How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by klzombie

Hi bro rainman,

Well, we are ok... I sam still looking for marriage councillor but dunno where to find one... I told my gf but she said no need waste money. I insist she got nothing to say then she became very nice nice and sweet to me but no effect hehe.. Anyway she is back to her old self liao still ok la... sigh... very busy these days with work so didnt think much abt it...

Anyway I worry abt what bro surfer888 said... it is very true that having a kid to save marriage should not be the right thing to do but I have heard that half the time it works. In fact, we have visited feng shui master. He said my gf has a 'wong tai' life (King's life) meaning she usually gets what she wanted no matter how ridiculous. The feng shui master actually told her not to be demanding but I guess she isnt listening... The feng shui master also said we should have a kid as early as possible... but I worry abt the consequences ... maybe I worry too much I dont know...

I would appreciate if any bro can introduce a good marriage councillor to me... Thanks in advance!

Currently, u looked like 2nd class citizen to her, and I guessed if you really have a kid, u would become 3rd class or even lower.

Move on. Before marriage makes u so unhappy, being single will not make you more sad

SC

[DieCorkStand]

Originally Posted by vistaman

seems like there are a lot of bros and sis here who are also facing issues at home with the spouses.
For my case, i have been having a cold war with my wife for months. Every time i will give in but she does not seem to care and continue with her behaviour. She still work very very late everyday and sometimes will go clubbing thinking i dont know. Only know how to criticise people and ask people to do things for her but never do it herself. I know i am not perfect but i am 100% devoted to my 2 kids and if not for them i would have separated long time ago. My parents who are staying with me to help look after the kids are also getting very sian seeing us like this. But they love the grandkids too much so also tahan.
sometimes, i ask myself how long more should i wait and endure this unhappiness. Should i just ask for a divorce and risk losing my kids? I cannot imagine coming back from work and not seeing them. The pain would be just too much to bear. sigh!
Maybe we should form a support group to share our feelings and help each other get over the pain.

Hi bro, video tape her in the home habit for not takng care of her kids, and then you can use this as evdience to get your kids back when u r thinking of divorce.

If wife don nehave like a wife and a mother don act like 1, why is the use of having 1 ?

[DieCorkStand]

Sigh ... now I really know I am not alone ... woman are such a bitch ...
But Still really love her andnow with 1 Kid.

Though everytime I initiate, she don mind and too enjoy it but she never initiate ...
Life sucks, works suck and she don suck !!??

We have sex only once a week.

To neutralise the situation, most of the time I went for jogging, gym etc to burn out my strong desire or energy.
If this does not works, then I go for HJ in massage palour which is more safer tht way but again I don no how long I can tahan ...

If a woman comes to me with love and passion sex, I do not know I can handle the situation ...

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by john99

If you are marrying in Catholic Church, divorce is almost impossible...

No not truth there are many catholics who are also divorcees...me included..it just that you cannot remarry in church..

[seedofcucky]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

No not truth there are many catholics who are also divorcees...me included..it just that you cannot remarry in church..

and cannot receive the sacrament of holy communion either.

actually once a catholic divorces his wife and marries another, he technically is excommunicated from the church and cannot receive sacraments.

so catholics should think carefully before marrying.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by seedofcucky

and cannot receive the sacrament of holy communion either.

actually once a catholic divorces his wife and marries another, he technically is excommunicated from the church and cannot receive sacraments.

so catholics should think carefully before marrying.

yup the day i divorce my ex, i already decided to ex-communicate myself from the church...moreover how can the light and darkness coexist..

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by seedofcucky

and cannot receive the sacrament of holy communion either.

actually once a catholic divorces his wife and marries another, he technically is excommunicated from the church and cannot receive sacraments.

so catholics should think carefully before marrying.

Yup... you would have to renounce everything in order to marry again. So please consider that before going through. Also, divorce is not easy on the man with the Women's Charter in place.

It's strange... I always thought that I was alone on all these until I saw that many bros here (Bronco, Coleman28, Frankiestine, Aces68) have extremely similar circumstances as well... just that Bro Frankiestine took the extra step which I am still uncertain about, divorce.

Not sure whether to be comforted on this knowledge or depressed... sigh.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by aces68

Dun flame me if you find my story long and boring..i was just really inspired to share my tale as this thread's subject really hit home for me.

Extremely good sharing. It is almost exactly what I went through except for the part about another guy. We had no 3rd party in this and it's still the same route downhill.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by surfer888

just that Bro Frankiestine took the extra step which I am still uncertain about, divorce..

Divorce is no joke my friend...it is a major impact on one life, suddenly you find that overnight what you had taken to be for granted are no longer there, family, house and yes money...my divorce cost me nearly $150k...

[mscucky]

i used to have a very solid views on marriage where i want to love my man and be the best for him in n out..hv my children. be a good wife, mom n daughter in law....

. however, after coming to sb and reading this thread in particular, i m very frightened to see marriage in a positive lights...it's now a very mixed feelings. shud we not get married? if get married, will things change ?

too many negative reports here on marriage...is there any good side on marriage? . it's very scary and i don't like this feelings....

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Divorce is no joke my friend...it is a major impact on one life, suddenly you find that overnight what you had taken to be for granted are no longer there, family, house and yes money...my divorce cost me nearly $150k...

Agreed. I made some calculations and financial losses were huge but still able to get through those. I was prepared to lose the money and also offer financial aid in excess of the law and also to give custody (I believe no kid should be separated from their mother). The main thing stopping me is the kid... how he would grow up affected by his dad living apart... even my travelling for work affected him somewhat... cannot measure that in dollars. No amount of money or my happiness would be able to compensate this.

... Divorce is definitely on hold till the kid is wise enough to understand (maybe when he's in his thirties!!! or never!). See... children do make marriages stay together... though not always the way you would like.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by mscucky

i used to have a very solid views on marriage where i want to love my man and be the best for him in n out..hv my children. be a good wife, mom n daughter in law....

. however, after coming to sb and reading this thread in particular, i m very frightened to see marriage in a positive lights...it's now a very mixed feelings. shud we not get married? if get married, will things change ?

too many negative reports here on marriage...is there any good side on marriage? . it's very scary and i don't like this feelings....

Things did not change for me after marriage. It was bad before that. I knew it was bad before that but was trying to kid myself that it would be better after marriage and even worse, thought it would be better after children. Unfortunately, I was just kidding myself.

I still believe in marriage, children and a happy family.... just that a person has to clear all doubts, be very sure and not kid themselves about the future.

Marriage is still a very positive thing if done for the right reasons... it's just sad that I was not wise enough to think through and no turning back now...

Remembering the vows... For better or worse... it takes on a whole new meaning to me now.

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by mscucky

i used to have a very solid views on marriage where i want to love my man and be the best for him in n out..hv my children. be a good wife, mom n daughter in law....

. however, after coming to sb and reading this thread in particular, i m very frightened to see marriage in a positive lights...it's now a very mixed feelings. shud we not get married? if get married, will things change ?

too many negative reports here on marriage...is there any good side on marriage? . it's very scary and i don't like this feelings....

Both of you must be committed. Committed enough that even when one of you got no sex drive anymore, still have to find ways to get in the mood to make love.

Never neglect spouse because of the children. Always find time for each other.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Recommendation to all... go read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Cheap book, light read, very insightful about love. Wish I read it before my marriage went down the drain. It isn't everything, but it's a good tool to have in your marriage.

I'm divorced. But I still see marriage in positive light. What's different for me now is that I'm more ready to make things work and wiser to see problems coming before they drop on my toes. I only worry whether my gf has the will to see us through marital problems.

Last of all, if you are looking for affirmation about marriage, don't even say wrong thread, you are looking in the wrong forum.

[BustLover]

Originally Posted by sagiboar

Both of you must be committed. Committed enough that even when one of you got no sex drive anymore, still have to find ways to get in the mood to make love.

Never neglect spouse because of the children. Always find time for each other.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Last of all, if you are looking for affirmation about marriage, don't even say wrong thread, you are looking in the wrong forum.

Very well said. This forum will only lead you astray; tempt you with cheap and easy sex and worst of all, may also cost your life if you are addicted to it.

Sagiboar

I can't find EE for Malaysia, but St Francis Xavier's Church in PJ has a Marriage Preparation Course. Why don't you call them and find out whether they are willing to take you or at least point you to somewhere nearer to you.

I think EE will be better. Why not talk to her nicely (I get the feeling you do, but she's the one that makes it difficult) and convince her that EE is for preparing for marriage. Don't say it might help you guys figure out whether to go ahead. Get her to read the FAQ on the website. Better then the words from your mouth. I know EE Singapore will take people from all over the world (My batch of Retrouvaille had a HK couple). Call or email them. They will also know if there is a Malaysian one.

Frankly, from your description I really want to ask you these:
1. Do you think she will change?
2. Do you want to go thru days like this with her for the rest of your life?

She sounds insecure. Perhaps she isn't sure about marrying you but is afraid that if she loses you, she cannot find someone else. That's why she's afraid that everything you are trying to do is to find an excuse to cancel the wedding. Maybe she really wants to marry you but her insecurity is causing her to behave like this. You need to open the channels of communication. EE will help that.

Hey bro sagiboar, thanks for the lead, I will check it out.

I got upset with my gf after the so called discussion with her and I told her that I am unhappy over the whole thing. After a day, she start getting back to me and has been very nice to me until today (its normal, she will become nice for a few days and then BAM! back to original like some kind of unknown super hero or something..). She said she is willing to do the counseling but only after the wedding dinner because there is still so much to do... I didn’t agree or disagree with her. I was tinking I’ll check out the counseling places first and arrange a time without telling her and then we just go… not sure yet, will look into it tomorrow…

Sigh… the Famous 2 questions… I really don’t know how to answer that… I would think there are possibilities but I’m unsure of that in my case… I choose not to ponder that at the moment… not sure …

About insecurity, I believe you may be right… I have been assuring her several times, the reason for the counseling is to make the relationship better not a mean to separate. If I wanted to separate, I could have just kick the whole thing over and be done with in the first place. She seemed to take that well..

John99

Bro KLzombie,

Sorry to hear about yr plight but I think you better consider carefully. If she is not even comfortable going to see counselor , then I think you got bigger problems down the road.

You cannot be giving in all the time, one day you will blow up and commit the unthinkable.

Haha! Bro John, thanks! There were already times when I consider blowing up but still hanging on … There was only one time I completely went crazy and that was 2 years ago when she cheated on me… It was quite bad, I don’t want to have that kind of feeling again… It smells of murder ;p

Mscucky

if u r my hubby, there's no way i will treat u in such a way. u will always be my gem...

Hi Mscucky, that’s a very nice thing to say. Thanks!!


Mscucky

as for counselling, it will be better that u get her to agree going. if her heart is not into it. no point u force it.... try to be more patient. try to use another approach. if she is a fire, u can't be a fire or there will be a blaze to run down ur marital home. u will need to be a water or rather to endure her 'hotness'

i m sure if she loves u enuff, she will listen n start to change....

i guess very rare to find a guy like u. u r a very patient guy indeed. i m happy to hear that u like kids...i like kids so much too....

pls hang on ! if possible, give urself some space to do some thinking. don't talk to her maybe for a week to be on ur own.... find a solution to get the problem fixed ok ? think carefully before u walk to aisle or to call off. at the end of the day, u will need to decide dear. we can advise. however for decision making, u will need to do it. there are many views here....


qns to ponder
hv you decide wat u want ?
do u know wat u want?
how do u see marriage?
how do u see her?
did she cares ever 4 u?
she is with u coz of money or coz she loves u ?

u got to see all these ok?

Well, the problem is our wedding is like very soon! And time is not with me… everything’s set… so going slow is no longer an option unless I just go ahead with the wedding dinner and then do counseling later. Either way its already bad… I have been hiding from the situation until all you bros and one sister started making an impression on me how bad it is… I already know the seriousness before this but I guess it takes someone else to tell you in the face (in this case, many many someones hehe..) before it really sink in…

I might think of giving myself space but I know my gf will go bonkers and start becoming raving mad ;p She’s scary that way… I dunno … maybe this weekend… on Sunday but dunno where to go to relax hehe…

One thing is for sure, she’s not in it for money, I aint rich, just doing ok. I feel she DOES love me and is not currently cheating on me. Having gone through two times of something like that makes me ultra sensitive these days… yup, you heard that right, TWO times but the circumstances on the second time was very different and very questionable, so I never counted that as cheating, rather, another sore event with my gf.

Anyway back to topic, I believe her only problem right now is her attitude. She promised me again (after the argument) she will treat me better… but she has promised that many times… sigh… I dunno…

LeeKH

klzombie:
Hey... I really feel for you, man. Seriously, I mean seriously - this is going to be worse after marriage. Seriously, it is not too late to reconsider marriage. If you are depressed now, you'll find it worse in marriage and have to start contemplating your next move - like divorce.

Stopping a wedding will set you back some monies, the hatred of her family and maybe yours, her friends and maybe yours. That will last for a few months. A year or two max. But, a marriage is a lifetime!!!!

If she can't bother about talking about the future with you, then what are your goals together. The short term is a wedding. What about the long term.

Hi bro LeeKH, I seriously know what you mean and it sank it a lot more after all the bros and sis here posted their thoughts especially sagiboar and surfer888… I’m still considering the whole thing right now…

Aces68

Normally, I tend to browse and not write much..but this thread mirrors my married life a lot that I decided to pen in my 2 cents worth. When I met my wife 12 years ago, she was the one who initiated sex..invited me to stay overnight at her place and i lost my cherry to her..sex was fun and we did it whenever we could.


I had always wanted kids and she knew that from the beginning. Although she likes kids but she was not so keen on going through the pregnancy, worried that she will look fat and ugly. She also complained that if we have kids, we won't have time for each other, I felt she is quite selfish in this aspect. Before getting married, in order to coax her into agreeing to have kids, I promised that we would get a maid, even two if she needed to look after the kids and household chores.

But sadly, after marriage, she avoided the subject of kids and we end up fighting over it many times. I gave up trying to convince her about having kids although deep inside, I felt cheated. Slowly, our sex life became lifeless and she started to complain when I try kiss her or touch her. Sometimes, even touching her breasts was a big no..no. She always says not tonight, tomorrow can ? when tomorrow comes, she forgets or she's tired..I no longer have the energy and desire to try and initiate sex. I don;t want to feel like a beggar, having to beg for sex..in my heart it feels damn humiliating. I have a high sex drive, so it's really frustrating for me. I have open discussions with her about how I feel, but there's little improvement.

Oh my God bro Aces68!! Your situation is so like mine!! When my gf and I first met, we have serious hot sex everywhere! She does CIM, BJ, HJ and we nearly even tried anal but she couldn’t do it. Now, I have to practically ask / plead for it and half the time I don’t get it or stopped abruptly by her complains etc… And she hates me touching her breasts (in private not public la). Like your wife, she promised me either tomorrow night or weenend and when weekend comes, she completely forgot or does it very obligingly until I really have no mood. When I finally cant do it, she complain and get angry as well… haiz… even guys have feeling, if a girl doesn’t wanna do with me, I seriously can’t do it with her… otherwise I will be considering myself a rapist… Sometimes, I know whats coming (no sex for the weekend I mean), and I PCC become meeting her… and that is so stupid… which was why I finally got tempted and went to FL… don’t laugh at me fellow bros, but I actually has only gone cheonging TWO times hehe… one in Cixxxxx and one in Sx (hence the measly 2 FRs hehe..). I may or may not go again depending on how pressured I get from my gf and my work (I would think 80% my gf since my work is usually no problem for me).