The most rejected person around

[SpankMeEasy]

Hey Sad,

You're by the choices you make.

Don't try to change ppl, or the way they respond to you. Take my words for it, it's an impossible task! Change yourself...the way you look at things!

For example,
You said ppl only talk to you because they want something from you.
One way to look at it, the negative way - I'm being used.
Another way to look at it, the positive way - I'm useful. I've things to offer. And be happy with that.
It's your choice.

Real life is rarely black and white, and by whose standard?
Just remember this song by Johnny Mercer,
"You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative"
The rest is up to you.

If you want to feel sorry and pity about yourself, that's your choice, too.

[whitegals]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Those who up my points will get zapped in return.

Now he tells me....

[Evil69live]

well .... you are definitely not alone. my encounter in life is just as bad or as good as you did.

one way is to train up your self confidence and it cold be in many areas such as speaking, presentation skills, facing of difficulties, facing of people criticizing you, facing of people scolding you, wooing of gals etc.

it is time for you to complete your training and how you want to train yourself up is up to you to plan. for example you may want to take a break to BKK and try your luck on some gals and make some friends there. i can tell you that so long as you are not in your local country, you are much more confidence that you are now. this is one form of training which can be quite effective in the long run but you must be willing to invest on trips. once you are more comfortable, it is time for you to face all those so called friends and gals back home again. this is a long term kind of training and the effect is not a quick one. i myself have to experimenting with this and i can tell you honestly, it does helps to built up your self confidence.

[jinrenhe]

I get the same thoughts sometimes too

[colins]

Originally Posted by SadLoser

I've never wanted to be the centre of attention, and neither do i really cared about how popular i'm with people. I am contended to be the average guy in the crowd, with just a few good true friends who could share my happiness and sorrows with.
The problem now is, for some unknown reasons, I've slowly become some kind of loser whom people seemed to naturally take for granted and treat like trash.

Like I have tis this female colleague - everytime she talk to me, it's surely to ask me do something for her. Example fetch her along the way whenever we are going to any of our department outings, or lend her my newly bought dvd movies etc.
Whilst I don't mind helping her, i was quite disappointed by how cold and indifferent she can be towards me. There was once when i was feeling unwell and left our party early... the only msg i received from her was whether I would still be sending her home? She was absolutely not concerned about what happened to me, whether i was dead or alive...

........

I don't know where did i go wrong, but it has become a recurring pattern in my life --- people are just exceptionally cold and unhelpful towards me.

Bro can I give you a real life situation here and you make out the assumptions ok? Look at this thread, you have bros here from all walks of life trying to help you overcome your apparent disappointments.
You can make 2 assumptions:
1. People who dun stand to gain anything from you do care, gives you warmth as a collective group of samsters and are helpful toward your unhappiness.
2. People who din comment are exceptionally cold and unhelpful towards your disastrous result in your social life.

You wrote this reply after how many bros comment on you? Whether you take it as good comments or vicious comments, they took time to reply you. If they aren't trying to give a thought about helping you, they'll probably do a lot more self congratulatory speech or try to sell you steriods, given your current predicament on how 'badly' things had turn out for you. So how now? Aren't you cold and uncaring towards those who posted? Or do they deserve what you had gotten from that office lady?

You are insecure, my friend. Its not that you want reward for something you really are trying hard to prove, you just wanted recognition. And sadly, that is exactly what you have wrongly pursued, recognition for trivial stuff. The fact is that you dun really know why people dun give a shit about your well-being, means that you yourself also dun give a shit about yourself, nevermind what attention you have been pouring forth unto others from your little fragile heart.

So pls, sit back and use your brain for a while. Ask yourself why, why and why. And dun ask why people like that, why she like that, why he like that... If you do that you will have neverending questions on why you cannot control others to do what you desire them to do.

Ask why YOU react like that.

[euritage]

don't worry about it... ever wondered maybe this could be your own perspective? maybe you just havent met the right people that u click with...

it's more of a mindset that you have a problem with i think....

my 2 cheap cents... =)


FYI: I get that kidna feeling sometimes too... but i think i recognise it as insecurity... everyone has it... laugh it off... ignore it... maybe u could go do charity to prove your self-worth?

don't stay insecure... it's not good for the pockets...

[CheongingEdge]

Bro, just my 2 cents worth

It doesn't matter how many friends you have, it matters more in how many TRUE friends you have.

I understand your feeling, and though I can't say I am in the same situation, I have came to realise that you just need that few TRUE friends by your side. I do get invited out a lot by many different group of friends, and they all sort of enjoy talking to me. But when I am feeling down inside, I realised only a handful would really notice and ask me "Hey, you OK?" sincerely. The others would just still be enjoying themselves at the gathering.

This small number of true friends are the ones I would always treasure most, and I think to them, they also have just a very small number of friends they can really talk to as well. We can just drop by each other's house even in the wee hours (yup, there is this friend who often drops by my house at 3am in the morning when he has things on his mind) when we feel we need someone to talk to or simply just to have a drink. Even without any talking, it's just good to know that there is someone you can depend on.

Before any other bros say I'm gay, I'm not. It's just that I feel if we can give so much to the gals our there, we should also be able to give our best to our buddies who had always been there for us through thick and thin. I have turned down a few gals invitation to go out at the last minute cos my best buddies are "in a fix". And to me, it's worth it. No ONS would ever be worth my buddies friendship.

Dun give up, and start thinking like you are a "loser" whom people don't like. I actually really hated one of my best kakis in the past, but through some drinks and talks, we realised we are actually of the same frequency, and our actions have also shown that both of us could trust each other in our times of need.

Would just like to say, find out who are your true friends, and although I won't go to the extent to say that you wouldn't need other friends, my personal opinion is that with this group of true friends, you would know that you are not alone in the world.

[alvinlsk]

haiyah bro,dont worry so muchla bout it.just enjoy ur life.me ah always live my life wit dis motto eh 'i can b hapi wit every1 but i cant make every1 hapi wit me'..so bro ur so-called frens ah,plsla horh witout dem ah u wont die ok.all u need ah is 2 hav TRUE FRENS.dey r e 1's u need e most!err..n oso 'SEX'la of course!heehee ..bro,spend sum time n money wit e fl's n wl's from L.O.S..sure confirm u hapi n she oso hapi 1!!!kampai!!!!!!!!

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by CheongingEdge

(yup, there is this friend who often drops by my house at 3am in the morning when he has things on his mind)

Anyone who had the gall to disturb me at 3.00 am would be added to my "enemies for life" list immediately.

You keep strange company. You must have met your best mates at some lunatic asylum.

[Roman city]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

You must have met your best mates at some lunatic asylum.

Soul Asylum, perhaps

[CheongingEdge]

Originally Posted by Roman city

Soul Asylum, perhaps

lol, runaway train!

Yupz, many people tot it's funny that guys would drop by another guy's house in the middle of the night, but I guess words can't really describe some of our relationship. It is not an overstatement to say that we have been through life and death situation before (and it's not those NS encounters, real-life situation).

When you see friends who wouldn't abandon you even in this type of situation, you would know that you have found true brotherhood!

[see see only]

Hi TS,

try accepting others rejection or whatever you called it, Gracefully and Generously with a warm smile

Reject them politely if you do not feel like helping and if you do help dont expect anything more than a "thanks"

You will be surprised by their reaction after a while. Jia You

[SadLoser]

Originally Posted by colins

You are insecure, my friend. Its not that you want reward for something you really are trying hard to prove, you just wanted recognition. And sadly, that is exactly what you have wrongly pursued, recognition for trivial stuff. The fact is that you dun really know why people dun give a shit about your well-being, means that you yourself also dun give a shit about yourself, nevermind what attention you have been pouring forth unto others from your little fragile heart.
So pls, sit back and use your brain for a while. Ask yourself why, why and why. And dun ask why people like that, why she like that, why he like that... If you do that you will have neverending questions on why you cannot control others to do what you desire them to do.

Bro Colins, your post really touched my heart!

What you have said made absolute sense, and your analysis of my problem is spot-on!

I apologize too for the delayed reply. I have just been transferred to a new unit, and have been junggling with all the new stuff for the past 2 weeks.

[SadLoser]

Originally Posted by CheongingEdge

It doesn't matter how many friends you have, it matters more in how many TRUE friends you have.

I understand your feeling, and though I can't say I am in the same situation, I have came to realise that you just need that few TRUE friends by your side. I do get invited out a lot by many different group of friends, and they all sort of enjoy talking to me. But when I am feeling down inside, I realised only a handful would really notice and ask me "Hey, you OK?" sincerely. The others would just still be enjoying themselves at the gathering.

This small number of true friends are the ones I would always treasure most, and I think to them, they also have just a very small number of friends they can really talk to as well. We can just drop by each other's house even in the wee hours (yup, there is this friend who often drops by my house at 3am in the morning when he has things on his mind) when we feel we need someone to talk to or simply just to have a drink. Even without any talking, it's just good to know that there is someone you can depend on.

Would just like to say, find out who are your true friends, and although I won't go to the extent to say that you wouldn't need other friends, my personal opinion is that with this group of true friends, you would know that you are not alone in the world.

Bro CheongingEdge,

I couldn't agree more with what you said. In fact, you sound very much like this close buddy whom I have known since secondary school.

I know it's normal for everyone to feel lonely or neglected from time to time. But i guess it's rare for anyone to experience this problem to such a magnitude and intensity as mine. For me, the issue of "not being liked by everyone" has become somewhat a driving thought running through my life.
I "freeze up" in the middle of doing a task sometimes because my mind is simply overwhelmed & paralysed by these negative emotions...

For example whenever I am in a group, it has become almost natural that I will surely feel "left out" and gradually drift further and further from the group.
And the reason I feel excluded is not because I can't mingle well or failed to take the initiative to bond with the other people in the group - but because I realized no one seems interested or concerned about me (no matter how hard i try) and I gradually closed off and exhibit certain anti-social behaviour. I know this is not a common occurence and hence not many people can identify with such feelings. But this is what is happening to me all the time.

Like i used to hang out after work with a group of colleagues. They are fundamentally a bunch of nice people (6-7 of them) and i enjoyed being part of a group where we can regularly organize drinking sessions and mini-parties.

But i gradually realized no one in the group is particularly close to or even like me - I am just there probably cos I've always been part of the group. And there is this girl who seems to be deliberately avoiding me - she would always take the seat furthest away from where I am seated or offer to get drinks for everyone in the group but me. Not as if I was trying to woo her or anything - she probably just doesn't like me very much even as a person.
And through the group interaction as we play games and drink, it becomes obvious who's close to who ... basically everyone has someone he/she is close to, other than me who will stand out oddly like a sore thumb sticking out. And as the night goes on, I will appear increasingly dejected and moody. By the time they talk to me, I will be too moody to response and appear anti-social.

[Max77]

Every human being move around base on their needs. When u find nobody around you, tat's probably means u need nobody.

Maybe u wanna spend some time identifying YOUR hierarchical needs. You most probably had satisfied some of ur basic needs, without knowing what u want NEXT.

Hav a view at below's chart and u'll find tat u r actually near the 2nd top level whereby u care about how others think about u...

Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Find ur area of domain and work on it. When u feel good about urself, the rest around u will feel good being wif u. Then ur social circle will start to fill up wif ppl of ur same kind.

Now what u experience is perfectly normal. Everybody has needs, it's normal for ppl to ignore u, start munching away, when they r 'starved' for 3 days...Don't believe? starve urself for 3 days