Depressed

[LoveAffair]

Thought long and hard before posting here. Am not sure how many -ve I will receive, it doesnt matter anymore. Whether I been zapped....
Till date or even this moment, my heart is still pumping fast or rather uneasy when thought of it. Breathing heavily with so much aching inside me. Guess no one will understand how I really feel... rather miserable..

It all happens a while ago. Went to chill out with a couple of friends and saw this lady. She wasn't even in my range of "Radar" due to her dressings, loaded with guys etc.. Saw her a couple of times already and we just smile and talk for a lil while when brought together by a mutual friend. Not sure was it my mistake or not.. I didn't initiate the xchange of contact at that first few times. It's only on the 4th or 5th meetup when I am slightly tipsy and that's when we really talk. The xchange of number starts.

We got really really close and she's been very nice to me whenever I was down. Always there for me. Without a doubt, it's almost like a sweet counsellor there to talk positive onto me. There was this night it all happen...

I was so drunk and tipsy this one night. And wanted her companion so decided to bring her back to my place. Never brought any gals back to my home other than hotel. Not sure why I did that when I just know her not too long ago. Was feeling stressed up bout my job and we chatted for the longest time. Being the gentleman me decided not to be all over her, I was controlling myself but deep down.. I have the strong urged to have sex with her when she lied down (with blankets covered) on my bed looking at me as I talk. After chatting, there was like a min or 2 of awkward silence.
Looking at her cute face, went close to her cheek but I somehow hold back. The next thing I know is she had kissed me. And bros.. u guys should know what happened next..

After having sex with her, we got together. I never like treating gals for fun. Reason because I will always imagined myself having a daughter being fuck by numerous guys. After having sex with whoever, I always managed to start a r/s to see if things do work out. That's my way of doing things...

Anyway back to the topic.. I was together with her and we got so close together that we talked about simply anything and somehow the topic of Sammyboy pops up. I then asked her about it. She's not honest with me at all initially. But friends of hers are doing it from what I heard from her phone conversations. Trying to be positive, I trust her.
One day out of curiosity, I decided to check on SBF. Look up that particular name which I overheard from her friend. And true enough, those descriptions and photos all matched her. I was seriously feeling HASTY inside me. Stunned and not sure if I should continue reading. Each FRs written for her made my tears drop. I was shaking uncontrollably FOR ME, being a guy never believed in dropping tears. I text her immediately without thinking : Thanks for everything, for being a great lier. It was very early in the middle of the night about 4 plus. Assuming she was asleep. To my surprised, my phone got bomb numerous times. Text SMSes kept coming. Asking me what happened. Asking me to wait for her and less than 30mins, I got a text from her that she is outside my place. Trying to be strong and wiping my tears at the same time reading those FRs how our fellow brothers bonk her. Miserable.
When we finally met up outside, I broke down silently and mentioned the name she uses for FL services. The same goes to her. Tough moment when I told her one by one about each and every FRs.
Been almost a year... and we are staying together. She got a job as a normal sales staff earning very minimal pay. I see changes in her almost instantly which touches my heart. She is not materialistic at all which is tremendous.

I still insult her(My bad) for those guys that she services.. for being a slut.. each insulting words I used on her hurt me too. It's like using my own dick and slapping my face. I just don't know why I did that during arguments. Most of the time, I raised the arguments. I am still very upset about the whole lie. That whole incident. I felt it was not being fair on me. During sleep at night, I would have nightmares or imaginary visions of how our fellow bros fcuk her. It hurts.... hurts badly..

The most painful part is no matter how much attempts I tried PMed the admin or the agent to remove those FRS no one seems to be bothered. The Frs are long overdue. Almost a year. I am so lost. What should I do ????
Please advise me..........

On numerous occasions, I wanted a break up but each time I see her cried so hard I hold back, I gave in.... I still love her because of the changes she made for me. She stop contacting most guys in fact all except for her cousins, sisters and a few school friends even though I told her I do not mind her contacting guys. Is it unhealthy? I did my best to love her during this time too. Make her feel clean once again... I did everything......
But am still feeling so heartache when thought of it. What the hell is wrong with me? I wanted a breakup once and for all because its been a year plus we are together and Im still being painful.
Sometimes out of anger, I would drop in to this forum to look for local FLs..
It's like letting myself having sex with another one hoping she would find out and let her understand how the fcuk I am feeling.

Just advise me on what am I supposed to do...

I don't care if you ZAPPED OR UPPED me. This is a very personal experience and I am merely asking for advises from anyone who had almost the same experience as me before. It took me a while quite sometime to share this. So please respect my feelings when you do reply. Be sensitive to my feelings. With Appreciations... Thanks......

[Big Sexy]

mate... if you really think removing those report will help
then pm me the link.. i will see what i can do about it..

imo.. if u cant forget her past.. y
ou should just move on and start life anew..

Originally Posted by LoveAffair

The most painful part is no matter how much attempts I tried PMed the admin or the agent to remove those FRS no one seems to be bothered. The Frs are long overdue. Almost a year. I am so lost. What should I do ????
Please advise me..........

[alan0338]

if u cant get over wat her previous line is, then have a clean break up, dun bring suffering and misery for her and urself anymore ...

[LoveAffair]

Originally Posted by alan0338

if u cant get over wat her previous line is, then have a clean break up, dun bring suffering and misery for her and urself anymore ...

Yes, the latest is when her parents got really close to me. Even by staying with me, her parents still do visiting and etc. I did mentioned breaking up numerous time but she just cant accept it. Reason Im letting go(Thou its painful) is just to let us both start afresh. Since I will never forget her past even thou its been quite long after the incident and she changed. I know letting go is the best option. But she cried alot. Till now.. im a soft guy whenever a gal cries. A part of me still hold back. I thought through hard and long. Still cant be decisive on the decision. Almost every now and then I told her to leave and start anew. Saddening...

[Ynwa0101]

wah brudder u best! post this here arrrr..
anyway, best of luck to u like we say u deserved better

[S.B.Y.1]

Seems that she has changed but not you

You have entranged yourself with her past which is unfair for her

Feeding her with hurtful words is an unhealhy relationship to begin with

You ought to be thankful that she is trying to salvage the relationship amidst the cursing

As you mentioned that you are a gentleman and a soft guy doesn't really tally with your unforgiving and vengeful nature

Pardon Paks comments

Good luck in your decision

[wypeon]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Seems that she has changed but not you

You have entranged yourself with her past which is unfair for her

Feeding her with hurtful words is an unhealhy relationship to begin with

You ought to be thankful that she is trying to salvage the relationship amidst the cursing

As you mentioned that you are a gentleman and a soft guy doesn't really tally with your unforgiving and vengeful nature

Pardon Paks comments

Good luck in your decision

I will like to second that. Nicely said.

[cohen]

If you can accept the best then stay but i cannot better let go or else long pain for both people but bestfor you to keep many eye on her this line very tempting to go back because of the good money..........

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by LoveAffair

...I am merely asking for advises from anyone who had almost the same experience as me before....

Will be tough to find another bro who have similar experiences man...

Many bros here married a FL knowing their trade, so you can consider adopting similar mindset

[Noobster30]

Originally Posted by wypeon

I will like to second that. Nicely said.

third for that

[waiwaiz]

. Removing those thread wont help. u have to delete it off your mind

[Zoomzoomzoom]

Bro, whats in the past is past already. Live for the future.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by waiwaiz

. Removing those thread wont help. u have to delete it off your mind

去山中之賊易，去心中之賊難
Good luck!

[LoveAffair]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

Seems that she has changed but not you

You have entranged yourself with her past which is unfair for her

Feeding her with hurtful words is an unhealhy relationship to begin with

You ought to be thankful that she is trying to salvage the relationship amidst the cursing

As you mentioned that you are a gentleman and a soft guy doesn't really tally with your unforgiving and vengeful nature

Pardon Paks comments

Good luck in your decision

You won't understand my point and why do I react like this. I felt hurt and that is why I reacted by hurling insulting remarks which led myself unable to sleep later that night. I am hard on the outside but soft on the inside if u understand what im trying to say. Your comments helps but I am very upset that you assumed. By being a soft guy doesn't mean one can't be vengeful(that's me). By being a gentlement dosent mean one cant show anger and disappointment in the other party. I always believed as no matter what happened as long no hands are lay, thats the most important. Prolly u really don't understand how I really feel that is why u say that. I don't blame u because this is normal for an outsider to say. From outside the picture. Only those that really put themselves in my position will understand the feeling from a guy point of view. Anyway, honestly appreciate your words as I felt slightly better. No offence dude, u really did help. 

[LoveAffair]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

去山中之賊易，去心中之賊難
Good luck!

Bro sorry I dont know how to read Chinese although I am one. Can someone try to translate this kind bro words? Maybe it helps me at this point of time too.