Coping with emotionally investing in a WL relationship

[Alkano]

I am kinda amazed that u r in your 3rd relationship with a WL, and you still have not learnt your lessons.
Once bitten twice shy man....u heard of it?...
I do sympathy you but do try to focus your time, effort and $$ on something more lasting and meaningful relationship.....and definitely not with a WL.
Cheers bro and take care..

[no_faith]

if u have tons of money to waste, who will stop u keeping more den one?

itz juz tat sum who dunno their limits only try to play such games mah.

[RICHIE72]

When we go to such joints, are we out to have fun or to look for love? I guess most of us juz find an avenue to release by going to such places. If so, how can a WL be so sure that you're loving her without reservations. They're there to earn a living, hence how can they afford to put so much emotions wif everyone they meet (those 'ang-pai' really meet a lot of people daily). The bottomline is that we too should never put ourselves in a position that might jeopardize our own happiness... Unless you dun mind accepting the risks of being dumped!

[justl00king]

Seems nowadays many have WL relationshp issues?

You need $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$ to solve it.

[Rof|maoxz]

Originally Posted by justl00king

Seems nowadays many have WL relationshp issues?

You need $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$ to solve it.

And muz have lots of it.

[justl00king]

Originally Posted by Rof|maoxz

And muz have lots of it.

That's why my $ so long mah.

[Lord Imperious]

At the most can be friends, anything beyond that is not going to happen. So don't waste too much affection and especially $! Have fun and move on.

[KangTuo]

In a WL relationship... you can invest money, time and sperm. If emotion is invested, you are only killing yourself slowly.
What do u get when u invest your emotion? Ans: HURT

The game in WL relationship should go this way....we invest money and time, hoping that WL invest their emotion... than we start to invest sperm.

WARNING: If you are a very emotional guy, please do not get involve with a WL.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Been there,gone that.No more for me.

[sillyboyboy]

The FL I was wif, she told me she would call when she go back, but she never did.....

all I have now is her stored-value phone card number... is there anyway to look for her?

If not then hmm dunno just a bit depressed at the moment

[no_faith]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

The game in WL relationship should go this way....we invest money and time, hoping that WL invest their emotion... than we start to invest sperm.

bro kangtou, imho there is no fix cycle for such relationship wan.
btw, when we invest $ n time, we shd already have donate the sperm to the WL liao loh. wait for the WL invest their emotion and den donate our sperm hor, lidat incurred more loses.

to the above poster, u still holding on har? y holding on a lottery tiket where it will never strike?
buy a new one lah. dun live up to ur nick.


my 0.02.

[justime]

Validation of your Desirability & the Pain of Loneliness:

I feel that the first stage of coping with the pain of emotionally investing in a WL relationship is to understand (as far as possible) the root cause. I will share my experience and the context of how I was drawn into this. Hopefully it will strike a chord with some brothers.

For me, I think that validating my desirability (as a human and a sexual being) when nearing forty is the root cause of my descent into the world of WL. I feel that I could reap emotional dividends from a WL as other normal forrays proved futile.

As stated earlier, I am in my late thirties. During mid twenties till early thirties, I am fortunately blessed with strings of romantic laisons. I could pick up ladies in the pubs/discos easily and have numerous ONS. I also have several steady girlfriends and eventually got married. I wasn't much of a husband because I continued with my womanising ways despite being married - no judgement/recriminations please! I fully deserved it when my ex served me with the divorce papers. It was a shake up that I need. Unfortunately despite my best efforts (I really tried my best), I cannot salvage my marriage.

After the heartbreak of a failed marriage, the distress and pain of coping, I thought its high time that I reconnect with romance. I was feeling extremely lonely at that time.

The pain of loneliness cannot fully articulated. It must be experienced to fully apprehend its pain.

As in the past, I tried to seek refuge in Entertainment Joints. Now with one critical difference. No longer can I 'attract' ladies anymore like days of yore. A divorced man is quite a stigma. Besides, I guess maybe the sense of neediness (brought on my loneliness) is manifested subconciously when I interact with women. Oftentimes, a trip to the pubs is one whereby I mostly ended up going home alone and not finding a romantic connection that I so longed for.

Eventually, I turn to KTVs. A 'fantasy' world where your overtures are reciprocated - immediately. I need to feel wanted - to be like a man. To live with passion and not one of quiet desperation. I needed to be validated that I am still desirable as person.

Having cheonged frequently in the past - we are fully concious of the fact of this make believe world. Yet when it comes to the crunch. We want to indulge in this fantasy. Maybe to alleviate the pain of loneliness.

Like a classic case of addiction, it always starts innoncously enough. Just 'fuck and forget'. In time however, you crave for a degree of intimacy. Sexual intercourse with a degree of intimacy intensify the experience.

Thus began a cycle. At the commonsense level you recognise the folly. However, when you try to seek intimacy (even elsewhere besides the clubbing scene) and get nowhere - you accept the fantasy of romance at KTV at 'face value'.

Incrementally, you begin to emotionally invest in the WL. You see 'immediate' returns in terms of reciprocity. The distinction between real and fantasy gets blurred. You want to believe that this fantasy world is real. You want validation of your desirability. There is hope of escape in your lonely existence.

Commonsense and experiece informs you of the futility. But yet you continue to indulge. Again, you are conciously aware that platitudes like "wrong place to find intimacy', etc However, at the visceral, emotional level its different.

I can therefore wholly empathise the 'stupid' things a person is willing to bear after emotionally investing in a WL. You want to believe in the authenticity of a relationship. You want to validate yourself. You want some kind of emotional connection (especially after many failures at the 'usual/normal' dating circuit. You want to get rid of the pain of loneliness (which can get so bad). Rational and commonsense be dam - let me indulge in this fantasy. It makes feel fully human.

"If I can get the emotional connection elsewhere, I rather not indulge in the relationship with a WL as I know of the pains and difficulties involved." But the issue is that at the 'real world' you may not get the connection you so desired. Hence the fantasy world.

[justime]

Originally Posted by sillyboyboy

The FL I was wif, she told me she would call when she go back, but she never did.....

all I have now is her stored-value phone card number... is there anyway to look for her?

If not then hmm dunno just a bit depressed at the moment

Hi Boy, boy, this is a facet in the relationship with FL. There are no "contactabily anchor" (save maybe when you visit her at her home in China or elsewhere as the case may be). Simply be changing her stored value card, it will be a case of 'don't call me, I'll call you'. Looking at the 'power' angle of the relationship, she is holding the aces.

Even if you have her numbers (correct one), oftentimes they will simply avoid your calls at their whims and fancies.

I understand the desire to contact her is very strong. It drives you mad waiting passively. Logical thing to do is not to call but then again ...

Guess the next best thing to do is to approach her 'good friend' that is also known by you and try to get the number.

But please do try to first not contact her will ya? Go at it as long as possible okay (Easier said than done I know!).

[Castrol]

Originally Posted by Peggie83

Just my opinion most of the KTV gals are for money

prc ktv girls are money driven 100%.

msian and local ktv girls may feed poor bf. normally those bf are not really handsome, the thing is, they behave like pai kia. those stupid girls feel protected, you see.

[yinyang]

Originally Posted by Castrol

..msian and local ktv girls may feed poor bf. normally those bf are not really handsome, the thing is, they behave like pai kia. those stupid girls feel protected, you see.

False sense of security?