Life of an FL and how it all began..

[Clarissac2016]

Read so many stories in this forum yet I can't identify with any of the stories of broken hearts in this forum. The combination of love lost, of innocence lost, of stepping into something and never able to turn back or even if I stopped now, I still wouldn't be able to return to the state of one who is untainted and pure as snow.

Because I am officially an FL.
(For the uninitiated, FL stands for freelancers. Prostitute. Whore. Explaining this bit for up until Monday last week, I didn't have any idea at all what the acronym or many abbreviations in this forum stood for.

And this is my true story. Writing this out not because I am proud of it nor to elicit sympathies. Just needed a place where I could pour into words what I feel and have seen and have experienced.

[joncheong]

Originally Posted by Clarissac2016

Read so many stories in this forum yet I can't identify with any of the stories of broken hearts in this forum. The combination of love lost, of innocence lost, of stepping into something and never able to turn back or even if I stopped now, I still wouldn't be able to return to the state of one who is untainted and pure as snow.

Because I am officially an FL.
(For the uninitiated, FL stands for freelancers. Prostitute. Whore. Explaining this bit for up until Monday last week, I didn't have any idea at all what the acronym or many abbreviations in this forum stood for.

And this is my true story. Writing this out not because I am proud of it nor to elicit sympathies. Just needed a place where I could pour into words what I feel and have seen and have experienced.

please continue with your life experience..

[iHateRodents]

Please continue TS ...

[Pleasure_empire]

U still an active FL?

[oldslywolf]

Pitching up tent.

[robocat]

Camping here too

[Clarissac2016]

Certain details and names has been changed so that in writing out, I would not inadvertently hurt or harm those who has ever stepped into my life, be it even for a mere 45minutes.

Every single FLs out there, I'm sure or at least I hoped, had there been a better choice, surely no one would step into this field.
Remember when I was younger in my teens or was it early twenties, where I watched Pretty woman the movie. The film
industry had painted the whole picture of escorting and prostituitng oneself in such a stylized translucent manner. It is akin to looking through a rose tinted glass at working girls.

Later part in life when I started clubbing, friends and I would head to geylang for the usual supper. It was also on those many ocassions where I saw the street walkers. Used to wonder how life was like for them. How do they even get past the mind-heart-body separation to do what they have to. Used to wonder what kind of horrid things had befallen them for them to deliberately choose this field.
Naive as I was back then, I always felt that surely they do have a choice. And it must be they opted to take the easy way out.
Never did I imagine that many years later, I would be making the same decision just like the hundreds and thousands of girls before my time.

* to be continued

[Clarissac2016]

I was brought up by my Catholic/ Christian parents. Have got a brother. And like all siblings of opposite sex, we used to fight a lot but we were still close. Only in later life, that we drifted apart. Both of us were brought up based on Chinese traditional and Christian/ Catholic values, and above all, that sex is a sacred thing. Something that must be saved for your one and only marriage (they disapprove of divorce as a way out).

I went through my early childhood and teenage years with no major drama. Didn't cause my parents any grief or heartache. My brother and I were their pride and joy. Writing this part brings tears to my eyes for how far have I departed from being that same young girl.
Graduated from the girls school with 7As and 1Bs. enough to qualify me junior college or even poly, if I desired. Shall not state the option I chose since the focus is not on my field of study.

During the pre-tertiary days, I discovered what they means by clubbing. And like all late teens and young adults before me, I also discovered alcohol. It was at zouk that I met Wayne, who would later become my fiancé. He wasn't extremely good looking. In fact, my girl friends used to say he looked like an uncle for he appears to be on the brink of balding. He was extremely tall not fit. He was a little rotund.
But what drew me to him was his love for poems. Like me.
I first set eyes upon him when I stepped out of the club for a breather. The thumping of the music was too much for me and I stepped out to the entrance / patio of zouk. He didn't see me walk out and had cut across my path like a bulldozer, causing me to totter on my heels and fall.

His voice was a deep soothing alto. I remember how large his hands were as he helped me up. And said the standard apologies. After helping me to my feet, i hobbled to the pavement nearby. He followed me. And we struck up a conversation. Turns out he was the brother of my brother's friend. He was surprised I used to be from a certain girls school. As he was an ex alumni of a nearby boys school. We hit off from there, both noting the shared likes for literature and poems and what nots.

Not long after we started dating. Even during our dating phase, I had fully disclosed to him that sex was sacred and that I full
Intended to save it for my future husband. Wayne understood and respected my ideals and decision (lofty as they may be in this realistic sexualised world)

[Clarissac2016]

2 years on and my father decided to send me overseas to the states to continue my tertiary education. Did not fancy going there as my results were good enough to secure a place in the local university but mostly because I wanted to be with Wayne.

Wayne being older than me by 4 years, had started working by then. We resolved to make it work. My family had met Wayne multiple times and they were all fond of him. He decided to ask my parents for my hand in marriage.
My father was reluctant. So were my mum. Both of them felt that I was far too young to settle down, fearing that I might change my mind later on in life. After much persuasion from wayne, my parents relented and we got engaged to each other 1 month before I departed for the states.

I had expected Wayne to be as patient as he was during those 2 years together, about my stand on sex. A week before my departure, we went out for a farewell gathering cum belated engagement celebration with close friends at a club. Although I was able to hold my liquor well, that night I left the club very intoxicated having to hold down 3/4 of a whiskey bottle, and multiple tequila shots along with 2 or was it 3 of those awful flaming Lamborghinis. Wayne couldn't help much as he was driving that night.

We had made plans to spend the night at his house which he shared with his parents. He drove us home since he was super sober.

Upon reaching his house, he escorted me into the bathroom and while I was retching and heaving over the porcelain throne of a toilet bowl, he went to his bedroom and got me a clean towel, my standby pjyamas at his place and cotton pads saturated with makeup remover liquid.
That was how sweet he has always been. He knew how anal I was about cleanliness and removal of all makeup prior to sleeping.

At this point after rinsing my mouth, I felt slightly better. But was still tipsy and intoxicated. Just not feeling nauseous anymore. Seeing me in that state, he helped me out of my jeans and lifted my shimmery translucent chiffon top over my head to take it off. We had touched each other before, and seen a section of each other's naked body. I didn't think, and couldn't think. But at that point, I didn't feel like it was a big deal. Though I vaguely remember he paused for a while when all the clothes were taken off.
As I wasn't steady on my feet, he made me sit down on the porcelain throne aka toilet bowl and proceeded to remove the remaining vestiges of undergarments.
Started to soap me up and lather my hair with shampoo etc
After he had cleaned me up nice and proper, he led me to his bedroom where I promptly fell asleep.

[Clarissac2016]

At 4.30am, I got woken up by his hands around me, right arm under my neck and left hand caressing my waist. I remember the time so vividly because there was a clock with luminous hands on the wall facing me while I lay on my right.
I felt the hardness of his manhood pushing against my buttcheeks. I held his left hand and mumbled "..remember we promised to save it for our wedding night.."
He responded,"...I will remember.." And I left his hands to touch and roam every part of me. As my body responded to his touch and I turned around to kiss him fully on the mouth, he was lustfully squeezing my breasts then twiddled my nipples. And the pace picked up where he squeezed it with more force. Tried stopping him but by now the inebriated me who was still feeling the residual effects of the alcohol, left me unable to exercise logic. There was such an ache in between my legs.

At this point, we both paused to catch outer breath from an extended Frenching. With my pjyamas dress now hiked up to my chest and revealing the bare nakedness of the smooth swells of my breasts, I held his face and told him ".. we need to stop. Remember our pact to save it for our wedding night.." By now his manhood was so erect it was straining against my panty, and could feel heat from his rod emanating from it.
He looked at me half dazed and with a steely look that suddenly came over his eyes, his next words chilled me at that point."..I am going to make you mine.."

What happened next still plays vividly in my head. Up to this day.
He was like a man crazed, thirsty like a lion who got lost in the Sahara desert. Before I could protest, He pushed me down against the pillow and started kissing me hungrily, using his right hand to pin down both my wrists, all the while using his free hand to release his bulging manhood from his boxer shorts.

With his mouth firmly on me, no amount of resistance seem to wake him to his senses. With 1 deft swipe, he pushed my panty to 1 side, exposing the forbidden entrance.
He plunged into me.
The pain was excruciating. WHowever had said the pain while being painful was not that excruciating and was bearable, must have been taking drugs or some painkillers or their pain threshold was so much higher than me.

The first plunge, I gasped. With his mouth on me, my tongue couldn't even react at all. It was that painful.
I knew he hadn't fully broken through the barrier for it felt like I would burst from the bulging manhood inside me. He withdrew and plunged once more and again and then again.. Tears rolled down from the side of my eyes..

It felt like eternity. But it probably lasted 6-10mins. As he entered me again and penetrated again and again, the previously virginal entrance still hurt but there was a growing sense of euphoria. It's as if the there was a slight element of pleasure amongst the pain. With a cry, he buried his face in my hair and erupted inside me.

[Clarissac2016]

On thinking back, I wondered what it is with all guys where it seems that they seem to regain their sanity after they have ejaculated. Wayne was the first to show me this. A realization appeared to come over him
And his eyes clouded over. Only at this point did he notice the wet patches on the pillow next to my head/ ears. Tears.

What happened next still is a little blurry for me. I vaguely remember profuse sorries from him and some vague promises of taking responsibility etc. at that point, I just felt wretched. Failed to retain the only thing that in my eyes was what counted as a woman's true worth.

The next few days passed by in a blur. I refused to take his calls. He came by to my place to visit me. I kept saying I wasn't well. On the day before my departure, he came by my place again. My parents were out. My brother let him into the house.
He opened the door to my bedroom. Surprised to see him, yet I didn't know what to say to him.
To my surprise he knelt down before me and said how sorry he was and what an ass he was etc but strangely I only remember this excerpt from the entire long speech he made; "..I will wait for you no matter what and will make you my wife. If you do not wish to ever see me again and it will
Make you happy, I will understand. But if u will give me a chance to make it up to you, I will give u a home and family of your own, and the rightful status of a wife.."

That day with just a mere 18 hours before my departure, we set about ironing out the kinks in our relationship. We talked we cried and we laughed.

Next day, I left Singapore for the states.

* To be continued

[orangeproud]

Stand by to read ur xin suan shi.

[Howl99]

Please carry on

[norigo77]

Camping here...

[diputs1269]

Please feel at ease to relate your life experience