Could you do without sex in marriage?

[aqcmme]

the frequency of activity drops, the longer together, the lesser the numbers. Throw in a kid; then two. Additional stress for those staying with in laws. Throw in work if work environment if stressful.

Add the stress up and you can see why some look out of marriage for hot sex?!?

[Bris7]

Originally Posted by snuggles

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly.

Thanks.

I don't really agree with your view on 'marriage to have safe sex'. Sex is an activity that's naturally happen between you & your spouse. Maybe you don't really mean it that way; it just did not come out right.

I sympathize with you and unfortunately I am also in a situation similar to yours (for the past 9 months). Initially, I was dishearten and don't feel good.

But it is easier for me now. Primary reason is because I no longer have much feeling towards her. I've think about divorce but with a child, it is not an option as I do not want my daughter to have a broken family.

So now, I only concentrate on work and bring up my daughter. My spouse is only legally my wife but she is just a housemate as far as I'm concern.

As what the others have suggest, consider counselling. It is not the end of the road yet till all options are exhausted.

Good luck bro

[adver]

Originally Posted by snuggles

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly.

Thanks.

Maybe she not so into you, have you given that a thought?

[Fuchsia]

Maybe your sex skill not that good?? Just kidding..

Or is it she suspected you having affair outside?
Long time ago, I suspected my bf "poke" other girls outside, I stop letting him "poke" me. Then we broke up.

Maybe she don't trust you anymore. Speak to her then.

Anyway, if a woman don't let you "poke" her, you will still go out look for other gals what? So => No more trust => Divorce => The End

[arsenal_84]

something useful for reading...
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...020_needs.html

[quote name='nostalgic']
I dedicating my virgin post on this topic. And trust me, it's very hard to phrase it properly.. Since I am finding it hard to find the right words to explain.

Firstly, I would think that it is a mistake for girls to adopt the mentality of rejecting sex due to small reasons (Of course there are times I understand girls are not feeling well etc), but the girl has to understand why it is not a good idea to just wave off sex with any whimsical excuse. Do allow me to explain.

In a marriage, (I consider a courtship a kind of marriage anyway, but except that I believe that sex is for after marriage, I am traditional that way..), a man has chosen a girl to be his wife, choosing to forsake all others, and trusting his wife and only his wife to meet his need for sex. Imagine the spot he is in when after marriage, he sees that his wife often brushed aside.

I would like to, at this point, clarify that I do not condone the action of a husband who has extra marital affairs. And I would like to emphasis that there is no black and white in the dealings of relationships due to the dynamics of the individuals. What I am saying is just a general opinion, food for thought, which may help both guys and girls to reconsider their opinion regarding the importance of honoring your marital duties.

In short, I would like to talk abit about prevention of an affair, rather than what to do when an affair happens.

So like I was saying, a husband has chosen to trust his need to only 1 person - his wife. So the wife should realise the huge responsibility and the need to be sensitive with that need. Likewise, a wife has chosen to entrust her heart and body to 1 person, her husband. I believe most girls here, would first confide to her SO, in her times of need, or would like it if her SO would confide to her first in his time of need, instead of telling the entire world before coming to her.

Now, at this point, there may be podders who would say "What a pig! He should not want to marry me because of sex, but for love, companionship, and fellowship."

I gently submit to you, that if all a man wants is love, companionship, and fellowship - he would not be with a woman, he'd just keep a golden retriever.

I think that most podders know that sex is an intricate part of a healthy relationship - thus why most councilors would ask a problematic couple, "When was the last time you both had sex?".

Therefore, before you lightly brush off his need, do consider the fact that he has only you to meet his needs, denying him, doesn't make the need go away. By denying him, you are opening the marriage to temptation - and when things happen, it will be very painful.

Likewise, a girl trust her need of communication and emotional sharing to her husband/bf. He should not treat it lightly, and keep brushing her off. Brushing her off doesn't make the need disappear, she may be tempted to seek out someone to share. Something which only the SO should have the honour to share with.

Of course, when the wife is really sick and not feeling well, then to still demand is not being sensitive.

And most importantly.. I also don't think sex deprivation as punishment as a good idea. However, I think using sex as reward and motivation to get her SO to do what she wants is very advantageous to women. :P
[/quote]

[bloopz]

sigh.. another case of expectations not tallied before marriage..

" By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk."

ts, u mentioned u got married to have more sex.. how can u be sure u can have more sex just by getting married? did u state that when u proposed to ur wife?

as many bros mentioned, women give sex for love.. r u sure u have given her unconditional love or have u conditioned ur love so much that she can't even bear to have sex with u?

or is something bothering her? is the intercourse too painful for her? is she too stressed by work or worried if she get pregnant u will not be able to afford?

try to understand what is bothering her instead of coming here to complain she is not having sex with u. get professional help if u don't know how to communicate with ur wife...

[Ken79]

Can you do with a bathroom without soap?

[knnb40]

base on what I heard from some coffee session, your topics is not new.
I have heard from both sides of the story.

Some due to female, some due to male.
101 reasons for not having sex and so far I have not heard any of them can get out the situation, not even with professional help.
Ofcaused I still encourage you to try professional help, at least you do what is possible.

Bless you......

[天山童老]

professional helps like counselling are BS de la....

Think back on the times that you both still regular the exercise and revise what is different between then and now. Refresh the long lost chemistry. She might not dare to initiate and grow shy more on bed stuff as you both too long nv do. Or perhaps she tried to hint you before but you nv realised so she give up thinking that you lost interest in her body.

Try to relax you body and mind from the stress in the working day life and think back the days how you get her to be your wife, how you used to bed her. Create the romance ambience that female genders love and you might find yourself over the cloud once again!

[pickaphreak]

Originally Posted by Bris7

So now, I only concentrate on work and bring up my daughter. My spouse is only legally my wife but she is just a housemate as far as I'm concern.

the best ans so far.

[Sen5eS]

hahaha that's an interesting mindset from Bro Bris7

Guess no sex in a marriage is route to ending one.

[BiRd13]

Think possible ba.. especially if both are 80s or so...

Anyway, I did had an relationship whereby there's no sex involve for the first 3yrs... Well, think max is hj or bj... but no fj... I wonder if that is consider too...

[iPhone]

most men can't (no offence to anyone)

[garryman]

the reason for marrying a woman is to establish a family.

If all other matters, you can always cohabitant and still have your sex buddies.

[mona]

After reading all these treads, the only thing i m going to do tonight after work is give my wife a real bonking. Going to unload all i hv got. Sometime in life don think too much....4 hrs more to go b 4 heading home....hehehe.