Do you still love your wife?

[Xgenre]

Someone I deeply respect once said when a man and a woman get married, there is no longer He and She. There is only We and future decisions should be based on We.

You decide that buying a condo and a car is a waste of money. You describe her as not smart, lacking in wisdom and is influenced by the material comfort of church-goers. It can be quite hurtful when the person you have committed to spending the rest of your life with thinks you are stupid. If the woman whom you had commited to says you are stupid, how will you feel? Where is the 'We' in your marriage?

I have a good guy friend who got married in his mid-20s. Mid-20s not much money so bought a close to 30 year old HDB near his parents in an outskirt town in Singapore. 10 years on, both are earning a reasonable income and the wife talks about buying condo and a car to ferry the kids to and fro their in-laws on weekdays and for enrichment classes on weekends.

He shares your view too. He wants his now close to 40 year old home to be their forever home. If both live to their mid-80s, this means they have to in their now close to 40 year old HDB for another 50 years. How run down will this HDB flat be by then?

By chance I had a chat with his wife, she mentioned that she does not know why she work so hard for. All her savings cannot be translated into a better living environment for her kids and the MRT is squeezy with frequent breakdowns. It is a seed of dissatisfaction that grows every time she sees someone upgrading their house or when the train breaks down/have a delay.

So I quietly went to speak with this guy friend. I told him his wife is also not those brand conscious lady. Got 1-2 branded bags lah but she does put her family and kids first right? Anything that money can solve, if it is not too much of a financial burden, should be considered. A mum that is always complaining is not so healthy for the kids too. If divorce, woman's charter is unfriendly to guys. We guys tend to lose custody of the kids. You will also end up spending money monthly in terms of alimony and child maintenance what? Might as well use the money to upgrade your lifestyle and keep your family life intact. You want to miss out on the growing up years of your kids meh?

On his own, he went to EC showflat and sgcarmart to find out more. After he has done his maths, he surprised his wife one fine day by bringing her for test drive and showflat. Told her the condo and car is only possible if both contribute. Normally after visiting a beautiful condo showflat, it is easier to come to a financial agreement. At least he feels he is in control of this upgrading process because he has the time to do his background checks without the wife pressuring him.

He end up buying a simple Kia K3 (about $77K) and they upgraded to a EC where both their CPF instalments largely took care of their monthly mortgage instalments. When they sold their HDB, they made some money too which went into reducing the mortgage of their EC. Kids are happier too because they have a swimming pool. You know how much couples spend money to upgrade to a condo because they think their kids need to swim? She still takes the mrt to work but you know what, Downtown Line and Circle Line is more acceptable to her wor...

I know you are stressed. Come to sbf to kpkb a bit to let off steam is ok. Ultimately, you also want a happy marriage life right? Give and take a little lah.

[randyrockhard]

TS, in any decisions you take. always ask yourself is this is good for both of us?

sometimes the question whether we love someone would eventually come down to the question, do you understand the person? or do you have both people's best interest at heart?

it's a fair question to ask to your wife too... do you think she has your best interest at heart by demanding those items?

these things need to be talked about, what goals you two are aiming in life...

[parrotkid]

Originally Posted by Xgenre

Someone I deeply respect once said when a man and a woman get married, there is no longer He and She. There is only We and future decisions should be based on We.

You decide that buying a condo and a car is a waste of money. You describe her as not smart, lacking in wisdom and is influenced by the material comfort of church-goers. It can be quite hurtful when the person you have committed to spending the rest of your life with thinks you are stupid. If the woman whom you had commited to says you are stupid, how will you feel? Where is the 'We' in your marriage?

I have a good guy friend who got married in his mid-20s. Mid-20s not much money so bought a close to 30 year old HDB near his parents in an outskirt town in Singapore. 10 years on, both are earning a reasonable income and the wife talks about buying condo and a car to ferry the kids to and fro their in-laws on weekdays and for enrichment classes on weekends.

He shares your view too. He wants his now close to 40 year old home to be their forever home. If both live to their mid-80s, this means they have to in their now close to 40 year old HDB for another 50 years. How run down will this HDB flat be by then?

By chance I had a chat with his wife, she mentioned that she does not know why she work so hard for. All her savings cannot be translated into a better living environment for her kids and the MRT is squeezy with frequent breakdowns. It is a seed of dissatisfaction that grows every time she sees someone upgrading their house or when the train breaks down/have a delay.

So I quietly went to speak with this guy friend. I told him his wife is also not those brand conscious lady. Got 1-2 branded bags lah but she does put her family and kids first right? Anything that money can solve, if it is not too much of a financial burden, should be considered. A mum that is always complaining is not so healthy for the kids too. If divorce, woman's charter is unfriendly to guys. We guys tend to lose custody of the kids. You will also end up spending money monthly in terms of alimony and child maintenance what? Might as well use the money to upgrade your lifestyle and keep your family life intact. You want to miss out on the growing up years of your kids meh?

On his own, he went to EC showflat and sgcarmart to find out more. After he has done his maths, he surprised his wife one fine day by bringing her for test drive and showflat. Told her the condo and car is only possible if both contribute. Normally after visiting a beautiful condo showflat, it is easier to come to a financial agreement. At least he feels he is in control of this upgrading process because he has the time to do his background checks without the wife pressuring him.

He end up buying a simple Kia K3 (about $77K) and they upgraded to a EC where both their CPF instalments largely took care of their monthly mortgage instalments. When they sold their HDB, they made some money too which went into reducing the mortgage of their EC. Kids are happier too because they have a swimming pool. You know how much couples spend money to upgrade to a condo because they think their kids need to swim? She still takes the mrt to work but you know what, Downtown Line and Circle Line is more acceptable to her wor...

I know you are stressed. Come to sbf to kpkb a bit to let off steam is ok. Ultimately, you also want a happy marriage life right? Give and take a little lah.

The problem is I am the only one working and I am very overworked already.

[ps7432]

Bro Parrotkid, i concur with your views. It is very shiong to take care of two Cs if gou are the only one working unless you earn more than 14k a month in todays context. Anyway if you have kids, a car is really more convenient. But there is grab nwadays. Though at peak hours its still a pain. As for your wife, I am sorry to say but women can get dissatisfied no matter what. I provided the wanted Cs to my wife but she is complaining I do bot have time for her nor attentive to her. Then she told me those cs are not important. When it comes to women, they are always right. In the past the housewife will just diam diam because the husband is the breadwinner, nowadays no more. They believe a lot in womens rights especially the educated ones.

[parrotkid]

Originally Posted by ps7432

Bro Parrotkid, i concur with your views. It is very shiong to take care of two Cs if gou are the only one working unless you earn more than 14k a month in todays context. Anyway if you have kids, a car is really more convenient. But there is grab nwadays. Though at peak hours its still a pain. As for your wife, I am sorry to say but women can get dissatisfied no matter what. I provided the wanted Cs to my wife but she is complaining I do bot have time for her nor attentive to her. Then she told me those cs are not important. When it comes to women, they are always right. In the past the housewife will just diam diam because the husband is the breadwinner, nowadays no more. They believe a lot in womens rights especially the educated ones.

I believe women are insatiable. They have one thing already they will ask for the next thing.
She said because my kids study in a school with rich kids, without a car the kids will be looked down upon.
That is nonsense. If those parents in the school buy yachts then I also need to buy?

[cocky1234]

TS, i understand your feeling, when i was 24, and she is same age as me,Ihave my first GF (lucky just a GF) that is materialistic, compare me with other guys, she dont earn alot (sales girl selling beauty products)

But her desire for branded stuff is crazy, like Paris Hilton style kind of things. Within a year into relationship,Already bought her LV bag, branded 👓 and watches.gave her shopping allowance, i spent all my savings within a year with her. I am not earning alot as well,but best part is on my birthday she demanded me to buy her a Dior bag that cost $5.5k. wth sia, on my birthday i need buy her stuff instead.

That was my wake up called that she is not loving me. When i break with her, she the one come crying (with tears) to patch back. That point, I no longer believe in her, her tears n crying is just too fake in my eyes, a damn actor.

Best part, she is not a sporean girl. Instead a malaysian girl with typical sporean character. Fuck me😂

[Xgenre]

Originally Posted by parrotkid

She said because my kids study in a school with rich kids, without a car the kids will be looked down upon.
That is nonsense. If those parents in the school buy yachts then I also need to buy?

Did you send your kids to an elite primary school? If you did, what she said may have deeper meaning. I think she is trying to help your kids assimilate into the school culture. Some schools are quite stressful for kids to attend if you belong to a different social class. Where did you go for your Dec school holidays? Oh my daddy brought me skiing in Europe. Where did your daddy bring you? School teachers telling kids they can only bring S$100 for overseas school trips? Some rich kid just bring along a credit card and shop like crazy.

In order to increase your chance of getting into some elite primary schools, you either have to be alumnus or preferably have a 'value adding occupation'. A value adding occupation is when you can run classes like dental surgeon teaching kids how to maintain oral hygiene. In an indirect way, this is like telling the kids the parents of your classmates are all successful individuals. Some schools have many rich tai-tais in parent teacher associations. It can be scary because you do not know how far back their relationships go. You may think these 2 ladies are mums of 2 classmates of your kids but actually these 2 ladies may be classmates from 20 years ago. Their social network is very small. Everybody knows everyone else. So and so's husband is the brother of my primary school classmate etc.

Does what I type make sense to you? Either buy face (buy condo, car etc) or endure for 6 years (till kids go to secondary school) or switch to neighbourhood school. Watch for your kids too. They may be affected by all these talk about wealth. Some rich kids can brag and make other not-as-rich kids feel self conscious.

[parrotkid]

Originally Posted by Xgenre

Did you send your kids to an elite primary school? If you did, what she said may have deeper meaning. I think she is trying to help your kids assimilate into the school culture. Some schools are quite stressful for kids to attend if you belong to a different social class. Where did you go for your Dec school holidays? Oh my daddy brought me skiing in Europe. Where did your daddy bring you? School teachers telling kids they can only bring S$100 for overseas school trips? Some rich kid just bring along a credit card and shop like crazy.

In order to increase your chance of getting into some elite primary schools, you either have to be alumnus or preferably have a 'value adding occupation'. A value adding occupation is when you can run classes like dental surgeon teaching kids how to maintain oral hygiene. In an indirect way, this is like telling the kids the parents of your classmates are all successful individuals. Some schools have many rich tai-tais in parent teacher associations. It can be scary because you do not know how far back their relationships go. You may think these 2 ladies are mums of 2 classmates of your kids but actually these 2 ladies may be classmates from 20 years ago. Their social network is very small. Everybody knows everyone else. So and so's husband is the brother of my primary school classmate etc.

Does what I type make sense to you? Either buy face (buy condo, car etc) or endure for 6 years (till kids go to secondary school) or switch to neighbourhood school. Watch for your kids too. They may be affected by all these talk about wealth. Some rich kids can brag and make other not-as-rich kids feel self conscious.

I myself studied in top schools all my life despite coming from a poor family. I have never felt inferior. I have taught my kids the correct values and they are unaffected by what their classmates have.

By the way, my kids go on holidays to expensive places as well. I am also doing well at work so money is not an issue. I was brought up to be thrifty and I do not compare with others hence I see no need to follow the crowd.

[Shadow_warrior]

Originally Posted by parrotkid

I believe women are insatiable. They have one thing already they will ask for the next thing.
She said because my kids study in a school with rich kids, without a car the kids will be looked down upon.
That is nonsense. If those parents in the school buy yachts then I also need to buy?

I concur. and support what you have said

[JacqueMerlin]

Originally Posted by parrotkid

I myself studied in top schools all my life despite coming from a poor family. I have never felt inferior. I have taught my kids the correct values and they are unaffected by what their classmates have.

By the way, my kids go on holidays to expensive places as well. I am also doing well at work so money is not an issue. I was brought up to be thrifty and I do not compare with others hence I see no need to follow the crowd.

Does your family go to those yabashookoo@#$% give more get more kind of 'church'?

In my opinion, don't pay for things you don't need. Face is only an extravagrant luxury that has superficial worth. Crisis befalls and see it peel off to reveal the rot beneath.

[ilovepantyhose]

Originally Posted by cocky1234

TS, i understand your feeling, when i was 24, and she is same age as me,Ihave my first GF (lucky just a GF) that is materialistic, compare me with other guys, she dont earn alot (sales girl selling beauty products)

But her desire for branded stuff is crazy, like Paris Hilton style kind of things. Within a year into relationship,Already bought her LV bag, branded 👓 and watches.gave her shopping allowance, i spent all my savings within a year with her. I am not earning alot as well,but best part is on my birthday she demanded me to buy her a Dior bag that cost $5.5k. wth sia, on my birthday i need buy her stuff instead.

That was my wake up called that she is not loving me. When i break with her, she the one come crying (with tears) to patch back. That point, I no longer believe in her, her tears n crying is just too fake in my eyes, a damn actor.

Best part, she is not a sporean girl. Instead a malaysian girl with typical sporean character. Fuck me😂

wah... she really dig gold dig 9696

[MoeLanYong]

TS,
I think you are just venting or sterotyping. There are good women and there are bad ones. Just like men. There are many guys here who cheat on their wives. Some justify the act by blaming their wives. Others do not even bother to invent an excuse to justify their lust. So if you want to vent, you are in the right forum. As you were taught thrift, I was taught to choose my friends wisely.

Every marriage has its own challenges. One chooses either to whine or to overcome them. You want the perfect wife? Go heaven find. She wants the perfect husband? Go heaven find too. For every of your complaint about her, I am sure she has a mirroring complaint about you. When you both can come to a realization that neither is perfect, then perhaps you can exhibit your vaunted "wisdom" to work on a solution.

To me, the solution to your problem is simple. The difficult part is getting you to broaden your mind and be receptive to alternate views.

Here is an example. You are right to view a condo as a debt liability, and not an investment. But do you know that after one has fully repaid the mortgage on his home in his 40s, there are many who go on to purchase a 2nd apartment to collect rent to fund their retirement? Else the CPF sits idle. The 2nd apartment is likely a condo bec one cannot buy 2 hdbs. As a sole breadwinner, you should have figured out that your CPF Life is insufficent for you and your wife's retirement. A 2nd property that collects rent will give you uninterrupted income when you age past 65.

I am not asking you to buy a condo. I am telling you to broaden your mind. There are indeed many ways to view an issue. Once you can accept the abovementioned investment example, then perhaps you are ready to move on to deeper stuffs like resolving your marriage woes.

[Headwindbro]

Bro, suggest have a good communication with her. Tell her your thoughts what you are afraid of in near future that the ending could be a divorce case. There are so much considerstions on divorce, kids, families, property etc....

If you are still young, no kids, willing to give in. And if love no longer can ever exist tgen go seperate ways fast. From your posts alot of ppl may feel your wife is just a typical kiasu, kiasi, afraid to lose face bitch. But from what I see to most women out there most just need a super provider tge day they get married, you just doesnt live up to her expectations thats all. Good luck snd party on, too many chics out there too little time mate

[Botakhead]

Originally Posted by cocky1234

TS, i understand your feeling, when i was 24, and she is same age as me,Ihave my first GF (lucky just a GF) that is materialistic, compare me with other guys, she dont earn alot (sales girl selling beauty products)

But her desire for branded stuff is crazy, like Paris Hilton style kind of things. Within a year into relationship,Already bought her LV bag, branded 👓 and watches.gave her shopping allowance, i spent all my savings within a year with her. I am not earning alot as well,but best part is on my birthday she demanded me to buy her a Dior bag that cost $5.5k. wth sia, on my birthday i need buy her stuff instead.

That was my wake up called that she is not loving me. When i break with her, she the one come crying (with tears) to patch back. That point, I no longer believe in her, her tears n crying is just too fake in my eyes, a damn actor.

Best part, she is not a sporean girl. Instead a malaysian girl with typical sporean character. Fuck me😂

Stabbed in the heart, hope that you have already taken her pussy, if not then it's quite a loss for you and a well paid lesson on relationship building.

Hope you have a better life now, cheers.

[Botakhead]

Originally Posted by parrotkid

I myself studied in top schools all my life despite coming from a poor family. I have never felt inferior. I have taught my kids the correct values and they are unaffected by what their classmates have.

By the way, my kids go on holidays to expensive places as well. I am also doing well at work so money is not an issue. I was brought up to be thrifty and I do not compare with others hence I see no need to follow the crowd.

You have been well brought up by your parents and your background in being not so rich a family may have helped you in managing your wealth with health. But nowadays, everywhere people liked to compare with one another and worst is to try to be better than the rest, be it money, house, car, holidays, f & b, clothings, jobs & occupations, even clinics and hospitals etc etc. it's never ending until one of the 2 in marriage start to breakdown and give up with the demanding one.