Divorcing a VN Gal - Bros, pls advise

[kumone]

As I mentioned in original post, I'm not asking for the morale of this issue. As I said, whoever is right or wrong doesn't make any difference now. The issue is how to minimize the collateral damage during the legal process and ensure no further implications.

Fireshark, u hit it - the chances of using the child as an excuse for more $$ is very likely. Tat's y she kept the child. She could hav aborted it since she didn't plan to return to SIN after she left. My cousin even told her that it's OK for her to return a few mths after she left. But she didn't.

When she suddenly requested that she wants to return to SIN after more than 2 yrs, I sensed something was no right. She could have done that much earlier. Tat's y I told my cousin to meet her in HCMC to sort things out first rather than allowing her to come to SIN directly. My cousin's initial plan was to let them fly direct to SIN.

I encouraged my cousin to give her the $ bcos end of the day, the child is his. I asked if he could afford to spare her the $? He said OK. BTW the $2K was meant to show to the Immigration in SIN.

VN gals tat truly love a man are fiercely loyal towards their man. Though such gals are quite rare, but they exist. They can wait for their loved ones for years without committing anything adulterous acts or thoughts even in rural areas. Though we may say that every gals in every country are also like tat, but the tenacity of their loyalty really shock me compared to gals in other countries.

So pls bros, as I said ... no point in trying to play 'judge' here to say who's right or who's wrong. It doesn't make any difference. It happened (unfortunately) to him and he has to move on. The only stumbling obstacle is the legal process now - the cost, the time involved , and the later implications.

[rodding]

Originally Posted by ChinhPhu

.......... If can fight for child custody that is even better but think legal fees is ...........

these bitches are only interested in $. offer her hand phone or motor bike in exchange for your kid. then offer to advertise her as an fl in this forum with a 20% cut for yourself so that she can get what she want....plenty of horny bros and $.

[Scleropages]

For desertion, I think it's 2 years. No consent needed, just claim you can't locate her. Should be a speedy divorce.

If no consent, 4 years. Since she left about 6 months into the marriage, you got a year to go. Just get the police report to prove the time she left.

As for the child, best not to mention, as you'll be liable for maintenance. After all, it's born in Vietnam, and you did not sign on any BC.

Forget the whole episode, bro. That includes the child...

[devilman]

Originally Posted by Scleropages

Forget the whole episode, bro. "That includes the child..."

Is very hard and sad to gave up the child... i believe...

[ChinhPhu]

Hello kumone, I think let your cousin decide slowly is the best, just like me, probably he is still hopeful. I am not. I must admit also I am a bit negative and certainly everybody don’t wish to break other peoples replationship. But we must bear in mind to face reality. As for the positive, I am sure your cousin must have thought about it is let them be there in VN. So your cousin just negotiate a capable amount to send them monthly. This idea I remain sceptical because is very risky and there are two likely outcome: 1) your cousin can visit them when free in VN, where your cousin can work in SG, which sounds like a fantasy. Many many years later, both wife and son come to sillypore to ‘reunite’; 2) you cousin send them monthly money but the wife in VN use for some other ‘things’ else. And many many years later, the wife personally file divorce for other man and the son cannot come sillypore. So end up: pay and pay, lost and lost. So negotiate a capable term (sounds very transactional). I think your cousin is old enough to ponder and decide. There is no such thing as best idea, and usually man count no better than sky count. Sometimes too many cooks spoilt the soup also. Sometime let nature takes its own course can solve the problem also.
I think your cousin should had been to her village to meet her parents. For my case, I did. Certainly you may want to find out from them also her life there, I heard village life very easy, $300+ to $400 should be enough for a family don’t know for how many people. Anyway if such arrangement is OK then why not? But other things may happen in the near future also: what if your cousin meet a girl she like in SG or other place? Will this be an obstacle? Sigh, these VN wife really give people headache once things turn out the other way.
Anyway it is good that everybody share there thoughts also even though we may never met. After all, sillypore still has plenty of good people. And can play ‘MBA-married but available’. I also have my own problem so no talk much. Let wish each other good luck and happy new year!

[QQBoy]

Originally Posted by Scleropages

For desertion, I think it's 2 years. No consent needed, just claim you can't locate her. Should be a speedy divorce.

If no consent, 4 years. Since she left about 6 months into the marriage, you got a year to go. Just get the police report to prove the time she left.

As for the child, best not to mention, as you'll be liable for maintenance. After all, it's born in Vietnam, and you did not sign on any BC.

Forget the whole episode, bro. That includes the child...

This advice makes sense.

[Fbuddy]

Originally Posted by Scleropages

For desertion, I think it's 2 years. No consent needed, just claim you can't locate her. Should be a speedy divorce.

If no consent, 4 years. Since she left about 6 months into the marriage, you got a year to go. Just get the police report to prove the time she left.

As for the child, best not to mention, as you'll be liable for maintenance. After all, it's born in Vietnam, and you did not sign on any BC.

Forget the whole episode, bro. That includes the child...

As long as the DNA testing result shows the child is his, he must provide maintenance fee for the kids by stupid SG woman's law (of course all the $$ will go to the bitch's pocket). Better negotiate quietly with her to get the custody for the child, or secretly get the kid to SG.

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by ChinhPhu

Dear friend,
After reading your cousin long story I am really saddened by it. Let me share my story with you first because my story is about the same. I am sure some of the friends here may have heard of the ‘dumped by pregnant vietnam bride’ story that happened last year somewhere in July/August. Yes, I am the victim and I just joined this forum but I never post. The story is same because it is also go back vietnam and not returning for no good reason....

Hi bro, so you are the one in the news?

Sorry to hear about your case...Hope all is well....

[BoLiang]

Originally Posted by Fbuddy

As long as the DNA testing result shows the child is his, he must provide maintenance fee for the kids by stupid SG woman's law (of course all the $$ will go to the bitch's pocket). Better negotiate quietly with her to get the custody for the child, or secretly get the kid to SG.

the kid is born in VN ler..I think the kid dont even have sg citizenship. For a worse turn, they may even accuse TS's cousin of kidnapping. No point risking it, really.

No one can force you to do a DNA test. That itself should end all future implications.

[kumone]

Thanks again to all bros for their inputs.

Quite agree with Bro BoLiang's opinion. His child was born in VN and the BC didn't bear the name of my cousin. Even the child's surname follows his mum's.

In fact, I advised my cousin to discuss with his 'would-be' lawyer what r the implications of denying having any child and present it to the court. It is then up to the wife to send the child for DNA testing and sort it out. Legally, my cousin is not telling a lie bcos he can claim that there's no update from his wife since she left SIN.

I guess bringing up the case that he has a child, blah...blah...blah is kinda shooting himself on his foot.

My cousin's opinion is that he doesn't want to keep the kid bcos he forsees that it will be used as an avenue for blackmailing (for more $) in the future. My opinion is to let the legal process takes its course. Negotiating with her can further complicate the issue years later - what if she decides to present the case to the court after years of taking the $ thru negotiation.

[cashier]

dun marry from agency. just marry from those whom u know and intro to you..

[HotSpot881]

Originally Posted by BBlick

Interesting story, why in first your cousin want to marry a VN girl almost 20y younger? sorry not familiar with the staff so no advice.

BTW, advise is verb and you should use ADVICE instead in the title

In SG, can apply for Divorce on ground of no intimacy for prolong period, disappearance of spouse of course provided you dont know her where about, but sinc you know..(could be different)

Refer ;
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/Data/Fil...eProcedure.pdf

But if want to get her to agree, and if divorce file in Singapore, you gonna have more pain if she happen to understand her RIGHTS here, and she contested (and she could even free Legal lawyer in sg with help from their embassy )you got to pay her maintainance for children, share your housing base on market value (court will ask you to sell it and share or u take over and pay her share)...etc . Best is still get a lawyer to understand your rights too.


Refer Stomp English Panel correcting english page;
STOMP - English as it is Broken

When do you ‘advice’ and ‘advise’?

In British English, ‘advise’ is the verb while ‘advice’ is the noun.
So you’d advise someone or give advice to someone.

In American English, ‘advice’ is both the verb and the noun!
This is similar to ‘practise/practice’!

[sbf4life]

there is no difference whether the wife is a foreigner or local so long the marriage is register in Singapore. You will have to abide with the sg laws.
there is a sticky on this.
http://thesbf.shop/adult-d...er-sg-law.html

and don;t listen to those who tells you to ignore the kid, just because the kid is born in a foreign land doesn't means he cannot claim maintenance. He can still do it if he can prove that your cousin the biological father.

The best way is to get her here and settle it once and for all and if your cousin still have the 'missing people report' evidence, present it as a supporting documents for the divorce.

[Max77]

Since TS had already decided EVERYTHING for his cousin liao. This wanna hide that wanna hide, wanna use legal system to settle? Bad choice. U r basically exposing urself in the sunlight and hoping tat u won't get a good tan.

[BlackerKnighter]

Originally Posted by BBlick

BTW, advise is verb and you should use ADVICE instead in the title

Originally Posted by HotSpot881

When do you ‘advice’ and ‘advise’?

In British English, ‘advise’ is the verb while ‘advice’ is the noun.
So you’d advise someone or give advice to someone.

In American English, ‘advice’ is both the verb and the noun!
This is similar to ‘practise/practice’!

My ang Mor not great but anything seen plenty of advice wars around here as boss always gently remind hahaha.... Here hor think TS bro IS using the word as a verb in the title lah so not sala?

True that our yanqui frenz use 'practice' in both verb and noun forms but dont ever recall seeing the same for 'advice'. 'Practiced" yes but "adviced"?!? Am quite sure bout that but Hope boss or some bro more learned in powderful england can clarify?

Anyway seen before in some usage context as noun also NOT INCORRECT to use 'advices' as plural lah..tio boh? Tak cheh kia pls advise again!

Bro TS best is to speak right away with a lawyer coz you oso cannot give every detail here and nobody here experience exactly same as ur cousin so no point exploring advice here one lah..hindsight always easy to say or to point blame this that direction any way , correct or not? go straight to a lawyer right now with some professional experience in this kind of transnational divorce case and the lawyer will be able to tell ur cousin what are his legal responsibility or liabilities and what are the risk, downside and pitfalls etc especially how they relate to the unique circumstance of his case (intentionally declaring false info will have legal consequence and lawyer will have to advise accordingly oso). . Better to know what exactly he getting into asap and wat are possib legal scenarios from a pro instead of speculating blindly tio bo? That I suspect is the simplest bit coz things might not go 100% his way in the end.... But at least it is a necessary step to go forward. And Earlier rather than later would be wise lor.