Is me being too realistic making me feel less emotions?

[kujo86]

I do not "miss" girlfriend, family etc when I am away for a long time. I even do not remember giving them phone calls etc. I miss my dog though.

I currently live my life alone, like who wants to be in my life, welcome. Who wants to leave, can go. Now single, I try to hook up and meet new people, via multiple dating apps, I match but i cant be bothered to text / reply. It's like, if u like me u will text me.

But I am not emo stay at home and sulk kind. I enjoy my life with my friends, working on trying to re-open my business after it closed due to covid.

Recently broke up with my ex-gf that I did everything for and even have plans for our life together, but when we broke up, I just wished her a good life and moved on. Went out with friends and worked on job etc. No tears no sadness.

I do have a couple of girls that keep texting me, but i not interested. I do not ghost but I just give cold replies.

Something wrong with me? Am I cold hearted? Or is it i endured too much and become numb and keep all inside without knowing?

[nihongoevolved]

Hey bro, I think I'm in a similar situation. Quit my job and broke up, now alone and living life rather.. calmly? I meet up with friends often and just chat and have a good time. Other times I'm just home learning stuff.

I guess people like us are comfortable with being independent and self-reliant. But whether this is something you see yourself doing in 20-30 years, is a question only you can answer. I hope I can visit more countries in the next several years, and get into a new job that I can be more passionate in. I'm focusing more on consistently taking daily steps now.

All the best!

[Freshguy]

Cant offer any advice but I wish you all the best in finding yourself and sorting out your feelings.

[fallen11]

I do not "miss" girlfriend, family etc when I am away for a long time. I even do not remember giving them phone calls etc. I miss my dog though.

I currently live my life alone, like who wants to be in my life, welcome. Who wants to leave, can go. Now single, I try to hook up and meet new people, via multiple dating apps, I match but i cant be bothered to text / reply. It's like, if u like me u will text me.

But I am not emo stay at home and sulk kind. I enjoy my life with my friends, working on trying to re-open my business after it closed due to covid.

Recently broke up with my ex-gf that I did everything for and even have plans for our life together, but when we broke up, I just wished her a good life and moved on. Went out with friends and worked on job etc. No tears no sadness.

I do have a couple of girls that keep texting me, but i not interested. I do not ghost but I just give cold replies.

Something wrong with me? Am I cold hearted? Or is it i endured too much and become numb and keep all inside without knowing?

glad to know i'm not the only one like this.
not cold hearted, is just we already seen so much in life to know that many things dont matter.

[larue]

glad to know i'm not the only one like this.
not cold hearted, is just we already seen so much in life to know that many things dont matter.

Indeed, and what this experience shows us is what matters is what we want from our mortal lives, and what we do to achieve it.

Not things like how other people feel towards us, or go out of our way to please other people.

Life becomes simpler and more purposeful when free of the shackle of external validation.

I hope, and do expect to find a permanent partner one day. But it doesn't worry me, I know it will happen when I decide it becomes a priority.

In the meantime, there's much to do and achieve.

[fallen11]

Indeed, and what this experience shows us is what matters is what we want from our mortal lives, and what we do to achieve it.

Not things like how other people feel towards us, or go out of our way to please other people.

Life becomes simpler and more purposeful when free of the shackle of external validation.

I hope, and do expect to find a permanent partner one day. But it doesn't worry me, I know it will happen when I decide it becomes a priority.

In the meantime, there's much to do and achieve.

ya even if my partner walks away someday, i wont be too sad as i have been through this many times and know how to deal with it. Can always find another new partner as well.

[frizen]

I would say "love yourself first before loving others". Happiness comes from within not because of your other half or your partner. You can still be happy being alone.

[yandaomilkman]

i think its more of being numb ? i wouldnt say emotionless. u still feel for your pet dog ? so i guess the people you do not miss are people you do not attach yourself to ?

[wankandwang]

I do not "miss" girlfriend, family etc when I am away for a long time. I even do not remember giving them phone calls etc. I miss my dog though.

I currently live my life alone, like who wants to be in my life, welcome. Who wants to leave, can go. Now single, I try to hook up and meet new people, via multiple dating apps, I match but i cant be bothered to text / reply. It's like, if u like me u will text me.

But I am not emo stay at home and sulk kind. I enjoy my life with my friends, working on trying to re-open my business after it closed due to covid.

Recently broke up with my ex-gf that I did everything for and even have plans for our life together, but when we broke up, I just wished her a good life and moved on. Went out with friends and worked on job etc. No tears no sadness.

I do have a couple of girls that keep texting me, but i not interested. I do not ghost but I just give cold replies.

Something wrong with me? Am I cold hearted? Or is it i endured too much and become numb and keep all inside without knowing?

i think u just got sick and tired of drama and have made the decision subtlely to just live for yourself and bo chup the world

[l0v3r]

You guys actually are on the right track. Feeling hurt DOES NOT HELP in anything.

She leaves, you just continue with life, that's fine...

I wish i could be like this...

[kujo86]

Thanks guys for the replies and advice.

I can understand being comfortable alone and being happy alone. Loving myself and achieving things for myself.

I just worry that I become emotionless and "heartless".

[yaowaratboy]

You guys actually are on the right track. Feeling hurt DOES NOT HELP in anything.

She leaves, you just continue with life, that's fine...

I wish i could be like this...

base on TS situation, i think he doesnt get attached too easily so when they leave him etc, he ok

[Willamshakspear]

Thanks guys for the replies and advice.

I can understand being comfortable alone and being happy alone. Loving myself and achieving things for myself.

I just worry that I become emotionless and "heartless".

It seems it is a case of 'Attachement' for the Thread Starter, & when issues get worse, he realized the truth & sought for 'Detachment' from this world, & worried that if he can no longer feels anything, with NO SENSE of belonging & worse the reason to wake up & greet the sunrise with hope for a better day, life will only become meaningless, a chore to perform, or even worse, end it once & for all while in depression.

May he know that he is NOT alone, & that Humanity had grappled with this issue for CENTURIES since Civilization began.

Many educated would have heard of a revered wise man born 300BC -Siddhartha Gautama now known as Buddha & his teachings. He found out that because we Humanity become so attached to material life, when once loose it, will only lose not just those material attachments such as money, goods, unreciprocated love, etc but even our own hard earned mentality built up over years, & is proven by the numerous Human lives destroyed by others or even by oneself, even today.

Thus, his solution is to treat life as an illusion, while is true as whatever happened, had already happened & cannot be changed, but however, REALITY is based upon each mortal's 5 common senses - see, touch, feel, taste & hear. That is something we mortals can never change & for sure, it is no illusion.

Therefore, Humanity WILL HAVE to have a CRITICAL thinking mindset, never be afraid to make mistakes, but ALWAYS to acknowledge mistakes made, correct them in order to progress, as we mortals are not perfect.

To be 'Detached' is to deny oneself of life on Earth. Caring for none but only oneself is the quickest way to depression. No mortal life is meant to be lonely, as each mortal is NOT born out of a vacuum. It needs a family to create & sustain life.

As no mortal is perfect, may we remember such facts. It is from UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, that we were born, & a way of life to retain such traits to the next generations for the survival & progress of civilisation. Which parent would want their lineage & love ones lives ended?

The journey of life had never been promised by any mortal or immortal that it would be a bed of roses daily. Adverse situations will occur from time to time, but the solution is to find compromises as no Human thinks alike - common ground & build it up from there to progress to a better life for all, here on Earth or to the stars, a destiny for Humanity that was promised eons ago. NO mortal is a genius & knows it all, not even touted AI ChatGPT which is only a program that is created by mortals, which all knows mortals are flawed beings. Take a break, chill out, hold discussions with friends or others, to listen, to contribute, be challenged peacefully in order to find solutions, or the best of worse solutions, to progress one's life & others...

Each mortal had been given the gift of freedom at birth, to make choices, intelligently or foolishly, but it comes with consequences for oneself, loved ones & others.

Attachment, Detachment are only the gift of free will. So too being caring or heartless. It lays within one's free mind. Ultimately, to live life, we Humans will always have to bear in mind Civilization's Golden Rule - Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you - a proven Truism throughout history that saw the progress & growth of our Civilization, juggernauting over obstacles & false beliefs/self serving egos...

To some, as usual, my post seemed 'Cheem'. Just relax, chill out with a glass of wine or beer, listen to some chilling music, & then ponder about life & its meaning, & understanding will be within one's grasp.

[sbwow]

It seems it is a case of 'Attachement' for the Thread Starter, & when issues get worse, he realized the truth & sought for 'Detachment' from this world, & worried that if he can no longer feels anything, with NO SENSE of belonging & worse the reason to wake up & greet the sunrise with hope for a better day, life will only become meaningless, a chore to perform, or even worse, end it once & for all while in depression.

May he know that he is NOT alone, & that Humanity had grappled with this issue for CENTURIES since Civilization began.

Many educated would have heard of a revered wise man born 300BC -Siddhartha Gautama now known as Buddha & his teachings. He found out that because we Humanity become so attached to material life, when once loose it, will only lose not just those material attachments such as money, goods, unreciprocated love, etc but even our own hard earned mentality built up over years, & is proven by the numerous Human lives destroyed by others or even by oneself, even today.

Thus, his solution is to treat life as an illusion, while is true as whatever happened, had already happened & cannot be changed, but however, REALITY is based upon each mortal's 5 common senses - see, touch, feel, taste & hear. That is something we mortals can never change & for sure, it is no illusion.

Therefore, Humanity WILL HAVE to have a CRITICAL thinking mindset, never be afraid to make mistakes, but ALWAYS to acknowledge mistakes made, correct them in order to progress, as we mortals are not perfect.

To be 'Detached' is to deny oneself of life on Earth. Caring for none but only oneself is the quickest way to depression. No mortal life is meant to be lonely, as each mortal is NOT born out of a vacuum. It needs a family to create & sustain life.

As no mortal is perfect, may we remember such facts. It is from UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, that we were born, & a way of life to retain such traits to the next generations for the survival & progress of civilisation. Which parent would want their lineage & love ones lives ended?

The journey of life had never been promised by any mortal or immortal that it would be a bed of roses daily. Adverse situations will occur from time to time, but the solution is to find compromises as no Human thinks alike - common ground & build it up from there to progress to a better life for all, here on Earth or to the stars, a destiny for Humanity that was promised eons ago. NO mortal is a genius & knows it all, not even touted AI ChatGPT which is only a program that is created by mortals, which all knows mortals are flawed beings. Take a break, chill out, hold discussions with friends or others, to listen, to contribute, be challenged peacefully in order to find solutions, or the best of worse solutions, to progress one's life & others...

Each mortal had been given the gift of freedom at birth, to make choices, intelligently or foolishly, but it comes with consequences for oneself, loved ones & others.

Attachment, Detachment are only the gift of free will. So too being caring or heartless. It lays within one's free mind. Ultimately, to live life, we Humans will always have to bear in mind Civilization's Golden Rule - Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you - a proven Truism throughout history that saw the progress & growth of our Civilization, juggernauting over obstacles & false beliefs/self serving egos...

To some, as usual, my post seemed 'Cheem'. Just relax, chill out with a glass of wine or beer, listen to some chilling music, & then ponder about life & its meaning, & understanding will be within one's grasp.

I understand your post, so it is not wasted. HAHAHA.

The simpler explanation would be:
TS led the relationship to a broke up with his GF as he does not envision the life that he would be having once married together. In fact, he does not even like it that he has to do everything for his girlfriend and not having an enjoyable life. Put it simply, life sucks when his girlfriend is around.

TS does not even want to get another GF as he sees himself doing the same old shit similar to when his ex-gf was around and this is something that he does not like. It is very boring and uninteresting for him to keep repeating the same old shit to new matches on dating apps.

The main problem is he feels like he have done so much for his ex-girlfriend till he got so mentally tired and he doesn't want to initiate and form another new relationship having to repeat the same shits again. He want others to put in the effort instead.

HAHAHA.

[sensualkinks]

Maybe TS is a case of “Once bitten shy twice” haha

Many people have been bitten many many times over and over yet they still go for it again and again. Simple reason- afraid of being alone. They dislike being alone so much that they rather get bitten than to live life alone. They rather stay in a toxic relationship than to be alone. But there are some who truly like being alone. They can live alone, go to restaurants alone, watch movies alone, travel solo etc.

After my last relationship ended I began to do everything alone. Travel, dining etc. Just me and myself. After a while I enjoyed it so much that I start to feel a little detached from family and friends. I questioned myself why am I acting a little cold and distant to people to I know. Then I realised it’s because iam addicted to the peace and quiet only achievable when iam alone. I do meet up with frds once in a while but most of my leisure time iam alone. It’s quite exhilarating to know my happiness do not need to come from anyone nor depend on anyone.

Being alone is a power few people can handle. If TS enjoys being alone, congratulations.

[Qwerty6969]

I think it's the general population in sg. People are not as warm as they used to be. They simply have no time to stop and care. I made it a point to say hi to bus drivers and they actually were so surprised and looked up at me.

[Karaja]

I think it's the general population in sg. People are not as warm as they used to be. They simply have no time to stop and care. I made it a point to say hi to bus drivers and they actually were so surprised and looked up at me.

Agree with u on this, nowadays society are so glued with their phones that human interaction is slowly becoming more and more cold.....

[Willamshakspear]

Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSJCsLo0NwM

[rachelm]

I do not "miss" girlfriend, family etc when I am away for a long time. I even do not remember giving them phone calls etc. I miss my dog though.

I currently live my life alone, like who wants to be in my life, welcome. Who wants to leave, can go. Now single, I try to hook up and meet new people, via multiple dating apps, I match but i cant be bothered to text / reply. It's like, if u like me u will text me.

But I am not emo stay at home and sulk kind. I enjoy my life with my friends, working on trying to re-open my business after it closed due to covid.

Recently broke up with my ex-gf that I did everything for and even have plans for our life together, but when we broke up, I just wished her a good life and moved on. Went out with friends and worked on job etc. No tears no sadness.

I do have a couple of girls that keep texting me, but i not interested. I do not ghost but I just give cold replies.

Something wrong with me? Am I cold hearted? Or is it i endured too much and become numb and keep all inside without knowing?

I wish I can be like u. I gave my everything to a guy for years and I am left with nothing. I feel like a joke

[sbwow]

Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSJCsLo0NwM

Main issue is John made his gf his everything subconsciously without realizing it. This event can happen to anyone when one is over-reliant on a significant someone for feelings, care or anything. John was suffering from depression at that time as he could not get out of a mental loop. Once anyone develops a mental loop, he has to remind himself that he can't do anything about it and look for alternatives or simply drop that matter instead.

To overcome this issue:
First - Reflect on what can be done next since event has already happened.
Second - Talk to the "right" person for alternatives or suggestions to overcome their inner thoughts. There will always be someone smarter than anyone. HAHAHA.

[fishermanbuddy]

I understand your post, so it is not wasted. HAHAHA.

The simpler explanation would be:
TS led the relationship to a broke up with his GF as he does not envision the life that he would be having once married together. In fact, he does not even like it that he has to do everything for his girlfriend and not having an enjoyable life. Put it simply, life sucks when his girlfriend is around.

TS does not even want to get another GF as he sees himself doing the same old shit similar to when his ex-gf was around and this is something that he does not like. It is very boring and uninteresting for him to keep repeating the same old shit to new matches on dating apps.

The main problem is he feels like he have done so much for his ex-girlfriend till he got so mentally tired and he doesn't want to initiate and form another new relationship having to repeat the same shits again. He want others to put in the effort instead.

HAHAHA.

this one i can understand. TS now mentality as he mention, you want to stay in my life stay, want to leave, leave. like now his efforts only for himself. not a totally bad thing but ya until he meet the girl willing to do all the effort maybe then he will change

[fishermanbuddy]

Maybe TS is a case of “Once bitten shy twice” haha

Many people have been bitten many many times over and over yet they still go for it again and again. Simple reason- afraid of being alone. They dislike being alone so much that they rather get bitten than to live life alone. They rather stay in a toxic relationship than to be alone. But there are some who truly like being alone. They can live alone, go to restaurants alone, watch movies alone, travel solo etc.

After my last relationship ended I began to do everything alone. Travel, dining etc. Just me and myself. After a while I enjoyed it so much that I start to feel a little detached from family and friends. I questioned myself why am I acting a little cold and distant to people to I know. Then I realised it’s because iam addicted to the peace and quiet only achievable when iam alone. I do meet up with frds once in a while but most of my leisure time iam alone. It’s quite exhilarating to know my happiness do not need to come from anyone nor depend on anyone.

Being alone is a power few people can handle. If TS enjoys being alone, congratulations.

Yes. if u can enjoy being alone. it means you not dependant on others. very powerful indeed. only set back is like u mention become distant.

[fishermanbuddy]

Agree with u on this, nowadays society are so glued with their phones that human interaction is slowly becoming more and more cold.....

yup technology is killing meaningful relationships and bonding

[kujo86]

Thank you both bro Sbwow for understanding & Bro Sensualkinks for sharing. If I may, i would like to share a personal experience on the views of Human longings, devoted attachment & its consequences. Do bear with me. Thanks in advance.

One night a few years ago, a friend - Jacob, called me up, close to midnight & sought help - to pick him up ASAP as his best friend John whom is also my friend, to go to a flat block at Bedok, exclaiming he wants to commit suicide & say his final farewell to his best buddy.

I got out of bed, ran to my car, put pedal to the metal, rushed to pick Jacob up & then sped to Bedok, as safe as I could in the hope to save a life. We both ran to the lift & as per John's call over his location, pressed the lift buttons to the 15th floor of the block of flat.

Upon reaching, I told Jacob to give me half an hour, to try to convince John not to jump, with the hope & excuse that his best friend was not around yet to witness the suicide. He agreed.

I went to the specific area- the quiet at this time of the night staircase landing & to my horror, I saw John sitting dangerously on the parapet. He was surprised that I came, but I decided not to pull any stunt as should I do so, he may just jump off accidently in panic. I sat on the staircase & tried to talk him out of it, but he just smiled at me, said he will wait for his best friend Jacob.

Just a bit of background on John. He is a great guy & anyone whom knew him would agreed so. He was one of the rare species of Humanity who cares about friendship & others. He is the kind of guy who is always ready to help others - in knowledge & even others in financial stress. He is someone who remembers another's birthday & will throw surprise parties at his own expense to make others happy.

At work, he is loved by his colleagues for his knowledge, attitude, courage, care & concern, even by mgmt whom needed such leaders & were actively grooming him to take on higher positions even to directorship.

Being a great guy, it was no surprise he had equally a nice girlfriend. She was an undergraduate at NUS, & he gave her all his love - always being there for her, pamper her, & even helped to encourage her when she was under pressure by parents & studies to the point of giving up Uni.

She graduated & was sought by a foreign bank in Singapore to work in its FOREX dept. She got to know a high roller wheeler dealer there who earned hundreds of thousand dollars, who taught her the ropes & included her in his deals with high nett worth clients.

Expensive dinners on company accounts, trips to meet clients overseas on private jets to & fro, European opera visits, private yacht parties, etc. It was an exciting & glamourous world to a kid that lived in a 3 room HDB flat in AMK.

Soon, she sent John a 'Dear John' letter - to break up. John was shocked. He built his life around her, & then felt his world crashing down. He tried to convince her, but to no avail, as his girlfriend was just another easily impressionable SYT that is to be used & abused by others, even though highly educated but sadly, pampered often & yet to face realities of matured life.

Saddened, John soon withdrew into himself, went to seed, eventually disappointed everyone at work & friends, & was sacked. He lost his mind & no longer cared about anything. It was a hard setback. And thus, his seat on the 15 storey parapet at Bedok, to end it all...

My half hour efforts with him came to no avail, he ignored whatever I tried to say, then his best friend Jacob came. He sat down beside me, with tears in his eyes but said nothing. Jacob was not some ordinary friend with John. They knew each other since kids, been thru life a lot together, akin to blood brothers. John was sadden when Jacob cried. He turned over from the parapet, but stood near it, & started to talk...

We encouraged him to talk, & even defined questions to probe & let lose his innermost heartfelt longings. Time flew fast. Through tears, he let it all out which he had tried to hide from us all. Eventually, we managed to get him to sit with us on the steps of the staircase, to show us his letters & his girlfriend's cruel replies.

We spent 6 hrs that night, sharing thoughts & experiences, & thru probing, we managed to hit him hard on his responsibilities to others whom still love him- his parents, siblings & friends that had looked up to him, etc, etc, which made him at least temporarily gave up his suicidal thoughts. We got him into the car & sent him home. His family was worried sick, but we managed to convince them to put him on a 'suicidal watch'. Jacob took leave that day, to spend the entire time beside him on a chair as he slept.

Slowly but surely, with help from his family, his friends & us, we managed to rehabilitate his mentality & brought him back to life, thru inclusion of him into our lives - sports, community events, social circles, etc. It was not easy. Nothing that is worthwhile in life ever comes easy.. It just needs sincere efforts & patience..

Today, he is married with a lovely & caring wife, with 2 great kids that he absolutely dotes over & whom loved him back unconditionally, with a high mgmt position in a multi-million dollar company. While he became no more the effable guy we once knew, grew more cautious, but he never forgot about us, those whom mattered, are true, & helped him pulled through in life..

I had gone on long enough with this post. To cut it short, my point is always have hope & courage. Setbacks DO NOT kill us. Only we can do it to ourselves thru weakness of our own induced mentality. The moment before dawn is always the darkest of night, but without fail, the sun rises & brightens all.

If John had given up & jumped down from the 15th storey HDB Block, he would had never experience the joy that he now has... with the gift of life...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSJCsLo0NwM

really grateful for the deep sharing. fortunately i was not suicidal. but i can relate to the situation of doing eveything for one person and that person leaves.

[kujo86]

Main issue is John made his gf his everything subconsciously without realizing it. This event can happen to anyone when one is over-reliant on a significant someone for feelings, care or anything. John was suffering from depression at that time as he could not get out of a mental loop. Once anyone develops a mental loop, he has to remind himself that he can't do anything about it and look for alternatives or simply drop that matter instead.

To overcome this issue:
First - Reflect on what can be done next since event has already happened.
Second - Talk to the "right" person for alternatives or suggestions to overcome their inner thoughts. There will always be someone smarter than anyone. HAHAHA.

i did reflect these past couple of months. I am started to try to open up the idea of meeting someone new dating etc etc. maybe subconsciously i still have the wall i guess? past 2 weeks met 2 new girls at different occassions, got their contact, but not sure what to do next. still feel not so interested.

guess i need to move on to step 2 and need a wiser person to help me break down this wall ? haha

[fishermanbuddy]

i did reflect these past couple of months. I am started to try to open up the idea of meeting someone new dating etc etc. maybe subconsciously i still have the wall i guess? past 2 weeks met 2 new girls at different occassions, got their contact, but not sure what to do next. still feel not so interested.

guess i need to move on to step 2 and need a wiser person to help me break down this wall ? haha

well at least u've taken the first step to try. as for getting advice, i doubt u need dating advice lol more on how to start getting interested in relationships.

maybe reflect deeper. is there something u are putting as a priority now that makes you do not want to focus on others ?

[kujo86]

well at least u've taken the first step to try. as for getting advice, i doubt u need dating advice lol more on how to start getting interested in relationships.

maybe reflect deeper. is there something u are putting as a priority now that makes you do not want to focus on others ?

well after the break up, my focus is just on my work, friends and trying to get my business up and running.

[fishermanbuddy]

well after the break up, my focus is just on my work, friends and trying to get my business up and running.

i may be wrong, i think your barrier now consist of 3 things.

1. fear - you feel you lack something that will keep the next girl loving you example money and she may leave you for another

2. business goal - your confidence now is dependant on your goal of your business so you want to accomplish this and then not worry about number 1.

3. tired of bullshit and drama which some bros mentioned. so you close of.

advice what to do... i not sure lol i dont know how to overcome 1 and 3.

[xiaobudian8123]

i may be wrong, i think your barrier now consist of 3 things.

1. fear - you feel you lack something that will keep the next girl loving you example money and she may leave you for another

2. business goal - your confidence now is dependant on your goal of your business so you want to accomplish this and then not worry about number 1.

3. tired of bullshit and drama which some bros mentioned. so you close of.

advice what to do... i not sure lol i dont know how to overcome 1 and 3.

i think step 1 and 3 he just need to get out of "comfort zone" go and try asking the girls out. bang wall rejection etc just try to break the wall first

[larue]

I wish I can be like u. I gave my everything to a guy for years and I am left with nothing. I feel like a joke

Sorry to hear that. If nothing else, take it as a lesson learnt that the only person you should give everything to yourself.

Call upon your close friends, or old friends to help you pick yourself up.

[rachelm]

Sorry to hear that. If nothing else, take it as a lesson learnt that the only person you should give everything to yourself.

Call upon your close friends, or old friends to help you pick yourself up.

Because of him, I have no one by my side. I took a long leave to reorganise my life back

[sbwow]

i did reflect these past couple of months. I am started to try to open up the idea of meeting someone new dating etc etc. maybe subconsciously i still have the wall i guess? past 2 weeks met 2 new girls at different occassions, got their contact, but not sure what to do next. still feel not so interested.

guess i need to move on to step 2 and need a wiser person to help me break down this wall ? haha

Simple. If you don't feel like doing it, then don't do it.
Relationships are not mandatory for survival in life, only air food and water is.
If someone has got you interested, there is no need for anyone to teach you.

Almost forgot to type my favorite. HAHAHA.

[hoiseeker]

Simple. If you don't feel like doing it, then don't do it.
Relationships are not mandatory for survival in life, only air food and water is.
If someone has got you interested, there is no need for anyone to teach you.

Almost forgot to type my favorite. HAHAHA.

agreed. he will need to meet a girl that can get him interested. but if his "wall" is making him not interested in any girl how ?

[sbwow]

agreed. he will need to meet a girl that can get him interested. but if his "wall" is making him not interested in any girl how ?

So be it. This question makes it compulsory for him to get a girl in life. Back to my same answer, Relationships are not mandatory.

Simple analogy. If someone is not interested in having smelly tofu. Tried it, don't like it, so be it.

My question to you will be. Why force it?

[dongdongchiang]

Hi TS,

i am in the same spot as you. I dont feel exceptionally attached to anyone, but i've been through depression myself. Since 2018, i've started doing things alone, traveling alone and also, drinking alone. Prior to that, i was the kind where I've always wanted to go out with people, and i cannot sit and eat alone. So its quite a 180 degrees change for me.

But when i sat down and kinda talk to myself, some conclusions i've arrived to was:
- Everyone is way ahead and im alone. It's a negative thought but it is the truth that i am feeling that way
- Relationships have harmed me in many ways possible. My last relationship failed because of communication. But when i was forced to the corner where I had to make a choice between her and this group of friends, i knew my heart died there. So yeah, i broke up with ease.
- I am indeed purposeless. I dont feel a sense of purpose, but a heart filled with void. The saving grace to why i am still alive, is because this new job was what i wanted, and i have been motivated day by day. Eventually, i've managed to set goals where i want to be.

Some people debated about my choice, but i don't care. I used to if i was younger.

The current self now can walk away from a date if i feel offended. That's how extreme i am now. Not sure if that's the case for you.

[iluv33]

Hi TS,

i am in the same spot as you. I dont feel exceptionally attached to anyone, but i've been through depression myself. Since 2018, i've started doing things alone, traveling alone and also, drinking alone. Prior to that, i was the kind where I've always wanted to go out with people, and i cannot sit and eat alone. So its quite a 180 degrees change for me.

But when i sat down and kinda talk to myself, some conclusions i've arrived to was:
- Everyone is way ahead and im alone. It's a negative thought but it is the truth that i am feeling that way
- Relationships have harmed me in many ways possible. My last relationship failed because of communication. But when i was forced to the corner where I had to make a choice between her and this group of friends, i knew my heart died there. So yeah, i broke up with ease.
- I am indeed purposeless. I dont feel a sense of purpose, but a heart filled with void. The saving grace to why i am still alive, is because this new job was what i wanted, and i have been motivated day by day. Eventually, i've managed to set goals where i want to be.

Some people debated about my choice, but i don't care. I used to if i was younger.

The current self now can walk away from a date if i feel offended. That's how extreme i am now. Not sure if that's the case for you.

good to know at least now you have found the day to day motivation.

as for TS i think he similar, but he mention he also has his business goals set. so i think the focus on trying to get the business started may be a contributing factor to why he not interested in relationships.

[iluv33]

So be it. This question makes it compulsory for him to get a girl in life. Back to my same answer, Relationships are not mandatory.

Simple analogy. If someone is not interested in having smelly tofu. Tried it, don't like it, so be it.

My question to you will be. Why force it?

logical. if TS is ok alone i think he dont need the relationship.

[dongdongchiang]

good to know at least now you have found the day to day motivation.

as for TS i think he similar, but he mention he also has his business goals set. so i think the focus on trying to get the business started may be a contributing factor to why he not interested in relationships.

I will agree so. I guessed on a positive note, having a goal is better than no goals.

[SingleAA]

Lots of surprising good pointers that you'd never think it'll come from a forum like this.

I'd say the act to form social connections, build a relationship, and have sex, are the results of us being biologically enginnered over a millenia to ensure our survival as a species. This is so we can depend on each other for survival, and give birth and care to the next generation of humans.

Us feeling lonely is normal for a social species. It does not always have to end up with us seeking for a relationship. Looking for an interest group is a way to find like-minded individuals you'd enjoy the company with. If you somehow end up in love in a relationship, that's just a cherry on top of the cake.

What's most important is that you cling on the life and have a motivation to living your day to day life.

[Willamshakspear]

Lots of surprising good pointers that you'd never think it'll come from a forum like this.

I'd say the act to form social connections, build a relationship, and have sex, are the results of us being biologically enginnered over a millenia to ensure our survival as a species. This is so we can depend on each other for survival, and give birth and care to the next generation of humans.

Us feeling lonely is normal for a social species. It does not always have to end up with us seeking for a relationship. Looking for an interest group is a way to find like-minded individuals you'd enjoy the company with. If you somehow end up in love in a relationship, that's just a cherry on top of the cake.

What's most important is that you cling on the life and have a motivation to living your day to day life.

Well said. ;)

At times, pressures, stress, failures & disappointments seem monumental & overwhelming, far beyond our ability to control, we fall into depression & foolishly presumed that such is our destiny.

Such is not, & only a blip in our journey of mortal life, which no Being promised it will be a bed of roses daily. No Human is perfect. Only by making mistakes, acknowledging such, correct them can we Humans progress.

It takes courage to live & such courage to live had been left behind to us to learn from, from our brave ancestors whom gave us our todays, family & true friends whom had faced far worse situations than the depressed would ever know, but whom fought back with stronger mentality to survive, not just for themselves, but their loved ones as well, & overcame their woes.

No Human is born out of a vacuum, nor are our hearts made of stone, but of flesh. No one is alone or needs or even meant to be lonely.

There are others that may hurt or harm us, but there will always be those whom cared & love us, & even new ones whom will share & offer a chance to share a meaningful life together...if we but open up ourselves, cautiously...or else, the gift of life would only had been sadly wasted..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6iDthyRWPM

[Willamshakspear]

No mortal has the power to tell the future correctly. Only what our ancestors, whom are flawed beings but through trial & errors, & found the right path for progress for descendants - we today -can we learn from, to never take another Human life for granted, more so those whom loved & cared for us.

We Humanity had progressed for millennia. Thanks to our courageous forefathers, today we are able to communicate at light speed, to share thoughts & feelings. While such tech had been abused by others, many MORE benefitted through genuine heartfelt thoughts to others.

Singapore is a progressive nation, & sadly, due to survival as a mere island state, we made many sacrifices that other nations need not do so as they have backyards to rely on. We don't, & not everyone can earn fortunes easily. Our forefathers understood such, but it did not stop them from experiencing love & love to others - to family & one's own kids, to relatives & friends & thus our todays, thank to their sacrifices.

We each today, must NEVER take another fellow Human for granted. It is love that compels us to reach heights that we never know achievable. In marriage, the vows made must be kept, no matter the circumstances & need to find solutions to resolve & keep the vows true, or we will only dishonor ourselves, & our very words meaningless to another.

It is only comprehensible that the meaning of love to a male is different to a woman. Love comprises more than just sex act. It comes with higher responsibilities - to start civilization & is the foundation that civilization is built up - the care, the concern, justice, peace, progress, etc. For males, it's just an itch to be relieved, but for females, it is the need to be wanted, to be desired & never to ditched after the male's itch is relieved. She too needs security.

Without females, there would be no males. It's only science. Thus both male & females are partners and NEVER to be taken for granted. It's not just about the sex acts, but care & concern, to never be taken for granted.

The internet was meant for the progress of Humankind, to keep in touch always. Just a simple text of care & concern will go a long way to keep our female partners happy:-

558849

The english lingo is versatile & one needs not send the same text daily or else it will be meaningless as no effort is applied. Many other version or variations in the same or different language will help keep the partnership alive & vibrant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YD2qMETOTBI

[sbwow]

558849


Feels very cheesy. :D

What I know is people do banter/sex talk and sharing cute/sexy/nude photos to keep each other happy.

I can't help but laugh when I saw this. No offence. HAHAHA.

[Willamshakspear]

No offence taken. Criticism is welcomed, cos that's how we can all improve.:)

For those whom are happily married, I doubt if they need such. My suggestions are only for those whom are starting over again, to go back to the basics, to try before moving to the next level, one step at a time, to gain confidence & rebuild life.

[iamedmund55]

Feels very cheesy. :D

What I know is people do banter/sex talk and sharing cute/sexy/nude photos to keep each other happy.

I can't help but laugh when I saw this. No offence. HAHAHA.

hahaha share cute have i never share sexy / nude before lol

[sbwow]

hahaha share cute have i never share sexy / nude before lol

That is the part where the Fe-males will do. HAHAHA.

[kujo86]

Many thanks to everyone sharing opinions and advice.

Reading through them, I did not really "find an answer", it has however allowed me to make up my mind to just be happy and do what I want to do.

If a relationship happens, it happens. Be it a wall or I have not met the right person yet, time does not stop and wait. I just need to move forward and progress individually.

Thank you very much for all the positive help received!

[iamedmund55]

That is the part where the Fe-males will do. HAHAHA.

waiting for female to share nude with me....

[iamedmund55]

Many thanks to everyone sharing opinions and advice.

Reading through them, I did not really "find an answer", it has however allowed me to make up my mind to just be happy and do what I want to do.

If a relationship happens, it happens. Be it a wall or I have not met the right person yet, time does not stop and wait. I just need to move forward and progress individually.

Thank you very much for all the positive help received!

I did not give any advice. However, I still want to say good for you now that you are clearer and not so lost. Cheers! :D

[sbwow]

Many thanks to everyone sharing opinions and advice.

Reading through them, I did not really "find an answer", it has however allowed me to make up my mind to just be happy and do what I want to do.

If a relationship happens, it happens. Be it a wall or I have not met the right person yet, time does not stop and wait. I just need to move forward and progress individually.

Thank you very much for all the positive help received!

That is the answer itself. HAHAHA.
The right answer is not about telling you to do what others want. HAHAHA.

Aristotle - “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Lao Tzu - “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.”
Lao Tzu - “Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
The big idea here is to change your life for good and live life on your own terms, you first need to know who you really are.
Self Awareness is the foundation of life, no one can set a better path than yourself after this.

[francisloo1405]

That is the answer itself. HAHAHA.
The right answer is not about telling you to do what others want. HAHAHA.

Aristotle - “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Lao Tzu - “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.”
Lao Tzu - “Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
The big idea here is to change your life for good and live life on your own terms, you first need to know who you really are.
Self Awareness is the foundation of life, no one can set a better path than yourself after this.

i am still trying to understand the concept of self awareness and how to apply it in my life. came across a video clip online sometime back could not quite grasp what they mean by it.

[sbwow]

i am still trying to understand the concept of self awareness and how to apply it in my life. came across a video clip online sometime back could not quite grasp what they mean by it.

Perhaps you can start by asking your Boss what is common sense, he might leave you a hint on the words self awareness on what you should be asking. :D

HAHAHA.

[larue]

i am still trying to understand the concept of self awareness and how to apply it in my life. came across a video clip online sometime back could not quite grasp what they mean by it.

When you are no longer capable of lying to yourself regarding your own strengths, weaknesses and motivations.

[leroyjenkins69]

Many thanks to everyone sharing opinions and advice.

Reading through them, I did not really "find an answer", it has however allowed me to make up my mind to just be happy and do what I want to do.

If a relationship happens, it happens. Be it a wall or I have not met the right person yet, time does not stop and wait. I just need to move forward and progress individually.

Thank you very much for all the positive help received!

that is right. keep moving forward. in the mean time as u mentioned u are open to meeting people already. if u think got wall, what you are doing now overtime will break down this wall naturally. just keep on moving forward.

you can do it!

[DaddyEric]

This is how it's gonna be from now on. Tinder, Bumble, Tandan, Sugarbook or some randome mall and go talk to them. Ideally, find youth of 20+ as they still retain their innocence and you will appear experienced to them. Don't idealize your parents as the love era of theirs is over. If it's not working out, try another.

[zxcvbnz]

agreed with you broo

[zxcvbnz]

sometimes meeting the right person will change everything.

[Vinchua]

sometimes meeting the right person will change everything.

sometimes meeting the person you think is right and is acutally not will cause hurt

[shoelace]

sometimes meeting the person you think is right and is acutally not will cause hurt

i am actually afraid of this. currently i just started a relationship. but does being too good eventually make the girl take me for granted ?

[thunderpig]

Many thanks to everyone sharing opinions and advice.

Reading through them, I did not really "find an answer", it has however allowed me to make up my mind to just be happy and do what I want to do.

If a relationship happens, it happens. Be it a wall or I have not met the right person yet, time does not stop and wait. I just need to move forward and progress individually.

Thank you very much for all the positive help received!

glad you made up ur mind. at the end, just do what makes you happy, life is short man.

[koetaro]

sometimes meeting the person you think is right and is acutally not will cause hurt

this one part and parcel of life journey. so dont think so much into it just prioritise himself

[koetaro]

sometimes meeting the right person will change everything.

yup definitely. a friend shared before, never say things like i will never get married etc. things are never for certain everything changes if you met the one.