Marriage problems need advice

[anthonyKKW]

Originally Posted by Need4speed

bro, ask yourself do u want to divorce her also or not? cos not divorcing means going back to taking care of baby and no social life. and bringing back all the stress and pressure.

Maybe u can try other activities like sports etc to divert yr attention from the ladies n social networking stuff. and find a balance at home with yr activities.

I will be a father soon also and already beginning to feel the pressure. But there's no other choice. Just have to deal with it. Good luck to you bro and I hope things turn out alright.

Bro Need4speed, kid are both pressure and pleasure. They are terrible and yet terrific. Enjoy them.

[anthonyKKW]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

Hi Jnudes,

I feel sad that my hard work all these years have gone down the drain juz becuz of this one silly mistake, and there wasnt even anything physically sexual involved.

Hi Sane,
Contents are like miss her, hugs and kisses, wanna spend time with her, but never once did i mention abt having sex or stuffs like that. I just treat this like a role playing game..
The mistake here i believe is that i went out with the girl once for lunch and nothing else, but wife dun believe that either.


I have already deleted all my contacts with this girl, deactivared my profile in Skout and deleted my fake facebook account.
There is no way i can contact this girl now anyway.

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

Bro, I am not the best role model here. That's why I am on SBF forum.

The fact that your wife agrees to go counseling means still got hope. For the sake of your kid, you guys must must try to reconcile. It is about forgiveness and regaining trust. For the short term, you can forget about tust. Even you tell her you didn't bonk your new friend, it is hard for her to believe. You have to reach the stage whereby she will forgive you assuming that you went to bed with your new friend (even you didn't do it).

The counsellor will help her to think in a rational manner. I have experienced that before. Your bargaining chips will be: willing to change, step up to carry the family, swear to be role model for your kid, promise to communicate with her when you are down.

It is not impossible for her to forgive you this once and for her to pick up the courage to try with you one more time. It happened to my close friend last year. Ate outside, kena caught, wife wants divorce, went counseling, wife forgave. No kids.

BUT after the forgiveness, the nightmare will kick in. Trust will be an issue. I think you go fix your current problem first. Get your forgiveness first, I will share with you the nightmare that happen to my close friend at a later stage.

[jnudes]

Originally Posted by anthonyKKW

Bro, I am not the best role model here. That's why I am on SBF forum.

BUT after the forgiveness, the nightmare will kick in. Trust will be an issue. I think you go fix your current problem first. Get your forgiveness first, I will share with you the nightmare that happen to my close friend at a later stage

Bro, after the husband changed the wife then go out start affair with other man, correct? What comes around goes around...

[ColdBlood99]

didnt saw you have double thread, here you go

to maintain a marriage is base on trust and respect from what i have see, promises are meant to be kept but not broke, if you could remember the day when you and her agree to love each other no matter how poor, sick during the ROM ceremony. no matter what you do please think of your partner shoes.

what i would advise will be, delete off the lady number and promise her you will not do it anymore, woman tend to be more soft hearted but please make sure you will do it anymore as you can see she give birth a baby for you. she is the most wei da woman in your lifes, so you should be greatful on that.

think about it below.

if is the other way round, your wife try to msg a unknown man and been found out by you, what you will feel? is she cheating on you? will you trust her again? the trust it will not be 100% anymore. in future if she say she working OT or go out with gal friends, will you believe her?

try to plead for forgiveness from her. do something to surpise her like sending flower to her company, cook dinner for her when she home, massage for her when she is tired, bring her out to some romantic places like how both of you met and where you propose to her.

i hope this way she will not asking for divorce again.

people tend to regret after their mistake, but well this is human character. once you marry please be faithful, but if you still want to eat outside "PLEASE WIPE YOUR MOUTH AFTER YOU EAT" but i hope you dont do it after this lesson.


all the best in your relationship.

take care

[carloe]

you just got to hang on and absorb everything she has to throw at you.
it will take some time and you have to prove your sincerity.

[hyd3128]

Bro, would like to contribute my two cents worth. It is lucky that you have a kid with your wife. Divorce is a lifetime decision, it can have a big impact on the kid (who will take care of the kid n etc). Her mouth might be saying that, but deep down she are struggling.

I do have a friend, similiar to your case. He was caught lying to her wife and fooling around with his friend. Her wife threaten him and demanded divorce. But their parents, friends and relatives discouraged this idea. From the first denial stage (girls would like to portrait her husband as perfect man) to acceptance stage, it took around 2 months for him to patched things up. Since then, neither of them bring up the issue again and of course with strings and conditions attached, like must be at home at what time, can't be friend who and who, etc

Therefore, in your case, still got hope. Now it is the time to show your sincerity to your loved one despite of what she said, just keep on doing that until she is ready to accept you and give your another chance.

all the best and take care

[carloe]

you have a very good chance of patching up because of the kids. moreover, you have not done anything physically.
but before that, you have to understand that she has a very valid reason to be very angry with you for a period of time. if you can show her that you understand why she is angry and promise not to do such a thing again, she is very likely to forgive you and carry on with your lives.

[carloe]

read bro hyd3128's case. it took 2 months. yours was only last week, so
you have to absorb all these for another about 2 months.
don't give up.

[anthonyKKW]

Bro, jia you! My heart is with you.

[luffingcow]

Hi, I'm married. I would understand how ur wife felt if I were the one who saw those messages! She will feel upset as u rather talk to a stranger & engage in intimate chats than her. U can assure her by changing ur contact num, that lady won't be able to contact u.

[anthonyKKW]

Originally Posted by luffingcow

Hi, I'm married. I would understand how ur wife felt if I were the one who saw those messages! She will feel upset as u rather talk to a stranger & engage in intimate chats than her. U can assure her by changing ur contact num, that lady won't be able to contact u.

Change number is a good idea.

[Orchinno]

You need to psycho-analyze yourself why you start wandering down the slippery slope.
Until you know for yourself the true reasons for deceiving, conniving and hiding, you will never be able to convince your wife that you have changed.

[sjaa2013]

Originally Posted by carloe

read bro hyd3128's case. it took 2 months. yours was only last week, so
you have to absorb all these for another about 2 months.
don't give up.

Hi, my ex-wife took 6 months to patch things up and during that time life is like hell. She will wake me up in the middle of the night and keep talking of the issue.

Show her your sincerity and if she still love you, she will forgive.

[sane]

Originally Posted by sjaa2013

Hi, my ex-wife took 6 months to patch things up and during that time life is like hell. She will wake me up in the middle of the night and keep talking of the issue.

Show her your sincerity and if she still love you, she will forgive.

The marriage eventually break down?

[sane]

Originally Posted by kesyong79

There is no way i can contact this girl n

I did try my best yesterday to talk to wife, however it seems shes just too upset and angry abt it. I guess there is no way back now.. Sigh

How's things now? N if u guys r getting back, don't neglect each other because of the bb.
Spend quality couple time together to strengthen the marriage. Go for a short getaway, chill out moments for chats, movie etc. life should not be dull after marriage n bb