How is life after divorce?

[imaginative]

Originally Posted by <<<SUCHINDA>>>

Wise man says the 3 best thing that can happen to a man is

1) Strike lottery
2) Gets a promotion at work
3) Wife pass away

Divorce is more or less similar to 3) so pop the champagne & celebrate!!!

Whoever believes in this Wise man is UNWISE.

[imaginative]

Originally Posted by SDMM

In a divorce, there is no way to shelter the children from getting hurt. Life goes on.

As for duration, I think there is a 3 year required separation before final divorce. May be brought forward if there is clear evidence of adultery.

The children might get hurt even more if they grow up in a family whereby the father and mother always fight and quarrel.

Not all divorce take 3 years. Some cases are actually immediate.

[myst]

Thanks bros for your concerns. Am touched. Reading your replies, the pang of sadness overcame me. It is also a strange feeling to find comfort among strangers but i thank you for your kind words and advice.

If not for our children, i would have divorced her in a whim. Which man can stand being cuckolded?

I think at our age, the relationship should have transcended beyond love. My needs are simple, someone to accompany through life's journey, take care of each other and giving the best to the children.

Sigh.

[Fitcraze]

Hanging on to this relationship for the sake of your kids is quite unwise. In time to come, when your kids are grown up, you will be lonely without a companion. I presume that currently there is no sex life between the both of you, needless to say, communication is also very limited right?

Not that I'm being selfish or what, but bro, you seriously have to spare a thought for yourself too. My 1 cent worth of opinion

[ekemono]

sad to hear about your plight TS. I am a divorcee and I can understand some bros who share thier feelings.

But life goes on. Even more, you should work harder and secure your future.
Look at it this way:

1) you get custody of children, financially I believe you are alone to tahan

2) you will meet a suitable woman some day, and you need to be financially strong to go thru the money-eating ceremony again

3) you rather stay single. then you need strong retirement funds.

If your spouse has betray you, let it go. Move on. No use keeping. It will only happen again and the pain is even greater for you and the children the next time.

[Kryptonian]

Just don't let it get you down. Life goes on just make sure you continue to enjoy life.

[colins]

Originally Posted by myst

Thanks bros for your concerns. Am touched. Reading your replies, the pang of sadness overcame me. It is also a strange feeling to find comfort among strangers but i thank you for your kind words and advice.

If not for our children, i would have divorced her in a whim. Which man can stand being cuckolded?

I think at our age, the relationship should have transcended beyond love. My needs are simple, someone to accompany through life's journey, take care of each other and giving the best to the children.

Sigh.

so sorry to hear that you're forced to undergo this stage. I truly agree with what you said about relationship tanscending beyond just love or being loved. To be frank, my mum divorced my dad when I was 26, that time she was nearing her fifties. Her only reason was, so she can live her life freely from my dad who used to abuse her.

For companionship to take place, there is still a bottomline, I believe in your case, your choice not to sacrifice your own future is a good move.

She simply doesn't deserve a companionship like yours. Maybe somebody else could, but that fellow must keep on living in constant fear of being betrayed.

My divorce took 1.5k, no child and no contention. But it has a 3 yrs separation period. I do not think anyone's really at fault, I was away for a long time from singapore. But if you ask me now, it might turn out that I'll say its not a worthed sacrifice for career with my marriage. Marriage is still what I want now, and kids too. I hope you'll get your confident back on marriage one fine day.

Cheers

[K|muRa^84]

@OP:

If you want the best lawyers who specialise in matrimonial disputes, I suggest Harry Elias Partnership. They are one of the few law firms that have a team which solely gives advice on this area.

[deptrai4u]

Originally Posted by smallboi69

Dear Bro, just some legal advise... There are 3 instance where a divorce no need to have 3 yrs seperation

1. Desertion.... where the one partner MIA for more tham
2. Adultery.... she wont be able to claim any single cent from you...
3. Unreasonable behaviour... cases like battery, abuse, stealing, drunk...

I think 1 and 3 looks valid. But #2 has nothing to do with divorce in the eyes of Justice. That means, if wife wants to divorce husband or husband wants to divorce wife, adultery on whoever's fault does not give any advantage to the other party in the aspects of alimony or any other claims...

So for example if you have 2 kids and ur wife does not work and you have been giving her S$3k per month every month for her living expense for the past 2 years... then suddenly you come back 1 day and see her in bed with ur best friend.. and u want to divorce her.. then u may still end up giving her alimony of living expenses of S$3k per month for X number of years... if she is taking care of the kids.

So in that context... men usually loose out BIG time during a divorce.. As such, it is usually not a very wise move.

[myst]

We seldom quarrel. I'm not one who enjoys picking fights. I'm a happy-go-lucky and easy going person. I respected her privacy and her space to be with her friends, never expected her to cross the line.

One off kind of fling I can understand. We all have needs, men and women alike. But to invest her time, money, emotions and feelings outside of the family; unacceptable.

Maybe I didn't put across right that bro Fitcraze misunderstood. It is not my intention to just hang on to her for the sake of the children. I'm hoping we can work harder on our relationship and emerge stronger, for the sake of our children. I've never wanted an empty shell. Unfortunate that she's given up.

Hmm, bro deptrai4u, that is interesting and new to me. Are there any other pitfalls I should be aware? Yes, SG laws favour women whilst us men are always disadvantaged. Even in jobs or any negotiations, women almost always have the upper hand.

[ContraBand]

Sad to know about the plight you are in. Take care bro...

[birdie8819]

Well I dun know whether to say sorry to hear about your plight bro myst cause I myself is going through all these and soon my wife & me will be going through divorce .

Sorry I'm not so good in writing and expressing myself now cause my mind is in a blank and I can't sleep ( have not been sleeping well ) for the past weeks . Although some of the bro's here have seen me before they think that I'm a happy go lucky guy but for the past few weeks I'm really very depressed (loss of sleep and lost weight)

We've know each other for more than 13 years and married for more than 10 years no kids , recently she's been behaving strangely and I can feel that she's changing .

At first I thought that her colleague ( a mother of three ) is bugging her due to some of her family problem but I was wrong , only a few weeks ago she told me that she's seeing someone in her office - (she's working as a secretary in a law firm only last year their company a join a big firm) . MY HEART SANK and at that moment my mind was in a blank , I don't know what to do and we've not been sleeping together for the past week and she's been going coming back home late in the night .

I've been going through what some bro's had said earlier that I've been having my meals alone even on weekends and seeing families out there having fun my heart really BREAKS . Well life still have to go on and I still go to work and surf the net .

We had a long talk just now and she still insist on the divorce , I really don't know what to say now ..............


Don't worry about me guys life still has to go on , I'll still go drinking .

[snipeshot08]

Originally Posted by myst

The worst part is she betrayed me all these while during our 10+ years of marriage.

In terms of divorce proceeding, she has already seen a lawyer. I intend to file for adultery with evidence and fighting custody for the children. I also intend to sue the 3rd party for destroying my family. Any idea how long drawn is this going to be and is it going to be expensive?

Just some key legal advice here,

01. I hope you do have concrete evidence of the adultery cause you will need those that are hard-to-disproved type to prevent a long-drawn court battle in the divorce petition, unless she does not contest your claims.

02. Normal process without contest (meaning there is an amicable agreement between both parties) will take about 6 months but in your case I do not think its possible. Average lawyer's fees for this ranges from S$3K onwards excluding all ancilliaries.

03. Your divorce petition & the maintenance (e.g. custody, alimony...etc) will be fought separately, not together at the same time so take note. Another important note is that it is certain that you will need to pay maintenance, regardless of the adultery. The case of adultery only helps in your divorce petition.

04. Not advisable to sue the 3rd party as what do you hope to gain?? Financial compensation?? Emotional distress?? You will have a damn hard time trying to prove this in a Singapore court, moreover our courts are not known to be generous in awarding compensation or damages
In the end your might lose more than you can gain

Hope this helps & take care bro....

Cheerios......SS08 ^_^

[myst]

Hey bro there's nothing to feel sad abt. Get evidence protect yourself since she so blatantly told you already.

Moreover you do not have children to bear the responsibilities of raising them and giving them the best possible environment to grow up in.

She already told you. She's not a keeper. Dun hang on. Dun go for normal separation and prolong your pain and misery.

All these go to show that we men need support in such circumstances. Our pride and societal obligations placed us as the dominant gender, but that is so untrue. Our laws are so archaic which precludes women being equal in the workplace. This must be highlighted. We men can be victims too.

[birdie8819]

Thanks for the advice bro myst ! My wife and myself will see each other lawyers to settle all our things in the next coming or two weeks time to settle all our things . You too take care .