Sexual Performance Anxiety

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by larue

CBT changed my life.

Please elaborate.

[larue]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Please elaborate.

My therapist helped me to identify and understand some deeply ingrained negative mindsets and patterns of behaviour which had prevented me from taking decisive action, or led me to take the wrong path every time a fork in the road appeared.

Knowing one has these mindsets is only half the battle won, but it is still worth knowing what they are.

Understanding how they came about is crucial, because then and only then can one gain the belief that change is within one down hands.

It helped me understand that while environmental factors led me to where I was in my life, which was nowhere, what was keeping me down was no longer the environment but the choices I made on the basis of the few options I believed that my environment constrained me to.

Basically, it made me realise how many more options were available to me than my mind had previously never even considered.

And this worked not because I was simply told to ‘make better choices’, because who the fuck chooses to make bad choices in life?

It worked because a whole host of mental shackles were broken by CBT.

TS started a post offering to pay someone for raw sexy the hope that it will cure his sexual problems.

I know from experience he is barking up the entirely wrong tree.

That choice is made of an irrational desperation because his mental prison no longer permits him to make correct, rational ones.

Everyday on this forum I see men make poor desperate choices because they can’t see any way out of their hopelessness.

Most are not even aware how poor and desperate their choices are, but all firmly believe that they are the only ones they have to choose from.

Of course a ADHD diagnosis helped me. That it was even suggested to me shocked me, but it also really helped me to understand some of my past self destructive behaviour going back to when I was a teen.

To sum it up, CBT helped me realise that my failures in life were due to this:

I had set up incredibly high expectations for myself from a young age without realising it.

I always thought my failures were the result of me not setting even higher expectations for myself, with the result being me setting ever higher impossible to reach bars for myself with every failure.

That every failure meant I had to beat myself up even harder, inflict more punishment on myself until I turn the corner.

CBT helped me recognise this was what I was doing, and how counter productive this behaviour actually was.

The root cause of everybody’s mental prison is different (but I wager a lot of it has to with parents), but everybody can benefit from a good CBT practitioner.

If they seek to understand more about their own behaviour, or to make a change in life.

That’s why I recommend it to anyone here who seeks help, because that is already the first step. Accepting deep inside that there is something wrong with their life, something rotten even.

While sexual dysfunction was not the reason I sought out CBT, it did cure me of it because a lot of sexual dysfunction is in fact, not sexual at all.

I sought treatment for it many years ago too, and was prescribed reading material that did not relate to sex at all. I dismissed that therapist as a quack and ended up putting up with sexual dysfunction instead.

But my (mentally induced) sexual dysfunction has gone away for good now, which is great because I still have many years to enjoy the use of my cock!

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by larue

But my (mentally induced) sexual dysfunction has gone away for good now, which is great because I still have many years to enjoy the use of my cock!

People don't realise just how powerful the mind is. It can help you achieve great things or it can rain destruction upon you.

I used to think that "me" and "my mind" were one and the same but experience over the years has illustrated just how the two are actually separate entities. In essence for many people they are their own worst enemy.

[larue]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

People don't realise just how powerful the mind is. It can help you achieve great things or it can rain destruction upon you.

I used to think that "me" and "my mind" were one and the same but experience over the years has illustrated just how the two are actually separate entities. In essence for many people they are their own worst enemy.

That's the absolute truth.

And all one has to do to obtain that power is simply to go 'let's hear what you have to say', be open to another perspective rather than shut it down without giving it any genuine thought.

Alas, even that seems too hard for many.

[undyinglust]

currently not on medication, but just poor performance. is it due to stress? i do watch porn though.

one of the common advice is stop porn.

here is the issue, i am single and not everytime can pay for sex (cannot afford so much). masturbate without porn ok ?

[xylphz]

Originally Posted by undyinglust

currently not on medication, but just poor performance. is it due to stress? i do watch porn though.

one of the common advice is stop porn.

here is the issue, i am single and not everytime can pay for sex (cannot afford so much). masturbate without porn ok ?

Yes, masturbate without porn is ok.

The act of masturbation itself is healthy, is just when you use it with porn together in the long run it's unhealthy for your mind.

Therefore you need to train using your imagination by real sex scenarios you have experienced before to prevent PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction)

[Akuforeveryoung]

As much as these drugs for depression/anxiety/other behavioural-mental disorders may cause you to face difficulties having sex, be it difficulty in getting or maintaining an erection, or difficulty controlling ejaculation, I think it is very important that bros do not start or stop medications at random, always have your condition reviewed by a proper doctor.
Granted that not all doctors are good, but I think from the way the doctor interacts with you, you can get a sense of whether your doctor truly has your best interests at heart and is listening to your concerns. Stopping your medications or starting new medications abruptly without advice from a doctor can be detrimental to your mental recovery, possibly even downright harmful/dangerous, and I think it is common knowledge that a poor mood and negative mindset is the greatest detractor to having good sex.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a very useful tool to help treat MDD/GAD (considering that the root cause of your condition is mental to begin with), I would recommend you bring it up to your doctor and see if the doctor can put you up for it and slowly wean you off the meds.
Tldr, don't anyhow start/stop meds based off advice from anyone, make sure you have a good doctor reviewing your condition to help you decide what is best for you.

[AestheticsVibe]

Great insights in this thread. Thanks for the contribution everyone!

[undyinglust]

Originally Posted by xylphz

Yes, masturbate without porn is ok.

The act of masturbation itself is healthy, is just when you use it with porn together in the long run it's unhealthy for your mind.

Therefore you need to train using your imagination by real sex scenarios you have experienced before to prevent PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction)

glad to know that. time to recall past experiences hahaha

[fishfood]

wow bro. mad respect. I also have issues finishing from vaginal penetration and I do recognize it might be the porn and masturbation combo that im hooked on. i tried "fasting" for 10 days and it seems to be my limit but still need to use hand to finish after performing on the bed.

for some reason, even after 30 minutes of various positions, trying to finish using hand takes longer than just straight up using hand when alone. dam difficult to quit the masturbation/porn addition.

at first i thought it was because I don't have any "emotional connection" to the FL i was fucking. then I found a FWB whom i found really attractive and had a short term relationship. even travelled overseas together and had raw sex multiple times. still needed to finish by hand. feelsbadman

i try nofap for a few days every once in a while, but on the day i break the "fast" i will be so horny that i will fap 3 times. how did u even last 9 months? im still a virgin when it comes to orgasm thru penetration

Originally Posted by xylphz

That explains.

Like boss Sam mentioned as above from my reply.

One of anti-depressant medication side effects is that it will disrupt your sex drive / libido :

Managing Antidepressant Sexual Side Effects

Because since you can physically erect during normal days.

Most of the time, the problem lies with psychological first rather the physical part.

Let me share my experience:

Last year there is a 3 months lockdown in SG,
The only way I could release is masturbate.
After awhile I tried to masturbate, I failed to erect and cum.

Realized that I have PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction) last year.

Went cold turkey no fap for 9 months to detox my mind's dopamine reactors towards sex.

After 9 months, tried with first 2 FL bookings I messed up, still can't cum.

After the 3rd attempt booking,
This one 90 mins session, I took an hour, manage to successfully cum with pussy penetration.

[Karaja]

Originally Posted by AestheticsVibe

Great insights in this thread. Thanks for the contribution everyone!

Likewise, learnt a lot of things about this matter on exploring one's sexuality self!

Really appreciate the bros here share this openly.

[ghostcow]

Learn to relax and focus on the moment and sensations. I find meditating has helped me

[papanapa]

i drink and smoke

[roadtohell]

Originally Posted by larue

My therapist helped me to identify and understand some deeply ingrained negative mindsets and patterns of behaviour which had prevented me from taking decisive action, or led me to take the wrong path every time a fork in the road appeared.

Knowing one has these mindsets is only half the battle won, but it is still worth knowing what they are.

Understanding how they came about is crucial, because then and only then can one gain the belief that change is within one down hands.

It helped me understand that while environmental factors led me to where I was in my life, which was nowhere, what was keeping me down was no longer the environment but the choices I made on the basis of the few options I believed that my environment constrained me to.

Basically, it made me realise how many more options were available to me than my mind had previously never even considered.

And this worked not because I was simply told to ‘make better choices’, because who the fuck chooses to make bad choices in life?

It worked because a whole host of mental shackles were broken by CBT.

TS started a post offering to pay someone for raw sexy the hope that it will cure his sexual problems.

I know from experience he is barking up the entirely wrong tree.

That choice is made of an irrational desperation because his mental prison no longer permits him to make correct, rational ones.

Everyday on this forum I see men make poor desperate choices because they can’t see any way out of their hopelessness.

Most are not even aware how poor and desperate their choices are, but all firmly believe that they are the only ones they have to choose from.

Of course a ADHD diagnosis helped me. That it was even suggested to me shocked me, but it also really helped me to understand some of my past self destructive behaviour going back to when I was a teen.

To sum it up, CBT helped me realise that my failures in life were due to this:

I had set up incredibly high expectations for myself from a young age without realising it.

I always thought my failures were the result of me not setting even higher expectations for myself, with the result being me setting ever higher impossible to reach bars for myself with every failure.

That every failure meant I had to beat myself up even harder, inflict more punishment on myself until I turn the corner.

CBT helped me recognise this was what I was doing, and how counter productive this behaviour actually was.

The root cause of everybody’s mental prison is different (but I wager a lot of it has to with parents), but everybody can benefit from a good CBT practitioner.

If they seek to understand more about their own behaviour, or to make a change in life.

That’s why I recommend it to anyone here who seeks help, because that is already the first step. Accepting deep inside that there is something wrong with their life, something rotten even.

While sexual dysfunction was not the reason I sought out CBT, it did cure me of it because a lot of sexual dysfunction is in fact, not sexual at all.

I sought treatment for it many years ago too, and was prescribed reading material that did not relate to sex at all. I dismissed that therapist as a quack and ended up putting up with sexual dysfunction instead.

But my (mentally induced) sexual dysfunction has gone away for good now, which is great because I still have many years to enjoy the use of my cock!

thanks for sharing your experience

[bobo987]

Originally Posted by Akuforeveryoung

As much as these drugs for depression/anxiety/other behavioural-mental disorders may cause you to face difficulties having sex, be it difficulty in getting or maintaining an erection, or difficulty controlling ejaculation, I think it is very important that bros do not start or stop medications at random, always have your condition reviewed by a proper doctor.
Granted that not all doctors are good, but I think from the way the doctor interacts with you, you can get a sense of whether your doctor truly has your best interests at heart and is listening to your concerns. Stopping your medications or starting new medications abruptly without advice from a doctor can be detrimental to your mental recovery, possibly even downright harmful/dangerous, and I think it is common knowledge that a poor mood and negative mindset is the greatest detractor to having good sex.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a very useful tool to help treat MDD/GAD (considering that the root cause of your condition is mental to begin with), I would recommend you bring it up to your doctor and see if the doctor can put you up for it and slowly wean you off the meds.
Tldr, don't anyhow start/stop meds based off advice from anyone, make sure you have a good doctor reviewing your condition to help you decide what is best for you.

Trying meditation I think helps too