Getting a Divorce

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by iamsootlor

If I am not mistaken there should be low cost government based lawyers. However depends on the degree of contesting, you might want to hire a good divorce laywer to get the win. Cost wise , very ball park figure. A colleague of mine hired his for about 3000. But that was many years back. Market rate may have changed. His was uncontested.

now uncontested divorce no need to hire lawyer or appear in court.

[cornporn]

Originally Posted by funboi

If uncontested, don't try save money. Just pay a bit for someone to do all the paper work.

this i agree get it over and done with and move one with life and make it better. the faster u start making your life better the shorter the suffering.

[tankerkit]

Originally Posted by fallen11

now uncontested divorce no need to hire lawyer or appear in court.

yes this one you just need paper work

[Timely Rain]

Once again, I thanked all the bros' advices and comments.

Whenever we talk on divorce, she want the following:
1) custody of the child.
2) 100% of the house to go to son when he reach in legal age.
3) I leave the house.
4) 90% of my income.

Although I love my son, I can accept item 1 to 3 but item 4 is extreme to me. I still have $100k of credit bills & loans under my name but spent by her.

Is a contest divorce is the only way out?

[dieth1234]

Originally Posted by Timely Rain

Once again, I thanked all the bros' advices and comments.

Whenever we talk on divorce, she want the following:
1) custody of the child.
2) 100% of the house to go to son when he reach in legal age.
3) I leave the house.
4) 90% of my income.

Although I love my son, I can accept item 1 to 3 but item 4 is extreme to me. I still have $100k of credit bills & loans under my name but spent by her.

Is a contest divorce is the only way out?

90% of my income? What if I resign and out of job? Then I don’t need to pay any of my income.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by Timely Rain

Once again, I thanked all the bros' advices and comments.

Whenever we talk on divorce, she want the following:
1) custody of the child.
2) 100% of the house to go to son when he reach in legal age.
3) I leave the house.
4) 90% of my income.

Although I love my son, I can accept item 1 to 3 but item 4 is extreme to me. I still have $100k of credit bills & loans under my name but spent by her.

Is a contest divorce is the only way out?

1. you can fight in court for 2, 3 & 4. Provided you own at least a portion of the house and she not willing to pay you off for your share of the house.
Is the house a hdb or pte property? If hdb, cannot pass the house to the son as he is not qualified to own one until at least 35 or married. And the cpf portion is not owned by you, is owned by govt. CPF has to be paid back and returned to CPF. for 1, you may request to court for joint custody. Joint custody means the maintainence for the child is 50/50, but you probably get access to your son only one day a week.... Most likely you'll get it unless you're an addict in drugs/gambling/alcohol, in and out of jail often or is a violent man.

2. Both of you unlikely to get the other to leave the house legally. But life will sure be hell if both continue to live together once decided to go for divorce. If its joint ownership, 1 party has to pay off the other to keep the house. If no one is willing to pay off the other party, then have to sell the property and split the proceeds as ruled by court.

3. 90% of income. She wont get it in court. Fight this out.

Yes the only way is contested divorce. But during the time when both of your engaging your lawyers and preparing to file the case, lawyer will know what were the divorce terms requested. For the unrealistic parts, lawyer will advice against it but will eventually file for it if the client die die insists still. So during this time, she may lower those requirements deemed unreasonable to achieve (90% of your income). Alimony and child maintainence are separate issues. Child maintainence depends on factors like how much is needed to maintain a child + your current income, nothing much to do with the ex wife.

about the 100k debt. make it known in court. Judge will take this into account. Judge will deduct monthly debt repayments from your income to derive the income used as reference for the judgement. So it'll be slightly in your favour. Judge may even postpone part of the maintainence / alimony for a few years / till the debt is fully repaid. You may choose to go a step further to prove that this debt was incurred by you on her behalf (if you can prove it), but know that its unlikely for you to claw back any money from her. Judge may take this into account as well.
Example: judge may say pay $1k a mth to her. But because of your debt, judge says postpone $600 of it for 3 years. So 1st 3 years you pay $400 a month, after that $1k a month.

[Willamshakspear]

Mr Fallen11 had given good & detailed advice. My suggestions will be kept short, & points to ponder to help.

From your list:-

1) You accepted it, to keep the hostage-your son-safe. It will be joint custody in Singapore Court. No one has full custody unless one of the parent is a convicted criminal, subjected to the Judge's assessment to protect the child.

2)In divorce cases, all assets will be split 50-50, no matter the circumstances. Thus the house will have to be sold & proceeds split, or the other half pays the balance of loan & CPF on the house to keep it.

3)After divorce, each will go their own way anyway, as the house would had been sold, so leaving the house is not an issue.

4)As for 90% of your income, tell her to dream on & sober up. She would be considered very lucky if she manages to get 30%, & even that, she would have to list out the reasons to obtain 30% - child needs, justifiable living expenses, med bills, etc. Hair care at Reds Saloon, manicure sessions, etc would not hack it to a Singaporean Judge. Even AWARE, which protects women's rights, would not condone 90% figure. Any lawyer would had explained to her, & would never win even if contested.

As for yourself, you will need to prepare a list on your own financial lists to your lawyer to negotiate the settlement:-

a)Taxes.
b)Living expenses
c)Med bills for treatment of existing conditions
d)If sole breadwinner for your own family-living & med expenses for parents & siblings.
e)Car loan & maintenance if any, as you will require it for work
f)Any existing loans incurred, etc, etc.
g)After the house is sold, show your expenses needed to buy & maintain another shelter for yourself-loan, CPF, utilities,etc.

She does seemed unreasonable, as if she was drunk when she made those demands to you. No more Mr. Nice guy, you need be. She needs to be shocked to make her come to her senses, to prevent a contested divorce & save those expenses for your son's future.

a)Hire a professional Private Investigator, who will provide professional evidences of her extreme drinking habits - shopping for wine, in company of others & what she does after drinking bouts.

b)Install hidden cameras at home where she drinks & throw her tantrums, & use it as evidence.

c)Should anyone-you or your son is harmed by her drunken bouts, immediately go to any 24hr med clinic to get treatment & professional certification of harm done. Even a mere slap will leave marks & will be considered abuse.

With such evidences, give it to your lawyer, whom will negotiate with her lawyer, whom will explained to her that it will be worse for her if she pushes for contested divorce, & she will lose MORE than she had unreasonably demanded.

With all sincerity, I hope it may not need to go this far, & hope that you both may reconcile instead. Rather than to ask for divorce, perhaps you should ask why had a love that started so right ended up like this, & if responded, try to find compromises to mend the relationship, if possible.

All the best. :-)

[tankerkit]

Originally Posted by Timely Rain

Once again, I thanked all the bros' advices and comments.

Whenever we talk on divorce, she want the following:
1) custody of the child.
2) 100% of the house to go to son when he reach in legal age.
3) I leave the house.
4) 90% of my income.

Although I love my son, I can accept item 1 to 3 but item 4 is extreme to me. I still have $100k of credit bills & loans under my name but spent by her.

Is a contest divorce is the only way out?

She basically wants to live off you only. You need to contest for what you want.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by Willamshakspear

c)Should anyone-you or your son is harmed by her drunken bouts, immediately go to any 24hr med clinic to get treatment & professional certification of harm done. Even a mere slap will leave marks & will be considered abuse.

best to file a police report for this case so as to have a record to the court.

[laonuanee]

Originally Posted by fallen11

best to file a police report for this case so as to have a record to the court.

nice gather evidence ! i like lol

[Timely Rain]

Once again, I thank my brothers for all the good advices.

Let me share more.

There was once in a drunken state at home, she threw plates, vases, bottles, chairs, fans, etc. One of which hit the back of my head and caused a bump. Police came, followed by ambulance. Police took a record and told me its a "non-arrestable offence". There is a police report number and classification under "Voluntarily Causing Hurt". I was not sure WtF it means as my head was still hurting. Went to hospital, took 3 injections and given 5 days MC. Doctor asked me whether I need go IMH as I was emotionally unstable at that point. Police said they cannot do anything, asked me to Family Justice Court.

For my son, I did not pursue this matter. Am I wrong? What should I have done instead?

[Willamshakspear]

Thank you Mr TimelyRain for replying. Most would not reply back after bros here offered suggestions, & thus we do not know if our suggestions helped or not, in order that we bros here can improve & be of better help to others. Thanks again.

However, at this point of the thread & fireside conversations, the insignificant nobody me hoped that you would had engage a lawyer to find solutions to your predicament.

With an engaged lawyer, you would be in a better position to REVEAL more of the situation in depth than here where you may not be in a comfortable position to do so, & rightly so as we are only mere nicks & strangers, whom will only react on face value as we are not able to see both sides of versions which a lawyer will be able to extract out gently from you in order to help you.

In these hard times, it is comprehensible to save money, but it does not cost much to find a lawyer for CONSULTATION. It costs only between $50 - $100, depending on the choice of lawyer you wish to consult with, and only more if you decide to proceed further for either contested or uncontested divorce, with that lawyer or another.

As for your question, you did the right thing. Firstly, for your own health to get necessary med attention to heal yourself on the attack by your wife. 2ndly, you have a police record of harm done to you by your wife, & would be evidence to the Court of her emotional stability potential towards you & the family. Bring such records to your lawyer, whom will advice you to give any further info that will help in divorce proceedings, or use such evidences to negotiate with her lawyer for better terms.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by Timely Rain

There was once in a drunken state at home, she threw plates, vases, bottles, chairs, fans, etc. One of which hit the back of my head and caused a bump. Police came, followed by ambulance. Police took a record and told me its a "non-arrestable offence". There is a police report number and classification under "Voluntarily Causing Hurt". I was not sure WtF it means as my head was still hurting. Went to hospital, took 3 injections and given 5 days MC. Doctor asked me whether I need go IMH as I was emotionally unstable at that point. Police said they cannot do anything, asked me to Family Justice Court.

it means police wont handle it. If you want you will need to file the case to the court yourself, yes that means hiring your own lawyer to do so.
Keep the case number and you can use it in court during divorce proceedings.

[demonhunter]

Bro , you better run from this marriage fast and dont turn back and look .

Once a party turned violent , theres no turning back . The aggression will worsen .
im sure it started with a minor tantrum in the beginning and now you compare it to the latest incident . it only escalates

Leave for your personal well being . Leave for a better and happier life .

Im just afraid one day , you lost it also and start to be violent due to her triggering you . And it may be too late .

all these throwing things and smashing is is psychotic .

just gather all evidence and fight it out in court , even if you lose a chunk of money it will be more worthwhile . money can always earn back , you cannot earn back lost time .

We just want to have a happy life . And theres no time left to be in a unhappy violent marriage .

the child will understand when he grows up later in life . Truth Prevails .

Side track a bit , my guess is she's from CHINA ?

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by demonhunter

Leave for your personal well being . Leave for a better and happier life .

Im just afraid one day , you lost it also and start to be violent due to her triggering you . And it may be too late .

all these throwing things and smashing is is psychotic .

just gather all evidence and fight it out in court , even if you lose a chunk of money it will be more worthwhile . money can always earn back , you cannot earn back lost time .

We just want to have a happy life . And theres no time left to be in a unhappy violent marriage .

totally agree with this.
Lost time cannot be earned back.
Cut losses and move on, it'll be worth it.
Most people dont get it. Fear of losses overwhelms them.
You win some you lose some in life. Not always get to keep everything you want one.
Sometimes losing something may let you gain something more of more importance to you.