To annul or divorce

[loster]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

Hi Guys,

I don't know if this is the right place to post but I need serious and objective help please.

So about 1 year and 10 months ago, I got married to my now-wife. Thinking back, I already didn't feel confident about how the marriage will go. I was very hesitant before the wedding-ROM date, I wished I had called it off but relatives from afar and friends have already been invited. My wife back then also told me that she had a lot of fear and anxiety before the wedding.

There was a point before the marriage that she ran off for an overseas trip with her friend while in the midst of wedding preparation and saying to call it off, leaving me alone to deal with the mess.

We were not doing well even before the marriage but I tell myself it is because of her wedding anxiety and that things will get better after we get married. So i bit the bullet and went ahead. However things did not get better, and continued to agitate easily and I often feel picked on.

Earlier this year in April, we already started to separate and sleep in different bedrooms. We have tried marital counselling for many sessions (10?) and have decided that our marriage isn't working and are going to end it.

My dilemma is this: we have 2 options, either to annul or to divorce.
But to annul, we will suffer about 50k loss to HDB as we will have to surrender it back to HDB, good thing is we will be singles again and also the whole thing comes to a closure earlier.
The other option is to wait another 3.5 years to meet the minimum occupancy period of 5 years and sell it to open market. If we do this, the next 3.5 years she gets to stay in the current 5-rm flat, she does not have a place to go back to because her parents were also divorced. I have no intentions of staying here anymore because I'd like to move on and start afresh. There will likely be no loss, but it is a drag of another 3.5 years and at the end a divorcee..

Other info: I have been paying for the monthly installments since we got the house. I have also been paying for all the instalments of the electrical appliances, bills etc. We still owe my parents close to 20k in debt for the reno loan. I am 32 this year.

I know in the end I will need to depend on myself to come to a decision, but appreciate perspectives/questions from more angles so that I can come to the best resolution.

Thank you brothers.

Bro, I was in your shoes before. Marriage counseling on works if both are willing to put in effort. 3.5 years is very draining for you, trust me. My work performance was affected. Most important is you need to think for yourself what you want. Once you decided, just go ahead and do it.


Feel free to PM me if you need advice.

Cheers

[SeanTay]

Thanks all brothers for replying to my plight. Really appreciate and help me to think through..

[SeanTay]

And I would also like to know what you guys think about the stigma of being a divorced man, is it going to be very bad for me in future finding a mate?

Because I know I can potentially "buy" my wife out of making the decision to drag.. what she wants is to i) recoup financial loss from returning the current flat to HDB and also ii) have a place to stay.

The question is how much is a 'single' status worth and how much I can afford for it...

Haiz.. sucks that I have to go through this because of a naive mistake I made.

[loster]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

And I would also like to know what you guys think about the stigma of being a divorced man, is it going to be very bad for me in future finding a mate?

Because I know I can potentially "buy" my wife out of making the decision to drag.. what she wants is to i) recoup financial loss from returning the current flat to HDB and also ii) have a place to stay.

The question is how much is a 'single' status worth and how much I can afford for it...

Haiz.. sucks that I have to go through this because of a naive mistake I made.

I don't think so. Just that before you decide to go into rs, be honest with your gf what happened to you. Then let nature takes it course. After this episode, I think you will know what you really looking for in a girl if you decide to get married.

Cheers

[peanodood1337]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

And I would also like to know what you guys think about the stigma of being a divorced man, is it going to be very bad for me in future finding a mate?

Because I know I can potentially "buy" my wife out of making the decision to drag.. what she wants is to i) recoup financial loss from returning the current flat to HDB and also ii) have a place to stay.

The question is how much is a 'single' status worth and how much I can afford for it...

Haiz.. sucks that I have to go through this because of a naive mistake I made.

I think loster is right on that one. I've been on some casual dates over the last few months from dating apps, and I don't really think my divorcee status has been a problem.

The real problem, I feel, is finding someone new that you are willing to give your 100% for - like you did in the past with your ex. For me, its kinda hard to trust someone to that extent again. After all, someone just broke her "till death do us part" vow to me lol

I dunno man. Maybe I'm just as lost as you and shouldn't be giving advice here

Anyway, at the end of the day, if its healthier for the both of you to walk separate paths, then it is what you have to do. No matter if you can find another suitable partner or not.

Good luck man.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

And I would also like to know what you guys think about the stigma of being a divorced man, is it going to be very bad for me in future finding a mate?

Because I know I can potentially "buy" my wife out of making the decision to drag.. what she wants is to i) recoup financial loss from returning the current flat to HDB and also ii) have a place to stay.

The question is how much is a 'single' status worth and how much I can afford for it...

Haiz.. sucks that I have to go through this because of a naive mistake I made.

Divorced man is common in sg nowadays.
Unless u're planning to go for girls < 25 or local girls < 30, it shldnt affect u much. SG girls hear u divorced before even without kid all siam far far, unless u drive conti car + ownself stay own condo.
Foreign girls are more open to divorcees except for syts who have not yet planned to be married.
Divorcee with kid is 100 times worse off than without kid.
So can consider your case on the fortunate side when compared to most other divorce cases.

Single status is worth more to your wife than to u.
If u both can work out agreeable terms, better annul asap.
Most women change their mind often. What they can agree to u now, doesnt mean she will honor it 3.5 yrs later.
Maybe now she ok with clean break, want her portion of cpf tied into housing back.
3.5 yrs later after hearing countless other similar cases and based on female friends' (or maybe even her new bf's) advice, she may change her mind and fight for everything u owned.
Can even claim u were violent to her (heard many cases already), took her cash to pay your hdb thru your bank account, etc. Even though her argument in court would be weak without evidence, u eventually need spend > 10k in lawyer fees + months more of court sessions, to fight off such accusations.

Get a sense of her thoughts first.
When its advantageous, strike given the opportunity.
Cut loss and move on.
Dont leave room for more regrets down the road.

[Taffy83]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

And I would also like to know what you guys think about the stigma of being a divorced man, is it going to be very bad for me in future finding a mate?

Because I know I can potentially "buy" my wife out of making the decision to drag.. what she wants is to i) recoup financial loss from returning the current flat to HDB and also ii) have a place to stay.

The question is how much is a 'single' status worth and how much I can afford for it...

Haiz.. sucks that I have to go through this because of a naive mistake I made.

Quite common, not everyone is so lucky to get it right the first time.

Don't be discourage bro, there is someone out there who might be suitable for you, important is don't rush.

I didn't get it right the 1st time as I was trying to meet my parent's request for me to get married young and rush into a marriage after knowing the gal for a year, in the end didn't work out.

All the best!

[fion.18]

Originally Posted by Taffy83

Quite common, not everyone is so lucky to get it right the first time.
!

this is so true! someone told me before marriage is like learning to drive. first time sure fail. second time will usually pass with flying colours

anyways sigma or not doesn’t matter. when you finally find someone special, whatever the social status is, it won’t be impt. what’s impt is the heart.

and besides, because you’ve already seen the worst, you will learn to appreciate blessings more right? that is also why broken ones are the most precious ones

[larue]

Originally Posted by fion.18

this is so true! someone told me before marriage is like learning to drive. first time sure fail. second time will usually pass with flying colours

anyways sigma or not doesn’t matter. when you finally find someone special, whatever the social status is, it won’t be impt. what’s impt is the heart.

and besides, because you’ve already seen the worst, you will learn to appreciate blessings more right? that is also why broken ones are the most precious ones

Yes, everything also need licence, even easy nonsense. Yet something as difficult as marriage only requires two consenting idiots to be above 18.

Statistically though, people who have failed marriages tend to do even worse on their subsequent ones. The numbers are really not encouraging for divorced people.

Perhaps the real lesson to be learnt is indeed not to marry.

[SeanTay]

Thanks Peanodood, Taffy, Fion and Fallen.. your comments have been encouraging and supportive.

[kick_ass]

if you are talking abt cost, annul is defintely cheaper than divorce.

the longer you drag, the alimony might increase as based on what u mention, your wife didnt contribute much for the house as in she isnt working nw?

i have personally seen annul vs divorce and usually the latter, alimony will cost more but it might be coincidence as many factors do applies.

but one thing is certain, you waste alot of time waiting 3.5yrs.
do note, wthin the time frame, u cant date anyone else, as she might bite back saying you are having an affair and thats when woman's charter really hits u bad.

[chaoslord]

If you are within the timeframe and qualify for an annulment, that would most definitely be the route you should take. You need a good reason for an annulment and non-consummation of marriage is a strong one.

Stigma for being a divorced men is not really an issue, the same however cannot be said of women. They get the shorter end of the stick here. Try to find out what she wants and convince her on the merits of an annulment if need be. Make it easy for her as you need her cooperation as behind her facade lies the WC hammer.

With time you can earn money. Money cannot buy time lost. These 3.5 yrs is worth multitudes more than the $50k.

[sbfblack]

Originally Posted by SeanTay

Hi Guys,

I don't know if this is the right place to post but I need serious and objective help please.

So about 1 year and 10 months ago, I got married to my now-wife. Thinking back, I already didn't feel confident about how the marriage will go. I was very hesitant before the wedding-ROM date, I wished I had called it off but relatives from afar and friends have already been invited. My wife back then also told me that she had a lot of fear and anxiety before the wedding.

There was a point before the marriage that she ran off for an overseas trip with her friend while in the midst of wedding preparation and saying to call it off, leaving me alone to deal with the mess.

We were not doing well even before the marriage but I tell myself it is because of her wedding anxiety and that things will get better after we get married. So i bit the bullet and went ahead. However things did not get better, and continued to agitate easily and I often feel picked on.

Earlier this year in April, we already started to separate and sleep in different bedrooms. We have tried marital counselling for many sessions (10?) and have decided that our marriage isn't working and are going to end it.

My dilemma is this: we have 2 options, either to annul or to divorce.
But to annul, we will suffer about 50k loss to HDB as we will have to surrender it back to HDB, good thing is we will be singles again and also the whole thing comes to a closure earlier.
The other option is to wait another 3.5 years to meet the minimum occupancy period of 5 years and sell it to open market. If we do this, the next 3.5 years she gets to stay in the current 5-rm flat, she does not have a place to go back to because her parents were also divorced. I have no intentions of staying here anymore because I'd like to move on and start afresh. There will likely be no loss, but it is a drag of another 3.5 years and at the end a divorcee..

Other info: I have been paying for the monthly installments since we got the house. I have also been paying for all the instalments of the electrical appliances, bills etc. We still owe my parents close to 20k in debt for the reno loan. I am 32 this year.

I know in the end I will need to depend on myself to come to a decision, but appreciate perspectives/questions from more angles so that I can come to the best resolution.

Thank you brothers.

You have to rethink about your life, not too late at 32.but owing 20k at 32 is kinda wtf.

I say you wait for next 3.5yr and sell the house after that.

Have a written agreement with your current wife on terms since you 2 not going to be family anymore.

Rethink about your life... 32 should not have debt even by parents..

[Summerhillt]

bro just jitao annul. annul is only valid within the first 2 years of marriage. after 2 years become divorce. if your future wife and her family go rom website use their singpass to do a check on you, your records would be stained with divorced before for life.

plus got woman charter to pawn your arse.

be a smart man do annulment. money can earn back, but a stain on your record forever cannot erase.

besides, annulement is damn easy, i had a friend who done it before.

hire a lawyer pay around less than 2k. you dont even need to attend court. the lawyer will represent you and tell the judge. most reasons are failure to consummate marriage.

in an instant, you are single again!

bro please, your case can only annulement. dont ai wan this ai wan that.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by Summerhillt

bro just jitao annul. annul is only valid within the first 2 years of marriage. after 2 years become divorce. if your future wife and her family go rom website use their singpass to do a check on you, your records would be stained with divorced before for life.

plus got woman charter to pawn your arse.

be a smart man do annulment. money can earn back, but a stain on your record forever cannot erase.

besides, annulement is damn easy, i had a friend who done it before.

hire a lawyer pay around less than 2k. you dont even need to attend court. the lawyer will represent you and tell the judge. most reasons are failure to consummate marriage.

in an instant, you are single again!

bro please, your case can only annulment. dont ai wan this ai wan that.

annul need attend court even though u'll probably only go up the stand for 5 min. the one filing the annulment attend can liao.
i done it before (3 yrs ago) so dont need argue with me on this
lawyer fee more costly cause of court attendance. Mine charged me 4.5k for everything. But its a small price to pay really. that day i come out from court the feeling so different. Like my life just got a new lease.
No need attend court and lawyer fees 2k is mutual divorce with both parties agreeing to all the divorce terms. Lawyer just file papers can liao so much cheaper.