Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[Honey Boon]

one ball $1.5k, so many asked "carrot head" for a renovation loan of 3k to "upgrade"....

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

hihii...shy shy la...paiseh paiseh oso quietly compare...sure you knew many of them went under the knife...

[SING_IN_HCMC]

Dear Bros...

I am currently doing biz in HCMC. Am married with children in Sing. My prob is I got to know of a lady in HCMC, and we got off very well. When I first met her, I told her I am not married when she asked pointedly. Now that she has grown fond of me (she even held my hands when we walked, and addressed me as "Dear"), I am inclined to tell her I am married. I just do not know how to break the news. (From the way she behaves I know I can easily bed her - but I am not about to do it).

Btw, she is a decent office lady. She ferry me around in her xe moto, and at times insisted footing the bills although she didnt earn much (compare with our std lah.

Any bros here has a good solution as to how to come clean - I just do not want to hurt her and still want to keep her friendship.

Tks alot.....

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by SING_IN_HCMC

Dear Bros...

I am currently doing biz in HCMC. Am married with children in Sing. My prob is I got to know of a lady in HCMC, and we got off very well. When I first met her, I told her I am not married when she asked pointedly. Now that she has grown fond of me (she even held my hands when we walked, and addressed me as "Dear"), I am inclined to tell her I am married. I just do not know how to break the news. (From the way she behaves I know I can easily bed her - but I am not about to do it).

Btw, she is a decent office lady. She ferry me around in her xe moto, and at times insisted footing the bills although she didnt earn much (compare with our std lah.

Any bros here has a good solution as to how to come clean - I just do not want to hurt her and still want to keep her friendship.

Tks alot.....

Firstly, do you intend to marry her in the future? or are you just hoping to bed her soon? If you intend to bed her soon, bed her and forget about it. Its not wise to have a new fling and forgo yr responsibility as a father. What makes us different from the chao ang mo? its RESPONSIBILITY. The Chao Ang Mo can fuck all types of ladies, have all types of children, marry thousands of times and divorce thousands of times. They don't care because they don't believe in RESPONSBILITY.

If you want to carry on with her in the long term, then you seriously have to break the news to her. See whether can she accept being a lover. If she can, then congrats. If cannot, forget about it. There are plentiful of choices roaming on the streets of HCMC.

My idea is simple, i am father to a few children and i need to be responsbile. A fling is a fling, pay and let it pass. Manage your marriage with responsibility and let yr children grow up in a happy family. You won't want to break up a happy family just because of a fling or even a possible LAM TINH SESSION.

[David_Villa]

Originally Posted by SingViet

The Chao Ang Mo can fuck all types of ladies, have all types of children, marry thousands of times and divorce thousands of times. They don't care because they don't believe in RESPONSBILITY.

This is how SG men r been brought up. SWM badly brought up....

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by SING_IN_HCMC

Any bros here has a good solution as to how to come clean - I just do not want to hurt her and still want to keep her friendship.

In addition to SingViet advice, I have some advice here -

Vn gal are fiercely loyal and cannot accept their man to lie...since you had lied at the start... you have to either continue to lie or tell her the truth and accept whatever she decides...Normally her decision is to leave you and forget about you...but in any case she accepts you as a married man then she dun mind to be kept woman or your mistress...that will be your good fortune...

If you are upfront with her and told her you are married at the starts, chances are she can accept you as a fren and if anything develops later, she has no one to blame except herself...

You must bear all the consequences no matter whatever happened...think what happens if you no longer doing biz in hcm...will you still travel to meet her and all the future problems you had to face...

My two dongs worth...

[SING_IN_HCMC]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Firstly, do you intend to marry her in the future? or are you just hoping to bed her soon? If you intend to bed her soon, bed her and forget about it. Its not wise to have a new fling and forgo yr responsibility as a father. What makes us different from the chao ang mo? its RESPONSIBILITY. The Chao Ang Mo can fuck all types of ladies, have all types of children, marry thousands of times and divorce thousands of times. They don't care because they don't believe in RESPONSBILITY.

If you want to carry on with her in the long term, then you seriously have to break the news to her. See whether can she accept being a lover. If she can, then congrats. If cannot, forget about it. There are plentiful of choices roaming on the streets of HCMC.

My idea is simple, i am father to a few children and i need to be responsbile. A fling is a fling, pay and let it pass. Manage your marriage with responsibility and let yr children grow up in a happy family. You won't want to break up a happy family just because of a fling or even a possible LAM TINH SESSION.

Bro SingViet,

Thank you very much the advice you gave.

No, I do not intend to marry her, not now, not in the future. I also do not scheme to bed her, and I know pretty well that I can do it any time if I have the Chao Ang Mo mentality. She is a good and pretty girl, a graduate and speaks good english. And I jus want her friendship, and maybe as my personal Tu Dien Toc Dai.

I take your point that my family will always come first.

I want to find a good reason to let her know that I am married. Actually, a few times already she had tested me by asking abt family matters - like suddenly she will say one must take care of our child, etc. I just acted like I didnt hear it.

So how, any good "plots" that I can use to get out of the situation?

Cam on rat nhieu!

[SING_IN_HCMC]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

In addition to SingViet advice, I have some advice here -

Vn gal are fiercely loyal and cannot accept their man to lie...since you had lied at the start... you have to either continue to lie or tell her the truth and accept whatever she decides...Normally her decision is to leave you and forget about you...but in any case she accepts you as a married man then she dun mind to be kept woman or your mistress...that will be your good fortune...

If you are upfront with her and told her you are married at the starts, chances are she can accept you as a fren and if anything develops later, she has no one to blame except herself...

You must bear all the consequences no matter whatever happened...think what happens if you no longer doing biz in hcm...will you still travel to meet her and all the future problems you had to face...

My two dongs worth...

Bro, cam on.

Yes, I alos know that Vn gal are fiercely loyal and cannot accept their man to lie. But I when I saw her, I was like...wow, this is a cute chick who is also intelligent. I was only wanting to get to know her, but as time goes by, I can sense she likes me. I didn't indicate to her that I like her, but I admit I enjoy her company. You know, she brought me around in Dist 1 in her moto, we went to places that I would not have gone to myself. So I am appreciative. I helped her along as she is learning chinese. And vice versa, she teaches me Tieng Viet. As a kept woman, maybe as I know she defers to me alot. But the prob now is how to break the news? Any good idea?

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by SING_IN_HCMC

Bro, cam on.

Yes, I alos know that Vn gal are fiercely loyal and cannot accept their man to lie. But I when I saw her, I was like...wow, this is a cute chick who is also intelligent. I was only wanting to get to know her, but as time goes by, I can sense she likes me. I didn't indicate to her that I like her, but I admit I enjoy her company. You know, she brought me around in Dist 1 in her moto, we went to places that I would not have gone to myself. So I am appreciative. I helped her along as she is learning chinese. And vice versa, she teaches me Tieng Viet. As a kept woman, maybe as I know she defers to me alot. But the prob now is how to break the news? Any good idea?

If you had not bed her and treat her decently then you didn't do anything wrong except lied to her...then just find one day to tell her the truth...she should accept it and give her time she should be able to treat you as a fren or older brother...this can be done anytime and before you do more wrong...

[Mode]

After reading most the pages, i would just like to make some little comments here.

Getting a Vietnamese life partner, u gotto to understand their culture - yr life partner culture and their families culture. it's seem silly for mi to say that but it's truth especially gals from HCMC. I got married a gal from HCMC where her hometown is in danang, the beach resort which drive up nearly 10 hours from HCMC. My ex-wife so-called was working in an advertising firm for an Amercian company as all of u know that if you met a girl in a decent place must be a good girl.

The whole marriage last for 2 years as I got married after 1.5 years of together. Vietnamese girl dosent believe in long term of marriage even how you provide her with $ or love. After the divorce, she's married to her cousin which is a VQ from Canada which last oso another 2 years. Last year she was re-married again to a local Pure Vietnamese which is just a odd-job worker for a Japanese Construction Company. She gave birth to a kid that belongs to the VQ and the kid follow the father instead to the mother cuz most of the divorcing cases, the mother would not want the kid.

Another Cases :- A friend had been staying in HCMC city for 20 years now and have 4 kids. The eldest son now should be in secondary school. During my days in HCMC, they have such a wonderful happy families which many of our associates admiring them on how lucky he is to have such a faithful and loving wife. Things happened when he was on a biz trip in Hanoi which required him to be there for 4 months. Her wife had been keeping a man behind him and even let the man in to his house for the FJ. When she was confront by many of us, the wife just dun bother to have any explanation and leave the hse. After 2 weeks, she just called my friend that the divorcing paper was ready for his signatory and all the kids are given to him.

My advice was just be careful if you decided to make a vietnamese as your lift partner. Knowing their culture is a must cuz most of the girls especially in HCMC have the same thinking that they want the present and not the future.

[69ASIMO69]

Your posting saying she brings you on her motorbike riding down the streets of D1 and going to places where only local goes in HCMC brings me some sweet memories. I cant marry the one I love most. Any 1 marry the 1 they love most from Vietnam?

[SING_IN_HCMC]

Originally Posted by 69ASIMO69

Your posting saying she brings you on her motorbike riding down the streets of D1 and going to places where only local goes in HCMC brings me some sweet memories. I cant marry the one I love most. Any 1 marry the 1 they love most from Vietnam?

The part on se moto os the best...and since she is a decent girl, I do not want to bed her, not unless she knows that I am married and still willingly offer herself. My dilema now is how to break the news that I am married gently that she can accept. Any good idea?

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by Mode

After reading most the pages, i would just like to make some little comments here.

Getting a Vietnamese life partner, u gotto to understand their culture - yr life partner culture and their families culture. it's seem silly for mi to say that but it's truth especially gals from HCMC. I got married a gal from HCMC where her hometown is in danang, the beach resort which drive up nearly 10 hours from HCMC. My ex-wife so-called was working in an advertising firm for an Amercian company as all of u know that if you met a girl in a decent place must be a good girl.

The whole marriage last for 2 years as I got married after 1.5 years of together. Vietnamese girl dosent believe in long term of marriage even how you provide her with $ or love. After the divorce, she's married to her cousin which is a VQ from Canada which last oso another 2 years. Last year she was re-married again to a local Pure Vietnamese which is just a odd-job worker for a Japanese Construction Company. She gave birth to a kid that belongs to the VQ and the kid follow the father instead to the mother cuz most of the divorcing cases, the mother would not want the kid.

Another Cases :- A friend had been staying in HCMC city for 20 years now and have 4 kids. The eldest son now should be in secondary school. During my days in HCMC, they have such a wonderful happy families which many of our associates admiring them on how lucky he is to have such a faithful and loving wife. Things happened when he was on a biz trip in Hanoi which required him to be there for 4 months. Her wife had been keeping a man behind him and even let the man in to his house for the FJ. When she was confront by many of us, the wife just dun bother to have any explanation and leave the hse. After 2 weeks, she just called my friend that the divorcing paper was ready for his signatory and all the kids are given to him.

My advice was just be careful if you decided to make a vietnamese as your lift partner. Knowing their culture is a must cuz most of the girls especially in HCMC have the same thinking that they want the present and not the future.

Bro, what you have encountered is what i have heard and seen thru my years in HCMC. I do agree with you that a lot of vietnamese ladies from HCMC and neighbouring provinces have the same mentality. They look at the present and near future to see what they can gain, long term seems too far away to be realised.

Bros who are looking to marry vietnamese spouse must find time and make lots of effort to understand them and their culture if you want your marriage to last. I have personally experience this `getting to know' process and i know its not easy. Have patience and endurance is the key.

[leecs]

Another lesson learned for me...

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by Mode

My advice was just be careful if you decided to make a vietnamese as your lift partner. Knowing their culture is a must cuz most of the girls especially in HCMC have the same thinking that they want the present and not the future.

Well commented bro.
Because of such, sometimes we find it hard to understand them and may lead to misunderstanding.
We use to protrait a sensible person as one who thinks for long term and thus, some bros view them as lousy wifey quality. It is the cruel fact that it is in their blood, it is how their society had influenced them over the decades.
Like many senior had advice, making the consistence effort to change their mentality bit by bit is the key.., in fact the only key factor to a successful relationship. But of course, your own mentality must be for the better to start with.
Often during the process of re-educating them, one will experience alot of resistence and rebellious, but take heart and have patient. They are what you think they are. So stay positive and extend the trust they earned to them. Entrust them to the role of a good wife, let them take charge of their role in the family/relationship, but observe in silence.

[Mode]

thanks bros for all the conern,

I agree with what u guys had mentioned, after divorcing the vietnamese wife, i just hang around and staying only in a GF relationship as from the past to present, none of them can really compare our so-call chinese traditionaol thinking.

Currently, i'm together with a VQ which is from Canada, during her second time back to HCMC she more like a westen thinking, staying long here seem to change their ways of life. perhaps this is what we call vietnam