Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[lugi]

Originally Posted by SingViet

I will never do that too

Will do that when I probably can't travel anymore. Put on for bai swee only

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

2) I have Viet FB (and she is married to a sinkie). My FB is now a Sinkie PR. She has no children and is married for nearly six years. It is unlikely that she will leave her husband - certainly not for me. I am uglier than her husband, more pock kai and probably worse off in bed!

I am the only batang in the hen party social circle. Everyone in this circle is attached or interelated to a sinkie (and some Malaysians) somehow. And they do discuss the situation quite openly - plus FB update me gaps as she is very very gossipy.

I hope none of your bx is this FB...of belong to her circle...if you have a bx in sinkie...pls spend more time with her...never neglect her...

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I hope none of your bx is this FB...of belong to her circle...if you have a bx in sinkie...pls spend more time with her...never neglect her...

No matters how horny I am... if I know she is married and still with husband, I will try to avoid her as in sex. Maybe I am stupid but I just can't get pass her husband. So it is good not to know too much personal details.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by naemlo

No matters how horny I am... if I know she is married and still with husband, I will try to avoid her as in sex. Maybe I am stupid but I just can't get pass her husband. So it is good not to know too much personal details.

becuz we knew karma will happened...

[vietboy]

Originally Posted by naemlo

No matters how horny I am... if I know she is married and still with husband, I will try to avoid her as in sex. Maybe I am stupid but I just can't get pass her husband. So it is good not to know too much personal details.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

becuz we knew karma will happened...

Yes, i believed tat too! Wat goes around comes around.

[vietboy]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

Kum Siah one and all for taking your time and effort to post your response. Much appreciated.

First of all, let me tell you my position so that you will understand where I am coming from.

1) First of all, you guys are persceptive and right to a certain extent about me being a "third party". But it is NOT to this specific case.

2) I have Viet FB (and she is married to a sinkie). My FB is now a Sinkie PR. She has no children and is married for nearly six years. It is unlikely that she will leave her husband - certainly not for me. I am uglier than her husband, more pock kai and probably worse off in bed!

3) Yes. I have entertained thoughts of making her my life partner - especially during times when me and my fiance (a sinkie) are facing trying times. But at the end of the day, we both realize that its just a convenient "arrangement" that will not lead to anything further.

4) But this "convenient" relationship brought about a unique perspective on the Viet-Sinkie life partner connection. I have read all 800 plus postings before and can really appreciate the points you guys are making.

Why? This is because my Viet FB introduced me to her Viet Social Circle. (What to do, lam theng only five minutes at most ... the stud that I am!

I am the only batang in the hen party social circle. Everyone in this circle is attached or interelated to a sinkie (and some Malaysians) somehow. And they do discuss the situation quite openly - plus FB update me gaps as she is very very gossipy.

Maybe I look so like an uncle (or even aunty) but they took me as their own. By "own" I mean as if like a Viet women. Now how macho is that!!!!!!!

Its only a pity that my TV is soooo crap - if not the amount of insider information I can provide is staggering.

5) As this informal support structure is very large - and getting larger by the day. I can see and weigh up the points you raise. I know about affairs, controlling husbands, useless husbands, how they supplement income (despite not being allowed to work as holding LTSVP), who is ex WL etc .... this is serious, but I even know at least five women's there menstral cycle! (And I don't even know my gfs)

6) The "case-study" I put in this thread is actually sanitised. If I were to put the full story, you guys may actually guess the couple involved as the community is relatively small. Gossip may just travel - especially if guys like to share stories with your significant others ......

In short .... despite having seen the warts of sinkie-viet coupling (and the many many challenges), I feel that in the heart of heart, that a life partnership viet mei mei is still considered option. In fact, I might go this route should my relationship with my present gf falter.

Take care bros ..

Bro, is this main lead in yur case study also yur FB?

Anyway, even u have entered their "inner hen circle", it still best to take wat they say with a pinch of salt. Tats my 2 dongs to u.

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by vietboy

Bro, is this main lead in yur case study also yur FB?

Anyway, even u have entered their "inner hen circle", it still best to take wat they say with a pinch of salt. Tats my 2 dongs to u.

NO. She is NOT my FB nor my VB. I was asked to provide advice and I am not sure so I post.

Of course I discount everything they say. People (no matter sinkie or viet), men or women tend to exagerate things. Whether to hao lian or say things that are politically correct.

I remember reading earlier in this thread of bro KT was also part of "inner circle" for a while. The difference is that he is charming and good looking and his VB connection is probably a looker. Mine is not.

I am so non threatening and my FB is like a mother hen to all the girls as she is lao cheow here and takes care of them. So by association, I am like father hen. Okay okay .. I'll say it. I am a COCK!

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by naemlo

No matters how horny I am... if I know she is married and still with husband, I will try to avoid her as in sex. Maybe I am stupid but I just can't get pass her husband. So it is good not to know too much personal details.

Bro Naemlo, earlier on in our relationship, I struggled with this too ..... I wanted to break off with her when I learnt that she is married. However, I lack will power. I still continued seeing her. She does make me feel better especially during the times when I had problems with my gf. Eventually however I became embroiled in this affair. And our relationship got deeper.

Even now - I do admit to feeling jealous. I am the third party in her marriage and still feel jealous - ridiculous right?

Yes. I also have guilty feelings. FB's husband is still oblivious.

Break off? The most logical and common sense thing to do. But affairs are seldom like that. It driven by some kind of emotional need which I can't explain. Its easier said than done. Its easy to moralize also as we are conditioned to think that marriage is sacred.

Anyway ... its one day at a time for me and my FB. She is generally happy with her marriage but it lacks something (which I happen to fulfill). Conversely, me as well. I am generally quite satisfied with my gf but obviously something is still missing .... affairs and matters of the heart ... sigh! very complex

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I hope none of your bx is this FB...of belong to her circle...if you have a bx in sinkie...pls spend more time with her...never neglect her...

Reading all your posts and having a rough mental image of your respective bx, it is unlikely that she is my FB. This is not to say that she is not someone's else wife.

There is nothing wrong to being in my FB's circle. Its a community. A home away from home. My association here let me realize that even should I marry a Viet or any other foreigners, its is important for her to develop her own circle of friends.

The support here is not only gossip. They bond. They share food. Help babysit and even help out monetarily. Its really money no enough in their allowance for quite a number of them.

Yes, my FB may have an affair. But she does not encourage others to have the same. Nor does she judge, or moralize. How can she? And sadly, quite a few of them do have affairs (some brief, other for years).

I know this may rub a lot of bros the wrong way - as this is "life partner" thread - but I do feel that viets tend to treat marriage more lightly than what the majority of sinkies do. Sorry to offend but this is sincere feeling and observation. Should I one day be married to them, I will do so with my eyes open to this fact.

Sorry if I offend. And if TS or any regular contributors feel uncomfortable about me opening up - and unfortunately there are other can of worms . I will 100% clam up and just be a silent reader and supporter to this wonderful wonderful thread.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

I know this may rub a lot of bros the wrong way - as this is "life partner" thread - but I do feel that viets tend to treat marriage more lightly than what the majority of sinkies do. Sorry to offend but this is sincere feeling and observation. Should I one day be married to them, I will do so with my eyes open to this fact.

Sorry if I offend. And if TS or any regular contributors feel uncomfortable about me opening up - and unfortunately there are other can of worms . I will 100% clam up and just be a silent reader and supporter to this wonderful wonderful thread.

I admire your guts and honesty to admit and share all these insider stories...pls share more if applicable..

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

Bro Naemlo, earlier on in our relationship, I struggled with this too ..... I wanted to break off with her when I learnt that she is married. However, I lack will power. I still continued seeing her.

This is a forum, a cyber world.... Dun have to explain to me, it is your life. Everyone lives their life differently. What u think is right, others might think otherwise, same goes what u think is wrong, others might think opposite. Just live your life from what u prefer to choose. You owe no one or stranger like me an explanation.

Take an example, if end of the day, you and her work out and happily married, or if you 2 are murdered by her husband, guess all these dun bother me.

Summary, as long as you are happy why bother how others think

Carry on with what you like. Previous post, I was just stating what I thought and would do.

[SingViet]

I welcome active participation from all. I have this understanding of not touching other's wife if you do not want others to touch your wife. But its good that you open up and tell your story.

[vietboy]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

NO. She is NOT my FB nor my VB. I was asked to provide advice and I am not sure so I post.

Of course I discount everything they say. People (no matter sinkie or viet), men or women tend to exagerate things. Whether to hao lian or say things that are politically correct.

If she is just a member of the hen circle n u not sure, best not to advise. Like u said ppl tend to exaggerate or discount things that they say to their advantage. Thats my 2 dongs ( hey, 4 dongs roi hjhj ), but just my personal thought.

[vietboy]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

I know this may rub a lot of bros the wrong way - as this is "life partner" thread - but I do feel that viets tend to treat marriage more lightly than what the majority of sinkies do. Sorry to offend but this is sincere feeling and observation. Should I one day be married to them, I will do so with my eyes open to this fact.

This is due to their "bo chap" culture. This husband treat me no good just break up first loh. They treat their viet guys the same way.

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

Sorry if I offend. And if TS or any regular contributors feel uncomfortable about me opening up - and unfortunately there are other can of worms . I will 100% clam up and just be a silent reader and supporter to this wonderful wonderful thread.

This is a forum, we r free to air our views if its sincere. Just dun be someone else in another thread tried to be funny n started a war of words can liao.

[shysaint]

Originally Posted by SingViet

.. and i am used to it.

Me also get used to it .. but sometimes just cannot control ... especially when i go to the local hospital ...