Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 773

7ha7ha7ha · #**11581** 20-02-2020, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Wahahaha this is hilarious ROFL

settinguptent · #**11582** 20-02-2020, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your goat?'

Zakir Naik: That goat's a fucking liar, I didn't do anything I swear

Haha he must have done something to the goat

diputs1269 · #**11583** 20-02-2020, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More pictorial jokes...

This is not Corona, is karma!

Hurricane88 · #**11584** 21-02-2020, 12:03 PM

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A man smelling of booze and cigarettes sat down on a subway next to a priest. His tie was stained, there was red lipstick on his collar and face and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by loose living, consorting with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The man answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope suffers from it."

Hurricane88 · #**11585** 21-02-2020, 12:04 PM

Anyone in need to hire a secretary/PA? My friend wants to fire his secretary/PA. He cannot tahan anymore. This is the 6th keyboard she has damaged this month...

Another nice joke...

Foreseasonz · #**11586** 22-02-2020, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Anyone in need to hire a secretary/PA? My friend wants to fire his secretary/PA. He cannot tahan anymore. This is the 6th keyboard she has damaged this month...

Can I apply to be the keyboard?

Hurricane88 · #**11587** 22-02-2020, 10:31 AM

More jokes weekend...

juicysperm · #**11588** 22-02-2020, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More pictorial jokes...

Thanks for sharing

Hurricane88 · #**11589** 23-02-2020, 12:18 PM

some funny pictures...

Hurricane88 · #**11590** 24-02-2020, 01:07 PM

These require a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life. 😁

9 Points to Ponder

Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes make him a sandwich.

Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take antidepressants to make it normal.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of mirchi chutney. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!!

SheevPalpatine · #**11591** 24-02-2020, 02:18 PM

Love to read jokes here.

Thank you so much.

seabream · #**11592** 24-02-2020, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Damn funny if anyone will to ask that.

baltimore · #**11593** 24-02-2020, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

These require a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life. 😁

9 Points to Ponder

Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 1 - Life is like a jar of mirchi chutney. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!!

Lovely life joke. Thank you for sharing.

bigbirdbird · #**11594** 24-02-2020, 07:48 PM

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight!
Teacher collapsed... 😬

bigbirdbird · #**11595** 24-02-2020, 07:48 PM

Wife-rus

There is a even more dangerous virus out there. It is called Wife-rus. Yes. This virus has a permanent quarantine period once you are infected.

Many men infected by this virus must either stay at home or must go home by a certain time. If not the virus acts up and attacks you relentlessly and for no reason. This virus is very sneaky.

When you first came into contact with it there is not much symptoms. Maybe once in a while you get a headache. But after you get infected and the virus lives with you then the dieseas take its toll. You lose your buddies, your freedom and even you libido at home. Is there a cure? Fortunately yes! But its very expensive.

I have heard of men losing half their assets in order to get rid of this virus. So be careful. Is there a prevention like wearing a mask? Unfortunately no. Most men are so attracted by this virus in the beginning that they just don't realize how deadly it is! 😂🤣