An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...

[raxip]

Bro @Shrouded, assuming what you wrote are true, my two cents' worth to you would be slightly different from others:

Change your job.

IIRC, you would be approaching the 1 year mark in your current job soon. Since it would take around 3-6 months to transit into a new job (if the job search goes smoothly), this stage would be an okay time for you to start your job search.

The reason for changing your job is very simple: your emotional issues are partly due to your job environment and considerations, and these unresolved emotional issues will lead to future problems down the road and may even affect your career in the future.

Just look at the characters you have mentioned: Do you think Rebecca is, on the professional aspect, someone that you trust to mentor you for your career growth? Do you think you would be as indecisive in resolving or tackling your issue with Jasmine if you are not going to be working with her? Do you think the true roadblock between Shirlyn and you is Jasmine, not the fact that she is above you in the reporting chain in the same company?

In short, you have pretty much committed the cardinal career sin of eating where you defecate.

If you are someone who is a senior manager or director/C-suite level, perhaps you have enough career capital to cushion any damage when things blow up. As someone who just transited from regular military service, do you think you are in that position?

For once, you should take a cold, hard look at your own professional growth and ask yourself if the current environment is the best place for you to grow professionally, especially with all the emotional entanglements. Btw this job was introduced with the help of Ann. Getting out would help you towards closure in your journey with Ann.

Untangle yourself from the workplace (which sounds quite toxic and unproductive to me btw (as bro EOS mentioned)). Give yourself some breathing space from people who are either (1) want to ride you, (2) want to keep you as a spare ride, or (3) want to ride you long term + more.

When you have that distance, maybe the decision you should take for your emotional entanglements will come naturally.

[sexcision]

Seems like TS in in a deeply troubled and confused situation now. Looking forward to the development and his choice!

[Shrouded]

Nothing noteworthy happened on Thursday or Friday.

I decided to be alone over the weekend to sort out my thoughts.

Monday seemed like it was going to be pretty rushed if I went along with everyone's plans for me.

Alan invited me over for reunion dinner, but only he and Amanda and her boyfriend would be there. Ann, as usual, hadn't been home for awhile. Alicia had decided not to go home and have a reunion gathering with Jasmine and Felicia instead, after Felicia was done at her parents place. Alicia did ask me over, but I didn't give her an answer.

I guess it would just be me and my parents at home.

The office was pretty quiet. Joan had switched to the alternate week for the split team arrangement, and Cheryl was on leave, leaving only me and Shirlyn in the office.

Once again, the boss declared it a half working day during morning meeting. We didn't actually have much to do anyway. I went to Shirlyn's office and knocked on the open door.

S: Yes?

Me: Can we talk?

S: Sure. Come in.

I sat opposite her.

Me: I'm sorry for calling you out on Wednesday.

S: Ah. Don't worry about it.

Me: I've been thinking.

S: About what?

Me: Us.

S: But there is no us. It was a mistake.

Me: Was it?

S: Don't you think it was? I took advantage of you.

Me: And I didn't stop you.

S: We're both at fault then.

Me: Can you tell me what you're really feeling?

S: Can I not?

Me: I want to know.

S: I was lonely. I thought you were lonely too.

Me: Lonely or horny?

S: Fine. I was horny. I didn't expect you to reciprocate.

Me: Why do you keep kissing me?

S: I like the feeling. It makes me feel wanted. Even though I know your heart is somewhere else.

Me: You said it hurts yet you still do it.

S: I really like it when you kiss me back. When you touch me. It doesn't feel like it's a one-sided thing. Then I remember that Jasmine is the one you want. Then it hurts. Maybe I'm weird, but I'm quite happy for those moments, even though I know nothing will happen.

Me: For a very long time, I think I've been living my life for others. Trying to make everyone happy. Whether it's being there for them, listening to them, or having sex with them. As long as I felt they were happy, it was fine.

S: How do you know what makes them happy? Or if they're truly happy?

Me: I don't really know. I just go with the flow.

S: That's dangerous. But I guess I went with the flow too.

Me: So there's no us, but you want to start something with me until Jasmine and I work things out?

S: I really don't mind. But I know eventually I may get hurt. Even though there is a chance that we may really end up together.

Me: Why take the risk?

S: Because of the way you made me feel. Not just when we had sex. With my ex, it really felt as if I was just doing it to please him, my own pleasure was not important. But with you, I think we're both enjoying it. And you're a really nice guy, unless all this was an act. Maybe you're just naive, or I am.

Me: I thought you spoke to Rebecca and decided you can't handle the whole friends with benefits situation.

S: Yes. It hurts. Not having any commitment. But on hindsight I think I just need to learn how to manage it? At least for the few hours I'm with you, I'm happy, and I feel wanted.

Me: What's more important to you then? The sex? Or feeling wanted?

S: Erm. I feel wanted when you kiss and touch me, and when we have sex.

Me: Why?

S: I really don't know how to explain it.

Me: So… you could be kissing, touching and having sex with someone else, and you'd feel wanted?

S: No. That's not what I meant. It's when I do it with you.

Me: Do you like me?

S: I think so. I can't explain. You're not like other guys. Maybe it's because you're so… eager to please?

Me: I guess I'm afraid of failure so I try my best?

S: Is that really the case?

Me: I don't know.

S: Well, Jasmine will be back on Thursday. Don't fail with her ok?

Me: I don't think she really needs me. She was with another guy.

S: Just for sex right?

Me: Yeah.

S: Didn't you give her more than that? Like your time, care and concern?

Me: Maybe it wasn't enough?

S: Maybe your bedroom skills are not up to her standard. But most girls want the whole package.

Me: I think my skills are decent.

S: To me they're mind-blowing. But I don't have much experience.

Me: So about us…

S: There is no us. Unless you want something that I want as well. And we come to an agreement.

Me: I guess I want to feel wanted too.

S: Well, right now, I like the feeling of being wanted.

Me: So…

S: I think others probably mentioned it before, but you are damn wishy-washy.

Me: Maybe I'm just being cautious?

S: Maybe you should just shut up and kiss me.

She got off her chair and sat on my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck and planted her lips on mine. I kissed her back.

Me: I thought it hurts.

S: It does, but I'm enjoying the moment.

[sexcision]

Yeah man! Finally you thought of what you wanted. The feeling of being wanted.

Give it a try, you might like it. And I supposed it happened earlier today!

So throughout the weekend, jasmine did not contact you to even try to explained what happened?

[wtfuad]

Forbidden fruit is always sweeter. Unless bro shrouded really 看开and believe it’s a waste of time with Jasmine/Anne who doesn’t really reciprocate the way he expects to be. Think he’ll continue to yearn for Jasmine or Anne even tho Shirlyn will be there for him more than the two. Hope bro shrouded thinks with his head on his shoulders and not his heart.

[junior_cannibal]

If TS were a male whore, he would be very rich for being such a ang bai.
Jokes aside, it's not the company he's in that he needs to change, it's his characters. The lack of self esteem, that's why constantly wants to please others to feel his purpose of being around.
The kind bros here can help till the cow comes home, but if he doesn't see why he should change, nothing will happen.
The women he met are a bunch of rather weird combo. They are more like men while TS is that poor likely girl that's sort of being exploited to the max.
Sad, pathetic but kinky enough for all of us to remain in our tent here.

[EnigmaofSorrow]

Originally Posted by junior_cannibal

If TS were a male whore, he would be very rich for being such a ang bai.
Jokes aside, it's not the company he's in that he needs to change, it's his characters. The lack of self esteem, that's why constantly wants to please others to feel his purpose of being around.
The kind bros here can help till the cow comes home, but if he doesn't see why he should change, nothing will happen.
The women he met are a bunch of rather weird combo. They are more like men while TS is that poor likely girl that's sort of being exploited to the max.
Sad, pathetic but kinky enough for all of us to remain in our tent here.

Well said bro!

I think the lack of self-esteem he feels is quite legitimate.

When I left the army after 10 years, it was a struggle to adapt and overcome the numerous obstacles of working in the private sector. I felt out of place most of the time and often tried to please everyone. But of course not in the way bro Shrouded does.

I'm guessing/hoping things will get better for him once he gets used to non-military life or somehow finds a purpose.

[EnigmaofSorrow]

Originally Posted by wtfuad

Forbidden fruit is always sweeter. Unless bro shrouded really 看开and believe it’s a waste of time with Jasmine/Anne who doesn’t really reciprocate the way he expects to be. Think he’ll continue to yearn for Jasmine or Anne even tho Shirlyn will be there for him more than the two. Hope bro shrouded thinks with his head on his shoulders and not his heart.

Somehow I don't think this Shirlyn is good for him either. She admitted she's just like the others, but she hides it better.

Like what another bro mentioned, it's probably better to find a new job, perhaps with a better male-female ratio. Or worst case, re-enlist and hope he is posted to a unit where he feels valued. Think the problem he faced was feeling lost and unmotivated after he returned from overseas posting.

[otamay]

Hopefully Mark and Shiryln can give both of them a chance to see if they can be together.

Camping here for more juicy updates please.

[Shrouded]

Me: What are we doing?

S: Making out in my office?

Me: Why?

S: I don't know. Just felt like it?

She reached down and caressed my groin.

S: You seem to be enjoying it.

I can't deny that I wasn't. After all, we were only kissing, and I was getting hard.

Shirlyn unzipped the collar of her cheongsam+dress from the back and slid the sleeves off her shoulders, exposing her neck and collarbones to me.

S: Kiss me there.

Sometimes I wondered why I just did everything they said. Surely there was still a part of me that could and would say no?

I kissed her neck, tracing my lips and tip of my tongue down. I could feel her breathing get faster and she moaned softly into my ear.

I reached around and unhooked her bra, letting her breasts go free, and pulled her dress down lower. I cupped them and squeezed gently, planting kisses till I reached her nipples, before clamping down and sucking them lightly, flicking at them with my tongue.

S: You're making me wet.

By now my erection was fighting hard against the confines of my boxers and work pants. The office chair was creaking under our combined weight. I wondered if it was going to break.

We continued kissing, with me fondling her breasts at the same time, but was interrupted by her office phone ringing. We snapped out of our embrace and she answered the phone.

S: Hello? Yes. Yes. Me and Mark. Cheryl is on leave. Ok. See you soon.

Me: Who is it?

S: Erm. Boss is coming over. He wants to treat us to lunch.

Me: Really?

S: Actually he said whoever is in the office. He's nearby. We'll meet him downstairs.

Me: You might want to get dressed then.

She shyly put her bra back on, and adjusted her cheongsam.

S: Sorry.

Me: Sorry for?

S: I think we went too far again.

Me: I guess we did.

S: But I really enjoyed it.

Me: I did too.

We tidied ourselves up before heading downstairs to wait for the boss.

I had only seen him twice before, when he dropped by the office to meet with Shirlyn and Helen. I never really spoke to him before. I wondered if he even knew what I did.

As we waited at the driveway, a black BMW pulled up in front of us. I wanted to get into the front seat but saw that Helen was already seated there. Shirlyn and I got into the back seats. I wondered if I was going to be interrupting some business meeting.

The boss drove to a building nearby and we went to a Chinese restaurant. I was frankly surprised that it was still operating, given that it was the eve of CNY. I guess we were the last customers for the day.

The food was good, but rather expensive zhi-char style dishes. I ate quietly while the three of them discussed some business issues. I wondered if I was supposed to be listening in or not.

Boss: So Mark, it's been a year or so. How are you coping?

Me: I'm doing ok I guess.

B: That's good. I like hard workers. As long as you're willing to learn, you can make it.

Me: This is actually my first real job out of the army.

B: The private sector is different. But I'm sure you already know that.

Me: Yeah.

B: Trust me. I struggled myself 20 years ago when I left the Air Force.

Me: Oh? You were a regular too?

B: I was doing aircraft maintenance. It was a good job, but didn't really enjoy what I was doing. Now I have my own company.

Me: I see.

B: Well, I wish all of you a prosperous new year. I have to leave first for a meeting. Shirlyn, please settle the bill and submit the claim.

S: Ok.

H: So… I heard about you and Jasmine.

Me: Erm.

S: I didn't think you'd be interested in office gossip as well.

H: I hear things. Now and then.

Me: Nothing is going on.

H: A word of advice. Keep your relationships private. I'm sure you know what happened to me.

Me: Yes.

H: Honestly, no one will care about what you do outside the office, as long as you do your job well.

Me: I know.

H: Also, I'll be taking an extended break towards the end of the year. If you perform well, I think you'll have no problems taking over as Ops Manager.

Me: Well…

H: You've done pretty well so far. Our clients have feedback about your positive attitude and work.

S: He still needs to do HR stuff.

H: I think he can handle it. Besides, year end is a long way from now.

Me: I'll do my best.

H: That's the right attitude.

Me: Thanks.

H: By the way, how's Ann? I haven't heard from her for a long time.

Me: I haven't heard from her either.

H: Well, I wanted to change cars but she didn't respond.

Me: Her son is sort of running things now.

H: Alan? Wow. Isn't he like still in school?

Me: University.

H: I must be getting old.

Me: I'll pass you his number.

H: Great. Thanks.

We parted at the restaurant and I walked back to the office with Shirlyn.

Me: So what are you doing tonight?

S: Steamboat. Normal stuff. You?

Me: Same I guess.

S: Maybe we can hang out after if there's nothing to do?

Me: I'll let you know.

That actually brought back memories of the previous CNY that I spent with Jasmine.

We reached back to the office, packed our things and headed home.

I showered and took a nap before waking up to help my mom with the steamboat.

It was a strangely quiet affair this year and we ended pretty early around 8pm.

Shirlyn didn't text me so I guess she was still busy. Alan wished me a happy new year in advance.

I was playing computer games when I got a text.

J: Come over tonight. Everyone's here. It'll be like old times.

[sexcision]

Shirley not contacting you coz you are suppose to "let her know"?

And when you are still writing at this hour, most likely means u did not go either location. Have not made a choice?

[ouzo18]

Originally Posted by EnigmaofSorrow

Somehow I don't think this Shirlyn is good for him either. She admitted she's just like the others, but she hides it better.

Like what another bro mentioned, it's probably better to find a new job, perhaps with a better male-female ratio. Or worst case, re-enlist and hope he is posted to a unit where he feels valued. Think the problem he faced was feeling lost and unmotivated after he returned from overseas posting.

Bro EOS quite active recently, so where are you going to continue your story?
Wait until neck long already...Hehe

[EnigmaofSorrow]

Originally Posted by ouzo18

Bro EOS quite active recently, so where are you going to continue your story?
Wait until neck long already...Hehe

Lol. I'm actively reading only.

I'm actually writing a crime thriller novel now. Trying to see if can get it published.

[Shrouded]

I didn't know what to reply. And who was the everyone she was referring to?

I decided to ignore the message and continued killing bots on CS:GO. Yeah. That's how lame I was. Playing computer games on CNY eve.

Maybe I was waiting for Shirlyn to text. Maybe I wanted to give it a shot.

I received another text.

F: Eh you coming or not? 3 people cannot play mahjong.

That was technically incorrect. So I ignored her as well.

Then another text.

A: Darren isn't here. I spoke to her. She feels bad about you finding out about him. Can you come over? There's still food. And I hate 3 player mahjong. They're bullying me.

I did reply to Alicia though.

Me: You can afford it.

A: Asshole. Come over when you're done doing whatever you're doing ok?

Me: I'll think about it.

And I went back to killing bots.

Nearing 10pm and Shirlyn still had not texted. I was tempted to make the first move. But part of me wasn't convinced that I should. Maybe she didn't really want to meet after all, and texting first would make me seem desperate. But I did say that I would let her know if I wanted to meet. Perhaps she was waiting for me to get back to her.

Around 11pm Shirlyn texted.

S: Sorry, it's really late. Don't think I can meet tonight. Gotta visit relatives tomorrow. Wish we could have continued from this morning though…

Me: It's fine. Don't worry about it. Rest well. Good night.

S: You don't want to continue from this morning?

I didn't know how to reply to that. I guess both of us craved the feeling of being wanted, and being physical with each other seemed to satisfy that feeling. But it was hardly sustainable. We were more like fuck buddies who didn't really fuck. So I guess we were hug buddies? Make-out buddies? I think we both needed some sort of commitment from each other but neither of us wanted to make the first move.

Me: Let's just see how things go ok? Don't get stressed over this.

S: Ok. Good night then.

I took a quick shower, changed, and headed over to Jasmine's place. I did tell Alicia that I would think about it.

Besides, I had yet to talk to Jasmine properly about what happened. I guess my fear was that she would turn out to be another Ann. Wanting me around but also wanting to be with others.

Having tried the open relationship thing with Ann, I sort of realised it really wasn't for me. I probably wasn't mature or cold-hearted enough to handle it the way it should be. All I wanted was for Ann to be happy, even if it meant part of me wasn't. And it was slowly eating me inside.

I guess having my own access card and knowing the passcode to the door meant that Jasmine trusted me a lot, and it was an open invitation to go over anytime. But I could not figure out why she would allow me to witness her fucking Darren. But he truly was a dick with no strings attached. Maybe that was what she really wanted?

As I got nearer to her door I could hear the sounds of mahjong tiles being washed and other standard mahjong sounds like the pong and the hu, not just from her unit, but from every other unit on the level.

I entered the passcode, unlocked the door and entered. The first thing I smelt was the remnants of the mookata/steamboat dishes they had for dinner. Judging by the amount of uncooked leftovers on the table, I guess they were really expecting a guy to come over to eat.

They had just finished another round and were washing the tiles.

A: Thank god you're here. Let me $150 please or take over me.

Me: How did you manage to lose $150 already?

A: They're bullying me.

F: No we're not.

Jasmine didn't say anything to me yet.

I went over to the kitchen to get a drink. Jasmine followed me in.

As I filled a glass of water from her water dispenser, she hugged me from behind, pressing her breasts against my back. I shrugged her off slightly.

J: Baby what's wrong?

I drank the entire glass at one go.

Me: Why Darren?

J: That was nothing. Just sex. You know that.

Me: You could have called me if you wanted company.

J: How is this my fault? You acted like a husband then you went home and didn't contact me at all. How am I supposed to know what you want?

Me: We had sex.

J: And?

Me: I thought it meant we're together again.

J: No? I said we can try after my divorce is finalized.

Technically she wasn't wrong. She did say that. Perhaps I misunderstood her intentions.

J: I should have told you about it, instead of letting you find out like that.

Me: Why him? I thought you said the last time you had sex was with me? Months ago?

J: And that was the truth. But after we had sex I was a little unsatisfied.

Me: What?

J: Darren has been coming over almost weekly for the past few months to see Alicia. And then recently, Felicia as well.

That didn't seem like what Alicia and Felicia had been implying, or perhaps they were just screwing with me to force a decision. But I guess I probably should give her the benefit of the doubt.

J: Did you forget that you were the one who introduced him to me in the first place?

Ouch. Maybe I shouldn't have been so keen to have that threesome with her. Maybe I shouldn't have asked Bro EoS for recommendations. But it already happened. What's done is done.

Me: Fine.

J: I promise I won't sleep with him again without your permission.

Me: You don't need my permission.

J: But I want your permission. Can we at least have an understanding?

Alicia suddenly entered the kitchen.

A: Can you two just kiss and make up already? This is getting tiring. You both obviously want to be with each other.

Jasmine looked at me like the cat in puss in boots.

J: Well?

I probably shouldn't drag this issue for too long. I also couldn't control what Jasmine wanted to do with her life. After all, I never asked her to be mine and mine only.

I thought about the pain that Shirlyn said she felt when she kissed me. I wondered if it was similar to what I was feeling. The hurt of knowing you want something so badly but it isn't really yours to begin with.

I really wanted to drag her into the bedroom and fuck her hard to teach her a lesson. But in comparison to Darren's size and skill, it probably wouldn't work. I really didn't want to use sex as a reason to make her mine.

On hindsight, it seemed like that was what Shirlyn was doing. Using sex as a carrot. But I could be reading it totally wrongly. But we were definitely engaging in a more physical relationship than anything else. Perhaps she too was torn between using sex, and actually trying to have a proper relationship. But I couldn't be sure.

I pulled Jasmine towards me and hugged her briefly.

Me: Ok. Let's go play mahjong.

[entering]

Originally Posted by Shrouded

Me: Ok. Let's go play mahjong.

That familiar feeling that a guy says ok but he knows it's over already.

Maybe just having options but no more the kind of commitment he initially wanted to give.