally Posted by Darina

A lot of women these days can resist KC too. I guess having things to lose like current lifestyle etc is a powerful KC resistant tool, plus the other guy might be ideal in bed but not ideal in other aspects.

I think most SG women are more realistic than romantic these days so KC is not really an issue and from what I know they cut their losses before anything further develops.

Most man recognize that the r/s outside is secondary, and since ancient days, live by a code, that no matter how many girls you have outside, you must go back and sleep with your wife everynight, and dote on your wife. You resist comparing your wife with the woman outside, because the very moment you start comparing, you become "careless" because you want to get caught. But for the woman, can she keep her distance from the man, and do the same between her husband and her other guy? And what are the strategies a woman will deploy in order to condition herself to do it?

Assuming there wun be any loss in lifestyle and the guy is of equal or better calibre to hubby

[frivolous_ami]

Originally Posted by Darina

I think most SG women are more realistic than romantic these days so KC is not really an issue and from what I know they cut their losses before anything further develops.

Dun just talk about sg gals. It applies to almost any gal from overseas and have stayed here long enough. The cost of living is insane, unless one is contented with simple hawker food + a HDB passed down from the parents (99 years lease should be long enough).

But, humans are as such.... when see other people have, they also want. One thing a friend used to say was, women only marry up and they dun marry down. Fact that is clear and quite obvious is, if one is a char bo, life can be easier by hitching a wealthier guy than the poor chump. Reality is harsh. We could say that may be the less well to do guy is more sincere and better character. Still, our society accepts gals who would forsake the poorer chaps for wealthier finds. I think our community here has seen many examples like this.

End of the day, no one can blame the sg gal for marrying the wealthier and more eligible guys. Its evolution. Wait..... men also grow smarter too. Get bitten and get makan'ed by sg gals till no tomorrow. Also kena pawned by women's charter. Might as well come to sbf and play.... instead of settling down. Why settle for one flower when there are many other varieties in the garden? Esp when you know some flowers got sharper thorns. To quote one bro (can't remember your name), pay is often cheaper than free.

[frivolous_ami]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

Nothing much to do cos I will never know based on my post above but I know I will break my bank if caught

Break your bank + your back servicing the alimony. lol.

[sulphur]

Hi Sis Darina,

I feel there is a fundamental issue that is changing the world. Everyone loves to play. People in the past do not play due to the following reasons :

- Drown in pig basket
- The ladies do not have education and society will leave them to die if they are caught in that situation as they cant find work and cant find another to marry
- Even after we move on from that very traditional stage to a more modernised stage, most women are ignorant and housewives, which they are afraid that once their husbands leave them, they will have nothing.

Of course the above points are just a illustration of the impacts traditionally.

These are just a small portion of the impact of infidelity in the past. Which also means that it is not human nature to be in this case "Loyal", it is FEAR . Fear of discrimation, fear of death, fear of being left with nothing.

Therefore with the independant women now, it is almost impossible to stop all these from happening. They are no longer afraid, hence nature will take over.

Us as guys, we should be fair. If you want them to be capable enough to assist in the traditional males' job, then accept the "bad" things that come with it. Be cool, going against nature will get you no where.

[DCS17]

While was in France for work, I remember my french mistress told me

" Its a man dream to bed many woman, but a nightmare to share with one"

But she told me she has the same feeling about it. She is married, have a bf and yet a few lovers. French lifestyle?

Well again, in Asia, I do come across a woman with 2 husband. (am not sure how these reglious thing works but it happened). So I guess its a fair game btw man and woman. Its how u take it or how you think ppl want to see it. Life is yours, not others.

[Darina]

Originally Posted by Apocalypse

Most man recognize that the r/s outside is secondary, and since ancient days, live by a code, that no matter how many girls you have outside, you must go back and sleep with your wife everynight, and dote on your wife. You resist comparing your wife with the woman outside, because the very moment you start comparing, you become "careless" because you want to get caught. But for the woman, can she keep her distance from the man, and do the same between her husband and her other guy? And what are the strategies a woman will deploy in order to condition herself to do it?

Assuming there wun be any loss in lifestyle and the guy is of equal or better calibre to hubby

Simple, only meet the guy when the husband is not around.
Do not go to places you frequent.
I believe you guys should know enough tricks to keep smses etc discreet.
As long as the woman knows what she wants and what she will lose she will know how to be discreet about it.
Helps to make things very very clear at the start and keep reminding the guy and herself works too

[Beaman]

Originally Posted by Darina

Simple, only meet the guy when the husband is not around.
Do not go to places you frequent.
I believe you guys should know enough tricks to keep smses etc discreet.
As long as the woman knows what she wants and what she will lose she will know how to be discreet about it.
Helps to make things very very clear at the start and keep reminding the guy and herself works too

You are a woman many men will desire cos your attitude and mannerism rocks.

[callmebad]

society is always double standard but with the trend of women getting higher in social status, this double standards will slowly be weakened gradually
nowadays, women are catching up, one out of 5 married women in Singapore has outside affairs
this kind of double standards is not an obstacle to them anymore
whether you like it or not, holding single or double standard, this trend of women having outside affairs is not stoppable

[jonrai]

Originally Posted by Darina

Simple, only meet the guy when the husband is not around.
Do not go to places you frequent.
I believe you guys should know enough tricks to keep smses etc discreet.
As long as the woman knows what she wants and what she will lose she will know how to be discreet about it.
Helps to make things very very clear at the start and keep reminding the guy and herself works too

Sis, you are dangerous

[aseandude]

For guys who's partner strays, some has a reputation to maintain.

It called wearing a "green cap" if it known to other.

Perhaps some modern man can accept, but sure there's some who can't.

[chnhubby71]

Just to share your curiousity. Maybe to some is a revenge but to others is to add spice to their bored marriage and sex life.

There is a bond if you and you love are able to swing together as ONE to some people instead of eating alone.

[miniboy]

hus band go out to play its just for fun and will go back home

wife go out to play and the family is finished