Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Climax





The other night my wife and I were making love when I heard her yelling, 'Climax! Climax!'

I asked her, "What's the big hurry?"

She replied, "I didn't say that. I thought it was you."

Then we both heard it again from the next apartment, 'Climax...So nu CLIMAX ! '

Later we found out the little old Jewish lady who lives next door was teaching her parakeet, Max, to go up a ladder.

[bigbirdbird]

Vacation Sunbathing


Joan, a rather well-built woman, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit.

However, on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan figuring that no one could see her way up there.

She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"

"What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"With all due respect, not exactly, ma'am," said the embarrassed little man. "You are lying on the dining room skylight."

[lucypham]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Vacation Sunbathing


Joan, a rather well-built woman, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit.

However, on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan figuring that no one could see her way up there.

She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"

"What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"With all due respect, not exactly, ma'am," said the embarrassed little man. "You are lying on the dining room skylight."

Bro, thanks thanks thanks.

[makansutra]

Jokes makes us laugh. Laughing makes us young.

Tks to all who shared jokes.

[TriangleLife]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Climax





The other night my wife and I were making love when I heard her yelling, 'Climax! Climax!'

I asked her, "What's the big hurry?"

She replied, "I didn't say that. I thought it was you."

Then we both heard it again from the next apartment, 'Climax...So nu CLIMAX ! '

Later we found out the little old Jewish lady who lives next door was teaching her parakeet, Max, to go up a ladder.

Nice one bro bigbirdbird, thanks!!

[Nomiseed]

Thanks bro bigbirdbird for posting so many jokes

[VRossi1980]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

"With all due respect, not exactly, ma'am," said the embarrassed little man. "You are lying on the dining room skylight."

good one bro! please share more.

[35cents]

hee hee.... nice one dude!

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Vacation Sunbathing


Joan, a rather well-built woman, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit.

However, on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan figuring that no one could see her way up there.

She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"

"What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"With all due respect, not exactly, ma'am," said the embarrassed little man. "You are lying on the dining room skylight."

[extremewealthy]

Good joke

[foldabla]

Indeed good time laughing

[Foxplus]

Very nice jokes ROFL

[TalkNoMoney]

Thanks bro bigbirdbird for contributing so many jokes!!

[bigbirdbird]

Discovered Benefits Of Worshipping And Adoring Your Man's Penis

Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.

If you swallow, the protein injested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.

A handjob a day keeps arthritis away.

Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill.

Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

Intercourse prevents divorce.

Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells.

Sex eliminates headaches.

Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard", triples your chances of getting into heaven.

Inviting an attractive friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.

[bigbirdbird]

Definitions



MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn.

MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of spaghetti without it touching the sides.

MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.

MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.
NONDESCRIPT: A television play.

ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.

ORGY: Grope therapy.

PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method.

PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.

PIMP: Nookie Bookie.

PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl.

PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature.

PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.

RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo.

RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.

REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.

SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.

SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.

SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.
SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.

SONATA: A song sung by Frank.
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.

STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardour.
TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.

TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a projection without objection.
VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse.

VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy.
VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.

VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out.

VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers.

VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.
WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin.

WET DREAM: A snorgasm.
ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm

CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.

DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.

GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian.INCEST: Relatively boring.

INCEST: A game for the whole family to play.

LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.

MASTURBATION: I-balling.

SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation.

[bigbirdbird]

Shorts



A guy walked into the doctor's surgery for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor."
"It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."



Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm while masturbating, and calling out your own name.



Dave and Bill are out drinking at the bar late one night. Dave says, "Well, bud, I guess I better be going home." "Yo, man," Bill said, "what's your rush? Little woman got you by the short hairs on a short leash?" "Hell no," Dave retorted, "I'm the boss in my house." Then he said softly, "But she's the Director of Pussy."



Two Guys were hiking up a mountain when they came upon some people bungee jumping. One said to the other, "How about it?" The other replied, No way! I came into this world because of a broken rubber. I'm not leaving it the same way!"



Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.


Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.